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Original poster

Do narcissists ever suffer at all?

163 replies

Woodflower · 07/03/2021 18:42

For what they do to others, are they just gettimg away using other people for their own narcisstic joy?. So the set of people who arnt narcs are just protecting themselves while narcissists just glide through by hurting everyone in their way?.

Dealing with narcissists ideas are just a bunch of ideas to the person asking , to run away from them or brace to their charge or to start meditating.

Whats the point in being a kind human being while 'perks' are all going to narcissists?

Sorry I am asking because I want to know if karma EVER bite narcs.
Why would anyone develop a kind nature if given a choice to live life without thinking about others and just be self centered while others just dodge you as they are not capable of being so heartless.

I have seen many narcs living and dying as narcs without a regret. No regrets life. They want their children to be narcs else they will be victims for narcs.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Ruminating2020 · 07/03/2021 20:02

Not sure whether karma exists but I guess their comeuppance is that they will never find true happiness. They are miserable by default until they find a target to derive their narcissistic supply from.

This however does not undo the harm they have inflicted on others so there's no point wishing ill on them although I am also guilty to have had vengeful thoughts about them,, like hoping they would actually be successful in their suicide attempt for a change. I have even googled their name and "obituary" at times. This makes me no better than them and no one should wish death on others.

Narcs have no regret because they have no empathy. The only time the narc in my life expressed any "regret" was when they tried to hoover me, after 3 years of no contact, in an email to say that they "profoundly regretted" the hurtful things they said. This was just another form of manipulation like everything they do. Once you bite, they turn around and say "Gotcha! One, nil!"

I have no idea of how the narc is doing and to be honest, I genuinely hope that they are in a healthy relationship where they are not mistreating their partner or happily single. It must be really painful inside to be a narc where you know that everyone has something that you will never have and be. True love and happiness.

Babdoc · 07/03/2021 20:04

Narcissists are usually very thin skinned and can’t bear people laughing at them. They are oblivious to other people’s feelings but incredibly sensitive to any attack on their own - hence the tantrums if they ever get thwarted or crossed.
Might it help you to consider them as neurodevelopmentally abnormal, OP? That they can’t help their total lack of empathy, they are just born that way. It’s not really a moral issue, and they merit neither punishment nor sympathy for simply being what they are.

Original poster
Woodflower · 07/03/2021 21:37

Nice insights.

I do not want them to suffer. I would not be able to sleep if I truly wished that upon them. So there is nothing that would reel them back into 'normalcy' then. They are born with no empathy and others just give way so that they dont get run over.

On the true love and happiness; yes that might be true because they cant relate to others pain or happiness. But, I dont think they actually care for true love and happiness anyway. Their lack of empathy is their joy.

OP posts:
Helocariad · 07/03/2021 21:44

Narcissistic people are emotionally stunted. They can feel deeply unhappy when hurt in their pride and when denied narcissistic supply. But yeah, they are incapable of empathy deep enough to realise the pain what they cause to others.
Easier said than done but the less oxygen of attention you give them the better. They don't deserve your heads pace.

mugginsalert · 07/03/2021 23:04

They could live and die without feeling genuine connection or taking true joy in the success, wellbeing or happiness of others. All that vibrancy, proportionality and meaning missing from their one precious human life. That seems like pretty harsh karma. But hard to see how there could be a transformational comeuppance or realisation. More maybe a constant puzzling emptiness or disappointment. The ones I've known are never content and painfully consumed by comparison.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 07/03/2021 23:36

In my experience, when life does finally turn around and bite them on the arse, they find a way of making others responsible for their downfall and therefore make it the responsibility of someone else to pick them back up again. They will never acknowledge responsibility for their own actions.

noego · 07/03/2021 23:47

Of course they suffer. Can you imagine how much mental anxiety goes into being that way inclined.

The tantrums
The jealousies
The comparisons
The Projections knowing them to be untrue
The guilt knowing the lies they tell
The fear of being found out
The fear of judgement
The fear of losing status

Ruminating2020 · 07/03/2021 23:52

Narcissists don't feel guilt about lying.

Aalvarino · 07/03/2021 23:54

I think they do suffer, objectively. The one who was in my life is a truly wretched individual and deeply unhappy and troubled. However, I think their general lack of insight into their own psyche means they don't suffer self-loathing, overt shame, or guilt, much. Because it is always someone else's fault. For all their focus on themselves, they are hollow empty shells without others to tell them they are brilliant and wonderful. I think of it like a drug addict who goes after a substance they think makes them happy, but which is actually their undoing.

Aalvarino · 07/03/2021 23:56

I agree @Ruminating2020 . That was one of the things I found truly shocking about the person with NPD that I knew. He felt absolutely no shame or guilt for telling some outrageous porkers. It was almost like he looked down on me for believing the lies. Hard to describe.

TeddyBeans · 08/03/2021 00:00

I find this thread oddly comforting

Ruminating2020 · 08/03/2021 00:01

Yes, I also got the feeling that he despised me for being so trusting gullible for believing his lies.

Trustisamust · 08/03/2021 00:02

True narcs don't suffer as their only real emotion is anger.

GeidiPrimes · 08/03/2021 00:06

I would say so yes - that narc personality has been put in place to protect the true self, which they feel isn't good enough. They have to construct an entire reality that has as much substance as a house of cards in order to live.

And like noego says, maintaining that facade is a full time job and causes much anxiety in itself.

Emeraldshamrock · 08/03/2021 00:07

I think they'd suffer angry frustration when they can't control a situation.
Possibly loneliness in the end after hurting anyone who loved them.
I believe our life choices creep up on us at the end when there's nothing left.

alsodetoxing · 08/03/2021 00:16

I think they suffer an unsettled, empty, irritable feeling quite a lot.

Unsettled because there are doubts about how to feed the ego, and resentments, and blows to the ego. I believe this is known as shame but it doesn't seem like shame in the normal sense of the word, where you feel ashamed of yourself. More like an under-the-surface sense of disquiet about possibly being crap, which is felt as the absence of peace, or, more likely, irritation.

Empty because their goals don't always add up and satisfy them - even for a narcissist, arguably the most likely character to be satisfied by the kind of life they're aiming for, it can still end up not feeling enough.

But i don't think these difficulties tend to be as significant as the pain inflicted on others and like most emotions in emotionally damaged or immature people, the feelings descend and alight quite quickly. It doesn't carry existential despair and/or guilt as far as I can tell. Just a 'dammit' and on to the next thing.

alsodetoxing · 08/03/2021 00:17

descend and alight mean the same thing, don't they...

Notanotherfreak · 08/03/2021 00:20

They only suffer when thwarted or found out and then it’s blamed on others. They are deeply messed up mentally but think they are perfect. I don’t think they realise how much they are truly missing in leading an honest, empathetic and kind life. They just think everyone else is a schmuck. I have had two in my life and you have to accept you can’t ever figure them out - you think you are getting there then they shape shift and all the boundaries are moved.

WindyRose · 08/03/2021 01:40

Is it possible that a narc marries a non-narc person, but due to living this life for many years, the non-narc now turns (for want of a better word) into a true narc?

What is the general consensus in relation to the children of narcs? do they (mostly) learn narc traits from parent/s or are they enlightened more than the general population and decide they don't want a part of it?

Thanks Woodflower for starting this conversation, as like many other people I'm having to deal with narc family and learning as I go. Until a narc came into the family I had never really given much thought to this trait, but in true narc tradition she has caused sheer hell and I just had to go NC, for my own health.

Initially when trying to decipher the turmoil, everything I read about NPD was a light-bulb moment, normally I 'never' diagnose anyone but this was so textbook. Then when I had reason to talk to a counsellor about another matter, she knew this person and actually it was her suggestion to walk away saying I had to put myself first for a change. She also mentioned NPD, MPD, SPD and others and asked if I would suggest to this person to 'get help', but in reality any suggestion (specially coming from me) would start WWIII big time and I just don't have the energy to go down that path.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/03/2021 02:09

Narcissists suffer, but it is always someone else's fault.

noego · 08/03/2021 08:28

Narcissists suffer, but it is always someone else's fault.

Only if that someone accepts the blame

TheChip · 08/03/2021 08:34

I think they do. They're often jealous of others and I think its because they can't access what others can. I think they have a deep hatred for themselves deep down and don't have any capability of living up to the person they wish to be.
So they take it all out on others and try and drag them down so they're not alone in their empty pit.

I think they suffer an awful lot.

Helocariad · 08/03/2021 08:45

@TheChip

I think they do. They're often jealous of others and I think its because they can't access what others can. I think they have a deep hatred for themselves deep down and don't have any capability of living up to the person they wish to be. So they take it all out on others and try and drag them down so they're not alone in their empty pit.

I think they suffer an awful lot.

this is true at think, at least for the narc I know. Unfortunately they are so skilled at playing the victim that they always manage to find some mug who will side with them and try to help them.
Ruminating2020 · 08/03/2021 08:56

Unfortunately they are so skilled at playing the victim that they always manage to find some mug who will side with them and try to help them.

Yes, that is how the ensnare their supply. I was that mug and 10 years later after the last hoover, an old email triggered flashbacks and symptoms of depression, hence my name.

MacbookHoHoHo · 08/03/2021 09:18

OMG, this all makes so much sense.

Someone like this has come into my family and the drama has been doing my head in. She insists I don’t like her, despite my bending over backwards to be nice. She makes bad life decisions then expects nothing but sympathy when they backfire. I wouldn’t care about her at all but she’s turning a relative against me, and I’m scared I’ll lose them.

I’ve honestly felt like I’m going mad because NOTHING she says or does makes sense. But only a couple of us realise she’s awful, everyone else seems oblivious.

She never does anything kind or thoughtful for anyone else, yet complains about everyone. Everything is about her. She sits there and expects attention like she’s the Queen Mum. She also acts like certain things are amazing when I know the truth, and it’s bollocks.

I’m now glad that she suspects I don’t like her. I hope it’s hurt her feelings. I just wish I could expose her and stop this relative wasting their life on someone so hideous.

THANK YOU for starting this thread. It’s like the world makes sense again.