Dec 08 Ladies - We're fat, we're thin, we're nearly 3 years in!!

[DeidreBarlow]

Sorry for the shocking title - couldn't think of anything else and our babies little people will be 3 in the next few months!

SL - you sound absolutely furious. You poor lamb. Are you ok? And pissed off and frustrated. Make a plan for something to do tomorrow afternoon and don't be there when DH gets back. That's what I'd do.

DH has put a bit of a damper on my spending my wedding dress money on jewellery for myself. Reckons my engagement ring should remind me of the day enough and times are a lot tougher now, so we should save the £500. I know it'll go straight onto groceries in that case. So have agreed I will put it into the girls' accounts for their future. BUT in the meantime, I have quite a bit of money saved up from when I was working and am going to secretly by myself a jewel-based treat. I don't actually think he'll even notice me sporting a new pair of earrings and can always pretend I've had them for ages and only just decided to start wearing them. Ha! Am very very cross and a bit gutted. But these things happen. Must enjoy they weekend ahead, even if I am seething.

Beans Who bought your dress? I think it is a bit off of Dh to say no. He must spend a fair amount on his running trips..

Lady I have gathered something about peanuts and dd2, all sounds very worrying. Hope she is ok and still enjoyed her birthday.

SL Have you thought.about stopping TT for a month or so? I only did it when dd asked and if she hadn't then she'd still be in nappies. Sorry if that's just not what you want to do!

SL are you using pull ups, I would leave the nursery to it and put him in pull ups as well. You sound like you are having the same harrowing time that I had with DS1, I wander if picky eaters and difficult toilet trainers go hand in hand.

Sorry I cant stay on long but just wanted to ask is anyone else having big problems with tantrums. DS2 is losing it several times a day and screams and carries on so horrendously that it is really wearing me down. I end up yelling and verbally abusing him and I'm worried I'm messing up his self esteem and showing DS1 the wrong way to deal with conflict. I'm considering seeing somesort of child psychologist because it is starting to effect all of us. I'm off to amsterdam tomorrow and ordinarily I would think well its good for DH to have to deal with what I do alone. But in this case I don't want him to have to, its just too hard. He knows I'm exhausted by it and thinks I really need the break but I'm feeling so sorry for him.

Beans that is shit about your Dh. He is a bit stingy isnt he? Is he careful with what he spends, eg on nights out or is it just you that gets nagged? I think you should definitely buy yourself something anyway but its not quite the same if you have to do it behind DH's back! Would be nice to choose it together even. Is there anyway you can persuade him?

Jolly i am thinking of giving up. It was just that i had a free weekend where we weren't doing anything so i thought i'd try it and as it wasnt a total disaster i kept with it. But he hasn't got better in the last week or so! Vag we aren't using pull ups. Just nappies overnight and pants. No way do i want to put him in pullups at nursery as then they will make no effort. They never once told me he'd been on the potty before we put him in pants so i would expect them to half heartedly ask him if he is in pull ups. Bah am just annoyed with it i actually think the right thing to do is give up for a bit or at least put him in pull ups some of the time.

Oh and beans i am out now tomorrow afternoon so he has to make that connection or i'll be out!

Vag sorry you are having such a tough time. I am finding ds very frustrating at the mo though he doesn't throw really bad tantrums just is naughty and doesn't listen to me which drives me insane. He laughs when i get angry too. And this evening he was imitating me telling him off. Little bugger. Anyway i have no good tips as i get really angry too. The only thing i find helpful is ignoring him when he's naughty (eg moving him away from dd saying briefly no you dont do that if he pushes her etc and then ignoring) and praising him when he's good. I definitely think you should go to amsterdam!

Summer: def give yourself a break. DS2 is still in pull ups sometimes, he's starting to ask to go on the potty but we are taking it v slowly. I went cold turkey w DS1 and it was awful. Accidents all the time for ages. He just didn't notice.

SL put him back in nappies/pull ups. He is not ready and let him do the naked thing at home. SLow and steady. That how we did DS1 kept trying kept failing. Went back to pull ups for a couple of months then tried again and he got it in 3 days. He was nearly 3.

We haven't even started thinking about potty training here. Too much else going on just now. Honestly, if he's struggling, give everyone a bit of slack and put it on hold for a few weeks.

I did both girls quite late and they got it within a week. They just need to be ready I think. If they are not, you probably can still do it but it will be so much harder.

Thinking of you.

Vag, you are one of my parenting inspirations and I'm sorry things are hard just now.

I must say that I don'[t have this with DS but have had (and continue to have) terrible rows with DD1 and awful behaviour (fro both of us alas). When I am losing it, I sometimes leave the room for everyone's sake. Trying to speak in a low voice sometimes prevents shouting and also sometimes trying to make a joke even if it is the last thing you really feel like.

Hope you are having a small sherry with your lunch in Amsterdam. I'll tyhink some more and try to be back later with some more constructive suggestions. Lots of love

Bloody Hell!! What an eventful morning on the park. on the park!

We were trying to get DD to ride without her stabilizers. Anyway she passes a boy (with stabilizers) and muttered something about being useless. I stopped her as I thought she was being cocky by saying the boy was useless, was about to get her to say sorry for being cheeky (turns out she never even said that) when the mother of the boy literally screamed at DD "You nasty, vicious little girl". So I turned around and told her not to speak to DD like that, yes she had been cheeky and I was getting her to say sorry but she shouldn't speak to her like that she is only 5. She said my little boy is only 5 and something about DD being a horrid little girl being a bully. I was BOLING by this point! DH said he thought I was going to slap her when she said the B word. I told her she needed to take a long hard look in the mirror at her own behavior as she was rude, totally over-reacting and quite frankly acting like "a bloody toddler screaming in the park at a child that isn't even your own". She then burst into tears and said her DS had a disability and she couldn't bear other children being mean to him. By this point DD was heartbroken, crying her eyes out saying she hadn't been nasty as she was saying she was useless at riding her bike without stabilizers. Cue floods of tears from the other mum for upsetting DD and me hugging her, much to the bemusement of several passers by!!

Right of to catch up, back in a mo!

Oh Vag honey you are so not alone. DS usually has a couple of pretty spectacular tantrums every day. It's awful and am the queen of shouting. Then worry that he has me screaming at him so its hardly uprising when he does it. The thing is we aren't perfect nut we always do our best. DS2 will be fine and frankly my love you deserve a weekend away to recharge and switch off from being 'mum' for a while.

Beans, I think DH is being a bit mean about the dress money. Give him £100 and speed the rest on yourself.

SL put him back in nappies and try again next month. I did that after my first failed attempt with DS, he was brilliant second time. We just carried on giving him good chunks of happy free time and surprisingly he carried on putting himself on it when the pressure was off iyswim?

He also had nappy free time...but happy free time sounds good too! Bloody predictive text....

really got to fly, but just have to say at the park incident deids! I can't believe she screamed at your dd like that and upset her so much, but then bless you for ending up comforting the lady!
and vag you don't sound yourself I hope you've been able to recharge your batteries over the weekend. You honestly do inspire (and shame) me with your motivation, energy, get-up-and-go, confidence....and all this in a foreign country! Your boys are soooooooooo lucky to have you as their mum - I'd like to meet you again so some of your amazing mum-skills can rub off on me! I'm gutted I can't join the London meet-up.
Anyway, I must go but hopefully I'll be back tomorrow xxxx

Cheers guys, I think (hope) we are giving up, DH wanted to keep trying but DS pulled it out of the bag today with an excellent record breaking 5 accidents, 2 of which were poos. Nice. But DH and I had a big fight about it (sigh).

db blimey park encounter sounds stressful! I would have just run away from scary ranty woman before we'd got into it knowing me (wimp)

Hello. Hope to be back later to catch up but am in the throes of M having a D&V bug (fortunately more D than V) and now he has earache It's been a hell of a few weeks and every time I think things can't get any worse, they do. I am not a little ray of sunshine atm!

Hope everyone's enjoying the sun and I hope to be back later to read about what everyone else has been up to.

AAA I agree with Lady about diaries encouraging negative navel-gazing, worth bearing that in mind when you're reading them, esp the bits about your father.

Jam that's lovely, a really special little moment.

Vag hate it when that sort of thing happens - I have a barette I don't like losing. I've cut my layers a few times now with the 'over the front' method and have cut the sides too short, dang it. Straightened it last night and it actually looks okay, haven't done that for ages so feels like a nice change. Have also started using shampoo again and my scalp's a lot less itchy - I can't keep up.

Lady have missed the details but sounds like DD has a peanut allergy - sorry to hear that but phewee that she's okay. Apparently in parts of the middle-east children are weaned onto a peanut paste.

Gotta go...

Blimey Deids! All sounds rather intense. Your poor DD, that sort of thing is a bit heart-breaking.

Beans can see it from both sides. If £500 came my way I'd have to salt it away as money is such a churning issue for us, but I know I have a really skewed perspective on money now. My parents went on a cruise recently and though I wouldn't dream of saying a word to them and they help us out in practical terms and with things like shoes for the children and are buying a second car for us, I was just staggered that anyone could spend thousands of pounds on something so frivolous! The baby boomers really are something else. I'd be happy with an extra £100 a month to spend on groceries and to know that all the bills and extras (school trips, music lessons etc) were covered. One thing we're determined not to cut is DD's music lessons, and she's recently started with the county youth orchestra and loves it. I'd sell my engagement ring before I told her we couldn't afford that any more, and really it's all very reasonable in itself.

Pfff. I know it's vulgar to talk about money but it's a constant concern and shapes absolutely everything. DS missed nursery last Thurs and today as he's ill, so I can't work and today that means not being able to do some cash-in-hand work I do from time to time. I feel a bit despairing at moments like this, y'know, despite our best efforts we keep being overtaken by events etc. If we can just hold out til DS starts school then I have more options. I have to laugh really. When DH and I first moved in together he had his own company but had also taken on a directorship of a big company and was flying all over the world and raking it in. He put together financial forecasts for us including a worst case scenario which would no doubt seem like the lap of luxury to us now!

Hello fabulous ladies. Have been in throes of a very rare thing for me, a job application. It's only between 15 and 30 days a year and I stand an ice sculpture's chance in hell of getting anywhere with it (no false modesty, I really believe this), but something drove me on and at least I have a cv now. It's been so long since I had to do one, I'd lost it!

Yes thank you, DD2 is ok now after the peanut butter scare but she has to have allergy screening etc...Oh gosh, it was so horrible.

DP has been under the cosh at work and I have also been helping him with something, so it's all been busy busy. But now all that's out of the way, I only have the properties to do up! Ha. Actually, I am in good spirits.

I have only skimmed but just wanted to make my now habitual promise to do my big catch up later today! A bientot.

Just marking my place and wanted to say to Summer there is no prize for being TT so if you want to leave it just do it. I know a few children who were just not ready on the first attempt but second time round they had it sorted in a week.

Is the 14th still on? Thinking if I drive to the wharf and meet DH when he finishes then he takes car and boys home I can make it. Whats the plan?

Deids bloody hell what an arvo.

SL good idea leave it a couple of months and I bet it will be a doddle.

So DH is currently in Oz but the weather here is nicer.

Had an absolute shocker of a day with the monsters yesterday. Had to do a costco/ tesco run so thought I would nip into House of Fraser and spend a voucher that has been knocking around for ages. Knew I would spend it in the home dept bribed boys with a quick look round the disney shop. Bloody hell what a nightmare I only wanted 10 mins of decent behaviour. So what do they do behave appallingly and I mean appallingly. Told them there would be no Disney so they immediately throw themselves to the floor crying. The helpful sales assistant told them to "cheer up sweethearts Mummy will buy you an ice cream in a minute". How dare she bloody tell my children I will reward their shocking behaviour with a ruddy ice cream so another tantrum because I wouldnt buy them ice sodding cream. 10 minutes people thats all I asked for 10 mins so I could buy a photo frame and a farking cushion. Oh and because of ice cream gate DS2 then spent the whole time in Tescos screaming too. By jove it was a happy me when it came to bedtime last night.

On a a happier note they have been fab today running around the garden and playing nicely together.

Good Lord, Jam, that is hell on earth! Bloody sales assistant. What a cheek!

TV - I agree, can see DH's point of view too on the old wedding dress, but he did bribe persuade me to sell it with promise of piece of jewellery, so now feel a bit cheated. BUT we do need to save, so think it's probably the right thign to do. I used it to pay for our weekend away that we've just had. I don't know if any of you have been, but if not, GO TO WOBURN SAFARI PARK! It was our early anniversary treat as we always go walking or something, but that's harder with two nippers. So we went. It was £215 treat, which was brilliant. It included a night in the local Woburn Inn for 4 of us, free entry for DH and I into the safari park, free entry into the Abbey for us as well (under 3s go free anyway). The gardens at the Abbey were incredible. Also does breakfast and £60 towards your evening meal. Our monitor stretched from our room to the restaurant, so we actually got a dinner out together too, which was amazing!!! It was just brilliant. Loved it. AND we had amazing weather, which helped. Both kids were knackered and happy and loved the animals. Brillliant. AND a monkey did a poo on the roof our car, which caused great hilarity. DH cleared it up, thank goodness. It STANK.

Took DD1 to the Aquarium today as my MIL came up and looked after DD2. It was so very very kind of her. DD1 and I had a lovely day. We went round the aquarium, had a McDonalds - well, some chips - then back round the aquarium again. Thank goodness had taken the pushchair as she then conked out for an hour, so I had a nice relaxed coffee with my book. Brilliant. We're now all exhausted! DD2 had a ball with Granny, but the look of unbridled joy on her face when she saw me (and DD1) was priceless. Just heavenly!

SL - re TT - what the others said. Just don't beat yourself up about it. Do it when he's good and ready!

I am very very hungry. As always! When DD1 was the same age as DD2 is now, I was nearly 6 months pregnant. How did I cope???!

Jam I feel your pain. Had a shocker of a day with DS who bashed a little girl round the head twice at Toddler Group for no reason, so we left. He screamed hysterically, I literally dragged him out across the floor past the vicar (its at the Church Hall), Vicar said "One of those days Deids?" I sweated past him still dragging DS and mumbled about God needing to give me more than bloody strength! Thanks goodness he knows me. DS is getting harder to be with and enjoy

Beans Woburn Safari Park sounded lovely. We went to a wedding there a few years ago at the Abbey. I remember beautiful gardens, champagne, tequila and consequently not much else!!

DH had a really tough day at work so has gone to buy wine, think I'll join him and try to forget today happened.

Trudy Forgot you! Sorry about M's bug, how has today been? DH and I talk about money (and the lack of it) all the time. Its miserable and I can't see the situation changing for at least a couple of years

Thanks for asking Deids. His innards are still churning away but he's a very happy little chap in-between times so it's all a bit weird. We wet to the doc who said it should be clearing up now as it's been five days, so if he still has it on Weds we need to take a sample - ooooh lovely! We have a sample pot with a little spoon inside! Need a sieve more like. His ears are essentially okay, no infection, just a bit of pressure.

IF this evening goes without drama DH and I are going to sit in the office and pollute our lungs with cigars. Wish I had some see-aych-oh-see left but it was AF last week on top of everything else so no chance of even a single crumb left.

Right, time to take this adorable little boy up to bed. He slept a lot this afternoon, much of it curled up on me in our recliner. He's now lying on the coffee table watching Dr Who

Just thought what a repulsive job it must be analyzing other people's poos, bleeurgh.

Deids what you said about ds, being with & enjoying, that's exactly how I feel with DS2, it really sums it up. Ive got no pearls of wisdom just solidarity really (& a teeny bit of relief that mine isn't the only one). That incident in the park sounded very distressing, poor DD!

Trudes, that seriously sucks that your DS has been unwell in this amazing weather. Money is bloody annoying stuff isn't it. Really its completely messed our society up hasn't it let's burn it all and come up with some other system to help society function. Some sort of bartering system would be good start, or could we go back to using rum as currency? Also I used to work on a infectious diseases ward, lots of D&V patients, you get used to the poo. I used to be able to identify the bug that caused the D's just by the smell.

Beans your weekend away sounds lovely, cheeky DH though, luring you into selling the dress, who pays for his weekends away.

Had a wonderful weekend away, was so relaxing and feel completely revitalized. Us girls had a really great time together and a good laugh. I finally feel like I might Amsterdam, before now I've always found it a bit dirty and touristy.

However my good mood has been broken a little. Since our neighbour complained about DS2 being too noisy a few weeks back I have been very conscious of the amount of noise the boys make and I often tell them off about being too noisy, when often it is just normal spirited children's noise. Last night she had loud music, or the TV on loud quite late, and tonight she has played really loud music and is banging around and now appears to be chanting or singing or something with a friend up there. She also smokes a lot on her balcony and the stink filters down into our house so I often have to close our back door and windows even when its sunny. Anyway DH and I have had a whinge about it to each other and will now watch some loud telly and be a little less stressed about the noise the boys make. DH has spoken to the guy above her and he said she used to complain about all sorts of noise he & his wife so he finally relented and got insulation between their properties.