Dec 08 Ladies - We're fat, we're thin, we're nearly 3 years in!!

[DeidreBarlow]

Sorry for the shocking title - couldn't think of anything else and our babies little people will be 3 in the next few months!

Beans: you are an amazing woman . I know what you mean about an outside job helping, but we all think you're fab just as you are.

Just had some brilliant news I need to keep under my hat in RL so thought I'd share here. My sister is preggers! V early days yet, so positive vibes much welcome. She has two teenage girls who are very excited at the whole idea. So pleased for her .

beans I know what you mean about losing social confidence me too. However, I'm out tonight so I'll see how that goes! Part of me is already dreading it. I'm out with old school chums, I always feel they have done so much better than me and I never used to feel that way.

Effie Wonderful news about your sister! That'll be quite an age gap, I think after such a break it would do me in to start again with a newborn!

Only lost 1lb this week, which makes it a nice half stone in 3 weeks. My goal is a stone by the end of October and a stone & a half by Xmas...this should allow for any off weeks

DD had first day in her new class today and loved it, hooray. I have felt sick as a dog since I dropped her off hoping she'd be okay. Her teacher brought her out and said she had been fine, had a great day and lots of her friends had been looking after her. Bless.

Hello everyone,

DB That's lovely. Well done DD

vag I meant to say before that it must have felt great to out bike that woman. Go supervag! I find it amazing that lovely friends can choose less lovely girl/boy friends. My BIL had a whole series of awful fiancees!

effie Hurray for your sister!

AAA I agree with whoever said get your DH to have a look at the diaries. Very good idea. DD2 has always been keen on her milk but I'm surprised at how much she is eating. Today it was bf, ready brek, toast, bf, sweet potato, bf, bf, blended fish pie, bf . She easily ate more than DD1. Oh and she is almost 7 months now!

nolda Hope you enjoy the books. DD's favourite is 'The King's Breakfast' and these days only wants butter on her toast.

ladyT Urgh, end of mat leave. Not till beg of Feb thankfully! I don't want to leave the girls but being able to have a wee on my own a couple of days a week will be quite welcome.

beans You are not just a mum. We all know you are a super cook, professional al fresco pooer and dream in the bedroom .

I'm sure I had more to say. Lurking on my phone means I don't make reading notes! I made fish pie for the first time today. It smelt foul, I hate fish but DH liked it and DD2 couldn't get enough. Worth it I suppose. Oooh Father Ted on C4. Splendid!

Lady I always loved sleeping with my boys and actually when DH is away both boys usually sleep in with me. Though DS2 often asks to go back to his bed, cheeky begger.

Effie Congrats to your sister, wonderful news. So sweet that the older ones are excited too.

Nolda, I still find it bizarre that I left her for dust as I had two children on my bike. But I'll take any win over a young wipper snapper these days.

DB that's great that DB girl is so happy and settling in, really nice.

I know what you mean about social stuff, I find these days I quite like going out with small groups and I like to know them well, i'm getting less tolerant of faffy talk and stupid people (hence my dislike of the slow bike rider). It may be due to my current employment status or it maybe my age. I have found getting back on the saddle, so to speak, has helped, so I will continue to up my going out quota. Next weekend two lovely girls I know here, and I are leaving our kids with the menfolk and hitting Amsterdam for a little overnighter. Should be fun. Also this Sunday I have organised a little brunch birthday party for DH. It's at a local beach bar/cafe that is doing a wonderful breakfast buffet for us. It's quite funny as its all friends with kids there are actually more kids coming than adults.

Rubes how is DS at nursery. I can finally drop DS2 off without tears which is nice.

Right better go, can't remember what else I was going to say but I need to go do my exercises before dinner. DB the scales were not good this morning for me. Hooray for your loss though.

hi ladies
Happy Friday!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that's hard about the diaries. So tempting. I think I'd look if it were me, but the suggestion of getting dh to take a peek first is a good one. But then if he saw something you might not want to see, does he then have to keep a secret from you? That doesn't sound like a good plan. I don't like secrets!
superspot I'm reading your PND blog and finding it really interesting and enjoyable. I haven't made any comments - I guess the PND tells me I have nothing of value to write! But keep it up - I think it's ace. Is it cathartic for you?
vag you are amazing! You must be so fit and healthy and strong. I wish I had your stamina and your enthusiasm for having fun with your boys. Hope the party for dh goes well - sounds fab!
lady I hope you don't mind me asking, how long were you married to your dh for? I don't want to offend or upset you - your post about his diaries got me wondering, that's all.
JB we have Father Ted on It's so mad!
nolda good to hear from you. Was it the mention of The Shred that lurred you out?
P is going to a party tomorrow Her pal from nursery is turning 3 - P is so excited!
OOh I've got a fun up-coming event...my friend turns 30 in January so a group of us are going for a weekend at centre parcs I'm actually looking forward to it, mainly because my future now holds 2 nights and mornings where my girls can't wake me up!
I've actually been so tired lately that dh has suggested that I go to a hotel or something for a night so I can get a guaranteed night's sleep. I'm not going to because we really can't justify the money, but I am tempted to ask if I can kip at a friend's for a night. But knowing me I'd probably stay up nattering, go to bed too late, wake up in the night for a wee several times, then get up early because I'd feel lazy sleeping in!
Anyway I need a cuppa...

Hello Trace, I'm having a cuppa now too. I know its late but DH & I love our night time cup of tea. I wish I was fit, one day I will be again...maybe.

Well AAA, LadyT told us you have fantastic legs too, which didn't surprise me at all, that is obvious. 5'11 , and long legs . Deids maybe we didn't spot AAA's height because she looks the same as the rest of us when she's sitting down at the computer?!

LadyT I think I already knew that Jam is Scottish, but Rubes is tall too? I feel so squat in all your company now

Have a great time in Berlin Jam (although I think you're there already). I'm another one who has never been there

Vaj just be grateful that you're not as narrow minded as your friends fiancée as to assume SAHMs have nothing interesting to say, especially when it only takes 5 minutes to learn that you've had an amazing career that has really made a difference to people's lives and raised 2 cracking boys and you are a whiz on a bike. In her defence though, early 30s is exceedingly young .

at Mumbo LadyT, I think I'd quite like to be one!

Hurrah for your sister Effie

And well done on the half stone Deids

beans I know what you mean about feeling out of your depth socially, I am so conscious that I talk about DD all the time and am a bore. I know that's not true, but I'm such a worrier I don't believe myself. My mat leave taught me a lot about myself, not least that I lack patience and that I'm an unpleasant person to be with when deprived of adult company. I have always said I'm not the right sort of person to teach and I now know I'm not the right sort of person to be a SAHM either, and greatly admire those who are. Some opportunity will come your way soon, fate will take care of that

Exciting about your trip away trace, fun and plenty of sleep - bliss!

I'm feeling ok thanks Jolly, my back is playing up already but otherwise I'm feeling good, and second scan on Tuesday . I had a hormonal moment at work yesterday though - a colleague's Mum has died recently, aged 91, so I was asking how the funeral went etc. She was really positive saying how her Mum had had a great life with minimal pain and illness at the end, so it really felt like a celebration of her life. She then said 'unlike when my 4 year old daughter died', which I didn't know anything about and just burst into tears on the spot. Completely the wrong reaction and not what my colleague needed at all - I felt quite a fool and very inconsiderate. So sad

Anyway, must dash as I'm going wedding dress shopping with my sister this afternoon, very exciting!

Jolly I missed your post yesterday, hello. And Hooray for a good eater, life is so much easier when your offspring eats. What fish did you use, I try to use fresh makeral as I can get it from the markets here but man its wiffy in fish cakes.

ZJ I feel very sorry for that women, but if your going to drop something like that into a conversation with a pregnant women, you have to expect some water works.

Hello all, safely ensconced in new house :) with three rooms sort of unpacked, two utterly packed full of boxes which the packing fairies helpfully labelled things like 'lounge, various items' and even better, 'loft'... Still, stuff that we don't miss can always be got rid of!

So, new house v exciting but i am totally knackered, s's sleep quite disrupted a d E has gone back to waking for the day at 5 so needing a nap bu about 8.30 and then utter shrieking meltdown by 6pm but of course there's still a good hour of s having tea, bath time et before I can get her down. She will often calm down in the bath but then the time it takes to get her out and start puttong on a nappy she is completely ballistic ad only boob will calm her which I resent, given that it means i'm still stuck with all the night wakings (at least twice before she's up at 5). And and she's all separation anxious so does that wailing, grabbing onto my trousers and walking around after me all day thing, which is even more exhausting.
Can you tell I'm a bit tired of her at the moment?!
Anyway, apart from that we're all fine and dandy and enjoying all the new space and lovely new neighbours :)

I just farted so loudly I made B cry

Spot that is hilarious! Better out than in, eh? You are clearly channelling lovely Beans with your botty activities.

Can I just check - are we definitely on for a spot of supper on 14th Oct? Need a babysitter and must book. Where in town will we be - centre? North? South?

Who is a def - me, Beans, Lady, Rubes, and the special guest from Den Haag, the Vagmeister?

Maybes - AAA, Invis, Effie, anyone else? I feel bad that this thread has been going for well over 3.5 years and I've only met a few of you properly (Beans, Rubes, MOM, Verso (who sadly doesn't post anymore but I still see) and LadyT). We had our lovely Battersea lunch about a week before Lady had O but I was a bit spaced that day and think lots of people there don't post any more.

Anyway, I am looking forward to it .

Happy Sunday everyone. I've had a dreadfully hard week at work and A is now at work, so it's just me and the kids in front of t'telly, so they can goggle at Justin and I can read yesterday's Times. Rock and roll.

Oh no spot poor b
I think is very unlikely I will be able to make 14th as I think we are away for the weekend. If we end up going on Sat rather than fri though then I will come.
And I am definitely up for meet ups in future. I have met quite a lot of people off this thread now, but sybs you are one I haven't met, nor the infamous beans. Though lots met briefly so didn't really get to meet properly.
zj I thought you were quite tall? I think jolly is taller though. I tend to think everyone is ttall though unless they are my height, like trace who is a cute pixie like shortie.

ladyt I know what you mean about structure to their playing. Our nursery is very good with them only having certain toys out at a time, always doing different things, drawing, reading, etc. Whereas apparently the nearby Kids Unlimited which we considered moving them too just does "free play" which puts me off a lot. Plus it doesn't have a great reputation and ours does, everyone always says "Wow how did you get them in there?" (A: put name down when about 20 weeks preg and pester them a lot) so reluctant to move them even though the lack of food provision is a total pain in the bum.
I am not bothered on them "teaching" as such though, but mainly as DS has little interest in reading (e.g learning letters) or counting as yet, so wouldn't want him to be forced. I imagine your DD1 is different!

jj hurrah for new house, when can I come visit? Also you still haven't been here! Where are you on CH rd, is it further in than ring road or further out. Is E WALKING? Your post implies she is, blimey that is young, surely she is only 9 months old? Sorry about the sleeping, i have my fingers very crossed she will fix herself soon like S did.

Potty training not going that well really though at nursery he has very few accidents but he is still hopeless out and about, and poos are still a problem. Damn, hoped we would have it cracked by now Had to put him in nappy yesterday as went to party with DS and DD on my own. My friend has a beautiful house with lethal stone steps down to a beautiful garden. DD fascinated by said stone steps, and the only place she would stay was a play room with lovely nice carpet. DS due a poo, so I was on edge, and then he did a massive wee, I scooped him up to take to room to change him and get covered in wee. Obviously I haven't thought to bring change of clothes for ME. So I thought sod this and put him in a nappy. Sorry that wasn't that interesting but am quite frustrated with the whole thing.

beans I have to say I wasn't really looking forward to going back to work but I am really enjoying it. I am not really a massive one for feeling like loads of my identity is tied up with work but it has been good for my sanity! It's also really nice to feel that looking after kids is more "dual responsibility" if you see what I mean. for example, we are now planning meals each week and taking it in turns cooking. Before, DH would say I was controlling about cooking but would NEVER have agreed to sit down and do this. So if I had tried to do a meal plan on my own he would have said "fine" and then would have come home on Wednesday and siad "Oh I don't fancy that I'm going to cook X" and buggered it all up. Now it feels like dual responsibility and we have planned it together it works better. Also it feels like there is LESS to do somehow (don't think DH thinks so, tee hee).

Posting this as DS just tipped DD off scuttlebug so needs a proper bollocking and DD stinks and is tring to bugger this up

Hey hello, remember me?! I don't know where the time's disappearing to atm. We've had a heavy couple of weeks with work events to organise/attend/help at, Max is dragging me out of bed before six most mornings and being a git in the daytime so I'm a bad-tempered, tired and generally unhappy mummy lately hence no posting - I don't have much to say that isn't a whinge or a moan. And to think how desperate I was for another child!

Anyway, off to see what's been happening for everyone else. Oh, new thread! I'm going to start afresh with this one - apologies if I'm missing anything really seismic for anyone.

Beans if you don't mind me asking, how much did you buy your dress for? Just wondering what sort of money I might get for mine. Where/how did you sell it? DH is very against me selling important things but money is so short atm it's really ridiculous and worrying. I have a valuable engagement ring, handed down from my grandmother in the days when the family was well off, but I could never face telling my mother if I sold it, so it will have to stay on my finger. Shame, the money would pay the rent for six months!

DB I've missed the gen on DD moving class, but I'm glad you're both pleased and HT was responsive to your concerns.

AAA what a dilemma. Something similar came up in Julie Myserson's Home and they got round it by getting someone else to read them! Do you know what phase of your mother's life it covers? My concern would be that because I couldn't ask questions any more I might get the wrong end of the stick about something and worry.

Lovely news Auntie Effie

trace I can relate exactly to the lie-in-at-a friend's-that-isn't. I took DD away for her 9th birthday and we stayed with my friend, her godmother. I was so looking forward to a couple of civilised nights and mornings but I slept really badly and then spend the days whizzing around London with DD and was even more shattered than usual!

social confidence is an interesting one. Generally I'm a confident person and don't struggle to speak to people, something which has really developed in the 18 months I've been promoting our company. But we all have our tricky areas. We're so strapped for money these days that I find myself actively avoiding talking about anything that would reveal that we can't afford to do things others take for granted (holidays, meals out, new clothes etc). Worrying about the future of the company, trying to make ends meet (they don't) and all the while trying to keep up appearances is mentally pretty wearing and can render me a bit speechless sometimes when it's friend social stuff rather than work. I see a couple of friends much less than I used to and I wonder if it's because there's awkwardness on both sides that I can't join in with the stories about going to the health spa and visiting the place in France and going ski-ing and throwing dinner parties. These people still remain friends in that we get on, we do meet up, if less often, and we still have things in common (our daughters, in the main), but I feel a change. Probably just being paranoid.

Gosh ZJ what an awful moment, the poor woman. I was at an NCT get-together and chatting to a woman who in reply to my usua opening gambit "do you have any other children" said yes three, but one had died in a car crash a couple of years ago. Sheesh.

We've got DA on pause so we can zoom through the adverts. I think I've scared DH a bit with being so peed off with DS today. It is unreasonable of me, I'm the grown up, but my god he's a pain in the butt atm. I think I'm a bit pre-menstrual which doesn't help but mainly I have to get out of this mind-set of expecting everything he does to be naughty or result in a meltdown as it's making me very quick to leap on him at the first hint of defiance. Ho hum. I'm a broken record on this just now and it doesn't help that once I get peed off I tend to stay that way for the rest of the day. I wish I had a reset button

Oh dear, have I killed the thread? It seems I post in a different time zone to everyone else!

Hullo ladies,

You haven't broken the thread Trudi, I am sorry you are finding Max so hard at the moment. Do you think it's partly to do with you feeling stressed about money and work etc? Could you up his hours in childcare to give you more work time and get you both some space? Or is that financially out of the question?

I am on for the 14th. It's written in big letters on our family planner to stop DH agreeing to some random pub quiz or the like on the same night. I have met quite a few of the Southeners on the thread: LadyT, Rubes, Nolda, Urbane, Pingu, JJ, Summer, Jam, Spot, Waiting, Effie, Invis, Kiwi and of course Veg. But I have never met Sybs or Beans which feels odd as they live quite close, so I'm v excited about 14th.

Spot - I do hope B has recovered from the great fart trauma. V funny.

I will hopefully be back later but got to run now. X

Hello Trudy! I see you! Will catch up later but need to have a rant about DH. Am so cross! So E sleeps badly, we discussed that I am knackered from doing all night wakings, and agreed that if she woke up less than 4 hours after I'd given her a feed, he would go to her instead of me and calm her down.

So last night she woke at 12.30, i gave her a decent feed, back to sleep. She woke at 3.30 and started burbling, which escalated fairly quickly so after about 5 mins he went in. Things didn't improve, i went to get some teething medicine for her as one of her top teeth is about to pop. Came back upstairs to find him leaving the room and going back to our bedroom. He says "well she's not calming down'. I enquire as ti why he's not staying with her, he says I'll go back in ten or fifteen minutes.

So instead of the idea which had been we get her used to someone else being her comforter in the night and not always me, he's decided unilaterally to impose some kind of unplanned controlled crying thing.???

He knows I'm not happy with that, but insists that she will never learn to sleep on her own if we don't just leave her crying until she gets the idea. WTF? So in fact crying it out? In the end I said I'd get her back to sleep and just deal with it until sbe's a bit older and he's willing t be more patient in the night - seems to think that it's not actually his job to stay with her until she's calmed down. We can't go from a) me feeding her to sleep or at least cuddling her, to b) daddy goes in once then leaves her for an unspecified time to just cry. Especially since she's pretty separation anxiety anyway at the moment.

We ended up with him saying he wished he could burn all my f*cking parenting books, and stropping back to bed. Great... Uncortunately he seems to think that because people have been doing this 'for thousands of years' that it's ok. Well for a start they would have been co sleeping for thousands of years...

JJ I can get really peeved about the whole dealing-with-them-in-the-night thing too. Tbh though I think DH is a saint to manage to live with me atm so I'm trying not to give voice to my feelings >puts duct tape over mouth< Last night M woke about 5 mins after I'd gone to sleep, but when I went in DH was there already. M then woke at 3-something wanting to get up and then at 5.45 for the day. I don't actually feel too bad today, I think I must be adjusting at last. I do know how you feel though, it is aggravating. I guess if DH isn't prepared to help properly then he has to accept that he'll be living with a seething woman, but the bit I hate is how horrible it makes you feel inside when you're tired, worn down and cross.

AAA more nursery isn't an option, and as we understand it the three year old funding will just be swapped for the help with childcare we already get through the tax credits so there will be no real change til either we get more business (which we are working on) or M starts school in two years. I'm sure my general frame of mind isn't helping, it gives me a very low tolerance for childish mucking about, which is unforgivable. Some days I just nfeel like a bad-tempered irritable old cow who's forgotten what it's like to be a child

JJ I hear you, love. E's sleeping sounds much like B's and it's driving me to distraction as we have reintroduced a night feed so he's being fed twice as well as random teething wakings. For what it's worth, I wouldn't leave her to cry, not while she's teething and got the whole separation anxiety thing. They're still so little. It's just a major arse that we've been blessed with two rubbishly sleeping babies . Has DH apologised? I know all too well that middle of the night row when you've got totally opposing views on what should be done to get the little buggers darlings to sleep. No solutions, I fear, just sympathy. And well done on getting into the new house!

AAA wish I could be at meetup too. . B is now recovered (I think), from my ear-splitting trump. Who was talking about epic and major flatulence post- second child? DP says it's just age and 'generalness', but I would like to blame something more specific.
Have you decided what to do about the diaries?

Trudy, I know what you mean about the reset button thing. It's so hard when they are being naughty so much of the time, not to try to pre-empt. I'm finding the only thing that works at the moment is getting out of the house as much as possible. Everything else just results in anarchy.

Effie - Exciting news about your sister. I hope all goes well.

DB - Glad that DD's class swap has gone smoothly.

Jolly - I love the King's Breakfast and the foxses and their sockses one. DS likes the four chairs one best - he has a thing about boats (being a Lymington lad). I have only ever made fish pie once in my life. It seemed a bit of a palaver for what it is. Neither of my DC do mash so I don't have to force myself, fortunately. My DC do eat quite well but they seem to have a made a pact not to like the same thing. I can just imagine them plotting at night, "OK", says DD, "I'll like pasta bolognaise, if you'll like stir fry, DS" [DS nods obediently in agreement].

Trace - I hope Centre Parcs lives up to expectations! Also that you don't have to wait until January to get a good night's sleep.

JJ - Yay! For the new house. Poo, for the bad sleepers and falling out with DH.

Spot - The fart trauma did make me laugh .

Summer - Sorry to hear that potty training isn't going too well. Same here. I had to leave DS with DH on Sunday as I was going to London and DS hadn't pooed for days and was due to explode. I felt a bit bad because DH was really quite cross with him.

I had a lovely time on Sunday, I took DD up to London on the train to meet up with my sister and her DD2 who is the same age as my DD. We went to the Natural History Museum and then went to Kensington Gardens for a picnic and to play at the super playground there. It was nice to spend some time with DD on her own she is really quite a sweet little thing when I don't have to cope with her, her brother and all the domestic commitments.

Good afternoon people. I am just checking in as I am in the middle of all sorts and had the last of my hectic weekends for a while...I tell you what, two nights out on the trot has exhausted me - how absolutely tragic. Anyway, I am going to do a big catch up later this evening or possibly tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

The rat people came from the council this morning, about our rodent pals larging it up in the shed (and presumably all over the garden). It was a man and a lady. The man took one look at the windfall apples carpeting the top of the garden and said "Well, that's not going to help. Rats love fruit. You've got a rat's paradise here, love." Oh, BRILLIANT. However, given that none of the fruit seems to have bitemarks in (or do they roll them away wholesale?) and the rats destroyed a car seat just to get at one manky rice cake in a compartment of it when they could have had several pounds of apples instead...I am a little dubious. They are returning in a week to see if any of the trays of neon green poison have, er, borne fruit. Ugh ugh ugh x a million.

Lady if rats where attracted to fruit surely we wouldn't be able to leave fruit in a fruit bowl on the bench as it would be consumed overnight. Whenever we've had rats getting into food it has been grains and dry goods, like my new unopened 5kg bag of polenta!

I'm definitely on for the 14th no idea where though. My old stomping ground is Hoxton but its a bit noisy in most of the bars there (& I feel a bit old). Somewhere not too noisy would be good, like a wine bar so we can actually talk without shouting.

Has anyone heard from Urbs?

Trudy you didn't break the thread nice to hear from you.

Vocksuckibg lost my post.

Back tom.

Mum headed home , though getting stuck in HKG looks likely. Back tom tho mahoosive mounts of work to do....

Rubbish Dec 08 mum. Have been in Canada most of the summer and not even lurking. Back a couple of weeks ago but haven't paused for breath. High drama as I was offered a great job in Canada and we decided to move, but moments before we listed our house I panicked and decided I didn't want to leave after all! Very relieved but has been crazy as we arranged to have loads of work done before selling our house, had numerous companies in looking at our stuff to estimate shipping costs, a company calling to arrange the relocation of our 3 cats, etc, etc. I pulled chute on the job after verbally accepting and had to call off all of the millions of relocation people. Has been hairy!

Will try to summarise key updates from my side:

DS1 - potty training = meh. Poohs very iffy. Wees pretty good but requires eagle eyes for the wee dance. Naughty behaviour on the up. Apparently many turn feral around age 3?

DS2 - fat, smiley, loads of teeth. Sleep beyond rubbish. Seriously even worse than DS1. This has been a good week and we're averaging 4 wakes a night. Mostly just feed as too tired to do anything else.

Meet up on the 14th...yes please!!