April 2011 - cake-offing, gin-guzzling, wine-sipping, dreams of sleeping

[fraktious]

Thread 3!!!

Whoop buck

Much better night here too:
Slept 930-945
Fed
Slept 1028-255
Fed
Slept 315-625
Fed
Slept 645-715
Woke in pain - calpol and cuddles 730

Yay for better nights Kitty and Buck. Must have been something in the air last night. Much better night here too: Slept 7:00 - 1030, 10:55 - 11:55, 12:05 - 4:20 and 4:50 - 6:30!

Hmm, it does look like P feeds much less than T . Don't know if it makes much difference but P is a slooow feeder. Feeds have recently gone from about 40 mins to 20 mins but never take less than that. She definitely isn't just comfort sucking either. I can always see her ears wiggling, swallowing motions and she makes that little 'ker' noise.

I'm really not sure P would do two feeds close together. She screams blue murder if I try to put her back on when she's finished. However, I will endeavour to encourage her to fit in an extra feed or two today and see if it makes any difference!

Star - here are some of my musings.

The hourly wakings was probably a growth spurt, so if/when it happens again just keep feeding through it.

However, it you don't think it was a growth spurt it could be because she's getting the majority of her milk in the night rather than the day. This might be because that's what she likes to do or because she's easily distrated in the day when she's feeding.

Offer more feeds in the day and if you think distraction is a problem, then feed in a quiet place. You could always encourage a cluster feed-a-thon from about 4 o'clock onwards.

The screaming at bedtime could be from over tiredness. Maybe try fitting in a nap that finishes at about 4.30-5ish? That way she won't be overtired when it comes to bedtime and she may settle a bit easier.

I would also say there is nothing wrong with rocking a baby to sleep if you are happy to do that. It doesn't mean she will need rocking forever! Eventually baby's will learn how to get themselves to sleep (but that can take months or years) but before that you need to do whatever you need to do to get them to sleep. Once P starts to recognise that rocking (or whatever you choose to do) is a sleep association, you will find that the time spent rocking is less and less, until eventually you won't have to do it at all.

People seem to get a bee in their bonnet about sleep associations, but actually the majority of people have them. Most adults I know read or watch tv in bed to help them wind down and drop off.

I'm glad that there seems to be some better nights at the moment for those of you that have been having a time of it. Fingers crossed it keeps improving.

Buck We have leaks here too, we actually switched to Huggies on a night instead of cloth because the cloth nappies were soaked by 1am. We did use Pampers for a bit but they were even worse so I think the shape of Huggies fits S better.

This maybe a little TMI but I need to 'talk' about it somewhere other than my head! DH and I still haven't really DTD. Originally because my stitches needed to heal, then when we did try it hurt and since then I've just been too scared! (Doesn't help that I think breast feeding has made my sex drive plummet to somewhere near my little toe). I tried to explain to DH last night that I still love him and still fancy (for want of a better word!) him but as soon as we start anything I feel myself getting wound up in all the wrong ways! He seems to have taken this very personally and is quiet and standoffish this morning.

I know that part of it is because I'm scared that it will hurt but I'm also very scared of getting pregnant again! Is this normal? Please tell me that rational thought will return soon, I miss DTD and DH now thinks he's done something wrong and won't believe me when I tell him it really is just me!

Sorry to air all this here, I'm just lacking in any other outlet to talk about it in RL.

iltmi I found your musings useful too, so thanks

dairy I would say that's all normal. I still havent dtd for the same reason. A few months back I was starting to feel ready until a smear teat caused a bleed and that scared me (and shocked me as I had a csec). This morning funny enough there was a bit of play shall we say and I do feel a little bit sore. I think dh is more afraid of getting me pg! Hugs

Beetle that sounds entirely normal to me! We've only tried the once, and it was so painful. I've seen the nurse at the hosp who prescribed dilators, to both stretch any scar tissue, and make the point psychologically.

Ooh, back in a mo...

I don't think I really needed the dilators, but at least they've done their job.

My main issue is risking pg again. I didn't enjoy being pg, and we really can't afford another one any time soon.

I've got an FP appt booked, hoping to get a coil. O think I'll be much more receptive once that's all sorted.

Although the microscopic libido might be an issue!

DH is being amazing about it, considering he can count the amount of action he's had in the last year on one hand.

No deed doing here either

DH is fine about it, although impatient We have gone through it before though so he knows it isn't permanent or a problem.
It is BFing hormones, they reduce libido and I find that things just feel a bit sore and dry. TMI I know, but it does improve!

I've either been pregnant or BFing or both for almost the last 4 years, let's just say that things have been a little slow in the bedroom over that period!!

Tis very normal Dairy. It takes me a while to get my mojo back after having a baby. For me it's to do with lack of sleep, low libido (which drastically improves for me when I'm getting a decent amount of sleep on a regular basis, and when the amount of bf's drop).

I also remember after having ds1 I was terrified of getting pg again. It doesn't seem to be a factor this time even though I am certain my baby making days are over.

Chat to your dh when it's just you two and tell him what you told us. I'm conscious of the lack of bedroom action so I make an effort of showing affection to dh in other ways. Lots of cuddles on the sofa when the boys are in bed, still holding his hand when we walk along together, spontaneous kisses etc.

We have DTD once and TBH I wasn't that into it. I probably didn't help that B woke up half way through and put DH off :o. Nothing kills the libido quicker than a crying baby!!

Too true Fizz!

We still haven't here yet. first i was nervous post-stitches but now i'm sure they're alright (in fact (male) Consultant told me i should have sex when DD was 7 weeks as all had healed nicely. i was a bit )

I did manage to find some condoms the other day but they were out of date!
THen between us we've found some in date ones but not felt like it anyway.
DH's birthday the other day and we had a 'cuddle' so i feel we're gearing up to it, lol.

He also knows it's a phase that will pass as feeds drop and libido builds again.

Bodies/hormones are so weird. RIght now i could imagine never having sex again, whereas when i was keen to conceive i couldn't have enough! esp around OV time

Bonjour mes amies!

We're home :) well we've been back since Thursday but haven't had time to come on and post! Holiday was good after the initial disaster, strongly worded email is being sent to ryanair this arvo not that it'll make much difference! R was a complete star and was a lot less bothered by the heat than I thought she would be, in fact she slept and ate really well.

Massive sympathy to those of you still having crap nights, I really can't imagine how you're coping, I get stressed when R has a screamy period for about 10 mins during the day so I'd be hopeless with night time tantrums and no sleeping. since coming back from France R is sleeping 8.30pm - 7.30am with a dream feed at 11pm - I am seriously counting my blessings (and I'm also not going to mention it again!!) Feel free to throw that back in my face when I come back in a months time crying with desperation and sleep deprivation!!

Re: the nappies, I found that going up to the next size has actually caused more leakages as I don't think R's bum fits quite properly into them yet!

DP and I have been doing the deed sporadically since R was about 6 weeks but despite not BFing I still have a pitiful libido (always have really) and DP is finding it frustrating. Instead of trying to do it at bed time - when we're both absolutley knackered, we have been trying to fit it in when R is having a nap, tis very spontaneous and romantic.....NOT! I just can't be arsed tbh but trying to make the effort for DP as I feel bad for him, hope it improves a bit

In other news R has her first tooth, well a bit of it anyway. Where, I hear you say....the bottom? The top? At the front? Nope......it's a flipping pre-molar!! Or the baby equivalent anyway, it's right round at the side and you can't see it unless she's screaming, hence why I never actualy noticed it my mum spotted it on holiday when we put her in the pool (she didn't like it) so who knows how long it's been there!!

Sorry for mammoth post and lack of name-checking just trying to catch up a bit and now I'm off to kick Ryanairs ass.....

Another place mark from France...

Thanks for all your words of wisdom ladies. DH and I had a good chat yesterday and things seem good again! Lots of cuddles and snuggles to build up to things seems to be the way forward.

MrsW Glad you had a good time in France, and yay for R's first tooth. Now, go kick some Ryanair bum might not do anything but I'll bet it's cathartic.

Buck FYI I've had the Little Green Frog song stuck in my head since yesterday...

hi all,

Back from 10 days in The Lakes and skim reading to catch up. Sorry for not name checking.

I have the Annabel Karmel book and I think it's really good. We're doing purees as you should wean prems at their real age of 6 months but he's only 'really' 4 months, so I think it's easier for them to start with something that's easy to swallow. HE LOVES IT. It's the cutest thing and I'm so pleased with how it's going. Feeding him has been such a living nightmare that it's fun for both of us to do something that he enjoys. His little face when I gave him pear was delighful. When he sees the bowl is out he lights up. The book gives a useful plan for starting off and lots of ideas for what to cook. Given that I am a lazy old sow who loves to be told what to do I think it's ace.

Sleep all over the shop here, which I am hoping is because we've been away from home. He's gone from waking up once in the night, at around 3am, to waking regularly and having at least two feeds at night. We got home late yesterday and he slept through from 8pm to 6am, so fingers crossed we're back on track!

Ali, I am surprised at how often you are feeding in the day. I also think that C sometimes gets what he needs at night and is less interested in eating in the day. We usually have five feeds in the day (7am to 7pm) and then one or two at night. Now I'm finding that C likes a long nap in the morning so we even drop to only four feeds in the day. What are others doing?

We DTD now and again but being shattered does seem to mean I'm not in the mood very often. And having C in the room with us doesn't help. I did think I was pregnant, fleetingly, a couple of months ago as we weren't careful and it filled me with such utter horror, I can't describe! Thank god I wasn't. MUST sort out contraception.

Good heavens you guys have been busy

Big news here ? we have a tooth! And bloody sharp it is too...

We have DTD once. I then was petrified I was pregnant (the absence of periods screws with you head, doesn?t it?!) but there?s no chance I?m going on any kind of hormonal contraception.

Sleep, what?s that? DS was in with us all last night! I can?t shake the guilty feeling that it?s because he knew I was away for most of the day yesterday and only really took what he had to from the bottle. We don?t feed anywhere near as often during the day ? every 3 hours or so? ? but 2 hour marathon feed to sleep and 3 night wakings may mean we should be feeding more often!

Night nappies ? M is a heavy wetter so has an enormous cloth bum: boosted MEO, terry over the top and an airflow or a triple boosted wonderoo. It?s always soaked in the morning and we have occasional leakage regardless.

JKS at the consultant!

Glad things are better dairy - cuddles are important and personally I?m more inclined to do something sexy if I don?t feel the expectation. For about 6 weeks after M?s birth I couldn?t stand to be touched but we had a good chat and it did really help. Also IIRC we?re about the same age (25?) and maybe it?s a lot less ?acceptable? for want of a better way to put it, especially as we?re not too far away from going at it like rabbits

buck I am amazed at your pumping! Even with a double I average 2oz/time, but that tends to be pumping an hour or so after M has fed. Monday morning I got 2,5oz off but couldn?t finish because I had to go to work. I find triggering let-down quite difficult if I don?t have M around and I?m very easily distracted :(

ILTMI you?d have loved my milk blister

Oh bugger, squalling... I will come back and answer your qs on bilingualism!

Frak - I think age has an awful lot to do with issues around sex or lack of it post baby. DH is 41 and I'm 34 and there is definitely an element of and knowing that things will pick up again once we aren't up in the night with the boys/sharing our bed with one of them for at least a portion of the night etc etc

Yay for the tooth! I wish T would cut a couple, they are really bothering him.

With the feeding thing, I remember that I spaced daytime feeds much more with DS1 - and he was awful at night, 3-4 wakings without fail. With hindsight I should have fed him during the day much more.
I think with T, I just find that bunging him on the boob for 10 minutes is the easiest way to keep him happy. I give him a feed, then a nappy change and a cuddle and then he will sit in his play nest, or roll about on the floor watching DS1 playing or whatever for probably 20-30 minutes, if not longer, which means that I get a chance to get some jobs done. I don't like to leave everything until he is asleep, because that is my chance to spend some time with DS1.
Basically whatever keeps him cheerful is what I go with, and I know that once he starts having some solids in a few weeks then his feeds will space out, and before I know it I'll be able to wear a proper bra and wear clothes that don't have to allow for boob access.

Can I join in on the poor sleeping? We had 3 wakings last night - I think it was 3, maybe 4? Just when DH is back at work today too. I don't think she fed a lot during the day yesterday, but i think farting (as always) and teething didn't help. We gave her calpol at one wake up, a complete change as nappy had leaked at the next and also bonjela. Nor did she immediately settle back to sleep like she usually does :(
Right now I'm working on naps in her cot, partly to get her used to her room and the cot and also because I realise I can't use he bouncy chair for naptime for much longer as she'll try and wriggle out of it. I'm not quite ready to move her to her own room at night, at least not til she's only waking once (or not at all!) but she doesn't seem to sleep well in it - often waking after 20 minutes or so. I've decided for now to stay in the room so at least she's not alone thinking she's in a strange place when she wakes up.

ILTMI I think I've got a milk blister - doesn't seem to hurt though...

We use disposables at night and cloth during the day. I was going to recommend Sainsburys Little Ones Eco but after the leakage last night maybe not.

As for DTD - we've managed a few times - I can take it or leave it at the moment, really I just want to use the bed for sleeping and get as much as possible. Due to the c-section I don't have the fear of stitches down there, it all feels relatively normal. I do have the pregnancy fear though... I missed a pill (cerazette) a few weeks ago and have been thinking I should use that other test in the bathroom cupboard just to check... we did say if we have another we don't want to wait oo long but it would be a bit too soon...

Nap is going well - nearly an hour. Required a bit of shushing after 15 minutes but all good :) Hopefully will make for a happy baby this afternoon when my friend and her 18 month DS come round.

B has been in Pampers Baby Dry or Active Fit since day 1 and apart from a few poonamis they have been well up to the job. I guess they just fit him really well, because a friend has changed to huggies after her DS kept leaking. I do still wish we went with the cloth, but it was either cloth or express to preserve my sanity!

I have a qustion for the FFers, is it supposed to smell funny? I make up a bottle, give it to B, wind etc, then go to pour anything left down the sink, rinse the bottle and it smells disgusting. It will only have been made up for an hour at the most. Does it go off that quickly?

Fizz what are you using? I didn't think the C&G smelt weird but the Aptamil Pepti I am using now smells bizarre, a bit like hay. I think that's because it's a reduced cow's milk protein one, I've heard that these all smell quite strange. Maybe if you're using a comfort one it's similar?

Fizz I think it smells yuck even after an hour. And I think S's wees post-ff smell more too.

DTD maybe 3 times since S was born. It's not really painful but I have no desire to and feel as though if I never did it again that would be okay too. Poor DH. I think he knows it will improve though so apart from the odd 'poor deprived me' comment he's very understanding. My advice would be lube is your friend, and plenty of it too.

Good to read that S isn't the only one who leaks through nappies at night. It seems to leak out even when the rest of the nappy isn't full . Last night (if you can call it that) I put a clean nappy on at 6am and there was still a wet patch at 8am when she woke. She clearly likes fresh sheets daily!

IMO all formula smells icky and tastes equally crap, except Hipp Organic. It does get noticeably iffy after an hour though - I know the guidance is 2 hours but I never used to keep a bottle that long. Of course they weren't my children so I erred on the side of caution but knowing what a lovely breeding ground for bacteria milk is if it starts to smell different I'd make a new one.

To satisfy ITLMI here goes!

Do you only speak French at home?

Actually we speak English mostly. If we were in an anglophone country I would make an effort for us to speak French as a family but given that English needs all the help it can get it wins!

Do you miss speaking English?
Nope, although I miss socialising in English but that's probably more to do with culture and humour. MN is invaluable for that!

How will you go about teaching M both languages, and which language do you talk in when it's just you two?

We talk English together and do OPOL (one parent one language) so DH always speaks French to M and I always speak English, but we do modify it for certain situations so once M is talking if we're with DH's family and talking together, say at mealtimes, I would carry on the conversation in French as would he, so we will speak French to each other. Our nanny speaks English. Once the two language are well established we will look at introducing a third, probably Dutch. M already has a rattle which speaks to him in Dutch (DH is trilingual) but much as we would like to keep in touch with that element of DH's life it's not the most useful language. There are advantages though - I would be more than happy to have Dutch au pairs later on and it might make life culturally easier for them to have DH understanding where they're coming from as well as having someone to speak their native language to. Otherwise we're considering German or Spanish. That's for 5+ years time though!

What language do you dream in?

Mostly English I am not bilingual though -my French is good, practically fluent now, but it is and probably always will be a second language. DH is perfectly bilingual and damn near trilingual( with a couple of other languages thrown in for good measure), not just linguistically but culturallly as well IYSWIM. He dreams multilingually and does will associate different activities with different languages.

Thank you for indulging my nosiness Frakk! I find it fascinating, especially as I am so poor at languages.

I feed much like Ali in the day. Tired? Go on the boob. Grumbling? G on the boob. It has worked for all the boys and neither ds1 or 2 were boob monsters, I think they liked their food too much!