dec 2008- Who will stonk it in & be crown queen of the thread?

[HRHvagolaJahooli]

He we are ladies though I may need to change my name as royal title may be stripped.

Not speaking the lingo is bound to make you a bit nervous vag. Don't let them get you down. Maybe they seem standoffish due to cultural differences? I think you have done amazingly well getting out and about making friends, even if you do make scary ones that you need to hide from! I'm really proud of making four 'mum' friends since I moved up, I'd be head over heels with myself if I were you vag.

spot Nice to see you. I hope writing the blog is helping. A blog about PND would be so helpful to many people, and cathartic for you I imagine.

SL I noticed DD1 did lots of little wees last summer when she had her nappy off playing in the paddling pool but the time between wees has lengthened now. Maybe they do it automatically at some point?

DH is taking DD1 out for the day on Friday so I have a day just with DD2. I'm meeting a friend with a son the same age as DD2 for a coffee but apart from that I plan to nap/read books whilst DD2 naps. I can't believe I think of looking after a baby as a 'day off'. How my life has changed!

Just to say DD was fine and had a great time. SD tweeted us - get her! She gets her halfway-through-As results tomorrow so life could look quite different this time tomorrow, oh and she's doing her theory test - what's known as a 'full day', I think. Must sleep now!

Truly glad DD and SD got on okay at the cinema.

Trampoline went up great and DD is having a lovely morning. Can't believe she's 5 where has the time gone? DS however is not amused at his lack of presents!

Deids DS2 was the same yesterday, we did give him one present as we thought it might be a nice tradition to give the non birthday son a little gift. However, I think it only works to make him see how much he didn't get in comparison.

Oh and TV I like the tweet update.

Is trampolining good for weightloss? It's brilliant...poor DD can't get on!

Glad min-Deids is having a nice birthday. We usually have a birthday breakfast for the kids' birthdays, so at least the non-bday children get to gorge themselves stupid on usually forbidden bfast foods like CocoPops!

I've just read this on a business site and thought it was very thought-provoking:

"Rituals create an artificial space around us where we feel safe from our everyday pressures. Trouble at work, trouble with relationships, and trouble with children all add up to us searching for more rituals to keep our anxieties at bay."

Makes me wonder if that's why I clean and tidy up when I'm a bit crochety, going through familiar motions as an escape from whatever's annoying me, though it doesn't work as I fume about whatever it is the whole time!

Good news about the cinema trip Trudy, hope A-level results are good!!

vag I agree with Jolly, you do great in NL. Not sure how I would manage living somewhere with different language, very badly I suspect. Taking Dutch lessons soundds a v good idea though. French lady sounds nice!

db ds was v unimpressed with all of DD's presents at her birthday too, until he realised he could steal them all.

Am back! Had a super time with my boys, a little tricky time with my folks blimey the olds are grumpy sometimes. I will endeavour to catch up over the next few days and do a proper catch up.

Summer - Glad you like shredding. Vag, go on, give it a go. You can get the DVD on Amazon for not much. The best thing is that it's only 20 mins long and yet gives you a really good workout. I'm trying to do it 5 days a week at the moment as I have to go to a wedding next weekend. DH and I have been invited to the evening do only as DH is the groom's solicitor (isn't that a bit wierd? Or is it just me?). Anyway, it's nice to have a reason to dress up when you're a SAHM.

DB - I like the trampoline. I wish we could fit one in our garden.

Nice to see you back, Jam.

Hello to everyone else, got to go as I'm supposed to be working out how to use my new phone .

Hi Ladies

Just back from Brighton and I am hiding in my bedroom with a slightly dicky tum. We had a really nice day for DD1's birthday yesterday. She loved Brighton, especially the sea, and in the evening the four of us went to Pizza Express and sat at an outside table overlooking the marina for 2.5 hours while both girls behaved impeccably! It was astonishing - they just sat and chatted to us as they worked their way through three courses. We then all retied to bed in the hotel at 9.30pm and they slept 'til 8am. How civilised is that?

However, today was quite odd. My mum lived in Brighton and this was the first time I had properly visited with the girls so I had done a lot of "My mummy lived there"... "My mummy took me here". Then this morning DD1 got quite upset that she couldn't meet my Mum and we had a big conversation about how my Mum would have wanted to meet the DDs too, in fact she wanted that more than anything, but when you are dead you can never come back. This made DD1 freak out that I might die. We then had to go to the storage box where I keep my Mum's stuff. My mum collected middle eastern rugs (known as kilims). She left them all to me and store them in this box. Not only are they valuable but they are of huge sentimental significance to me because my Mum had a story about each one and I remember many of them decorating my childhood home. Anyway, we opened the storage box and loads of moths flew out and I immediately knew they would be ruined. I would say about 50% are beyond repair. I am really upset and feel like I have let my Mum down as she begged me to care for them. DD2 heard me say I had let my Mum down and for about an hour she repeated phrases like "Your mummy would be very sad with you"... "Your mummy is dead"... "Your mummy might be crying, can dead people cry?". I got a cracking headache. DH had the bright idea of taking the DDs to my Mums grave. We went. DD1 cried. I cried. DD2 asked if we could dig my Mum up. DD1 said worms will have eaten her. DD1 cried some more. I felt physically sick. We left Brighton and had to drive through torrential rain with loads of dusty rugs in the car. The car started to leak 5 miles from home. DH swore. The DDs cried. I am in bed with a headache and bad stomach. The DDs are being soothed my Mr Tumble.

Anyhow, enough about me. I have not done a catch-up in ages.

Spot - I got your FB message. Sorry to miss you while I was in Brighton. Next time I will be in touch (that will be soon as I must now empty the rest of the storage box). I read your blog. I like your writing. I am however worried that I have often used the word "uber" on here and may have once or twice described myself as "achingly" something. I agree with you about the use of those words and am covered in shame. I really do think you write nicely though so I bet your PND blog would be really worth reading.

Deids - I hope that your DD enjoyed her party. I think trampolining is a great cardiovascular exercise (I presume you were asking for yourself and not your DD!). We got our trampoline about 2 months ago and try and do a ten minute bounce every night but it really takes it out of me! My fav trampolining activity is lying on it while the DDs bounce. Its like having a gentle massage (until they fall on you).

Veg - You always sound like you have so many friends in Den Haag. I am always dead impressed given you have lived there such a short time. Try and congratulate yourself on how well you have done and let that boost your confidence. How long more do you think you will live out there? You mentioned that your holiday had made you think more about returning home.

LadyT - Have you started socialising with the mothers in your new village? A few weeks ago you said you were considering inviting them over even though your house is not totally finished. I thought that sounded like a great idea, it is always easier to enter new social circles when you are brand new to an area (or at least I think it is). Sorry that DD1 is being a bit challenging at the mo. It must be horrid to hear her say she hates herself but as others have said she will not understand that phrase in the same way that we do.

Jam - Lovely to have you back. Were you in UAE? Is that where you parents live (slow emoticon)?

Kayz - Congratulations on booking the wedding. I had a choccywockydoodah cake for my 21st. Delicious.

Invis - Your day off with your DD sounded lovely although it must be hard on you all that she isn't outgrowing her allergies. I hope that your DS's finger is not too much of a shock to him when the bandages come off. Did you decide what to do about the nanny?

Jolly - I love that you could produce 5p size wees on demand! Did your Mum train you to do that???? Hilarious. I don't even think I could do that and I have had 33 years of practise (although I could blame the children's work on my pelvic floor).

Trace - Is this your weekend in London? I hope you and your DD1 have a great time.

Asp that is all so horrifying for you. I tried taking DS1 to my dads grave the last time I was home and it was similarly confusing for him and I ended up having to drag a screaming toddler away right near where a burial was taking place. I'm so sorry about the rugs, but was there much you could have done to prevent it?

Asp - So sorry about your Mum's rugs and all the upset, both yours and the DDs'. I hope your tummy recovers soon.

Lovely Arti, I am so sorry to read your post. Your day sounds so very draining, which probably explains your rotten tum. I am sorry about the rugs. Can any of them be saved? I agree that all the questions must have been so distressing for you all. Just to let you know that I am thinking of you and your dear Mum, and hoping you feel a bit better in the morning. Lots of love XXXX

By the way, we are off to Norfolk on Saturday, so I'll be reading but not posting much as on phone. Keep everything crossed for good weather.

Love to all XXX

Oh dear arti, what a difficult day. You did your best to keep the rugs in good condition so please do not feel bad. Could some be restored?

I remember being young and not really understanding about my dad's grave. You lost your dad as a baby like me (hope i'm remembering that right) so perhaps you can recall struggling with the idea too. I remember being about 7 and panicing when my gran was digging a hole for a plant that she was going to reach the coffin. Also if my dad was in heaven he'd be angry if he saw me do anything naughty and really dislike me. Just awful ideas. Anyway, thought I'd share that. Maybe a book about death might help you be able to chat with the girls about things?

Oh man. I just did the longest, most meandering and thoughtful post which I really enjoyed typing - and just lost the lot. It happens to me so often now. I will do a quick resume but it's just NOT the same...Aaaarghhh. ALso, that's an hour and a half I wasted, and now I will simply do a much truncated, inferior dash through what I wanted to say.

Aspa, am so sorry to hear of your ghastly day. Moths are evil. EVIL. It's not your fault, though, so you really mustn't blame yourself - it's simply not a case of not taking are of the kilims! Moths are one of the most insidious creatures on the planet. And they can never eat holes in your precious memories of your lovely Mum. As for the girls, their unthinking, curious remarks must have been excruciating. But I hope you are tucked up in bed now and feeling much better.

I haven't yet palled up with the mums of the village - even the baby group (which is the one that meets at people's houses) is off during the hols. But some September I will be jumping right in.

I had a nice day today. An old university pal came to visit with her two girls, aged 7 and 5. And Rubes and family are coming to see me at the weekend, which will be lovely.

I am deffo done with the TT - I was discussing it with DD1 yesterday, as she mentioned the poo on the stairs incident. I went though the whole business of how kids at the pre-school won't wear nappies and she was quite insistent they all did. Even the teachers. In the end, I told her it was ridiculous and she really had to believe me that they didn't. So she said "Well, they should." And walked off. I do wonder whether it's another case of brinksmanship, as others have said. Who knows. Spot, you asked about her eating - it's eccentric. Still no meat, fish, cheese, pasta...lots of nuts and berries, like a small woodland creature.

Spot, I read a Rachel Cusk book about motherhood, aeons ago, but I think it had a different title to the one you mention. It was about her first child and PND. It played on all my worst fears about motherhood, before I had kids. To the extent that when I had 'em, it seemed like a bed of roses! I think my work situation affects my sense of self more than the kids. Do you think the loss of identity in motherhood is a given? I was only thinking today, I am too lazy/wise/old to worry about who I am any more. I don't know who I am, and that is perfectly fine!

Welcome back, Jam - how was Abu Dhabi?

Vag, that sounds great about the Dutch. Positive, and interesting. You've been so brave, putting down new roots. I have mentioned my Belgian friend before (she lives in Antwerp) and she is honest to the point of brusqueness. I imagine the Dutchies are like that, are they?

TV - interested in what you say about rituals. I guess we are all quite ritualistic. I have certainly noticed it in DD1. We are all just sad little animals, really, aren't we? I operate a simple pleasure principle and try to do things that feel good as often as possible, a la Homer Simpson. How did the A level Part 1s go?

I am disappointed we haven't managed a meet up this summer. Boooo. Any hope? Mind you, I'm fairly busy the next fortnight....

Invis, have you read the C. Moran book? I know Aspa and Urbane were discussing it. Am reading it just now and it's funny, which is a huge redeeming feature for me, but hate the casualness of the drugs references. I am sooooo humourless about drugs.

JB - you must have really liked Smarties! When you say you moved 'up', how far did you move in the last move, was it very far?

I have forgotten what else I said to whom but I am still fuming I lost my giant post. Night night, me dears.

Phew finally caught up.

Not a chance in hell of doing a lovely long chatty post as we are off to Ireland for a wedding tom and I have to clean the house and cook meals for the wkend as my sister is coming to ook after the monsters for me. So I will be quick.

Effie lovely to hear DS1 is riding his bike without stabilisers. BTW those plums went down a treat, thank you.

Beans DH knob jockey glad he apologised hope you had a fab time in Wales. OH and sister being rather odd and unreasonable.

Trace sounds like your wkend was fab, love your girls tickle their bottoms story sounds like the sort of thing ny two would do but with the obvious physical differences.

Rubes you are awfully quiet.

Lady I too would be most harummphed at an eve visitor. By the time bedtime is over all I want to do is veg and not be sociable.

Vag how did DS1 party go you are very brave to be doing 2 in one day. I nearly fainted at the thought of that.

ZJ whop for buying mat clothes and a healthy scan.

Kiwi whats happening with your house?

Pingu lovely to hear from you. Good luck!

Kayz a wedding how exciting.

SL a belated happy birthday to your weenie one.

Oh gawd I cant remember.

Oh yes Aspa what a stressful and sad day for you. The rugs are an unhappy accident so not your fault. Also telling your girls about your mum was the right thing to do. Children are inquisitive by nature and to tell them what happened means that they will have uncomfortable questions but they understand a lot more than we give them credit for. There is a great organisation called Winstons wish which helps children with the death of parents they have some super literature that might be of help to you and your girls.

Really cant remember anything else.

We had a super time in Abu Dhabi. The boys were brilliant on the flight, I am more proud of myself than them for handling 2 7hr flights on my own. Although by the time we arrived in AD I had been vommed on and peed on and had lots of apple juice split in my hair - I must have looked and smelt delightful.

It was a little tricky with my parents, mum was fine but was really surprised at how disengaged my Dad was with the boys. He played in the pool with them a little but just didn't seem to know how to behave with them. IN the evening it was a battle of wills and sleepyness as the 2 of them were exhausted from swimming all day and to try and get them to eat and then either keep one of them awake while the other slept in the buggy was difficult and I dont think my Dad realises how much he tuts at their behaviour. Personally I think a little temper tantrum when they are in 45 degree heat and have spent the best part of the day swimming is allowed. I had told them they they wouldn't tolerate being dragged round malls at night but thats exactly what mum and dad wanted to do.

It was Ramadan while we were there but thankfully our hotel was still serving drinks and pool snacks, no idea how they got away with it but am very thankful they did. There is no way we would have been able to cope without eating and drinking in public during the day.

Anyway have bored you all enough so will be on my way.

Have a great wkend all.

Thanks you for the kind words about the blog. Will def do something about PND as I find it quite cathartic writing about it. Lady, I think it is the same Rachel Cusk book you are talking about. I think the identity thing for me is also tied up with work, but also the sleep aspect is slowly eroding my sense of reality and self. It's the cumulative effect of so little, broken sleep that affects everything, and makes it harder to deal with the regular daily stresses of raising a toddler and a baby. It also has the knock on effect that I have no energy to do anything in the evening, no exercise or meeting people so all I do is look after the kids and house and watch a little telly in the eve. I know it will get better as the sleep does, but the reflux is the unknown factor as it affects how much he can eat and how often he needs to feed, etc.

Asp I am so, so sorry about the rugs, and your traumatic end to the time away. I can only echo what Lady said about the memories, and not giving yourself a hard time about it. It wasn't your fault.

Oh yes, the meetup - hmm, well now am at my mum's for the 3/4 Sept weekend as DP away for 10 days but would so like to see you folks. When can we do it??

Aspa, how are you feeling today? Yesterday sounded so incredibly hard on you. You really musn't blame yourself, there is no way that you could have stopped those nloody moths!

Jam, Well done on handling both boys solo on the plane! Hats off, good to hear you had a lovely time.

At work, so can't remember what else I wanted to say...back later in between prepping party food for DD's party tomorrow!

Hello all, back in the ukand welcome home to big traffic jam on the
M25! Luckily girls are asleep and we have apricot jam filled mini brioches to keep us going... Will attempt catch up but in summary, S's spots on the way out, lots of yummy food, plenty of wine in the boot, e super cute and even started sleeping 5 hour stretches and cruising round the furniture no end. And I managed to sing in the concert at the end of the week yay! Stinky French cheese greetings to you all :)

Oh JJ good to hear that you did manage to have a lovely holiday and get to sing too. How did the childcare work in the end?

Both DC's up at 6am . DD super excited about her party,me on the other hand feeling very icky from what I think was a dodgy take-awaay last night.

Phew DD party over. A great success she loved it, totally spoilt and children very well behaved. Almost time for feet up and wine.

Vag hope DS1's parties have home well.

DB the parties are tomorrow. Almost got everytime sorted the house is tidy enough. most toys and crap out of the way. I still need to ice the cakes including building one into a volcano.

Hi all! V quick holiday touch base from Beans household. All well in Wales. Weather RANK. Was nice last week, but with arrival of DH it has become rainy and windy. Didn't stop him and both DDs swimming in sea this am. Nutters. Brrrr.

Had cheeky afternoon bonk too today! V brave with my parents in house next-door to our caravan!! About to put DD1 to bed. DH golfing with Dad at mo. DD2 out cold. Lots of walking practice and DD1 and her loving playing with cousins. My sister and family here. Her nippers 11 & 9, and adore looking after I&P. Brill.

Sorry not to do a catch up. Bedding baby 1. Arti, so sorry you had sad Brighton day. Moths not your fault. They are EVIL bastards. Children do tend to say what they think, which can be painful.
DB - well done with party. Wine well earnt.
Vag - good luck Tmw!

Can't remember what else I wanted to say. V tired as DD2 will not sleep through. I'm up at least 3 times a night!!! Little beggar.

Big live to you all. Sorry for crap post but am thinking of you all

xxx