dec 2008- the one where they all turn 2...probably.

[VagolaJahooli]

Sorry bit boring I know but I didn't want to make any reference to spot as I don't want to jinx her and have her baby come early, then it would be my fault. Also didn't want the mad rush at the end of the thread. This way we've had plenty of time.

DD2 started smiling on Monday but this morning I got my first proper gummy grin Just adorable. She is such a lovely baby.

JB, Sybs' advice sounds good but Turniphead is the piles expert, where is she?

Avo, that sounds hard. But as others have said, it sounds like it's the changeover that's upsetting her rather than you going to work so try not to beat yourself up. What about telling her the story of her day, and maybe getting DD1 to help by drawing pictures to illustrate so you do it together, and saying "this is the bit where Mummy goes to work, this is Mummy at work and you with the Nanny, this is where Mummy comes home and the Nanny goes home and this is you having fun with Mummy before bed" (etc) so the routine is sort of drummed into her and she can see the bigger picture?

Spot, you are both in a stressful situation at the mo (you more so, but you are still both in a stressful situation). You've both got locked into a bit of a cycle of rowing (I know about this, I've done it) and you need to find a way to break that somehow. WHat about making a conscious effort not to react in the way you normally do? It might diffuse things. Sometimes it pays to keep everything simple and let a few things ride. And look at it this way - you might be rowing but it's because you both actually care about the relationship and want things to be better. A word of serious advice, though. Ditch the sleeping on the sofa. No fun at 34 weeks. However furious you feel, don't give up your bed - it's always a Pyrrhic victory. Oh, and it's perfectly possible to sort things out without counselling as long as you are both prepared to a) concede a little ground and b) stick to it without flinging it in each other's face at a later date. Good luck, and be kind to each other and most of all, yourself...

Oh Rubes - restless legs - horrid. And hooray for Day Nurse! Don't you find it incredibly zonking?

Calming vibes to your DH, Trace.

Oh yikes, must dash - more later.

Just popping in quickly to say thanks to sybil for the fab piles advice! I rang DH and requested supplies, "you want me to buy anusol what??!!!" . It helped that he'd been for a few drinks after work so he was less embarassed than he might have been otherwise.

ladyT It is funny you remember that turnip is a piles expert!

avo Advice so far sounds good, leaving breakfast, dressing etc for the nanny if possible. Then DD2 can have half an hour at either side of the day for doing whatever she wants with mummy. The storyboard idea sounds good. On the days I don't work I tend to let DD dictate what we do in the mornings she feels 'in charge', and it makes a nice change from mornings where we have to rush to nursery or Grandmas.

Re sad endings in books, DD has watched The Snowman on DVD and read the book (DH is a big fan!). The first time she saw the end when the snowman has melted, she looked sad, said 'oh no, gone', and then suddenly, 'shops, milk'. She seems to have given it a happy ending and instead of the snowman having melted, he has gone to the shops for some milk . She says it everytime she reads/watches it now. Quite imaginative really I suppose.

Lady Day Nurse doesn't make you drowsy just night nurse I thought?

SL you inspired me and I have just put a crustless quiche (fritatta?) in the oven with ham, cheese, mushrooms and spinach Can't believe I managed even that with no energy!

DS has taken to throwing things other than nappy's in the bin. I lost 2 baby bottles ages ago and I'm sure that's where they went then yesterday a really cute pair of tights came in the post I had bought for dd and they were in a little netted gift bag and then as I lay in bed last night I was thinking what did I do with them and had a sinking feeling so got up and went through the bin and there they were luckily not dirty How do i teach him it's only for rubbish? Having said that the tights could have looked like rubbish to him and he probably through the baby bottles with dregs of milk in the bottom were 1 use only

Teach him with genuine rubbish in one hand and one of his toys in the other to indicate 'rubbish' and 'not rubbish'. Might concentrate his mind, bless him.

Glad the truck is still in use! We saw one in real life the other day, it would have blown your DS's mind! pink truck

Oh wow - he'd have loved to see that Lady! He'd probably say "oh wow"! It's definitely his favourite toy - not a day goes by that it doesn't come out! he also loves the boat Spot and plays with it every night in the bath still.

Avo: I was going to add that change and not being in control seem the absolute worst things ever for toddlers but I see Veggie has beaten me to it :).

Rubes: I think it was one of the Sublime baby books - there are 5 of them. Will try and find a link.

Beans: I'd love to knit something for you, but it will have to wait till after Christmas I'm afraid as I'm struggling with a slightly challenging project for my mum's present! I'll have a hunt for patterns etc and send you some links.

www.englishyarns.co.uk/sublime_book_612.html

There are some new ones too - some of these look great:

www.englishyarns.co.uk/sublime_book_640.html

hi all.
avo so sorry you're having such a hard time with dd2 . Please don't be hard on yourself about the decision to get the bigger house - it wasn't a decision you took lightly and you musn't feel guilty. Things just take time to get used to and dd2 will get used to her 'change over' times in the day. P is similar in that she cries and says "no!" when she has to go off with dh in a morning to go to nursery, because she wants to stay with me, but I KNOW she adores dh and nursery, I think it's just for that moment she's quite happy being with me and isn't thinking about what fun lies ahead a few minutes down the road. I think the visual timetable idea is a good one which might help her remember the good things that follow the goodbyes.
Spot I agree that you should be sleeping in your bed, not a sofa.It does sound like you two need space to work through your difficulties and stresses, either space within your lives at home, or 'time out' at counselling. Why is he against it? Like wise Ladyt says, the fact that you're battling over these things shows you both feel strongly about the relationship. Keep going - it is a stressful time and things will get better.
Rubs hope you managed to get some sleep this aft.
I've just met a couple of friends then had lunch together, so P only went to bed 30 minutes ago, and now I have to wake her up to go and get L from school. doh! She's so tired from her unsettled evening I wish I could leave her here asleep while I nip out!

Rubes I'm very impressed with your making a crustless quiche while ill. The other day when I was feeling really.ordinary poor DS2 got a few pieces of cheese half an avocado (which he had to scoop out himself) and a muesli bar for lunch.

Avo Ladys story board sounds perfect, I want one. What could my day entail? Look vag this is you waking up at 5am to wails of a banshee, now this is you spaced out on the couch, now this is you rushing DS's out the door for school run and etc etc.

Had playdate morning at a friends. There is a group of about 6 of us who get together at our different houses on mons and weds each week. On Monday all the kids were beautifully behaved and played so nicely together no fights, and no whining, so we all got to actually talk to each other. Today the kids were the complete opposite, we were constantly breaking up fights, there was loads of crying and just general conversation interrupting strife!

Well, there was a full moon the other day, Vag, maybe it's that...You do make me laugh. The storyboard of my day is also a little winceworthy at the mo "This is Mummy changing her fourth poo of the morning, this is Mummy having yet another coffee, this is Mummy still in her pyjamas at 3.35pm..." Yup, that is true! Off to have a shower and go for a long walk as DP has come home early.

Crikey how did I manage to cross post with so many I really should have refreshed before posting. Trace yet again you are a supreme source of wisdom and support on here. Your post was for Avo, but it made me feel good. You are so good at articulating emotional stuff (clearly by that sentence I am not).

Argh so tired, taking the boys and our friend to pirate family restaurant so at least I don't have to cook tea.

Oh speaking of poo, I've had my lifetimes worth of horrid poo experiences today. First of all DS2 did a huge stinky one which. I changed him and got rid of the poo, then I heard him in the livingroom where I'd changed him saying "ooh mummy poo poo, yuk". I went in and he was holding up a piece of poo for my sented pleasure. I got rid of that. Then about 30 mins later DS1 came out of the toilet crying, he had dropped a treasured little toy into the toilet, yep, you guessed after he had just dropped off a quite large deposit. I don't think I need to go through what happened next.

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. It's true that I should get up earlier so I am all ready when DD2 gets up. I should also leave the nanny to dress her. I can't delay breakfast though, she is ravenous when she wakes. I might try a story board too.

I forgot to add one detail this morning. When I get home from work DD2 immediatly shouts "take clothes off" and claws at my suit. She won't settle 'til all my work clothes are removed. As a result I can usually be seen standing in our living room, clad only in my underwear, comforting a sobbing toddler each eve...

But you are all right. It's the transition that's the problem. She is reportedly v happy all day long.

Anyway I'm on my way home now and looking forward to a big cuddle after a shit day at work that really makes me question what the heck I am doing.

Oh avo, I'm sure things will calm down. Has it got worse recently? Maybe it is just a stage she is going through. It doesn't make things easier for you in the meantime though.

Also, can I clarify that when I said earlier that is was funny that ladyT remembered turnip was the pile expert, I do hope it didn't come across that I thought Turnip having had piles experience was funny. I think it is amazing LadyT has such a good memory and I am certainly not finding piles even slightly amusing! Just wanted to clear that up in case it came across wrong! I'm sure I'm just being paranoid.

Anyway, scan this afternoon was grand. All measuring fine. We didn't find out the sex although DH was really tempted once we were there. The sonographer said that with their fancy pants new machines they have to be really careful as the baby's sex can be glaringly obvious even to the untrained eye! I heard DH gasp at one point but it was the umbilical cord!.

Avo - sorry its been a rubbish day. One more thought that might help - has DD2 been to your office recently? My DD has only been once (when she was around 2) but I think it really helped, as she could see where I worked, talked to some of "my friends", imagine her drawing on my desk etc, so I didn't just disappear into thin air every morning. The clothes think is part of it for mine too - its part of the process of reclaiming you. In our house we have to have a "pyjama party" if I make it home before bedtime. I think what confuses mine is not knowing what is going to happen, as my work patterns can be erratic - sometimes I am there in the morning or evening, other times not. Been doing a bit of travelling lately which DD seems to think of as my "holiday". Last time she asked if I was having a nice time and wanted to know what I was bringing her back. But actually I think the holiday idea was what made her not be upset - she's been away, seen the airport etc so on some level what I was doing made sense to her and she could be fine about it.

Sorry not to do more personals - I am reading though, just not much energy to post this time of the evening. Take care of yourselves, all.

DS seems to have turned into a child from a baby overnight just now. Its very confusing for us all, but kind of amazing.

Hello, didn't sleep this afternoon, in fact dh came home and I felt a lot better and I did the total opposite - went to Ikea Total opposite to your average Saturday there during the week isn't it. It was almost a pleasure. I had to pick up something in Raynes Park anyway, which we pass on our way so it worked well and ds and dd were angels. ds even helped and pushed one trolley all the way around and had some fish and chips there for dinner (well a few bites of fish and dh ate his chips
I wrapped 3 Christmas presents today too. Well the 2 trunki's and another small thing I'd bought for ds off ebay. Oh and the quiche vag wasn't too impressive. Just a few eggs beaten together, some bacon and mushroom fried and some spinach then whacked in the oven. I got inspired by SL as there was nothing to eat for lunch. I am feeling better though when the medicine kicks in and then i feel shocking when it wears off. Probably a good tip I should be resting still.

Sorry not many personal I'm shattered though. But Lady I've had many a day in PJ's until afternoon - god knows what the postman must think as I pretty much have to sign for stuff everyday!
Oh and Effie thanks - that's the one.... I shall text her tomorrow. mil has made dd almost everything in that book! Even one for ds!
Avo, hope you are feeling a bit better about things, and Spot too hope things are looking up.

Hello all, after my best efforts a couple of weeks ago to keep up to date and post every day (for all of 2 days), I?ve slipped again (thanks for your concern Trace). I blame DH, he didn?t go away with work last week and wanted to make conversation, tut. However I?m going to get an iphone tomorrow as I?m due an upgrade, so I should do better at lurking at the very least. I wasn?t quite sure if I could justify the increased cost on my bill, but having learnt that iphones know how to spell ginormoknob I am absolutely convinced and it will be the very first thing I type!

Firstly, thanks to Urbane for the yummy sounding gingerbread stuffing recipe, I am very tempted. Do you know if you can freeze it? I hope you?re feeling better now, physically anyway, I suspect emotionally you?ll still be raw

Trace I think you did the very best thing by speaking to your doctor, I?m pleased you?re feeling a little more ?up? this week. I was going to suggest trying to meet up sometime soon, in case you felt you wanted to spend some time not having to put up a front, so to speak. But it sounds like your friends are perfect and don't ask that of you anyway. But I?ll still suggest a meet up if you?d like? It'd be lovely to see you again (and any other Northerners. Jolly, with bump? Indith popped in the other day?)

Happy birthday to Harry, Octavia and Nancy ? and thanks for posting that list again PD. I?m also in 2 minds whether to wait til after DDs birthday to put the decorations up. Her big day is the 22nd, I?m working on the 23rd and will be stressing and cooking and wrapping pressies on the 24th. And if we get the decorations up early DH can help too, before he gets busy with his sprouts, but we were always late to do it in our family so it feels weird to me. I?m sure I?ll get used to it. I work with someone who?s birthday is on the 23rd and she says that she just always thought Christmas was all part of her birthday celebrations and didn?t understand why her brothers and sisters didn?t get the same treatment, so maybe it isn't the big deal I'm making it out to be

Grand news on the planned moving date, LadyT I hope you get the heating sorted quick sharp. And well done on getting the house Vagola

Lovely to hear your scan went well Jolly, I hope those piles ease off soon

Can I just add how much I?ve laughed, catching up. Beans in particular is hysterical. And the random items in tool boxes actually made me weep. Handcuffs . Jesus Too funny

Avo I was going to suggest trying to meet DD for lunch one day, but actually I think Invis? idea of taking her into work to see your desk etc is much better

Deidre I?m glad the funeral went well, if that?s not a very silly word to use about a funeral. And well done on the reading, I am impressed that you did that

Spot it sounds like you and T have been having a rough old time, have a big hug from me

Right, I need ideas for DH?s Christmas present, I have no idea whatsoever this year. He doesn?t do gadgets, buys all his own clothes. What are you getting your DPs/DHs? Also, I need a book recommendation ? my work secret santa has requested a book (we had to put a hint down, to help the santas). It?ll have to be a paperback, or cheap on tinternet, as we have a limit of £5. As I don?t know her tastes, it?ll need to be quite ?general?, but I?d still like to get something enjoyable and not bland, IFSWIM. And finally, was there talk of us doing secret santa again, or have I missed the boat on that one?

monkey gland + ashes = good combination so far.
Obviously v bad combination tomorrow morning. Am so frickin relieved we're batting. From last time Steve Harmison's first ball is etched on my soul. Was my first night of mat leave with DS (I had it all so planned and was going to spend 6 weeks before birth staying up all night watching england trounce aussies).

Avo we have had similar (although nothing like as eloquent naturally) episodes. I am having a think about what we did to help and will be back. Some great ideas about story board and taking her to work. We have quite a big overlap between us and the nanny usually - and I think that helps (although obviously adds to hours).

I missed PD's birthday - hope you're having lovely time. And happy birthday baby DB. They're so big now. Sigh.

Oh arse. Strauss is out. Why oh why oh why...Will go and stalk TMS boards. Night all.

Also Avo I would say you need to go a bit easy on yourself. You are not harming her by working. She is flexing her muscles and doesn't like change. Which is probably entirely reasonable if you're 2. I know this is probably bad idea but have your tried bribery? Or distraction? If DD is particularly clinging I stay for a bit and wonder in and out while our nanny plays with DD or lets her watch some TV or eat chocolate or whatever and in 5 or 10 minutes she's usually happy to wave me off. Also it is much worse for us when DH and I leave the house together.

When it was really bad the nanny used to get out something DD really loved (usually painting or baking) and start doing it with DS so DD would want to join in. Not sure that would help you at the other end of the day though.

Anyway thinking of you and hope you feel better.

Spot I have been trying to think of anything I could say to help but can't really. Although get back into your bed . You need to look after yourself. LadyT is very wise (as ever) and might be worth letting stuff go for a bit if you can bear to and if he can too.

Jolly I love your story about the better ending to the snowman - v cute. Our DD still not very articulate which I struggle with being relaxed about as DS was so chatty.

Woo hoo 4 runs.

No real time to post properly but happy birthday to little O, hope she has a wonderful day.

Full on snot fest here. DS was so weary yesterday and I feel awful today. Typical we are supposed to be going away tomorrow for the night.

Hopefully back later love to all!

Loving the cocktail-fuelled cricket chat, Urbane .
On the bed thing, it's not as bad as it sounds - it's a small fold-out sofa and I actually get more room than if I share the bed with DP so it's actually way more comfy. I returned to the un-marital bed last night, however - we had a good chat and I think Lady is right about the letting some things go. I have never encountered anyone so gagging to get back to the metropolis though. I may have to remind him it's more likely to be Finchley or Walthamstow than Clerkenwell, however...

DB, I really hope illness doesn't blight your trip away. Can you mainline the day nurse (and echinacea if you're so inclined) and have another quiet day with DS? Maybe shovel some vitamin drops into him? Then even if you feel shit tomorrow night you get to go out and a few cocktails might help you through it?

Rubes you sound like you're doing way too much for an invalid, though am impressed at your productivity. We never eat together as a family, other than fish and chips, as it takes the rest of the evening to digest the indigestible.

On the Christmas decorations and birthday front, we always had them up early, my b'day is on 14th and I loved it, felt more festive. Plus my b'day often fell on or near the end of term so it all felt very exciting and last day of school-ish.

Jolly am impressed at your strength of character - I don;t know if i could resist finding out the sex. Does WG know but is keeping scthum?

Trace how was last night with P?

Lady, that's gorgeous that D is now smiling. Bless! And well done for getting out of your PJs and going for a walk in this grim weather. I think I'd have written the day off completely and not bothered getting out...

Mumsnet won't let me post on my phone! A cautionary tale for Zoe. Though the iPhone is worth it in many other ways. Is there an app or something I now need to buy Anyway, in case it's not just me if people disappear for a while it's ALL MNHQ'S FAULT. Gah.

Happy birthday to little O!

DB: did DS enjoy his birthday yesterday?

Sopt: hope you got back in your bed. Are you still on for meeting up next week? I am planning on hopping on the train to Brighton with a cheery smile and some chocolate biscuits.

I am also off today - woo! Boys dropped off and I have a fun morning planned - need to do what my Nana would have called 'bottoming out' the kitchen. It is a complete mess and when you open any cupboard the contents fall on your head (or foot). Of course I am faffing on the computer with a cup of coffee the size of my head instead.

Avo: sorry you had a bad day on top of all the stress. it does sound like a control thing - DS2 gets so angry when events overtake him (and sadly, being the youngest, they do pretty often). He stands in the middle of the room, clenches his fists and roars. Maybe this is the age where they need to adjust from being the centre of the universe to being part of a family? All great in the long run, not so much in the short term.

One of my lovely researchers gave me a box of Leonidas pralines for an early Christmas present. The don't keep you know, they have cream and stuff in them. The first layer seems to have mysteriously disappeared.

Of course am on for next week Effie - do you know what kind of time you might get here? And Rubes are you still coming? Anyone else?

Effie you have a day off, you should not be tending to your kitchen, top or bottom, but in bed reading a book or in a pub somewhere getting gently sozzled.

Yes think I am doing too much - feel crap again this morning!
Deids I think I am going to get one of those tool boxes for ds, although he runs straight to the Fisher Price Garage thing at toddler group so was thinking of getting that. One could be hhis B'day present and one Christmas I spose.
Spot which day is it that you were free? I have a horrible feeling it was the 2nd as I thought that was a Wed but now realised it's the Thurs which I am busy for. Which day was it? I am free Mon and Tues next week possibly Wed but have to go out that night so not sure I want a big day.
Yes I'm a bit obsessed about us eating meals together as I've seen a big difference in ds if we do. He really likes it. I'm obsessed with high chairs at the moment and dying for dd to be sitting up. I wish she was in time for Christmas but I think 5 months might be a tad early?

Gah, the buggers have bust the site on my iphone! Hope they fix it soon.

Rubes hope you feel better soon. You make me laugh with your crustless quiches! My quiche was yummy though I had to mould the pastry into the tin as it wouldn't roll. Oh am super crap at pastry, LadyT is right pastry chefs don't train for ages for nothing! But I SHALL learn to do it eventually.

beans that was a lovely story about your MIL and Penny. Brought a tear to my eye. I also feel I should say that my MIL is not all bad, honestly. I just like venting here as I can't totally honestly with DH as obviously it is his mum. I can't even vent to my mum as my mum doesn't like MIL either and she really bitches loads back (which is not really like my mum) and then I feel guilty. ANyway she got up two days while she was here with DS which was lovely so we got a lie in. And the first day she did it so quietly we didn't even realise. She also couldn't find any clothes for him so dressed him in one of DD's newborn vests Dunno HOW she got it on (obviuosly it wouldnt' do up!)
Oh also ta for link on John Lewis sleeping bag thingy. I nearly bought one like that just before you posted it, but I went back to get it in JL and it had gone! And with 2 kids i couldn't be arsed to ask if they had more, so I got a different slightly more pricey one. Have to fit it to pushchair and see if it fits DS if not will do for DD when she's out of cocoon.
I went to my turbo trainiing class with local triathlon club for first time in THREE YEARS yesterday - blimey ache today.
Must go, no batteries, back later