Fab Feb 2011: Walking, talking and still not sleeping.

[blizy]

I hope you don't mind me starting a new thread? Lets hope it's a lucky one for me.

Tis very quiet on here again today

blizy to the 5 minute comment. Poor pippin although tbh I'm suprised he lasted to a year or so ago - that programme is pretty old! Hope there's no rain for you tonight for the bbq

Nothing exciting to report here. DH put up shelves in the playroom (yeah!) to display my beautiful Laura Ash boxes on for toy storage - looks pretty good now (if I do say so myself ). Went to the gym this morning to update my program and the lady doing it who works in the gym is a body building competition entering obsessive . She's lovely but a bit obsessional - she told me to eat carbs only in the morning and then protein and veg only after lunch - I can understand the logic but I'd rather just try and generally eat a healthy balanced diet which is sustainable in the long term IYKWIM. But then, I remember her pre preg telling me she ate nothing but egg whites and oats or some such in the weeks before her competitions, so I don't think she's the most healthy of role models. Anyway, got a new long routine and got weighed on the snazzy machine which does body fat etc etc - apparently I have over 8 stone of just pure muscle according to the machine - I'm a bit and . I won't tell you my body fat though until I lose a bit more and I can be all smug and proud about the loss

reastie at the lady body builder, is she Jody Marsh? Yay, to the new shleves, I have to keep on at dh for about 3 months for him to diy stuff.

I didn't go to the BBQ, having a bad day. (d)h went along and left me sniffeling and crying in the couch. I wish he would have stayed but I didn't want to ask him to. Tbh, i shouldn't have to ask him. I know if was in the same state I would cancel my plans to be with him.

I have some brownies cooking in the oven, hopefully they cheer me up a bit.

blizy she showed me pictures of her in her competitions and she looks a bit like Jodi Marsh then, but tbh to see her in joggers and top you'd never know and she doesn't look manly like they all seem to . Why so sad? Is it missing Zoe bear/ ttc or (d)h doing/not doing something or something completely different? Has AF come yet? Hope (D)H is being OK to you but that he left you alone crying - that's not on at all although having said that I can imagine my DH being like that too. Hope you can talk to him about it when he comes home but in the mean time those brownies sound yummy - you are becoming quite the domestic goddess I believe

It's Zoe, I miss her so much. I need her. Dh is being an arse because I haven't gone out with him. There is no way I am up to it, especially as our friends have litre girls Zoe's age. It would have been too much.

blizy oh sweetheart, of course you miss and ache for her, she's your daughter always. Your heart must be dying a little every time your period comes. You will always have a piece of you missing, but I just know that you will have another child that you can fill with all that love that you and dh have xx

Oh blizy . I can't say it any better than wiggles and I think of you and Zoe so often in RL. x

Wiggles it's nothing to do with ttc right now, tbh at this min I couldn't care less about it. It's all Zoe, she should be running around, learning new words and throwing tantrums. I will never hear her voice, see her eyes or her smile. All if her firsts have been "special" dates and it's just not fair!

blizy No its shit and terribly, terribly cruel xx

Blizy im so sorry to hear how you are feeling, it's completely shit and I don't blame you for not wanting to go tonight. I wish there was something one of us can do or say to make you feel even a little bit better
Fwiw I think about Z often too, including when A is being a pain in the arse or up in the middle of the night and I count myself lucky to have her. I hope you don't mind me saying that, I don't want it to sound "boastful" so hope you know what I mean.

Oh Blizy, I don't know what to say but I wanted to come on to let you know I'm here xxxx

poor blizy I wish we could help you more,i know it will never replace Zoe but it would help you to have another little baby to put all that love into it goes against the grain to be a Mummy and not have your daughter to care for.
We lit a candle for Zoe and my Nan in a lovely little church yesterday,dd said that maybe Nanny Dot would see Zoe.x
just about to eat curry its been hot today we went shopping in renne but couldnt afford the French clothes,baba has resumed normal daybreak wakes but hopefully will give that up as time goes by and she gets more tired. Moving down south Monday so lots of swimming and earlier nights for us,my brother keeps late hours,his mates have only just arrived and i am dreaming of my bed already.

Thanks ponyo, I know what you mean and your not sounding boastful at all.

It is nice to know that you often think of Zoe, it helps keep her memory alive.
I wish dh was home, I really could do with a hug and Alfie is just not feeling it!

I have spent the evening on MN, think I will head to bed soon, Oh and reastie the brownies were yum.

Thanks emski and onmehols.

For blizy,

My baby never smiled
But then, she never cried,
Blessed with her untimely
She's gone away for a while.
But someday, somehow,
I know not when
and I do not know where
We'll hug and cry with tears of love
Reunited again.

I have never shared this with anyone before, I wrote it many years ago but I want you to know you and Zoe are in my thoughts and sending you lots of love x

Needto- than you so,so much for sharing. It's a very beautiful poem. X

Ah needto, that's beautiful.

A went to bed at 10pm after being awake for ages the nutter, this is very unusual normally she's fast asleep at 7.30. I'm reeeeeally hoping that means a lie in tomo but I'm not hopeful

Ponyo- I hope Anya sleeps well for you.

Well I'm still awake, Dh still not home.

Morning, A woke at 7, could have been worse

Blizy your dh still wasn't home at 4am?! Bloody hell. Hope you're ok and having a good sleep now.

H is just this min in, I am so angry! and upset with him. I have yet to sleep!
This is not going to be a good day, we have tickets books to see batman later, doubt that will be happening.

What's his excuse?! I'd go and see batman without him tbh hope you're ok x x

He fell asleep on a mates couch, no apology. He doesn't think He has done anything wrong, no point in having it out with him he is still drunk. He Has went to bed.

Gosh blizy how utterly annoying. I'm feeling really on your behalf - sounds pretty inexcusable IMO. How are you feeling today? Have you managed to nap at all in the day?

needto that was a lovely poem, thanks so much for sharing and I'm so pleased you're feeling better

Reastie- I slept for a few hours yesterday morning. Dh still in the bad books.

Not surprised blizy - I hope he realises how unthoughtful and unreasonable he was on so many levels?? I'm not saying this to try and stand up for him at all here, but do you think that's his way of coping with his grief? I hope you manage to have a good talk about it so he realises how much his behaviour and lack of support when you need it affects you. x

I don't think it is him grieving reastie, he has done this before Zoe too.