Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

[Portofino]

You can be strong!

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Link back to the old thread with the leaving update

hello all. I've been pestering stars with phone calls most of the day :-) she's talked to the police, and h has been over, but only for 10 mins. He wanted her to sit in the car with the kids to talk... But she didn't fall for that one... Kids are happy and playing, will need to organise a solicitor now as soon as poss. If any lawyers are lurking there, how about a checklist of questions stars should be asking?

Please, please, please don't see him, don't speak to him, don't let the DCs see him, don't have anything to do with him for at least a week, preferably a fortnight. Then, and only then, speak to him with a witness or two.

God, I hope you're not with him now.

Sit in the car with the kids! OMG!

Thank god he has gone again. Hope she is OK!

thanks for the update Dread. hope stars is ok, glad she didnt get in that car with him.... he'd have driven off with her in it....lets hope she has someone with her 24/7 for the time being!

Well done for staying strong Stars.

Glad the children seem happy.

Stars well done for sticking to your guns - that's hurdle number 2 overcome (Number one having been to leave in the first place!)

I am so proud of you and I don't even know you - your kids a very lucky to have such a strong and loving Mum.

Stars you are doing fabulously well! Am so proud of you and, darn it, you made my mascara run yesterday!

Remember you and the dcs deserve to be safe and happy, not browbeaten and scared. If h becomes unreasonable do involve the police and though you have left (hooray) if he starts hassling and threatening you can still go to WA.

Thanks for the update, Dread. That's a relief she didn't get into the car.

Good on you, Stars.

hey Stars - happy children is a good sign, you have done exactly the right thing!

Phew! I'm so glad Dread is talking to I was worried on her own Star's resolve might not be so good. How is he being ? Has he been threatening? Did you have people present when he visited?
Please be on the alert; he may be hatching some plan. Thank God you didn't let him get you alone in the car. Well done; you are finally standing up to him. Congratulate yourself and keep up the good work.

Hi Stars, so glad Dread is looking after you and you have family to help keep you safe. And I am delighted to hear that you did not get in that car - what a huge step forward! I bet a few months or even weeks ago you might have got in without a second thought. Just think how far you have come and how strong you have made yourself in such a short time!

I think a new phone and a new number is a very good idea. That way, you can turn your old one on to silent or switch it off and only check it once a day for messages, preferably at a time when you won't be tempted to ring your H back.

In your shoes, I think I'd be asking the solicitor about contact between the kids and your H as a matter of urgency. Can an interim order for supervised contact only be made? And make sure you tell her all about the drinking (as well as the shouting, nastiness and violence) to back up your position - you need to make it clear that the children are not safe alone with him.

Once again, so proud of you for not getting in that car. And how lovely to hear the children are playing happily.

Am still that he accused you of having "stolen" items from the house! Says bucketloads about his attitude towards you. How can you steal from your own house? Clearly thinks you're some sort of employee and that he owns you.

Stars - I'm sure WA could help you with a list of questions to get you going with the solicitor, if no-one else on here can... I know other ladies on here have been through what you're going through now so they might be able to help too but if not call WA, they will know where you should start.

So so proud of you. I told a friend about you today - I think she probably thought I was mad for being so excited about the life of someone I've never met!

How are the DC doing?

Please, please remember that you are not doing this to hurt them and "take their Dad away" - you are doing this FOR them, to give them a happy, healthy, peaceful and secure home and future.

I think now is the time to print out your old threads and to write out a list of all the hurtful and abusive things he's done to you, and all the reasons you went, and all the things you want out of the rest of your life. Keep them near you and read them every day - 10 times a day if you have to - but don't let him make you forget.

Thinking of you x

You know, for a while I must admit that I wondered if Stars' h was as bad as he sounded (don't flame me, it's just that we were only hearing one side of the story etc) but from threatening her after she left to asking her to sit in the car with the children, I'm afraid he sounds scarily dangerous.

Who, with an ounce of deceny, would want to talk infront of their dc's (btw I don't think that's what he wanted to do for a second) and secondly, if he had driven off with you all in the car (as most of us are thinking he would have done) do you think he'd take you all home, make you a cuppa, tell you to put your feet up because he's been an arse and go out and play with the kids?

Of course he wouldn't. In fact, I shudder to think what might have been going through his mind.

Stay strong and stay free

all i'm going to say is a loaf of bread and a pint of milk
please keep repeating this in your mind if/when you speak to H again stars

He is still trying to manipulate. Trying to get everyone in the car, presumably with the intention of driving back home....It is positively scary. A decent bloke would be prostrate on the doorstep, begging to know what was so bad that you left and took the children. NOT making threats, running you down and making a pathetic attempt to get you where he wants you.

Stars, you have done the right thing for you and the dcs by leaving. You must be really going through the mill at the moment, but you CAN do this!

I think you need a neutral place for further DC contact Stars. You want your new place to be a haven - not expecting Himself to turn up any moment x

Marking the thread to post something later.

You're doing so well Stars.

I really did pull this face --> at H wanting you and the kids to go and sit in the car to 'talk'.

Unbelieveable!

I'm so pleased that you're out of there and safe

Stars you have walked forward so far, please don't go back.

Wanted her to sit in the car!

I bet he did. And then drive them all back to the old house. And then what............. makes me tremble just to think about it. Thank goodness stars saw through it. It just shows how far she has come in such a short time.

Glad the dc's are ok.

The 'wanting you to sit in the car' sent a chill down my spine Stars. I think there is a genuine chance that he might have driven straight off a cliff with you all on purpose if you had got in: abusive alcoholics are good candidates for becoming Family Annihilators (men who kill their families and themselves when their wives leave them because of their abuse).
Good luck and well done for leaving, and please stay strong and keep contact with this tosspot to an absolute minimum. He has forfeited any right to having his own way by his mistreatment of you.