The Green Menace

[WiseHare]

The Daily Mail's Investigations Unit, a crack team of 'journalists' who once spent three weeks proving that a Labour councillor's dog had looked at a Palestinian flag, has uncovered the truth: the Green Party is not, as previously believed, a collection of people who think buses should run on time and perhaps we shouldn't boil the ocean. No. They are "the Green Menace".

Not since the Turnip Winter of 1916 has Britain faced such an existential threat from produce. Consider the evidence:

Exhibit A: The Suspicious Houseplant
You bought it from Ikea. You named it Trevor. It has since grown three inches and now occupies a position from which it can observe your television. Coincidence? The Mail Investigations Unit would like a word with Trevor. And also with you, for harbouring him.

Exhibit B: The Hedge
Your neighbour's privet hedge has been getting ideas. It used to know its place. Now it's encroaching.. creeping, one might say. The word "lebensraum" has not been used, but only because hedges lack the vocal apparatus.

Exhibit C: That Weird Moss Situation Around Your Car Windows
A clear radicalisation pipeline..first the moss, then the lichen, then, before you know it, your Vauxhall is attending conferences and voting on motions about international law. You'll try to start the engine and it will simply quote Frantz Fanon at you.

The motion in question, for those who wandered past the headline into the actual words, concerns whether one particular nationalism should be treated as any other nationalism. This is, apparently, indistinguishable from "backing Hamas terror attacks" in the same way that noting Tuesdays exist makes you personally responsible for everything that has ever happened on a Tuesday.

But nuance is not the Mail's concern. Nuance is, itself, a kind of moss. It gets into the cracks and makes things complicated. Far better to print THE GREEN MENACE in a font size usually reserved for declarations of war and royal deaths, and let the reader's amygdala do the rest.

The Green Party may or may not pass this motion and it may or may not become policy. The specific wording concerns legal and political concepts that reasonable people can and do disagree about, thoughtfully and in good faith.
But that's not a headline, is it?

THE GREEN MENACE is a headline. THE GREEN MENACE shifts units. THE GREEN MENACE means your nan will ring you worried about Zack Polanski, who she's fairly certain was in that film with the computers, and why does he have a megaphone, and should she stop buying broccoli just to be safe.

The moss, meanwhile, continues its advance. It asks for nothing, explains nothing.
It simply grows, slowly, around the edges of things, while Britain's press furiously investigates whether photosynthesis is woke.

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N.B: No vegetables were harmed in the writing of this piece, though several were looked at with deep suspicion.

THE GREEN MENACE is a headline. THE GREEN MENACE shifts units. THE GREEN MENACE means your nan will ring you worried about Zack Polanski, who she's fairly certain was in that film with the computers, and why does he have a megaphone, and should she stop buying broccoli just to be safe.

Ah yes, those silly, old, easily fooled ladies 🙄

What a surprise the mail doing a hatchet job on a lefty party. Cue the telegraph. According to them Jeremy Corbyn would have had us all wearing the same clothes a la Mao.
What they don't seem to realise is the feted Scandinavian countries with all their sensibilities and high happiness ratings, are all running on left leaning policies.
As this is the discussion thread it is, I need to add that I don't align with the greens views on women's rights. Not at all. But I'm glad they got in and beat reform.

What on Earth are you talking about? And why did you post it in Feminism/Sex and Gender, rather than Conflict in the Middle East or Politics?

With respect, I think you're rather missing the point here...

Unless, of course, you are - for reasons perhaps best kept to yourself - you are either an advocate of the DM's 'article' and are making a clumsy attempt to distract from my exposure of its absurdity by simply pretending you don't understand satire and trying to suggest a single line taken out of context represents a statement that was never made. Surely, you wouldn't make such an egregious error. Would you? 🤔

Many of The Greens’ policies do not bear close scrutiny, but neither do many of the articles in the Daily Mail 😆

Ah, mea culpa maxima. I'm new and simply went to what looked like the most active part of the board. If there's a more fitting area of the board, perhaps the admins could kindly move it there?

I'm not advocating for the DM but your arrogant condescension is rather taking away from any point you might be trying to make. Women who are "nans" now have probably more history in politics and activism than you.

@WiseHare

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/conflict-in-the-middle-east

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/politics

Report your post to the moderators (3 dots button in bottom right corner) and ask them to move it.

Thank you!

As an increasingly reluctant Green Party member, I enjoyed your post.

It made me think of the film Vesper. Somehow. (too many cognitive processes going off now and I have the walk the dog.)

@WiseHare

Sorry, the 3 dots button is top right of the post, not at the bottom.

That's fine; I found it and reported it, thanks

More seriously, the greens have evolved into a populist party who are using targeted psychology in certain areas. The problem is, as it’s the most Democratic Party in terms of internal processes (unless you’re a woman) which ideas will organically take over?

@mnhqno need to move this thread.

This is the party who have arranged a discussion on feminism for IWD whereby the panel are 2 men and a lady.

They think a plumber who’s a woman will distract from this internal parasitic misogyny.

The right board.

That's the female plumber who doesn't understand females plumbing I take it.

Of course she doesn’t.

A novel stance. Care to develop your point for us?

The Green Party think I - and other women and girls - don't deserve single sex spaces. They are an absolute menace.

I feel like the remaining two neurones are bored and are tantruming so hard in the hollow, empty, cavity that they are now audible from the outside...

That's a fair point. I shouldn't have engaged.

The OP forgets that moss is an exquisite habitat for a variety of mini beasts. Some can even withstand nuclear exposure and being flung into space.

With minibeasts comes an array of viruses and parasites. It’s not the simplistic zen like analogy you have tried to describe.

"distract from my exposure" seems a rather grandiose way of referring to an objection to the ageism in your joke post.

If you'd posted in the MN sections that are currently full of rabid Green-hate because of the Green Party daring, in the by-election, to foreground its objections to genocide in Gaza, then you'd have raised a smile from me. But here in the Feminism section the focus is on the Green Party's abandonment of women and their illegal persecution of gender critical members. They don't feel like the good guys here.

Did you really post in Feminism because it 'seemed like the busiest'. How odd. And it's also odd to craft what seems more like a blog post and then dump it into a forum you know nothing about.

Satire, eh?

Ageism and sexism in a feminist board. And in support of hypnotits no less.

Hmm. I've been pondering on using moss this year to line my hanging baskets. Will I encounter problems with the wrong type of mini beast?

Tardigrades are pretty cool and completely harmless (unless you are an algae or rotifer or nematode).