Dec 08 Mums - Introducing our new joiners, TrudyV and Al Fresco...

[Beans33]

Hope this is ok? Thought it was subtle enough for the wider MN and not offensive!!

How are you feeling today Urbs? I also feel short changed if I'm ill over the weekend, but don't mind being poorly on a workday at all. Funny that!

That caffeine withdrawal sounds horrendous Vaj, I've only ever had a bit of a headache. But as I get older I've taken to having hot water as my first drink of the day, as I was finding myself getting headaches as if the caffeine was too much of a rush to start the day

Poison I probably won't be around that first weekend in July as we're talking about going away for DH's birthday, although don't let that stop a meet up with anyone else. Will let you know when we finalise a date

Love jamwich Trace DD calls cream cheese 'butter cheese', I think because it looks like butter but tastes like cheese. We have all adopted it now

Asp I also think you should get checked out, but agree that your hormones sound a bit haywire. Hope you slept and didn't worry too much

I'm trying to settle DD for her nap so I can crack on with a coffee some housework, but she's pulling faces at me trying to make me laugh and almost succeeding. I am avoiding all eye contact.

A friend of a friend of mine is going to be on our local news tonight to talk about the possible closure of the baby heart unit in Leeds and why it must stay open. Her DS spent his whole life (almost 2 years) there and sadly died earlier this year. It must take a huge amount of courage to talk about him when it is all still so raw, but I'm sure she will do justice to the campaign. I'm sure I'm not made of the same strong stuff

Somehow missed all of Beans posts. I think you're being too kind offering your house to your rude friend, I'd have said no no no. On leggings, I've got some for DD for summer and her legs must be super long all of a sudden and her waist super skinny, as they fall right down. God knows what they'd be like if she didn't have the nappy to pad them out. We're having the same prob with shorts. So for the purposes of getting our money's worth from them I am sticking with nappies til next summer now

ZJ my DD is nine years old and has the same problem with leggings - they were designed for some very oddly-shaped child

It's all very angsty here this afternoon as poor DD has decided the world is against her - this blows up periodically. Largely it's because she's having to face the consequences of her utter inability to organise any aspect of her life, which is leading to homework not being handed in, vital belongings lost and people getting cheesed off with her. She's an education-loving child and actively enjoys homework so she's not trying to worm out of the homework, she just genuinely forgets about it. I've tried more or less everything to help to organise her and keep on top of things but everything fails in the end because she cannot keep the information together and she doesn't concentrate at crucial moments. She's a bright kid (I'm not doing the PFB routine, she's very bright by all the usual measures schools use, but I really begin to wonder if it's a good thing) so is used to things coming easily and people being impressed by her, and so not meeting expectations (such as 'you will come home from school with all the same clothes you went to school in', not 'you will do your GCSEs at age 10') and people actually getting annoyed or disappointed by her really dreadfully upsets her. I hate seeing her so distressed but I'm at something of a loss as to how to help her, short of shadowing her at school all day which obviously isn't going to happen. Today I've been to the high school that's attached to her primary school looking for her school jumpers (she's lost both of them), scoured the primary with her after school with very huffy DS in tow, and spoken to three teachers and the school secretary about it

Is it time yet?

Trudy - any time is time. And in fact time for me. I have suddenly realised that we're going to Devon next WEDNESDAY and I am feeling rather tubby as have to get into swimming cozzie and have piled on a few lbs in last few weeks. Think will have to eat less. Today had some toast and salad for lunch adn might have to have some chocolate buttons for a snack. Bugger.

DD2 wearing her first pair of shoes. When I say her first pair, I also mean DD1's first pair as I'm too tight to buy new ones! Seems quite happy.

ZJ - y our friend sounds incredibly brave. Breaks my heart to hear that sort of thing.

ZJ good on your friend for helping fight for the unit. I once watched a mum holding her very sick toddler being interviewed by the news about the need for funding for the kids oncology ward. She was ok until the asked her how she was coping with her child's illness, she suddenly choked up mid sentence and her older son who was off camera, came into stand next to her and held her around her shoulders, he could only have been five or six, its was just so touching his supporting his mum. I'm crying now remembering the interview.

Trudy that all sounds a bit hard. Is there a way of getting her to enjoy praise for effort rather than the outcome? I have to admit I was a bit like your DD when was younger but I'm not sure I was as intelligent. I know I was constantly leaving things behind wherever we went and I regularly forgot what I was supposed to be doing for homework. I had a lot if trouble sticking to a task & was crap at setting goals, long or short term. My mother despaired of what would become of me. But I got to uni and for some reason the uni style of learning really suited me and I actually thrived there. I have to warn you it got a lot worse in my teens. My brothers actually had a discussion about how they would look after me, when I was older.

DS2 has been quite a monkey today, in a fluster at bedtime I told him he had been so cheeky that tonight there would be no mummys mook mook. He is not happy about it but he has kind of accepted it. I think he knows time is running out for mook mook. He is nearly 2.5 so I think I'm happy to slowly wind it up.

Asparagi, I think it would be prudent to get yourself checked out my darling? Didn't you have hormonal concerns before?

Beans that 'friend' is taking the piss. She is saving a fortune staying with you the least she can do is say thanks & maybe even spring for a takeaway. When we stay with friends in London we usually by dinner at least one night and get some groceries.

To be fair, Vag - she does usually bring wine or chocolates, but it was the rudeness to DH I objected to, in his own house. Plus the silence afterwards. I always write at least an email, although usually a thank you card, as think it's so lovely to receive them. Ho hum.

DD2 is my monkey at bedtime. She's so pleased with being able to stand up now that she rattles her cot bars and shrieks with joy at being able to reach the curtains. Then can't get down again, so shrieks with horror when she topples backwards. Honestly, what a fool!

Sorry Beans somehow I missed the bit about rude to DH, that is bad. What is her problem, does she not like him, has she always been like this with him. Have you heard from her since you told her to be there by 11.30?

Thanks vag - my attitude definitely has to adapt to this as we'll get nowhere if I keep minding about what it is in itself (I'm very organised so find it all supremely aggravating). I do give praise for effort and always draw the connection between what she's put into something and the outcome, but she's known for a brainbox and inevitably people expect a fair bit all round. We sat down together this evening and drew up a day-by-day chart for the fridge which details what she needs to take with her to school and what she does after school. She has a separate, smaller, one that lives in her home-school diary and reminds her what needs to come home from school with her. I really want to stick to this. If she's going to be of a disorganised turn of mind, we need to get her into good habits of routine, lists and preparation to help her cope! Of course, that's if DH gets off his arse and prints and laminates it this evening

Sorry, a me post as I'm now off to bed. DS slept through last night, hurray!

Hello dears

Yet again I find myself tired and in a grump, what's up with me lately? I have nothing to moan about really. Er, apart from all the 'givens', anyway...

Trudy, that sounds quite stressful with your DD. Gosh, didn't realise parenting got more complicated as they get older! Which is very stupid of me as it is completely obvious.

Wooooooah, Vag, that caffeine withdrawal was hardcore! How much do you normally drink, woman? (I have 3, occasionally 4, mugs a day). I do get agitated if I don't have my coffee but the one first thing is the main one. I have had headaches before now but nothing like you experienced! I overdosed on coffee when I was revising for my finals (I did an allnighter) - and then I didn't drink a cup for a whole two weeks, because I couldn't face it. Weirdly, I had no withdrawal symptoms.

How are you, Rubes? If you can't/don't buy your current house, I am still hopeful of luring you back to this beleaguered county

Oh Jam, the poo in a bowl...I'd have wept. But how tidy of the lad.

Asparagi - I did find myself musing on your names the other day and thinking you'd not had this A veg but apparently there isn't a plural for asparagus (or at least, the plural IS asparagus. Bit like grass). I enjoyed pondering it, though, so thank you I think asparagi would be the plural of asparago, like scampi and scampo, or panini and panino. (Except people don't ask for a panino, even though they should if they are only eating one ) Hope you can get a docs appt but as others have said, it just has to be hormonal. I haven't had a period since January, so hormonetastic here as well. How are the girls re: work at the moment, still the same?

Trace, thanks for worrying, bless you, but I was ok when I was locked out. That's to say, I felt like crying but instead I knocked on the downstairs neighbour's door and got him out of bed to borrow his mobile to call DP. It was very embarrassing but I was probably only stranded for about half an hour. But sitting on the recycling bins in pyjama bottoms and a holey jumper with no bra is not my preferred Saturday activity The girls were ok. DD2 doesn't cry much but because DD1 was screaming her head off, she joined in.

DB, when are your teeth being done, love?

Urbs, sorry to hear you are having a thin time at work. The whole identity being bound up with job thing is such a complicated matter. It's so hard to separate, as well, until you are truly out of it (which I realise is not a helpful remark). I think it's good to question why you're doing stuff though, periodically (I mean everything, not just work).

DP bought some sweetbreads on Friday, from the covered market They have been resting fatly in the bottom of the fridge since then, grossing me out. He decided to eat them tonight, so he soaked them in a bowl of water to refresh them for an hour whilst he had to pop put for an an hour. They smelled horrible. And then when he got back...he looked at them and decided they were off. So I'd been trapped in a room with them blubbering and floating and stinking in a bowl, all for nothing. I don't know why I am sharing this story with you, but it seems to be somehow symptomatic of my day.

Beans, your friend sounds tres cheeky!

Whereas your friend, ZJ, sounds impossibly brave - hope she did well on the box.

Ugh, I have made myself feel sickly all over again with the sweetbreads. Night all.

Ugh. 2 nights ago G woke once between 11&7. Last night it was 1.30, 3.30, 5, 5.30, 6 and dh took her down at 6.20. Yawn

Lady, I am a staunch carnivore and I find your story of sweetbreads rank.

DD2 teething. I have joined the ranks of walking dead. Up on & off all night with screaming like she was being murdered. Funnily enough, as soon as I held her she was ok. Then I had to stand by her cot for 15 mins each time to get her to settle. I am exhausted!!!

I actually find DD2 a lot harder than DD1. She is very screamy and endlessly nosy inquisitive. She has started pulling herself up on furniture and cruising and this is a cause of many screams. Her new favourite noise to make is a long, high pitched scream. I joined in this morning!!!

WG - cross posted with you. Yours is worse than mine. Poor you. That sounds exhausting! xxxx

Lovely news here, a friend forwarded an email she had received from Tommy's charity. They have used a photo taken of DS1 when DH ran the London marathon.

WG sorry for the shitty nights I can only sympathise deeply with you.

Lady sorry you are feeeling a bit down and grumpy.

Did we decide anything on the thread Summer picnic? WOuld love to geet something int he diary.

Yuk, yuk, yuk to the sweetbreads LadyT. I am a meat eater but even so I would draw the line at that. Bleurgh. Sorry you are feeling irritable. Maybe it's the hormones. I have had ghastly PMT for days yet still no bloody period (if you will excuse the pun). I don't normally suffer from PMT but rightnow I'm a bubbling over with stress and grumpiness. Anyway, I hope you have a nice day and feel brighter at the end of it. Any news on a move date?

WG, what a crappy night. Did you get a lie in when your DH took over? I have been meaning to ask how your health is now? Are you fully recovered yet? I do hope so.

It was lovely to read about the Spot/Rubes/Poison/MoM meet-up. Sounds like fun and I give top make to little Poison for bringing the thread title to life. She really could not have done anything more fitting at a thread meet up.

Jam, thanks for your advice on my nanny thread. I had to get the whole thread pulled yesterday as I left MN logged on at home and then realised she might see the thread. Nightmare. (For those that didn't see the thread, our nanny asked for a day off for a festival which bought back memories of last years Glastonbury debacle which I won't bore you by recounting). As it turns out the nanny totally redeemed herself by deciding of her own accord that it was too much to ask.

Veg, glad you had another lovely camping trip but that funny turn sounds scary. Are you sure it was caffiene withdrawal and not something you ate? I get the occasional headache if my morning coffee can't be sourced but fainting and vomiting sounds horrendous.

Urbs, I can imagine why you are finding it harder to feel proud of your work place right now. I have moments like that. If I had a clear idea of something else i'd dind more rewarding and equally engaging then I might try to leave. Problem is I am too comfortable at work and fear I will stay there forever. Like you I have grown up there and have long histories with great colleagues. Then the perks, like the holidays and the buzz of the building keep me hooked. Do you have a clear idea of something else you would like to do?

Talking about vomiting, I have my last CBT session tonight. Its taken 6 months but I really think it's helped. With the therapist I have managed to eat all sorts of foods I've avoided for years, I've challenged loads of behaviour which I never thought about but were clearly feeding my phobia and I've learnt how to control panic. I'm allowing myself to feel just a teeny tiny bit proud.

Oh, and tomorrow I see Obama Beyond excited and have lost a pound in his honour.

Jam - that's lovely to have that pic of your DS used by Tommys. Can we see the pic?

Arti - well done on challenging and confronting - and beating by the sound of things - your phobia. You are a star! And can't believe you're seeing Obama - will you get to speak to him? How exciting.

only got a few mins...
arti are you arti again? Where did asparagi go? I'm not being utterly thick am I, and you're two different people? ANyway, re the boobs, yes I have a leaky boob which I got checked out at the breast clinic, referred by my GP. She was sure it is a hormonal thing, and not at all concerned. It could be caused by my ADs, or maybe not, but either way it's harmless, so I guess the cause is irrelvant. I have to contact her if the milk/fluid becomes blood stained, if the amount increases or if I notice any lumps or bumps. From your description it sounds harmless, but I would still get checked out if I were you. ANother thought...could you be clackered? No period, leaky boob, did you say spotty skin?
And ladyt, is there any worry your lack of periods could be a number 3? It might explain your difficulty in shedding the weight, despite eating like a bird?
I have to go and get L and her friend from school now and take them to ballet...
hopefully back later xxx

Afternoon ladies. Have had a quiet day with DS2 content to run around the garden being spiderman all morning. Was a bit screamy after his nap but otherwise ok. It's such a lovely sunny day today, we have moved our sofa bed couch from the spare room/DHs office into the kitchen so we can take advantage of the sun coming through the back door bit. The doors open out onto the garden and having the couch here makes it feel like I'm sitting in the garden. It also means DH isn't so crowded in his office. We have friends coming late June, so will have to pop it back in when they come but otherwise might leave it out here for the summer.

Lady that sweatbreads story is definitely icky. Why didn't he put them in freezer?

WG sorry about the sleep, but nice to 'see' you.

Arti that's amazing how far you've come with the therapist. Well done to you & the therapist. Also very excited about you meeting Mr President. I've been teasing DH about how I will have only 2 degrees of separation from him, and he will only have 3. DH loves Mr Obama.

Hi Trace.

Gosh, it's been busy. I'm sorry, in my newbie state I'm losing track of who's who and doing what - that and being a fruit cake >sigh<

Talking about being clackered, I'm having a moment of alarm as I've been feeling sick on and off all day and have to keep undoing my trousers, but as I had bloods taken last week and the results today I'm sure it would have shown up. No 3/5 is not on the agenda for us.

Will do my best with personals:

WG sorry to hear you had such a gruelling night. You probably don't want to hear that the last two night have been better for us, but that will have hexed it for tonight!

Lady yuk about the sweetbreads. Couldn't happen here as DH is veggie, which is a bit of a pain as the rest of us eat meat (usually - DD can't quite decide and lapses from time to time, like when we have a barbecue ), but it's part of him so obviously I love, worship and adore it

Leaky Boobs Hope it's nothing much. I had a breast mouse a few years ago, which sounds very sweet but involved having a bl*ody large needle inserted for a biopsy

Urbs I really understand about feeling defined, or not, by work. My degree and early "career" (ha ha) was in heritage conservation and that's my passion, it was very me and felt right. I then fell into big business and computing and now we run a web services company and it's computers morning, noon and night, which means diddly squat to me. I like working with DH and have discovered I love PR and marketing, but my first identity these days is as a mother (yes, I know, boak), then a semi-intellectual and then somewhere down the line lies 'oh and I also do the marketing for our company'.

Arti I won't ask you to drag up the details but it sounds like you've made great progress. It's hardy the same thing but before we TTC DD I had three sessions of hypnotherapy to get over my rigid terror of needles, as I didn't want to spend a pregnancy gibbering with fear about blood tests. It was 100% effective and continues to be, and was inspired because I turned out to be Rh- and so it was extra blood tests and jabs for lucky me!

On that subject, I went back to the doc today for my blood results and they were all fine, I have a clean bill of health which is great news at just-turned-40. The doc recommended Mindfulness so I'm going to look into it all properly and start getting on with it, and also try to structure life a bit more so I have a personal routine and prevent things crowding in on me so much. The really funny thing was that I got the time of the appt wrong and turned up 20 mins late!! The doc was very understanding and said it was absolutely typical of someone in my frame of mind. I would have completely forgotten about going out last night had SD not made a throwaway remark at supper As I was going to my mother's for Book Group that would have been a really awkward one to explain

Glad bloodtests all good today, Trudy. That's good news. And I'm really glad you're getting onto your state of mind. It's great. I don't really know anything about that, but know it's a good thing to be sorting it out!

I find this time of day such hard work. Both DDs very sweet, but I am so ready to put them to bed, it's all I can do to wait til 7pm. My lovely friend and DD2's godmother looked after her today while I went to the optician. I was SO grateful as am finding DD2 really tough going at the moment. She screams a lot and while sweet, she is also devil child at times. Particularly after a night of no sleep. Poor little thing, I know it's her teeth, but I am feeling a bit like I might go under today from lack of sleep! Nelsons teething granules and calpol at the ready tonight.

Optician was fine, but another year's worth of contact lenses = £360. Plus £40 for appointment. Jesus. I don't have that much in my account. I am paying on collection. EEEK. Dipping into savings for that. I so don't want to, but needs must and I look reet minging in my specs.

I've never felt defined by my work, to be honest. I decided to do seccy work while I found what I watned to do and 13 years later, was still doing it, despite being a trained chef and make up artist. Useless woman. But seccy was piece of piss and i'm nothing if not lazy.

Right, off to do milk and wind down for beddy-byes. YAAAWN! Feel a beer coming on.

Beans just quickly because I'm putting the boys to bed, but we get our contact lenses online and they are way cheaper. I cannot for the life of me remember which company we use but there are loads of online lenses companies. You just type in the prescription after you've chosen your lenses and then give your opticians details and the website will call to verify your prescription then a couple of days later your lenses are delivered. Also that consultation fee is pretty steep, my last appointment was free because they stuffed me around as they were running late and I got a bit stroppy and so they didn't charge but the year before that it was £17. Is it your first appointment with this opticians?

Still trying to settle this small chimpanzee, but who us AH who just sent me a friend request on FB?

argh. Time for another ranty stream of consciousness me me me post I'm afraid, am seriously starting to lose the plot. Since E was born the longest stretch of sleep I've had has been 3 hours, since Saturday the longest she's managed to sleep has been 2 .5 hours before she wakes up (and that was yesterday in the buggy...) and last night I got about 3 hours sleep in total in batches of 30 minutes. I'm starting to have violent thoughts towards her, and am beginning to think of giving up bfing as I massively resent the fact that the only thing that can calm her is boob - instead of feeling happy that I can offer her comfort, I just feel cross that I can never get a moment away from her. It turns out she's the kind of baby who needs to shriek for 5 mins (minimum) before she falls asleep, so come the evenings when it's me and the two girls and I'm trying to do S's bath/bed, she's screaming and screaming and putting her in the sling doesn't work, she's only happy on the boob. And man can she scream, DH's iphone clocked her at 105 decibels which is pretty fecking loud when it's next to your ear.

Trouble with sleep a night seems to be a) she's still massively windy, so wakes her self up writhing, and b) she's rolling all over the place and whacks her legs on the side of the crib and wakes up. We're in that vicious cycle of not thinking she's really hungry, but not having any other way to get her to sleep, so she's snacking and waking up hungry all the quicker.

The bit that really worries me is that I simply cannot cope with her screaming - somehow with S it wasn't as bad as this. Arti said something a while back about the Rage affecting her relationship with DD1. I'm ashamed to say that for me, it's not S (as at least I can talk to her and she eventually calms down) but with E. I get angry that she wakes up after 10 minutes sooooo often at nap time (slept 2.5 hrs yesterday morning, since then has had about a billion tiny tiny naps and then wakes up again and is cross at the world). I get angry that she won't feed properly and arches away, gives up feeding then is hungry again a few minutes later. I get angry when she's on the playmat, flips onto her front and screams, I turn her back, she does it again and again and again. Amusingly enough I've got a book on anger management from the library but haven't had time to read it

I just want a bloody break from it. :( Yes she is lovely, but when I'm tired I find the yelling just totally does my head in. DH doing his best to sympathise (and took her downstairs last night when she wouldn't settle, but she cried for half an hour and again it was only boob that would stop it) though he doesn;t really understand - when she's cross, he'll take her for a drive which is not an option I have. Or sit on the sofa with a finger in her gob while I wrangle S, and seems to be thinking "why does she find it all so hard?". When there's only me, I can't do this, I need my hands for dealing with S.

And I don't have time to keep up with all of you either which is making me feel as if my support network is gone. Sob! [pathetic]

JJ I wish I could say something to make you feel better but the only thing I can think of is that sucking helps the wind as it moves things through so to speak. Would she take a dummy, I'm not sure if your against that sort of thing. DS2 was a screamer, windy, spewer and who also did the angry back arching and for him cranio & a dummy helped.

Hello everyone,
Just quickly on while at my parents, they tell me off for being on the computer so won't be on long.

jj sorry that sounds crap. You know what - I don't think you have a problem with anger management in particular I don't think, I suspect it's just lack of sleep, it makes everything so much worse....
Does she take a bottle? If you are thinking of giving up breastfeeding, can't you think about giving a bottle of formula at 10pm or something and then maybe you could go to bed at 8:30 if necessary and DH could be on duty until 2 or something and feed formula (even if involved several mini feeds in that time) and you could get a long stretch of sleep? Just that's what I did at about 4 months when DD wasn't sleeping more than 2 hrs at a time and she wasn't any where near as bad as E, I was just a bit tired in general of it all. Also then you could leave them both with DH and then he would realise how hard it was with 2 . Sorry if not a good suggestion and you do actually want to continue just breastfeeding and were only making suggestion out of desperation. Oh and when back in Cambridge I can come and meet up to take your mind off it or take one of them out for a bit. Is so much worse when you have 2 as I find DD gets overtired as I can't take the time out to get her to sleep properly as DS pokes her or starts causing trouble.

ladyt v alarmed by your locking out story. Am also paranoid about locking out like many others. In my case I would be worried that DS would attack DD in my absense as well! (I have a story about that, will tell another time, he tried to remove her eye as far as I could see....he looks like an angel but he is not...)

Ok not got very far and am being nagged now by oldies already. Bah.

rubes how is your DD feeding adn sleeping going? My DD is sleeping worse now! BAH! I want her to sleep through now.