CRESH - Crap ham, stinky Brie, gin and lol'ing at birth plan believers

[AlpinePony]

Heeyah.

I got a fine last year for driving with no MoT. I had completely forgotten. Then this year, went to renew the tax online (different car) and computer said no. Because I had been driving round with no MOT for a month. Again!! Well I was kind of busy beginning of June but I'm glad I didn't get stopped as don't think I would have got off as lightly 2nd year in a row

So tell me wise ESH. When an employer says you can return to work 'On your own terms' would you properly take the piss take it at face value? (ie consultancy basis and ask for moon on a stick) or just try and negotiate the best contracted deal you could (3day week, late start, WFH whenever possibl, still fairly moon on a stickish)

Always ask for more than you want so you?ve got somewhere to negotiate to and they think they?ve done well out of the deal as well! (spectacularly failed at that one myself!)

oh dear, Fanny! Poor MrF.

I agree with Cos, start reasonably high and have a position you are happy to settle on.

I am going to a speed awareness course on Friday so I don't get 3 penalty points. I was caught going 37 mph in a 30 zone. Wrists suitably slapped I suppose.

Rocket it doesn't sound like you're going to have to negotiate too hard. I'd go for what you want as employers like that are in the minority. What field are you in?

Do I go to see bridesmaids at cinema tonight on my own or just stay in?

Well Rocket I get to choose my own roster in a far more user-friendly way than I would if I was full time, and have 2 weeks off in every 4. The downside is I get my roster a week later than the full timers, and have only got the trips they don't pick to choose from. Still - works well for me! So far this year I have been promised LG's birthday off, and am on track for Christmas off too. (I appreciate I have to actually be at work to get time off, but that's just a technicality!)

Moo I went on one of those speed awareness courses. The most interesting thing they taught was the cameras flash you if you go 10% over the speed limit. So in a 30 Zone you can go 33 MPH without being flashed. They only take action if you are going over 36MPH so you were damn unlucky. I would have come to cinema with you. Instead I have been subjected to Man U V Spurs and am getting disapproving looks for "taping" on the keyboard (wtf?) so I am going to have a bath and go to bed. Next time though huh?

Rocket that sounds ace. I would just state what you realisitically want. Very jealous actually...

Hmm, I know you are all right but I hate this bit. It just feels a bit cheeky but I guess if you don't ask you don't get! Also I am wavering between going for freelancing (less politics and more WFH) and trying to talk my way into the managers role (more money/security but also more hassle and commuting). When really Id rather not be thinking about it at all (oh where is that lottery win?!)

Moo, I design clothing, mostly for the outdoor/sports market. Oops about the speeding, but it's really easily done and at least your swerving the points.

Box, your set up sounds great! 2 weeks off every 4 must surely be worth having a more restricted choice of trips. Glad Xmas is looking promising as I though that might have been messed up by the break. Do you know when you'll be going back yet?

Right then season 4 of Dexter is awwwwn

I know okie I appreciate how lucky I am!

The set up is indeed fab. I love it! I still get a very good choice of trips - I haven't been to Dubai yet, but I haven't had to work many weekends or Bank holidays either. When I get back to work there is a very cool looking new trip swap system in place that wasn't there before, so it should be even easier to get a decent roster. I'm hoping to be back at work at the end Sept/start Oct, but need to clarify with my doctor whether the stupid incomprehensible letter I got from him means I will be permanently disabled due to a devastating and rare injury no one has told me I have, or whether I have an injury suffered exclusively by adolescents, or whether his thick Russian accent and failure to proof read what he wrote means he meant something altogether different . Who knows? He wrote 'Tilo's' but could have meant 'Talus' or 'Tilleaux.' The second 2 exist but are unlikely to apply to me, the first is a figment of his imagination. Bloody doctors. Anyway, my support manager - who I have managed to communicate with via a series of increasingly 'why won't you talk to me?!' emails - assures me if I start by the 3rd Oct and pass all the exams I will have Christmas off. Hurray.

We love Dexter in this house. Currently on the edge of our seats with Series 5.

okie Really? So why is poor MrP faced with 3 points or a course for doing 35 in a 30 zone? He is mightily pissed off about it. Apparently it is up to the individual police force to set their limits. He was at a conference in Car-bloody-diff when he was pinged.

(By the way, I don't mean to give the impression that the Priceless family is constantly on the run from the law. But I gotta tell it like it is.)

box Tillaux maybe? It doesn't matter anyway, as you will transcend any residual injury by sheer force of will.

smokey didn't go tonight due to cooking of large bolognese sauce. I'm considering tomorow night if you are game. Else me and my growing arse may just wait for dvd.

I just found a 'toddler-friendly' gite in Normandy which I showed to Mr Moo. His quite justfiable answer was - what are we going to do? Spend the week in a playbarn? I don't think the appeal of child friendliness of holidays with a moving child has occurred to him. I guess we just won;t be going anywhere for the foreseeable future. Am I being very negative, or is holidaying with a crawling child a bit of a pain in the arse?

Where is alpine? It is quiet around these parts.

'lo all. Good work on the lack of insurance Fans.

Speaking of driving fuck ups, I have to go to court on 5th Sept - the day after my birthday, the cunts. I got caught doing 55mph in a 30mph. I am normally so careful but it was just after BB was born and I hadn't yet realised I had PND. Not that it is any excuse but BB was screaming all the way back from the shops, I was crying too and I did think I was in a 40mph zone.... not that I will be using that in my defence as i am not sure it will help. I am facing a fine of up to £1000 and a possible ban which given where we live would royally screw me over. There is no public transport and I wouldn't be able to take Boo to school let alone get myself to Reading for college. My doctor has written a letter begging for leniency for the loon but I am crapping myself.

The last time I had anything to do with the police was when someone reported us for growing d'erb. It is true, we were. Or rather, it was TG and I tolerated it. Still don't know who reported us. Bastards. CID turned up while TG was at work and I went storming out to find out who the interloper was (we'd had loads of randoms wandering through the garden to look at the barns for sale behind ours, it was fucking me right off). My face must have been a picture when he pulled his ID badge out. It was a good job I'd managed to kill three of the plants, which left only two. TG was going to get a caution which would have affected his employment but I was very nice to the policeman*, gave him coffee and cake and told him it was the first time TG had grown it (lies) and how TG could lose his job (true) and the nice copper made us swear that we would get rid it. He said he or a colleague would come back to check and if there was any evidence at all that we'd taken the piss then he'd take the door off its hinges. I asked him how we should get rid of it and he said he couldn't tell me. I said 'but what do we do, do chop it up and bin it?' he looked at me as if I was nuts and said 'just get rid of it and don't tell me how'. I said 'but I don't know how, should we burn it?' He burst out laughing and spat his coffee all over the table and said 'For god's sake don't burn it, you'll have the whole village stoned'. We ended up having quite a larf, especially when I suggested I could make some floral arrangements out of it for the up and coming harvest festival. Needless to say, TG is now banned from growing it again.

*No I did not offer sexual favours. Even though he was rather fit.

Moo try camping with a broken leg with a rapidly crawling child! It was a bit, ahem, testing, although I suspect you are not the camping kind. There are lots of fabulous holidays to be had with a crawling child. You have to decide whether you want to look after the aforementioned crawling child yourself and have the kind of fun that can only be gained by watching you baby crawling frantically up and down the surf and splashing and making sandcastles, and accept that you will have to watch them like a hawk. Or whether you want to go to a luxury getaway where a starched nanny will sweep off with them and give them ice cream at regular intervals on the dot while you drink cocktails on the beach. The other factor is how much you want to spend. One thing is for certain - holidays ain't what they used to be. However MrMoo wants to look at it, you have a family now and holidays have to factor them in. On the plus side, you can have a lot of fun taking kids out to things that you just couldn't do if you didn't have a child in tow, and it's also lovely to see them getting overexcited at stuff that's old hat to you - TT could stop shouting 'Wow, I can see EVERYTHING!' every time we drove over a hill last weekend.

One thing is for certain. Once the child has progressed beyond the crawling stage, the next stage is running and demanding things, and holidays get more challenging again. As well as even more fun!

FP too bloody right. My force of will is legendary!

FP nice work on the uninsured car. MrP is far more patient than Mr Loz would've been. Lucky lady.

Pollster you iz a right crim! Good luck for court. LOVE your tale of growing d'herb.

Mr Loz & I are pretty boring, law abiding citizens. The only car "disaster" was his mum left her car parked by our house while she went away. We didn't know she'd forgotten to tax it & returned home one night to find it clamped with bright yellow tape all over it. As for d'herb my brother bought his monthly supply, accidentally left it in his overall pocket & mum put it in with the family weekly wash . Oh, & brother (again) when he had his work accident last year, he was rushed off in an ambulance, but concerned as he had left d'herb in his work van door. I had to make some random excuse to get access to his van & reclaim it.

polltits How can you have me worrying desperately over you one minute, then weeping with laughter the next. You loon, indeed!

Hint: I'm told that alice band and pearl earrings are the recommended contrite court room accessories.

I am meeting with a CRESH today. One with a leetle tiny baybee.

I got done for 47 in a 30 with no excuses whatsoever. Sigh.

Right, a wwyd from me. The twat 3 doors down from us has bought a harley or some other ridiculously loud motorbike. However he also seems to either work shifts or have an unending social life as he frequently comes and goes at stupid o?clock. IE last night he woke me at 3.50, in the last week it?s been 3am, 5am etc. He has woken all of us up, including Artie.

AIBU to shove a potato up his exhaust????

Seriously though I have never in my life heard such a loud motorbike. Surely there must be a limit to the noise a vehicle should make? I?ve never spoken to him, don?t even know what he looks like so don?t really feel comfortable having a word with him so don?t know what to do. I?m a pretty tolerant person, I give most people the benefit of the doubt but surely you should have some consideration of your neighbours? If this is going to carry on I?m going to have to do something.

We had a girl who wore a velvet alice band and pearls when I was at training school. We called her Posh Wife. I realised we might be on the same course but she was from a different planet when she told us one night that her boyfriend was a bigwig in the city and she was just going to be flying for pin money.

Cos no idea what to suggest about the neighbour. I personally don't like neighbours of any kind and anything they do irritates me. Someone shoved a potato in my bike exhaust at uni and I had to send the bike for scrap. I was not happy. I didn't have a Harley - I had a 50cc scooter.

cossie this is going to sound terribly curtain twitchy, but keep diary of the times and length of time, noise level etc. If you can, record it. Then either have a word first or report him to environmental health. Bloody inconsiderate.

pol you are funny! Your 'erb story reminds me of the time my old student gaff got raided, as one of the girls was looking after her fellas plants over the holidays. CID kept picking up rabbit shit (they had a house rabbit) thinking it was resin. We had just happened to call round at he same time so stayed for moral support. Our reaction to Plods disgust was, "yes, this is why we moved out" :D

Hope it goes ok on the 5th. I think if you represent yourself and try and explain the circumstances you can hope for leniency. I know when my ex got done for being 4 times over the limit, there were extreme extenuating circumstances and he got the minimum fine and ban when he could have had a prison stay at worst.

ah good plan re diary rockets will do that. I'm sure there is an iphone app for noise levels!

cos can I ask what kind of fine/points you got for your speeding offence? I have opted to plead guilty by post as I was bricking myself about going to court. Am wondering now if that might make things worse... maybe I should just go.

I haz remembered another druck related anecdote... When I was in my early twenties I had a bit of a love affair with speed, of the amphetamine kind, not the driving fast kind. Anyway, I was working for a computer company and they sent me to Belfast to look after the budget for a massive project. I used to work one week over there, then one week at home and i loved it. The job was dull but I loved the luxury of staying in a swanky hotel and ordering room service. Anyway, I digress. So there I was, on a Monday morning, getting the 7.30am flight from Brizzle to Belfast, hungover and sleep deprived. I waltzed through the armed security and sniffer dogs at Belfast airport, and swanned off to work. I was working at one of the biggest RUC barracks in NI, inside massive defences, razor wire etc with patrolling armed policemen with dogs etc. So I was there a week and flew home on the friday evening. And when I got home I realised I had spent the whole week carrying a little wrap in my wallet with a gram of speed in.

3 points and £60. I was told if I was a mile an hour faster I?d have been in court and a probable ban so I was really lucky. No excuse other than it?s a nice road to drive on and I wasn?t concentrating so didn?t realise I?d got to the 30mph bit.

It was on the A65 towards Long Preston for those who know the area.

I've driven for months without insurance by accident. :( Got sloppy with money, dd bounced (twice) - insurance company immediately cancelled the policy - didn't bother to write to tell me (not in t&c). I didn't check my bank statements for months - only when I took it in for a long overdue MOT did I discover the error. Took 5 days (hurrah belgium) to initiate a new policy during which time I was told if I crossed the border I could be arrested and my car impounded - bit of a problem as I worked cross-border. Buried my head in the sand and continued - figured 5 days over 3 months wouldn't make a difference. Not my finest moment.

I don't speed or take red lights anymore. Had too many "large" fines although you don't get points here.

Can't believe you get taken to court for "minor" traffic offences.

Tbh, I tend to hand over my old-fashioned green paper welsh driving license. I call it my "get out of jail free card" as it tends to befuddle the polis and they try folding it back up, fluster & fail and tell me to "go". "get out of here".