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Original poster

Do narcissists ever suffer at all?

163 replies

Woodflower · 07/03/2021 18:42

For what they do to others, are they just gettimg away using other people for their own narcisstic joy?. So the set of people who arnt narcs are just protecting themselves while narcissists just glide through by hurting everyone in their way?.

Dealing with narcissists ideas are just a bunch of ideas to the person asking , to run away from them or brace to their charge or to start meditating.

Whats the point in being a kind human being while 'perks' are all going to narcissists?

Sorry I am asking because I want to know if karma EVER bite narcs.
Why would anyone develop a kind nature if given a choice to live life without thinking about others and just be self centered while others just dodge you as they are not capable of being so heartless.

I have seen many narcs living and dying as narcs without a regret. No regrets life. They want their children to be narcs else they will be victims for narcs.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
ItisLikethis · 08/03/2021 18:13

I believe that a lot of narcissists do eventually meet their comeuppance.

Theunamedcat · 08/03/2021 18:28

I feel my ex is a narcissist the effort he puts into his mental gymnastics to blame me is unbelievable he had a dog the dog was in the backseat of the car with ds2 who is a flapper it agitated the dog i asked dog to be harnessed so he couldn't reach ds2 or put in the front seat and ds1 go in the back because she was an ex breeding dog and unpredictable around children she nipped ds2 twice i asked him again to keep them separate and supervise the dog he got rid of the dog telling everyone that I forced him to get rid of his dog I told him I wouldn't let him see the kids ever again that I would kill his dog if he didn't get rid of it (which did not happen) he has now bought a puppy told ds1 he will put the dog to sleep if she bites anyone that its my rules I have no clue how to even react anymore I told ds1 if he has her put to sleep its on his dad not me ITS NOT MY DOG

Emeraldshamrock · 08/03/2021 19:07

I have met a narcissist after all reading this thread, my friends mother it makes sense her superior attitude she ruined all their lives she was utterly selfish thankless her priorities were herself, she is dead now.

MacbookHoHoHo · 08/03/2021 19:28

@Theunamedcat - that’s awful. He sounds very passive-aggressive. And the lies! You must feel you’re going mad some of the time. Im sure your kids must know he lies about stuff, though. He won’t just be lying about this, he’ll be lying about lots of stuff and they’ll notice.

I’m so sorry. At least he’s your ex.

MacbookHoHoHo · 08/03/2021 19:29

@Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear 😂 You’re fine, then!

Original poster
Woodflower · 08/03/2021 19:49

Wow... it seems we are all talking about the same person!!...so so accurate!

Esp your friend @PandemicAtTheDisco.. We must be friends with the same lady!

I had no idea that this thread would find me so many of you who have noticed the same traits I did in others; who were/are so painful to keep!.. I am amazed.

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Ruminating2020 · 08/03/2021 20:07

@Woodflower I think everyone has narcissistic traits and there will be a small portion of those who are high up the spectrum.

I did not know anything about narcissism until years after my experience with an extremely toxic person.

When you go through the confusing cycle of idealising, devaluing and discarding over and over, then you know it's not working and not healthy so you try to withdraw from them. When they sense this they will either pull the victim card and guilt you into staying or give you the narcissistic rage which can either be a tantrum or a malevolently quiet tone of voice to intimidate you. Anything to manipulate and trap you in the "relationship".

The mind games completely destabilises you and your ability to make any rational decision.

Toxic people are toxic people and need staying away from.

Original poster
Woodflower · 08/03/2021 20:07

@Theunamedcat... ok this is scary because the couple I was talking earlier; the H has a rare auto immune condition that is very heriditory. My cousin(also frnd) was just looking for some kind words of comfort and said ' what if when I get preg and the baby gets it?'. I was a bit further and H says 'then we will kill the baby' ( no!. I did not wanted to hear them but the H said it aloudBlush).

I cant forget that incident.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woodflower · 08/03/2021 20:10

@Ruminating2020 .. yes agree; like they say 'everyone is self centred; only the radius differs'.. Narcisists radius seem to be at the centre point and it ends there.

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Cleverpolly3 · 08/03/2021 20:15

@noego

Narcissists suffer, but it is always someone else's fault.

Only if that someone accepts the blame

Nonsense They don’t care whether you accept the blame only that they can do this and others believe the projection
IdblowJonSnow · 08/03/2021 20:17

My mum is a narcissist and I would say she suffers because she is insecure and lonely.
I've found that the more I understand narcissism the less anger and hurt I have toward her.

Original poster
Woodflower · 08/03/2021 20:19

I went thru the cycles with my friends.. it was HECTIC to me and she was the one who was claiming to be the victim.

She thought all of her 70 of her ex-friends ahould go get therapy to treat her better ( like Disco said). I also lended her Ekhart Tolle Blush.

Then I knew she was beyoned him.
Now I just stay away, she drains energy faster than a heavy suction pump.

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 08/03/2021 20:23

Who cares if they suffer?

I think they only suffer when they’re alone or in physical need/distress.

HiyaMeAgain · 08/03/2021 20:32

I think they "suffer" by never being truely happy. How can they be?

Cleverpolly3 · 08/03/2021 20:44

@HiyaMeAgain

I think they "suffer" by never being truely happy. How can they be?
Well to the non narc that is true and obvious

But to the narc their sense of happiness is derived form distortion, protection, deflection and a total lack of empathy. Perception is all.

The only way to make a narc feel anything is rage when you shut them down and completely out of your life. That is their only functioning emotion

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 08/03/2021 20:51

So true polly. I knew my narc for 25 years. Never saw them cry and I can't even recall them laughing. I remember a lot of rage however.

Theunamedcat · 08/03/2021 20:52

@HiyaMeAgain

I think they "suffer" by never being truely happy. How can they be?
I think my ex is happy when he gets all the attention being a poor soul that he is he had his last fiancé in pieces telling her I would find her and batter her I was going to kill her etc then she spoke to his first wife who nearly wet herself laughing defending me she knows ive never been in a fight in my life I might shout if severely provoked but you would really have to go after my children to get that response, go after me? Meh I can walk away from you

He is only happy causing drama he refused to tell me where he lived at one point so I didnt put it on the school data collection forms I tell them he is no fixed abode as he quite literally refuses me to have access to this information and of course the data collection sheet is open to me there is no reason for me not to know where he lives he stalks me all the time I see him drive past my house he takes note of cars on the road outside my house (public highway anyone can park there) and questions ds if he sees a new car ds is oblivious bless him he stops ds using his mobile data when he is out because he thinks there is a tracker on his phone he is mentally deranged but people believe him its so random

OhDear2200 · 08/03/2021 20:56

@starrynight21 you’ve described my MIL.

My DH read up on Narc a few months ago and came to find me and said this is Mum.

Everyone thinks she a fragile little old lady. I know her as someone who hurts the feelings of all the people who love her. She never ever excepts responsibility for her (terrible) decisions and plays the victim when she’s be downright horrible.

The best thing that has come out of lockdown is being able to distance from her.

fuzzymoon · 08/03/2021 21:00

Often narcissists suffer from depression from a life time of trying to prove they are right, their opinions and decisions are the best and keeping others down to make them feel superior.
When something doesn't go in their favour, they are seen to be wrong or not top dog it causes them huge distress.
They don't have productive and good relationships with partners, their children or good friendships.
Sad existence.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 08/03/2021 21:04

My friend's daughter had struggled to find work after her daughter's birth and having a few years off dealing with an ill older child. She'd finally got an interview for a job she really wanted.

My friend was upset because it meant she'd have less time to spend with her. She insisted her daughter ask they make the job part time. This cause a huge issue before the interview. She didn't get it and my friend was obviously pleased about it.

Another daughter got a dog, she was upset because they'd be thinking about the dog and not her - who actually says stuff like that?

Another daughter had her first paycheck and her boyfriend took her out to celebrate. She was upset they didn't invite her along and that the boyfriend didn't treat her too. She was then upset her daughter was bragging about what she was buying herself with her first paycheck. She thought the daughter ought to treat her mother.

Woodflower - I doubt it's the same friend because I think I'm the only one that will still put up with her. I'm probably just about done though and have been gradually removing myself from the situation.

HiyaMeAgain · 08/03/2021 21:53

@Theunamedcat. The pure fact that they have to bring people down and make everyone feel like shit must prove they're not happy or they wouldn't feel the "need" to be like it.
My ex is a narcissist, a pure evil man, he's never happy and finds an argument over anything, will even argue the opposite to what he said yesterday...ie he would insist coffee is better than tea, then argue that tea is better than coffee (that's just an example) If he/they are ever happy, they wouldn't feel the need to argue with themselves

Ruminating2020 · 08/03/2021 22:39

Come to think of it, the narc I knew had depression before and after I met him. In one of his hoover phases, he told me he tried to commit suicide a few years before and a few years before that. He also thought about "ending things completely" when he "lost" me.

Anybody else had a narc confess that they had attempted suicide before in the early stage of getting to know them? It's a very manipulative way to get you to feel sorry for them and make you stay in a relationshit with them.

Ruminating2020 · 08/03/2021 22:44

Since we're in the philosophy and religion board, I came to the conclusion that Satan had sent this individual during a vulnerable time in my life.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 08/03/2021 23:48

@Ruminating2020

Since we're in the philosophy and religion board, I came to the conclusion that Satan had sent this individual during a vulnerable time in my life.
I sometimes think we are given people with certain characteristics we find hard to deal with. Some sort of deity provides them and our goal is to learn how to cope with them. Learning this is the first step to learning how to deal with our end goal of earlier, harder issues. Once we succeed then we can be truly happy.
MorriseysGladioli · 09/03/2021 00:03

My ex claimed to have periods of deep, all encompassing self loathing.

He was such a liar, though, I never knew whether to believe him. It certainly seemed to be true.