hi everyone thanx for asking. i up and down bit today. dp on holiday since monday, i still at work then off from tomorrow.
am trying to thinkwhere to start!
we had a strange discussion on monday, lo has been awkward occasionally about us changing her nappy and dp has occ taken over and told her to stop playing up and changed her nappy. this has undermined my confidence quite a bit and i put my foot down - i said that i wanted to talk aafter i hads settled her and then he said be prepared (which i took as an emotional threat that he would tell me some truths - not what i needed to hear cos it took me back tohow i felt with a bf before him. a basic control freak who could play real good mind games and i felt a funny afraid knot in my stomach-it's hard to describe. so, not wanting argue in front of dd, i tried to settle her, only she wouldn't settle cos she wanted daddy. so anyway, we "talked" then i went to bed and i have never gone to bed so early! i basically put my foot down and told him that i din't feel emotionally safe with him and that i felt like i did before. and i wouldn't feel like that again for anyone, i do not want my lo growing up thinking thats normal to feel that way or for others to treat people like that. and that if he evr made me feel like that again he would not get another chance with anything cos tbh (in small voice) he had too many before. hopefully he listened-time will tell. i felt a lot stronger than i have done and i told him that i was fed up of crying and said no more to him.
i was feeling bit down when spoke to him earlier today cos of pnd stuff and last night and wanted to cry.
........i had some flowers delivered at work today. they were huge! (lucky he got paid yesterday)i can't fit them into my vase (well, it might or might not be my late mom's which i acquired -she did guess btw- which has since got broken) and might now have to buy another 1 or 2 vases for this one bunch of flowers. he remembered something i said a couple of weeks ago that he very rarely bought me floweres and had certainly never ordered any.(and i had never received any off any1 ever). there were roses, gerberas, lisianthus, purple daisy type jobbies and big banana (?) leaves and a lime flower, not sure if it is a dahlia or not.
not sure how i feel at the moment but feel better than last night.
dd fine, loads of new words her favourite now is (when we've said boo) i can see you (as one word)