September 2010 - we've met our little ones now!

[comixminx]

Or most of them at least - there are some late September ones still to come!

hey clumsy I'm in Stroud, not really sure how far that is from where you'll be?!
I so associate with what you are saying, though for me it's been the opposite way round - had the rush of love and immediate bond with my DD but am struggling to have it with Flynn, is such a relief to hear other people feeling the same feelings I'm having.

8wks+1

Hi all, ages catching up! Its all going on.
Melly - I was the same with DS2. DS1 was only 17mths so I was so torn. I also didnt have a great labour it took me a while to get over it. DS2 had a very easy going temperment but didnt sleep well and had reflux. It all adds up. He was born in nov and it was jan when I realised I had fallen in love with him. And thats how I think of it - I had to take my time, catch my breath, find a way to juggle the two of them and was slowly falling in love with this developing personality. Dont beat yourself up - all that matters is that you end up in love with them. How it happens isnt as important. Also I found that once a more settled routine kicked in feeding wise it all got better as DS1 was less jealous when DS2 wasnt on me the whole time.
dixie Phoebe has a cold at the mo too. Am using the nasal drops. They really give her relief.
Beadit Love the xmas letter! Also found the first baby the hardest to get used to, in terms of managing to do other things. It all gets easier!
newmum some babies are a little more high maintenance in terms of stimulation. It gets easier when they are older and able to stimulate themselves and tire themselves out. DS1 was like that. Is still curious and always on the go.
Also hear you on the lonely front. I live in a tiny town. very friendly to be out and about but not easy to make proper friends. I get out every day tho its a juggle with all 3 but my head needs it. Am really thinking of moving out of here or even immigrating. Dont know - bit head wrecked.
Huge post - sorry.

Well if we do go to stroud,ill certainly let you know! i aggree,I don't know what I'd do without this thread.
I try to be positive in rl so I often don't say how I'm really feeling,so this thread is a real release.thanks guys!
I'm thinking I might take this job...just need to find someone to look after a crazy toddler and an angel baby

Move to hampshire mammyG! It's not great,but you can hang out with me!x

mammy that's what I'm hoping will happen, that I will suddenly realise one day that I'm completely in love with him and find it impossible to believe that there was ever a time I wasn't in love with him.
clumsy you do that - I get the feeling you and I have alot in common and are similar souls in our outlook to life!

Arlonjust slept for over 7 hours straight! Must have been tired out after a day of visiting family, he fell asleep in his carseat on the way home and only just woken. My boobs were like rocks! Unfortunately I only slept for 3 of those hours, but here's hoping he'll go back down after a feed...

clumsymum, whereabouts in Hampshire are you?

Hello to Dixie if you're still up and to anyone doing night feeds! Aphra has been insatiable this evening -fine earlier in the day but this evening's appetite has me thinking "12 week growth spurt one week early"... Aiiiie! Went to the drop in clinic today and she's tracking the percentile curve nicely but if she goes up a bit I won't complain!

Aphra 11 + 1

Hi comix, I'm up again, 7 hours sleep obviously means 2-hourly feeds follow! Which centile is aphra on? Arlo's 75th - 6 weeks + 4 and was 11lb 14oz on tues, prob 12lb by now. Hhis length is 91st centime too, so I've got him in 3-6 clothes!

Going to an NCT free coffee &'cake thing today, but why dies it have to start at 9.30?!

Sorry about all the typos - annoying predictive spellcheck!

Warning all, moaning post ahead!

So so so so tired. I felt really ill last night. I feel like I have to do something, go out every day. and not just 1 thing. 3 or 4. Its too much I've got into habits of going to see people so they don't come to me. I put on this wonderful coping front because I don't want people to know that sometimes I struggle. I scream at Ds1 for no reason and snap at Dh!

My Aunties still dying & my best friend is drifting away. Her husband is infertile & they're going through a very emotional, hard time. I know she finds my situation very hard but she can sometimes be so nasty and make me feel so unwelcome, and she's never once asked how my Auntie is or how I'm doing.

My Mum who's usually fantastic doesn't seem to realise either. I know I should tell her but that means admitting I need help. She did all my ironing for me a couple of times when Olly was tiny tiny, but hasn't done anything since. I want a break but don't want to leave them. My house is an absolute bombsite. As fast as I tidy it its upside down again. I'm slowly going into complete meltdown & can't pick myself out of it!

Sorry!

bananastew soo sorry you're having such a hard time and don@t really have any advice just to say that you know we're here when you need a rant.

I also was feeling very overwhelmed at the start of this week, feeling very lonely and kind of bored of always being in on my own etc. I didn't want to tell anyone because i was ashamed to admit that i wasn't coping very well and i only have one child so god knows how you're coping with more than one and all the other stuff you've got going on.

I decided to talk to DP the other day and just glossed over what was going on with me (lonliness and feeling overwhelmed) i must admit i did play it down cause im terrifed people will think im depressed and i know i'm not. But it did help talking to him about it.

Do you ever get to have a break? Even if it's doing the weekly shop on your own, i know it doesn''t sound like much but sometimes an hour to yourself is a huge relief.

And forget about the housework, it will eventually get done, i used to be slightly OCD about cleaning but i've really had to let go of that as it really would have driven me insane.

Hope you feel better soon, make a brew and watch some crap tv, usually makes me feel better! Jezza is doing one of his expose specials, thats always good for a laugh cause he comes over all high and mighty!

Oh no, banana! hang in there but do give your mum a ring - or get her to come over - if she's usually fantastic can't you have her to come and stay for a couple of days! You don't have to "admit you need help", especially not like it's a bad thing - I bet she'd love to see you & kids! And then while she's here she's bound to do stuff round the house even if you don't specifically ask, but likewise it might feel easier to ask in person?

Oh bananstew, so sorry to here how your're really feeling. I think (and you can take this or leave it sweet) that you do need to admit that you need some help. There is nothing wrong with admitting that. Anyone who loves you, isn't going to think bad of you. I broke down in tears a few weeks ago and admitted to my mum that i can't look after 3 kids and keep on top of the housework (i live at my mums at the minute and she has moved out, but she has higher standards than me and i felt like i had to keep it nice) She surprised me by saying just leave it and look after the kids.
Also, i know this might be hard to hear but she doesn't sound like much of a best friend. I know she has her problems but that is absolutely no excuse for giving you anything other than support. My best friend miscarried about 5 hours after i told her i was pregnant (i kid you not) She was 12 weeks and she has been nothing but supportive and nice. She is to be a godmother for Jacob. Sometimes i feel that no matter how much it hurts, you have to let some people go because they are not good for your soul and mental well being. I personally would have it out with her first, just to see if it could be sorted.
I'm with new mum, i used to jump at the chance when dp got home to jump in the car alone and spend an hour going round tesco! It sounds a bit sad but it was heaven for me. Can DP/DH have the children for an hour? I get the impression you are going out every day to get away from the mess and to stop everyone from seeing the mess, but if you can get your mum to help you so it's tidier and just say no to visitors if you don't want them, you might feel able to stay in. I think you need to for your sanity sweet.
I'm so sorry about you're auntie. That is the one thing no one can give you advice on and the most important thing. Keep talking on here. xxx

banana, don't appologise for venting with us. We don't mind, and more than that, some of us are probably feeling the same way so you're making us feel normal. I'm not so great at opening up in rl - dp always gets so worried if I seem at all down, even if I know it's just a bad day/week. I'm sorry about your auntie, it somehow makes it doubly sad when she should be enjoying her new great-nephew. It must be hard with your best friend too, espically if her way of dealing with things is to distance herself, or even be nasty to you. Just remember, it isn't about you, she's just coping with her own pain (I'm sure you know that already, and it doesn't really help when right now when supportive friends are just what you need). Try not to be too hard on youself, as newmum says, forget the housework, and maybe give yourself a 'day off'. I had a day last week when I stayed in bed with Louis and didn't get dressed until just before dp got home from work. Maybe you could ask your mum to take ds1 for a few hours at a time when Olly is likely to be chilled-out/sleepy so you can just snuggle up with him.

Sorry, x-posted with sassy and comix - was interrupted for a feed and a giant poo so it took me over an hour to post!

Bananastew You are not alone. I think most of us have moments where we struggle to cope. I know I have had some really bad days and too wouldn't dare admit to anyone how hard I was finding it. I even used to cry in the bath when i had half hour alone time so that my DH wouldn't worry and think I wasn't coping then I would cry even more with the guilt of finding my beautiful baby hard work. I still have days where I feel overwhelmed, especially when Harlyn is screaming and I can't seem to settle him. But I know that the early days are difficult and that things get easier once the LO's settle down into a routine.
I now pay my mom £50 to come over twice a week and clean my house top to bottom (she also takes some ironing home to do for me) as I just don't get the time to do it. It's the best money I have ever spent.

Well today, DH is taking Harlyn for his last cranial session so I am taking full advantage and popping to the gym (for the first time) just to have a little swim, steam room and jacuzzi sesh. I am so looking forward to it.

Harlyn is doing really well and weighed 11.4 last week and measured 58cm (6 weeks). He's in the 50th for weight and 75th for length which is consistent with his birth measurements. He's now fed with BF and FF combination. He is taking anywhere from 5-7 ounce FF 3 times a day and takes the rest either on the breast or EBM. I had to up his formula take to make life easier with his reflux as giving it to him on a spoon after a BF wasn't working and I couldn't express enough for very feed. The gaviscon in his bottles has really reduced the amount of feed he was bringing back up.

Getting lots of lovely smiles now which just melts my heart but still get lots of grumpy times with wind.

7 weeks today! where has the time gone?

mapletrees sorry to hear you're having trouble with your bowels! :o

My day was srarting off well, managed to iron for half an hour before one of them needed me, but had knock on door from post man (recorded delivery) and it is court summons by ex over DD. He's been threatening for months. 6th dec at 10.30am. How he thinks i can get DD to school and then 2 babies and myself to liverpool by 10.30 i don't know. Have to write to court now and ask for a later date. Will be laying it on thick about their age, the weather and how i'm exclusively breast feeding, so they would have to come with me. Hopefully, it will be march before i have to go. Umph, way to ruin someones day.

banana I'm so sorry you're feeling everything getting ontop of you. I'm surprised how badly your friend's treating you, if anything she should be supporting you more as this may be a lovely way of her spending time with children and having a positive affect on them before her and her DH work out how to move on from their situation.

What a rubbish start sassy, especially as you have exams to deal with along with 3 children, bfing, moving house, DH away at work, housework. May I say your ex sounds a bit of a bastard!!

jodeylea it's nice to see you on here again, I was wondering how you were getting on as it's been a while. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling too.

maple I thought you meant yourself about the big poo too! Sometimes you just have to go!

clumsy I don't think you'd be selfish to go back to work. If you'd be happy to go back and you can find childcare for your LO's why not?
I also think having a sibling is a fantastic thing. I can understand it's hard for you and your first but it will work out. I think it's lovely for children to grow up together and learn to share and support another person. I know I never had that feeling that your DD has as I'm a twin but I can't imagine having grown up without her.

It's good to know that everyone has down days. I'm lucky that I have my sister to talk to about things, and she has me. It annoys me that people expect you to say everything's fine. Whenever I've said anything even slightly negative about the situation to my PIL's they just tell me how I can't complain as their kids were so much harder, and they had 3. They want me to go back to work and harass me about it all the time. I'm not ready and anyway I earned less working 3 days for them than I get on maternity allowance so I'd be crazy to go back.

I think I've just won the monster post competition!

I meant Louis ...

saoirse Argh, it's a good job my oven is electric and not gas, cos when you list everything like that, it makes me want to put my head in it! :)
You are so right, he is a bastard........you have no idea how much of one he is! Luckily Chloe is seeing it for herself (without me having to say anything)and deciding that see doesn't want to go as often. Unfortuantely he just thinks it's me stopping her and refuses to believe it is his doing, so he will lose her eventually i think.

On a good note......DP has set off and should be home around 5/6pm, so it's my turn to count down today-hooray.
Too bad he is a grumpy bugger on fri, i'll have to wait till tomorrow morning for him to be his usual agreeable self!

mapletrees LMAO

Dixiebell know how you feel, Luke slept from 5.30pm, woke him at 10 to feed him but he was still up at 12 then 3 and 5.30 :(. Weight is weird Luke was 13lb 2oz two weeks ago and is still comfortably in 0-3month clothes!

bananastew I'm so sorry you're feeling rubbish. I have at least one day a week like that but I have a wonderful dh (most of the time!) who reminds me how lucky I am to have what I do and that some things are ok to be left. I feel so bad for shouting at DS1, I do loose my temper far to quickly at times and it's not his fault mummy is tired and has less patience with him. Most of the pressure comes from myself and I'm sure anyone who is a friend would not be bothered in the slightest about your mess! If you need help then ask, either your mum or dp/dh. I third the advice on tesco, I started going alone a few weeks ago and it really is lovely, I'm totally alone with no responsibility, it takes me much less time and I put my iPod on and have a boogie around the aisles . I agree about your friend, her life is obviously very difficult but she doesn't need to be nasty to you.

sassy34264 I'm sorry about your ex, it must be horrible to have to go to court with the babies especially. Can your dp not take the day off to support you? I have been through it with DH fighting for proper access to his ds, we are all settled into a good routine 5 years down the line and dss seems a very happy young man. Obviously don't know your circumstances but it's never easy no matter what.

Crossed posts sassy34264, that's really sad for all of you. As an adult I can see that my Dad wasn't what he should have been to me or my Mum and I understand why she left him but as I child I idolised him and to be honest he's still on a bit of a pedestal. Not fair on my Mum as she gave us everything always but little girls should have a wonderful daddy to look after them. Guessing your DP does a lot for her/you/babies so she can see what a good daddy should be like.

cinnamon DP is in the navy and based in Portsmouth. He can't travel all that way and back again just for one day. He would have to take the whole week off and plus the navy don't just let you have time off, it has to fit around the ships programme, others' hols etc (it's a bloody nightmare, his easter holidays have not been on the same days as our easter holidays - ever -i think) It used to really upset me, but he's took me to court that many times now, that i'm used to it, and don't feel like i need DP to support me with this. He usually doesn't get what he wants.

I've never denied ex access, but he is a control freak and a little mentally ill (no joke, i have had him accessed by a psychiatrist- they deem him not normal by society's standards but not abnormal enough to score on the DSM Iv scale! ) It's a whole long story, that i won't bore you with. He has very little effect in our world now. I just have to wait until DD just flat out refuses to go. (which is sad for her, but probably better in the long run)

Must be very hard, DH ex has depression and OCD, has also had eating disorders when she was younger. She does some strange things that we often can't predict and DH is often trying to keep her happy and not rock the boat. We have had phone calls late at night from dss asking to be picked up because Mummy is scaring him (not recently thankfully!) but he wants to stay with her and does seem happy generally with his situation. I wasn't suggesting you had denied access, sorry if it came across that way. It must be very sad to see your dd suffer because of who her dad is :(