July 2010: Tantrums R Us

[Woodlands]

Here you go! Sorry for crappy title. My one chance in the limelight and I can't think of anything good and I have to go and collect J from nursery right now...

Aah that woman has bought me a big box of fancy chocolates and a bottle of champagne!

oh that's crap about the delay with your dad's results memph

mlic all i can say is we've ALL been there and done it. it's not you being a bad parent at all. I properly ROARED at F right in his face before nursery on wed morning as he was refusing to put his shoes on and he cried (v rare, he usually takes no notice at all or thinks it's funny). I then felt shit all morning as he wasn't there and i'd left things so badly.

when i tell dh about things like that (and it usually makes me cry remembering too) he says that its a normal, understandable response to a child who is pushing all your buttons. he says that the fact you manage not to smack and feel remorseful about the shouting, shows that you're just doing your best to manage under difficult circumstances. it's probably the best you can hope for and the worst doesn't bear thinking about.

it feels like a low standard doesn't it? being thankful that at least you're not hitting your child, verbally abusing them or doing more cold, calculated punishment but it's probably realistic given it's a rare parent (ime) who manages to discipline an unruly toddler without the odd bit of shouting at them.

just do what you need to to get thru times like this, semi-sane. co-sleeping or whatever floats your boat. it will pass.

A's fangs are STILL coming thru - none broken thru yet so she's not ahead in the tooth stakes anymore, having just 12. they're supposedly the easiest teeth to come thru as they're sharper but F was terrible with his (came thru after we had A and he became the devil for a couple of months).

yy, that's a sensible approach thanks tsc. like memph i'm bit of a gobshite really and find it hard to know when to keep my mouth shut and keep out of trouble.

that sounds a worry re nursery. when are you going in to speak to them? have you spoken to them before about your other concerns about asd?

that's crap re the party, hopefully it's just a case of lost invitation or don't you think that's the case? it's funny, you don't think you'd get annoyed by things like this but i can totally understand why you would. poor clara

memphis that's a nice present! She must have been so relieved you took are of it for her.

cake yeah it was only dinner and I didn't want to be back too late, I was pretty tired anyway!

Going shopping with my mum today and having lunch. Got a horrible cough so don't feel like doing much.

Took care*

tsc well done to DD1, such a shame for Clara, It would get to me too and I would say something too, poor Clara she mst feel upset to keep asking about it.
cakes I have really taken not of how I react to L, as im a gobshite I dive in before I think and its the same with L, He threw his brand new £26 trainers in the bath and then he threw my Aldo very expensive gorgeous shoes that I love so much are still boxed in too, I saw red and screamed at him, Even when DH came and told me I went too far and he is too young to understand I was still angry, since then I really have got down to his level and tried to explain what he does is wrong, it scared me how angry I was but I love those shoes

L's blood tests have all come back clear, so we are going back to the docs for a hospital referal, they said as he is not Coeliac he is probably wheat intolerant and may grow out of it I could start to take food from his diet and write a food diary in prep for hospital app or carry on as normal until we get one.

MIL is on her way, L is in bed and she will expect him to be woken up for her, its not happening!

tsc very passive aggressive! I'd be gutted for either of mine if they got left out of a big-ish party, especially if they noticed and were asking about it. That does sound different re the little order of things at nursery, is she very specific about how things are done/what she does at home?

cake I'm a bit like you in that I loathe routine unless it's the one I set, I too am dreading being told that L has to be somewhere at a certain time and I'm dreading her getting told off for me being late (which will happen at least once). I also think I can teach my DC better than most schools but I do think they need the social interaction with other children that I'd struggle to give them without taking them to all sorts of groups.
I'd say something along the lines of tsc's suggestion to your friend, especially if her husband is furious, it shows she's being very unthinking when it comes to her dd's welfare.

memphis enjoy the choccies, blows the diet out of the water :)

mlisc we've all shouted at our toddlers at some point, I'm sure of it. They really know how to push our buttons and I doubt anyone can rein in their temper all the time. As you know I do smack mine but never when I'm angry cos that's a recipe for disaster imo - when I'm really wound up I tend to snap/roar and they usually still don't listen...

dh 10.30 is late for me glad you had a good time.

L is still poorly and S now has a cold, she's got antiB's cos they reckon it's viral since she only just had it a couple of weeks ago so we're supposed to ride it out. Easy for them to say when they're not the one up for hours at night

I've cried it all away today so feeling better now :) Talked through E's behaviour with a lady I know from sure start and feeling a bit more in control now. Or actually to re-phrase that, I thought I didn't have control but she made me see I did.

Glad C did get the invitation :) I have the opposite issue in that E has been invited to the party of one of the girls in his class - but they just worte blank invitations and the teachers handed them to every single kid in the class There's, like, 34 of them! So I don't want to go as she isn't one of his actual friends iyswim.

What will you do about that 10 hours for F then? FWIW I think it's a good idea

Weird - my house phone just rang and it was sure start (a) checking I was ok and (b) offering me some creche places for next week. I honestly don't know what I would have done without them over the last 3 years.

I'm sorry you still haven't got answers memph. Did they say how long the referral will take?

Was it a special occassion last night dh or just a catch up with your parents?

I would love to go out and have a nice meal and get trolleyed right now.

Oh and I have an eye infection. Brilliant.

Sounds like you're having a tough time mlisc crèche places will def help you out. Even D going in one once a week while I sit in the next room and drink tea and chat with the other mums my age makes such a difference.

Glad it's fri, lie in tomo hopefully then haircut in town. On sun FIL is looking after D while we go to the cinema so will be a good weekend. Dh and I need some time to ourselves I've been quite snappy lately for no real reason I just get bogged down in all things D while he's at work.

Just heard from my doctor that my smear test was abnormal and I will have to go for a biopsy. No idea what it means. Am so scared

Oh trudy sorry :( I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Do you know when the biopsy is?

Hi everyone...are newbies welcome?

Hi wifey6, yes of course, the more the merrier

Trud :( is that all you were told? Talk about how to make a worrier someone worry :(

EmsieRo are you still around?

Dylth, you ok? You're v quiet

Hope business is booming kk

Did you get that magazine Vik?

Thank you! .... It's the tantrums that I am desperately struggling with
Only started this week & are epic

Count your blessing they've only just started Chulita and I have been encountering them for months

I had mildly abnormal smears during pregnancy so they just kept an eye on it. Now it has apparently stepped up a gear. After the biopsy they will decide whether I will need further treatment and what kind of treatment. I just don't know what that means. I was too shocked and scared to ask when she called me. Don't have an appointment yet. My doctor will arrange one for me Monday morning.

Come and join in wifey I'm sure mlisc and I can give you absolutely no help with tantrums but we can sympathise!

trudy one of the ladies on the August 2010 thread had an abnormal smear but it all got sorted out fine. I hope it's nothing but what a silly way to tell you and get you all worried.

mlisc your centre sounds really good and supportive, that's what they're supposed to be for but sometimes I think they can be so busy that people go unnoticed. Good that you've got people who know you, I agree that they are brilliant when the centres work the way they should.

tsc she's been at nursery a while hasn't she? that must be hard knowing that she's struggling, did you take her out and put her back in again? I know nothing about nursery stuff but need to learn, I'd hate to know that L was having a hard time.

dh hope you get your lie in! I'd love one but for one I'm so uncomfortable in bed it's almost a relief to get up and secondly DH and I were up so much with L last night I reckon it'll be a battle of wills (which I'll lose) to see who gets up in the morning!

wifey mine's a tantrummer too (18mo, girl), has been for a couple of months now. I try my hardest to just ignore unless she is actually going to physically harm herself (sometimes she bangs her head on our wooden floors, at which point I intervene, put her on sofa or bed where at least she is banging her head on something soft).

trudy sorry to hear about this. Did you have smears during pg then? I never did - is that normal or were they giving you extra smears because of suspected abnormality? I have heard it is quite common to have abnormal smears after birth, in fact I think some people recommend not having smears for a certain no of months after birth because it takes a while for everything to settle down, as it were. I hope you get more info soon, it's horrible not knowing about something like this.

I'm still thanking my stars for the day I decided to take E to get weighed at my brand new health centre while I went for a new patient check. E was a day off 7 weeks and I met someone in the queue who told me about the breastfeeding spport group at my local surestart.

I went that next morning and it was a turning point for me. I am still very good friends with her, we meet up about once a week (she's now back at work full time but we me up more when she was on maternity leave with her second). Her ds and mine are best friends, only 9 weeks difference in age and I started to get to know the sure start staff through breastfeeding support, then baby massage, then other groups. I know most of the staff across my 3 local centres, if not all, so one of them took one look at me today and realised something wasn't right and whipped me off for a chat while E was playing.

aargh what a lot to catch up on!

tsc glad to hear c was invited after all!

Glad to hear your surestart is helpful mlisc. Mine is great too - I feel like the people who run the groups we've been to (one up to crawling age, parent and toddler since then) have become friends and it's always nice bumping into them round the place. The building is just over the road from me and it's a proper community centre - this week I've been to a La Leche League meeting there, and I've been to other meetings such as residents' association, friends of the park etc there. The only shame is that J hasn't yet got a place at the nursery there despite it being almost 2 years since going on the waiting list (at 16 weeks pregnant). He goes to the sister nursery which is fab but rather further away!

I have barely seen J since Wednesday night - have been in work working on a big deadline. Am looking forward to catching up with him tomorrow!

Canines coming through here - I thought since he got 6 teeth in 6 weeks in the run up to Christmas we might have a break from teething after that, but twas not to be.