Feb 2011 - it's all about the shred

[reastie]

welcome everyone

jane fab idea - the paperwork will get done. I'm one of those (my former work life self) organised people who do everything early and I then worked out if you leave everything until the last minute it gets done because it has to iykwim. If you do it early you spend double the time on it

led I'm going to try really hard not to bitch at all to sil, rather ask her how she finds mil and how she deals with her. i thought i'd open with 'how do you find mil?'

delia DO NOT TAKE HER ON HOLIDAY!! . babies are weird but dhs can just be plain crazy in their ideas . He's prob imagining everyone getting along well and everything going perfectly but it won't be like that I expect and you need a break/rest

well, got back from baby sensory class - don't think alice knew what to make of it - she kept doing that look where she looked a bit scared and as if she was about to do a wopper of a scream, but didn't. They played the music for the songs SSOOOOO damn loudly though could barely hear myself think and think alice was a bit scared by such loud music. In the free playtime in the class I could barely have a convo with the other mums as you had to shout to be heard .

suzym - I'm using an Ameda Lactaline on loan from the hospital (like this one). I've been quite happy with it, it's easy to use once you get the hang of it. I think NCT hires pumps and has local consultants you can talk to, not sure of the cost though.

at anyone thinking it's a good idea to bring ILs on your first holiday with a baby. It's difficult enough being away from home, who wants the ILs breathing down your neck too?

Hey all, 40 I meant to say glad to hear M's arm is better, that must have been so stressful. Have also heard its quite a common injury, don't want to wrap dd in cotton wool so to speak but it sure is tempting!

tadjenny sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down, think I would be too if dd hadn;t met any family (no matter how much I moan about PIL ). Hope you're ok, it must be a bit weird being 8 hours behind but do keep posting :) Oh and enjoy your hols!

delia at MIL joining you on your hols,. what was dh thinking?! You're not being mean, you want it to be nice family holiday and so would I to be honest. Heres hoping she says no!

reastie your baby sensory class sounds... interesting, maybe the old dear played the music so loud be'cos she is a bbit deaf herself

Have been out today with dd (didn't bother yest) and just got back and avoided the rain, result. Now who was it that was saying that their posts are boring, that last paragraph deserves a dull award

reastie you're right about DH probably thinking everyone will get along fine. He always has a tendency to invite random assortments of people on nights out, and I'm always like 'eewww nooooooo they don't know each other and he will definitely not get on with her and x and y will argue about politics/religion/money and it will all be a disaster', and he usually just kind of gives in with a 'oh really? right then, maybe not...'

Ought to point out BTW that he is normally very 'ept' (opposite of inept?) socially, but is just more optimistic/simplistic than me I think!

Dx

ILovePonyoWhoIsntDullAtAll I also avoided the rain, then cunningly left the pram outside and it's now tipping it down.

C has been having a lovely long lunchtime nap today. There. I've beaten you for dullness

suzy I hired a medela one (symphony?) from expressyourselfmums early on, and it was fine. I had picked that because it was the one they had on the maternity ward and I had used it there. You can do both sides at the same time, but I never mastered 'hands free' (although not sure what I would do with hands whilst attached to pump apart from wave them around and remark at how I could do it hands free (not 'it' reastie , not like you). I only expressed in the first couple of weeks and got about an ounce in around 10 minutes which I think is quite good that early on. I assume you would get a lot more as you've been BFing all this time.

Dx

lol at ds doing it hands free (never going to live that down am I).

ponyo think I got myself confused - I meant I was an old woman for moaning about the loud noise at baby sensory - the lady running it was actually really young (the young'uns these days ). Never being to a baby class before I have to admit I think I expected more [unrealistic expectations emoticon] . The puppet show the lady bigged up was just her standing behind a big bit of carboard holding up and wiggling about telletubby (sp) toys to the music. I guess if the babies like it...

suzy can't help with tandem breast pumps afraid, although they di remind me a little of a cow being milked

suzy just spotted this thread and thought of you www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1230414-High-Powered-Breast-Pumps-Anyone

she's on remand at the moment ledkr until her trial in sept. She's up for arson with intent to endanger life as she refuses to say who (out of the supposed friends she was with and have since disappeared) set it so she gets the complete blame. She has a lot of behaviour and learning problem and her mental age is that of a 10yr old. So she's undergoing lots of psych evals to assess her comprehention.

should she not be in a more suitable placement Hubs There im back at work already

D has had about 2 15 min naps so far i went for lunch with ex sil and had to hold her all the way thru grrrr am just trying to put shopping away whilst she grizzles.what is wrong with all these buggers babies.

wiggles pmsl at the crust of bread!! When i wnet to morrisons i had to carry moaning minnie ans push trolley with the other hand,i was therefore not to chuffed at being accosted by old ladies talking to her all the way round whilst she scowled and my arm got longer and more achy.

Thanks for the link reastie, will check it out.

delia and american I will check those out too, thanks! I am struggling woith my manual one now, hungry Harry drank 40 oz of milk yesterday! Im surprised he didnt burst and my nipples didnt fall off

Just put our house on the market, so the mayhem begins, viewings, tidying etc etc, my idea of hell

thanks delia, I may have to change my name now You left them pram outside in the rain? Oops.

reastie at you being the old lady,surely not! sorry I got a bit confused there. Sounds like I could run a baby group if its playing loud music and wiggling a few puppets, hmm something to think about...

ledkr dd is the opposite today, has been asleep for over an hour as I tried to give her a bottle at 2 and she cried and cried until she wore herself out

are liquorice allsorts very unhealthy? I've been eating loads. making healthy pasta, veg and lentils for tea though so that evens it all out :)

yikes good luck with the house suzy, i really want to move to a nicer area but dp is having none of it, he says to wait til dd is a bit older, boo.

ponyo I did think while at the class I think I could do this quite easily

suzy have you found a place to move to or is it early days?

Well, just had SIL on phone to moan discuss MIL - turns out - she feels exactly the same as me and has many probs with MIL (mostly the same). She had MIL look after her pfb a few years ago when she went back to work and said she hated every second of it due to mil being, well, mil and when she had dd2 gave up work mainly as she couldn't bear mil to look after her dds. Is making me as I'm already about her looking after A a day a week when I'm back at work. Lots of other issues discussed and debated and I now feel like I'm not alone (but that I have a hard future ahead of me by the sounds of how mil has been with them).

thanks ponyo we just want to move to somewhere bigger really, only have 2 bedrooms and the place is getting cramped with all of Harry's stuff!

Im pretty sure that sweets dont count

ponyo liquorice comes from a plant doesn;t it? That makes liquorice allsorts practically a vegetable

reastie no weve not really seen anywhere, just going to see how we get on selling this place, not expecting an easy time

Its good that you have found an ally with SIL but try not to worry about MIL looking after Alice. remember that nothing is set in stone, the best you can do is try and see how things work out. My MIL and my Mum are sharing childcare of Harry when I go back to work, and Im just trying not to think about it. Any problems can be dealt with if/when they crop up.

suzy I love wasting time looking on findmeaproperty and imagining moving to a lovely perfect new massive house

Another thing that me re: SIL - she had pnd twice and it got to the point mil was actually making her pnd considerably worse with how she is, to the point where sil couldn't even talk to her on the phone as it made her so stressed, uptight and miserable. I just feel really about the time ahead as BIl apparently is v good at saying no to mil and understanding what she's like but (unfortunately) dh is fave son and is a bit thick in that he doesn't understand these manipulative women ways.

Reastie dont all carere have to be registered now and crb checked too. Also you could say that you prefer her in a nursery and you get tax breaks for that or that job is paying. I wouldnt let anyone look after any of mine who i wasnt happy with!I need more details re your chat i am so jealous or JEL of your having someone to talk to.
D is still awake thats less than half an hr since 5am wtf?
We are thinking about selling too,this house is mahoosive and i had to go on interest only when i got divorced so need to do it at some point,it was on the market 2 yrs ago but the market was bad so we took it off,they are selling really fast round here too.
Am loving liquorice allsorts too in fact any sweets,i thought id found the answer when i bought some sugar free jelly bears the other day,only prob is they make me have the most awfull wind!

she's at a young offenders at the moment that have a lot of support but as she turns 21 nxt year we hope they'll move her to somewhere suitable instead of a womens prison

They cant put her in hmp if she has an LD poor you and family its horrendous,i had big trouble with ds1,hes ok now but it was a hairy few yrs for sure.
D is still awake that is now 12 hrs surely thats not right,i ache from head to toe,will be hopping in the bath as soon as reinforcements arrive (DH)then off to my pit. Jeeeeeeez what a day

Flippin eck ledkr how on earth is D managed that?! dd has been sleeping for her, 2 hours earlier and now she's asleep again Hope you get a good sleep yourself.

reastie glad you've managed to talk to your SIL, maybe it could be good for you to have her to sound off to if you see what I mean? Agree with ledkr re: not letting MIL have her if you're not sure, maybe you could say you'd like her to be in a nursery b'cos it'll be good for social skills etc?

Just having more liquorice for my pudding, mmm healthy

ledkr how is she keeping her eyes open? I'm imagining a dilly placing matchsticks on her eyes to keep them open . Btw I will try and pm you later or tomorrow if I get chance re: MIL if you're interested?

ponyo more of your vegetable group there for your pud

led thing is mil is ofsteded (or whatever) as (can you believe it) she's a nanny . I don't want alice to go to a nursery either though (plus can't afford it - may as well not work the money I'd have to pay out and I work longish hours at school) . Ideally, I want my mum to look after her as I trust her implicitly, but she can only do one day a week (and really don't want to put her out etc to another day - I will work 2 days a week). Plus, can you imagine the convo to MIL - 'sorry MIL - you're not looking after A anymore, my mum is doing both days - I just don't trust you' . I'll meet that prob when I get there but I know I won't change my mind re: being not happy about it. My difficultly is getting DH to understand how I feel and side with me and not feel it's just me not liking her over nothing

I always think to myself how can i love a man who is not loyal to his Mum tho reastie I did psychology and a man who has agood relationship with Mum and other female relatives is the best for a dh,so altho i like him to see my point i dont expect him to slate her or hurt her iyswim. I like nursery and we earn less enough to get some tax credits for it but ive just heard there was another case of bastard fucking paedo animals sorry im fuming,at one in Birmingham so im wary.My ds3 is a chef at a good one so i may send her there so he can check in on her and cook ehr food too.
Dilly is being bathed as i type,she will then be off to bed,she has not been crying just a tad grumpy due to being tired i think but i thought i could see little tooth buds so maybe teething starting?? Willl give some calpol with last bottle. She has been making anoise with each feed today,she sort of sings along as she sucks,tis tres weird never heard a baby do that,bit embarrassing if in public.
Yes pm me i am def interested.

Reastie, I had so many problems with mil when she first had Ben when I went back to work. I think she found it difficult to 'follow my rules' as it were. Dh had a word and basically told her that when she was looking after him she was replacing me and must follow what I asked of her. It took a while and lots of talks between her and dh but she's fab now and really does try to follow what I ask. I found that the situation with mil really made my PND worse with Ben, I felt so undermined and angry about it all.
With Noah it is completely different, she just goes with whatever I say, but I also appreciate her opinion now more than I did before. I always found that asking her for her advice about something small helped, as it made her feel involved and helpful, even if I had no intention of following it!
I know one of my main problems with mil was that she loves to take care of everyone and when I had Ben I felt I could look after my own family and it took her a while to understand that. She no longer tries to call me now, we always email or text, I ignored her calls so many times!
As long as mil follows your routine then I'd say you'll be ok. Maybe let her have Alice for the odd few hours alone before you have to make any big decisions, as a tester to see how it goes.
Your dh does need to understand your point of view more though as I would go mad if my in laws just turned up on the doorstep all the time! Id be like that if ANYONE just turned up on my doorstep!
Hope that helps, I know how it feels to be stressed about this type of thing.

Hello, thanks for all your lovely messages of support. I feel a bit better today though ds1 (3) is ill in bed and Sammy has taken more than 5 hours between waking up and his first nap. I sympathise with you there ledkr. Anna (5) is in pre-school this morning so may get an hour to MN fold the washing!

Lol at wiggles flashdance employment! I'd forgotten that ledkr was going to disney instead and thought you two would meet up in Ibiza!

Re self-settling: as we were in the car such a lot over the last week, Sammy often had to settle himself in his car seat as we were driving 8 hours a day and couldn't stop every time he cried. It was bad enough stopping every time Anna wanted a wee!

Dh is away tomorrow for the rest of the week and probably away to Dallas for a week while my dps are here. Well, he has a decent job and that's the main thing. Hope all your bedtime routines are going well.