The Green Menace

[WiseHare]

The Daily Mail's Investigations Unit, a crack team of 'journalists' who once spent three weeks proving that a Labour councillor's dog had looked at a Palestinian flag, has uncovered the truth: the Green Party is not, as previously believed, a collection of people who think buses should run on time and perhaps we shouldn't boil the ocean. No. They are "the Green Menace".

Not since the Turnip Winter of 1916 has Britain faced such an existential threat from produce. Consider the evidence:

Exhibit A: The Suspicious Houseplant
You bought it from Ikea. You named it Trevor. It has since grown three inches and now occupies a position from which it can observe your television. Coincidence? The Mail Investigations Unit would like a word with Trevor. And also with you, for harbouring him.

Exhibit B: The Hedge
Your neighbour's privet hedge has been getting ideas. It used to know its place. Now it's encroaching.. creeping, one might say. The word "lebensraum" has not been used, but only because hedges lack the vocal apparatus.

Exhibit C: That Weird Moss Situation Around Your Car Windows
A clear radicalisation pipeline..first the moss, then the lichen, then, before you know it, your Vauxhall is attending conferences and voting on motions about international law. You'll try to start the engine and it will simply quote Frantz Fanon at you.

The motion in question, for those who wandered past the headline into the actual words, concerns whether one particular nationalism should be treated as any other nationalism. This is, apparently, indistinguishable from "backing Hamas terror attacks" in the same way that noting Tuesdays exist makes you personally responsible for everything that has ever happened on a Tuesday.

But nuance is not the Mail's concern. Nuance is, itself, a kind of moss. It gets into the cracks and makes things complicated. Far better to print THE GREEN MENACE in a font size usually reserved for declarations of war and royal deaths, and let the reader's amygdala do the rest.

The Green Party may or may not pass this motion and it may or may not become policy. The specific wording concerns legal and political concepts that reasonable people can and do disagree about, thoughtfully and in good faith.
But that's not a headline, is it?

THE GREEN MENACE is a headline. THE GREEN MENACE shifts units. THE GREEN MENACE means your nan will ring you worried about Zack Polanski, who she's fairly certain was in that film with the computers, and why does he have a megaphone, and should she stop buying broccoli just to be safe.

The moss, meanwhile, continues its advance. It asks for nothing, explains nothing.
It simply grows, slowly, around the edges of things, while Britain's press furiously investigates whether photosynthesis is woke.

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N.B: No vegetables were harmed in the writing of this piece, though several were looked at with deep suspicion.

Well the moss discussion is a good reminder what it was that the Green Party’s primary objective was.

Well, if we are desperate to derail the thread because it doesn't promote a very specific aspect of group-think, I may as well join in!

You'll want to ensure the correct kind of moss. I'd recommend sphagnum moss, but be sure your source it as ethically as possible, given the issues facing our dwindling peat bogs.
The particular aspects of sphagnum moss should attract both beetles and aphids, acting as natural pest control in your baskets.

It’s an ecosystem @MrsOvertonsWindow innit. I think your petunias are safe from the tardigrades.

However, to say Zack Polanski watched the episode of Octonauts on symbiosis and used it as the basis of his political ideology is probably offensive to the creators of the octonauts as well as belies the issues he’s brought to the political landscape.

Frankly, if Trevor the houseplant and the privet hedge are both acting in anti-social ways, they may need a prune. Ultimately, if someone has put in an inappropriate plant for the position, that is on them. They should have given it more thought and considered the plant’s needs.

I miss Octonauts though. I had to sit through so many episodes.

I feel this is an important point that needs to be investigated.
Did he also get his policy on sex and gender from Dr Ronx?
And his policy on the Middle East from Newsround? Though I generally think of Newsround as being a bit more balanced, so maybe it was Danger Mouse and he thinks Baron Greenback is a Jewish banker.

But in general I think Cbeebies and CBBC should be held responsible. Does he have kids and how old are they?

"the issues he’s brought to the political landscape."

Which issues do you find particularly offensive to your ideology? Please be specific and, where necessary, provide verifiable evidence.

Ahh - Octonauts. There's far more coverage of the environment in each episode than appears to emanate from the poor old greens. 😅

Moss, houseplants and privet are all part of a delicately balanced ecosystem. I am not sure Polanski has grasped this though. He cannot grasp the needs of female people which are also part of a delicately balanced ecosystem.

I think someone’s nan probably has a deep understanding of who female people are and what their needs may be.

Careful. You'll raise the ire of the TRAs (Trevor's Rights Activists) who will fight to (your) death for the right of Trevor and the privet hedges to encroach into every piece of lebensraum they decide to occupy

Respectfully I think you may have forgotten the influence of Hey Duggee? His Green Planet badge, food growing and harvest badges? Sowing the seeds of green activism (in a good way) with the littlies.

I don't think Zach has watched that, given his lack of interest in actual Green issues.

"if we are desperate to derail the thread because it doesn't promote a very specific aspect of group-think"

"Which issues do you find particularly offensive to your ideology?"

But then the innocent, wide-eyed:

"I'm new and simply went to what looked like the most active part of the board"

Yeah, okay OP 🙄

😂😂
They always out themselves .

That was pretty amusing.

Yes, OP has been pretty busy this morning!

Such enthusiasm in one so new

Conspiratorial thinking is alive and well on this site, I see.

I am new, and this is the most active area of the boards; the reply and thread turnover rate is clearly much higher than any of part (with the possible exception of AIBU).

It's entirely reasonable to post into the most active area in the assumption it'll reach the most people and create the most debate.
What has happened, and form reading more threads here I see is the regular status quo, is that any thread on this forum that doesn't align to a certain ideology is immediately attacked.

Honestly, I'm comfortable with that. It's amusing to watch 😊

You're right, it is amusing to watch. But not for the reasons you think.

Your post would have been equally at home in AIBU. But you made a conscious choice to post here. Which is fine. But just own it, please.

"if we are desperate to derail the thread because it doesn't promote a very specific aspect of group-think"

I think people have pointed out the ageism and sexism in your post more than once. Your supposedly satirical points aren’t thoughtful either.

If anyone is ideological on this thread, it looks to be you OP.

@WiseHare first, with respect, you started the post explicitly using satire, so others responding in a similar style are only to be expected. It’s not necessarily a derail.

Second, there are several long standing threads discussing Green Party policies that explain (with evidence 🙄) why many on FWR have concerns about them and specifically concerns about hypnotits/let the immigrants wipe bums Polanski and the issues he’s opted to focus on from a party perspective. If you’re interested, you might like to have a look at them.

Personally, I’d have liked it if the person leading the Greens was actually an expert on ecological issues apart from everything else. That might’ve avoided much of the crap. Sigh.

Edited to add: Honestly, I'm comfortable with that. It's amusing to watch 😊 ah, first defensive, now patronising. Not interested in actual discussion. Got it.

Just for a bit of balance https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5456759-sexismother-issues-in-the-green-party-england-wales-discussion-thread-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Cross posted with @DrBlackbird

I have said it before: amused aloofness is really hard to pull off convincingly.

Thanks; we are absolutely in agreement there. And thank you also to the poster for linking the other thread; much reading awaits!

It is a feminism board. Yet you felt it was appropriate to post ageism and sexism and then declare that it is amusing to watch women respond to what you posted.

While claiming to be a victim of conspiratorial thinking and pushback? I think it is also appropriate on a feminism board to point out that looks a lot like DARVO.

For someone who declares that they researched the forum and then has read enough threads on this board to have made accusations about conspiratorial thinking … how did the OP miss the threads directly discussing the Green Party on this board?