The brookers post graduate thread

[hawthers]

We've got so good at brooking no argument for no pregnancy complications and sneeze births, we're going for our Phds in big fat babies

I stopped on day 6 but still took regular paracetamol scream . I had some burning, the right of the wound was more sore than the left, where id

Sorry, baby crisis am.tandem feeding..

Where I'd done too much in hospital. On paracetamol only I had some mild pain, it was sore and achey, more so after exertion like picking up both car seats, DD etc . I stopped paracetamol on day 14 or 15. It's not my wound that's sore now, its above it, presumably where babies were pulled out from etc- my internal bits anyway iykwim.

I'm just sore now but no restriction to what I can do, no burning, no 'pain'. Little sore sneezing!

Afternoon ladies

I having quite a wobble (and not just in the tummy department) so I'll apologise in advance for this being a me me me post . Oh and it'll probably be quite long - you know how I like to ramble

Frankly I don't think I'm doing a very good job of looking after both DSs. Or probably I'm not doing a good job of looking after DS2.

He used to have time when he was awake and chilled out - just quite happy but now that seems to have gone. He'll feed ok and he does sleep ok ish at night, but I struggle with him when he's awake in the day. And e doesn't seem to sleep for more than say 40 mins at a time between feeds (although he'll feed every 3-4 hours, so he might be awake-asleep-awake-asleep etc between feeds).

I wonder if some of it stems from wind problems but if he's awake and not being cuddled he's probably crying loudly. This is kind of hard because I have to look after DS1 as well and then do other 'stuff' too. I think with ds1 I never bothered cooking etc during the day, I'd just do it in the evening but now I have to obviously get something for ds1's tea so I have to do more cooking etc in the day. So I'm either holding ds2 and not doing stuff 'with' ds1 - he sort of gets a watered down multi tasking version of me. Or I'm giving DS1 full attention but there's a backing track of ds2's crying . Or I'm trying to do some other job, like cook ds1's tea and I'm not giving either of them what they want.

Ds1 is still being brilliant and I really couldn't ask more of him. He is so kind to ds2 and so patient with me, waiting until I've fed ds2 for things etc. he's asking for so little and I'm struggling to give it to him.

I just done know how to manage it all and I don't know how I make ds2 happy. Even if I'm holding him he seems sad and uncomfortable some times.

Oh, and he's 8 weeks on Thursday and still hasn't smiled - this is clearly because he's bored and lonely and I'm failing

Any suggestions as to how I can manage my time / tasks better? Help!

Sorry again if I've not explained it well and for being so me me me but having tried to explain it to my mum she just said 'well they won't hold it against you, and you could easily get into a habit where ds2 just wants to be held all the time (so just leave him screaming?? )

Oh biscuits was just going to post to say something similar.

Does DS1 get the nursery education funding yet so that you can have some one on one time with e? It will all get better i'm sure she says while screeching at her boys as they are doing her head in after a night of little sleep

biscuits - I thnk what you're describing is normal! Is over here anyway. I also remember that with dd1 her fussiness peaked around now and also that it was difficult when she was awake because there's not a huge amount you can do to entertain them at this age.

Things I have found that help:

Baby mats - have discovered a likes lolling around on these and if dd1 and I do a game next to it we can kind of involve her iyswim? Like today we did her nursery rhyme jigsaw and sang them all to a too. Dd1 is quite entertained by dd2 moving her limbs that helps too!

Easy food - I make dd1 friendly food for dh and I in the evening and heat up leftovers for her in the microwave the next day. I also like pasta like tortellini etc that takes 2 mins to cook for her! Tbh sometimes for tea if she's had a good lunch I'll do snacks for tea.

Holding baby - with both dd's I have used the over the shoulder one armed hold and got on with things!

These don't always work and we do have screamfests too! Been hard today with dd1 ill as she's been clingy so have been alternating cuddles and screaming abandoned child . Dd1 doesn't like cuddles if dd2 is there too but I can do a sneaky one where I get her on lap in front of telly and then add dd2 over shoulder from where she'd been lying on sofa!

Maybe you're just feeling the pressure a bit more today with the cp? As I said with dd1 ill today has been the hardest day since the first month.

You are definitely however an awesome mummy.

I think you're doing an amazing job and it's a sign of how great a mummy you are that you're worried about stimulating E so he's not bored. Could you and DS1 play singing/clapping games to entertain E? M loves being sung to - it's often the only way of calming her down. I hold her upright and sing whatever comes to mind, while bouncing her gently. Twinkle twinkle little star/row row row your boat etc. Maybe you and DS1 could sing together. Not sure about the chores, though. Maybe see how you get on with slings? Have you got a swinging/bouncing chair? M will sometimes sit happily in her swing and watch me potter around her, for 20 mins or so, before she either falls asleep or wants out.

biscuits, sounds like you're doing s great job.

I am far, far worse than you, console yourself with that. Whenever DD woke up, we'd be smiling manically at her. Whenever the boys wake up I just feel like groaning. They'll never.blooming smile, they don't get smiled at enough. This is if I'm ever able to catch them waking up- they normally require holding all the time. They wake up the minute they're put down. At playgroup this morning a childminder who takes three children there took S and winded him while I fed and winded B. My mum was playing with DD. S went to sleep so the childminder asked if she could put him down in a bit of a smug 'see? I've got him to sleep' kind of way. He stayed asleep a whole 30 seconds and this is what its like all day-and night. so as i can only sling one around atm there is a lot of screaming chez dream. DD is never cooked for. I haven't cooked since they were born. We rely on people bringing food and take away. I am in tears daily feeling like I can't cope- though a lot of that may be tiredness related it doesn't help that sleep is getting worse not better. I can't see anything improving any time soon.

In contrast biscuits you're wonder woman :-)

And he was full term but still actually 3 weeks early biscuits. Is only expect him to smile in the next week or so. My friends 38 weeker didnt smile til 8 weeks which would have been 6 if he'd been born at 40 weeks iykwim? Bearing in mind if he'd been a week earlier he'd have been corrected til age two on developmental assessments (ie at 10 weeks assessed as if he were 6) give him a chance, its nothing you've done. You sound like you're doing normal life things and managing well. I'm totally reliant on support and not managing at all...

What dream says she talks a lot of sense

And you dream please give yourself a break. You are only 4 weeks in post cs. At that point I was still on pain killers with DS1 being a total nightmare. You are doing a super human effort. You truly couldn't be doing any more than you are.

Dream - I've spotted the deliberate typo in your post. I think you meant to say that compared to every other person on the planet, YOU are in fact wonder woman!

Like Hawthers says you're only 4 weeks post CS and you've got 3 babies still really. Ds1 is so much easier at 3.6 - he can feed himself, go to the loo, entertain himself (and I'm still making a balls up of it) but no doubt your DS still needs a great deal more help with all these tasks. And you have TWO babies not one (had you noticed? ). And they're colicky so not these mythical babies that just sleep etc (like my mum seemed to have according to her...)

Not one person on this planet could compare themselves to what you're achieving and come out any better. You are amazing (if a little tired )

Third everyone else dream you are too hard on yourself! You are doing amazingly.

Were you secretly a little glad that he didn't settle for child minder in a funny kind of way? I think I might have been..

Me too Pomme I'm the same with my mum

Oh and I meant to correct myself earlier Dream I of course meant that my DS is more self sufficient than your DD not DS - sorry. I kept trying to correct it but MN kept swallowing my posts for being too self indulgent presumably

Yes!! Very pleased he showed his true colours and proved me right! The mothers help lady was also super sceptical when i said they wouldn't sleep if put down, be it in bouncy chair, prank (with jiggling) or travel cot. Was proved right there too . While its nice to be right I wish they'd sleep...

I've never been alone with all three either, I wouldn't manage... Well, I'm sure they'd all live but there's enough crying with a 2:3 adult: child ratio. As dh said today, they've got us surrounded and outnumbered!!!

Prank?! Clearly I meant PRAM

at Pomme. Yup, me too. I would rather be right even if it meant a wide-awake crying baby than be proved wrong.

Biscuits, never mind your mum. I think she must have blocked out what babies are really like. Anyway, can't she or your sister help by lavishing attention on DS1 to give you a break? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought your sister was down visiting. Put her to work!

Dream, did you get to the HV today? Was she able to give you anything better for colic? Oh, and getting out to playgroup is amazing work. I skived baby massage today because I couldn't face getting up at 7 to drive DH to work (so I can have the car). And that's with only one baby and a dog to deal with!

Hawthers, you too are doing a brilliant job. Don't beat yourself up like that! By the way, how are your relatives getting on, the ones whose baby was measuring small? Hope it turned out to be a false alarm.

Scream, I took my painkillers until the co-codamol ran out - can't remember how many days that was now. Maybe a week after being discharged? Then I took paracetamol on the odd day after that when it was a bit sore. Like Dream it began to hurt above the wound after a week, presumably where the internal wound/bruising was. My scar bled a little last Wed night, but the GP looked at it last Thurs at my 6 week check and said it was fine. It's mainly just a thin red line now, with the odd raised bit. DH's appendix scar is much wider. It didn't hurt when the co-codamol ran out - I still have some of the Dicloflex I was sent home with. I'd have taken it if I needed to, believe me! If yours still hurts, ask for more painkillers. Don't put up with suffering!

Biscuits, I meant to ask if you had had any sort of follow-up re E's kidney? I got a letter last week saying that M has to have another kidney scan at the children's hospital, plus something called a DMSA (I think) which involves injecting a radio-isotope into her and then photographing its progress through her kidneys. This is to check the kidney function. I am v ambivalent about this. I know that they wouldn't recommend she have this test if it was dangerous, but on the other hand, she's only going to be 8 weeks old (it's on 8 May) and it is radiation. They sent us a leaflet saying she's not to cuddle any pregnant women for 6 hours after the test; she can't go in the bath with any other kids the same day; and nappies have to be taken outside, not put into an inside bin, for 24 hours. I don't want them to irradiate her! All this, naturally, has to happen before we see the consultant, so it hasn't been explained to us - we just got the letter out of the blue. I've got the consultant's number, but I feel a bit stupid about phoning up - I know she'll just tell me that it's perfectly safe and it's necessary to see how well her kidney functions. But if it's so safe why do all those precautions have to be observed?

Pet, I forgot to introduce myself - Maia is 7 weeks old and my second daughter. My first baby was stillborn, though, so I'm new to all the practicalities of caring for a baby and am prone to PFB (PSB?) tendencies also.

Scarlet, how are you doing?

pet sorry I forgot to say hi and introduce myself sorry!

I have a DS1 who is 2.8 yrs and was born at 31+4 weeks weighing 900g. He spent 4 months in intensive care after he was born before he could come home. There was a 25% chance of reoccurrence. Fortunately, DS2 was fine and arrived at 40+6. Unfortunately, he contracted meningitis aged 8 days so bounced into the paediatric icu. The hawthers boys love a bit of icu it appears...

And DS2 is four months old and appears to have hit a sleep regression. What joy.

Oh poo for your DS2's sleep regression Hawthers - cant remember what we would have done for ds1 at that time so no suggestions sorry. Except to repeat THIS TOO SHALL PASS - he'll get back on track.

Too I don't blame you for not wanting to get up to drive DH to work. It made me though when you said you skived off baby massage like you were at school.

The radiation test thing for Maia sounds a but . I'd give the consultant a call if I were you. You might find for example they'd be happy to look at just a scan first and see if they still need it? Or at least they could explain why they think it necessary? It could even be that the tests are routinely ordered and the Consultant could over-ride it for such a small baby?

We have had kidney follow up here. Well, we had a scan on day 1 (bit soon really to see what was going on as he hadn't done a lot of weeing by that point!). Then we got sent appts for the consultant and another scan but the scan was after the consultant appt . The consultant was lovely and said he thought it was all probs fine but to go for the scan anyway since it was booked. Then he said he would probably just write to discharge us after that. Anyway, we went for the scan and it still looked a bit dodgy (although isn't causing him any probs or anything yet) so they said the consultant would prob want to see us again after all and I did indeed get another appt through today to see the consultant again at the end of May. I suspect that it's just something they'll want to monitor and scan occasionally in the hope he'll grow out of it.

Well well well, ds2 had a feed when we came up to bed about 10:30. Then he started snuffling about 3:20 - pretty pleased with that, but I looked at him and thought 'well he doesn't look that hungry, I'll just rock the crib for a couple of minutes and see if he really is hungry or just awake because he always wakes up at this time and within about 30 seconds he went back to sleep!!! . And has been asleep while I've written this whole post..... Sure he'll wake up soon but nonetheless .

My sis never got down to visit as she's been poorly . Hopefully she'll be able to come soon though

DS2 up again. He isn't hungry s he falls asleep on me but when I put him back in his box wow the indignation and shouting... Right four attempt coming up...

Ironically I am so used to getting up for food at this time that I've had to get up to partake of one of the snacks I put out for myself overnight

Well he's been up again hungry this time but that eeked another hour or so which I was awake for because I was so .

Oh and now he's just thrown up the feed he's had, so not a waste of our time at all. Oh no...

Hope everyone else is having a good night xxx

Hee hee biscuits thats an awesome sleep though!

A had a good night - up at two and five and still asleep now. Unfortunately a very feverish dd1 got up at half five so I haven't had the benefit of it. Was hoping dd1 would be better as well. I'm going stir crazy confined to the house.

hawthers - I'm not surprised f complains if you're trying to put him in a box

First and foremost, big hugs to Biscuits and Dream! You're both clearly such amazing Mothers, even the issues you're concerned about highlight just how well you look after ALL of your LOs. I obviously have no experience to offer, but everything you've described sounds like its perfectly normal to me. One of the benefits of having siblings is supposed to be that the kids are more self-sufficient, patient, and understand that they can't always be the centre of the universe. These are GOOD things, and they come from precisely the kind of conflicting demands on your time that you're both describing. I'm just starting to learn how upsetting it is to have your child cry for you, so you have all my sympathy - this must be so tough for you all! However keep in mind that this is a GOOD thing for all your children, the complete opposite of neglecting any of them.

Thanks for the reassuring comments re painkillers after cs. My cocodamol finishes today but I'm going to use codeine for an extra couple of days and see where that leaves me in terms of pain. Fingers crossed another day of taking it easy will also help.

Boo to little F's sleep regression. Hope that vanishes soon!

Also, yay for little E giving his Mum an extra hour to enjoy nighttime snacks in peace

Autumn is consistently asleep during the day and awake all night, but she's so cheerful at night and so utterly gorgeous that I really don't mind being up all night. I'm sure this will change when I've been doing it for a bit longer...! DH is being lovely about looking after her pre-midnight while I have a preparatory nap, and she usually falls asleep for the day from around 6, so I'm getting some sleep at least. DH still gets up to do the nappies at night, but mostly she just needs me and my boobs!

Also, managed to give my excruciatingly painful right nipple a chance to heal by expressing all feeds from that side for 24 hours. So all day yesterday Autumn alternated between bfing from the left, and drinking ebm from a bottle. I'm soooo relieved that I was even able to successfully express (when I reached desperation point in the middle of the night!). I'm also super grateful to Autumn for being unphased at having to bounce between breast and bottle at only 6 days old! She's a little star. It worked luckily, and now we're back to fully bfing as usual. I was impressed with the pumping though, it only takes 5 mins to get 2 - 3 oz. I'll definitely be getting DH involved with night feeds once my milk supply has stabilised!

Pomme - I hear ya on the cabin fever . It's a but depressing knowing I've probably got at least 2-3 days ahead of me until the poxy pox have scabbed over. Does anyone know how long it might take from the spots starting to being scabbed over?

Scream - I like your thinking about them learning to share me. How much longer do you have your IMW for? Does she prescribe painkillers or anything or would you need to get to the doctors for that? Autumn sounds adorable still. They're cute when they're just awake and not hungry etc aren't they . Sounds like your DH is doing a grand job of pulling his weight too