Um. This is hard to say, and I know how wonderfully supportive you've all been, and I don't want to upset or offend anyone. But...
We've all been here for DR/Stars, and it's been one of MN's success stories. She started posting as a scared and confused victim of longstanding abuse, and with all your help she's turned things around and completely improved her life and her children's lives. She's still got a way to go though, and has ongoing issues to establish herself in her new life, not least negotiating the new relationship with H. I know she's still grateful to all of you for all of your help.
However. Has anyone ever done you a favour, and you've felt that you had to keep on being grateful? And that being grateful was a bit of a millstone around your neck? Because you couldn't just be yourself, but you had to be grateful all the time? And you couldn't move on from what you'd been helped with, or even have some new problems, because someone had helped you and they expected you to stay the same person that they helped?
I'm not saying that this is at all how DR feels, because it's not something that we've talked about, at all. However, when I first got in touch with her, I made a mental note that whatever the outcome, I wouldn't - couldn't - expect her to want to know me after.
Just because we've been through a traumatic event together, she shouldn't feel that she should have to keep me in her life forever because of it. If we can stay friends, then that's great. She's a lovely person with a lovely family, and we have a lot to talk about. But if we're going to stay friends then we'll have to have a proper friendship, and not one where she's some sort of victim and I'm some sort of rescuer. Which means I also have to curb my own impulses to help out/suggest solutions - because I know I'm a naturally bossy managing person...
So what I'm trying to say, probably very badly, is please don't say that DR owes us updates. I'd like her to keep posting here, because there's things she could talk about, and maybe other people in similar situations have been reading this and looking for hope for themselves. But it has to be her own decision, and not to repay any 'debt' that people might be imagining.
You have all been wonderful. You have all done a Very Good Thing. Can you let that be it's own reward please?