Any clergy wives??

[clergywife]

Scuse name change...

my dh is a parish priest. I'm more and more realising how hard it is for me to maintain REAL friendships within the parish because i'm never just me, i'm his wife, i'm someone who may know stuff (rarely! lol), i'm a reminder of the disagreement they had with him last Sunday, I'm not just a random friend....

Is this unusual or am I normal in this?

Every now and again I think it's ok,. I've cracked it - but then I realise that I am not on equal footing however hard I try because they always perceive me as a link into the vicarage - whether psotiive or negative.

I'm not sure if it's cos I am young (late 20s) and if I were older I would have the same problems...

I am not being very concise, but i wanted to see if anyone had any experience....
When talking about this briefly earlier, I likened this to a gp's wife trying to have friendships with her dh's patients and dh nodded very sagely at that . So frustrating.

DH has enjoyed being here and thinks it was the right choice. I haven't found it particularly difficult - the novelty has just worn off I suppose. It's very intense when you a SAHM in this setting. If I worked it would be different I suppose.

Good preparation for parish life though - broadened my shoulders!

Thanks justabout that is very good to know!

I am the daughter of a priest as well as the DW of an ordinand - double whammy eh! So I have some experience of parish life from the perspective of the vicar's family.

Ah well when I married him I had no idea what I was getting into...

Shiv, me too lol, I always say I must be mad to go into it again, and it's also amusing that dh's dad is also a vicar as well as mine. No hope for our kids!
(Very nosy as to where you are at college, any hints?)

I have signed up to the messenging thing and sent that classified info to both of you!

Scuse my paranoia, but I am being seriously cautious about web related stuff at the moment.

However I was really pleased that clergywife started this thread because it's good to know who is about and in the same boat.

I think there is nothing quite like the highs and lows which come with being in a clergy family.

Excuse the slightly short and uninspiring email. It just has those facts. I assumed it was like instant messenger type thing.

I think it is very important to have somewhere to turn if life is a bit tough. I also think it would be beneficial to have that support in an anonymous fashion (like a message board) as well as the face to face. If that makes sense.

Sometimes one's peers appear to be coping better than one and it can make one wary of confiding in others.

Does that make sense?!?!? Goodness knows what I am waffling about?!?!?!

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt! I wish there'd been a forum I could have chatted anonymously on back when DH was still working for the church, it would have been helpful to compare notes with others in a similar position and see what was "normal" and what (if anything) was specific to us. If you guys set one up, I'll drop by as a "clergy wife emeritus"

Shivster, you make complete sense. Having just done our first six months of the curacy I am struggling quite a bit with some aspects, and it would be wonderful to have somewhere 'anonymous' to talk about it. KWYM re can seem that peers are doing better - but remember the grass is always greener, and all that, it's prob not the case, just seems it!
Got your CAT - will reply.
AMIS - yes please do be our clergy wife emeritus, you can advise us all! And justa should join, in fact it should be clergy, clergy spouse, ex clergy and ex clergy spouse, iyswim

Sorry Justa, I don't do CAT

I was clergywife. Not sure why i name cahnged . Clearly stressed about it all.

only just found this thread again....

Hi Shy! It's tricky isn't it? Like being the first one at a mums & babies group to admit you're finding it a struggle, when everyone else seems to be coasting along easy as anything. .

Justa - sorry I'm not trying to be awkward but I'm finding my MN addiction tricky enough without allowing it to spill over into the rest of my life. If you're setting up a threead on here I'll drop by, but if it's going to be elsewhere I'll pass ta. TBH not sure I can give much advice anyway - we solved the issue by gettingout

secret location sounds entertaining - somewhere to escape to!!! A cave in the woods or something similar, with mod cons obviously... and lots of gin!!!!

Sorry I am a bit of a loon

now i've revealed myself i'm feeling very bare iyswim....

Well I am hoping to be a clergy and a wife....do I count? We are making palns to relocate our family so that I can start studying at theo coll this Sept.......loads and loads involved there. Part of me thinks I am mad but part of me knows that this is the right step.

Hello there! I'm one of these too. DH is a church of scotland minister and I'm a SAHM too. I love my life but it can all be a bit mental and the friendship thing can be weird and i do feel people don't exactly get my life...

Procrastinatingparent, I liked you post...you mention conferences...which do you go to? I was just thinking last week that this is what I could do with.

Without going into tedious amounts of detail, basically a clash between personal faith and people's expectations of clergy - I'm not a big fan of established church as a mode of Christianity, I know there are advantages to the parish system, and the idea that everyone is a member of your flock, but OTOH the idea that everyone in the parish feels they have a right to expect the clergy to do certain things, behave in certain ways etc brings its own tensions. Obviously lots of clergy manage to deal with that, but (without wishing to put words into his mouth) I think DH found it would need too much compromise.

Oh and the joys of tied housing added to the stress levels too!