Do narcissists ever suffer at all?

[Woodflower]

For what they do to others, are they just gettimg away using other people for their own narcisstic joy?. So the set of people who arnt narcs are just protecting themselves while narcissists just glide through by hurting everyone in their way?.

Dealing with narcissists ideas are just a bunch of ideas to the person asking , to run away from them or brace to their charge or to start meditating.

Whats the point in being a kind human being while 'perks' are all going to narcissists?

Sorry I am asking because I want to know if karma EVER bite narcs.
Why would anyone develop a kind nature if given a choice to live life without thinking about others and just be self centered while others just dodge you as they are not capable of being so heartless.

I have seen many narcs living and dying as narcs without a regret. No regrets life. They want their children to be narcs else they will be victims for narcs.

What do you all think?

Ime, no.

My mum was a total narc, to the extent that me and my brother went NC with her for the last six years of her life. I don’t think she was upset over this as she made no attempt to sort anything out even though we told her we were open to sorting it out but she had to change.

I’m sure she was angry.....with us. I got a raged filled letter from her after her death going on about what a horrible person I am and how she hated me. But I don’t think she suffered. I think at some level she enjoyed and thrived off the situation. She wasn’t happy unless she had an all consuming issue to focus anger and hatred at.

thank you so much @hedrivesmecrazy . I will google her now and look on YouTube. I hadn't thought of that. we had a terrible situation/argument last night and just knowing that I can see her for what she is now did help me and I definitely handled it better than previously just by knowing a bit more. Thank you.

I do think narcs suffer. My narc is now a very alienated person. Nobody likes to be around her. She’s gets pissed that she isn’t included in arrangements, nobody discusses their plans with her, returns her calls. She got what she deserved and will die without any love or affection. Her legacy will be one of hatred and anger and she will not be be missed. We will grieve a relationship that could have been, we will also grieve not knowing what made her into a vile and vicious human - maybe she had a fucked up childhood. As others said, narcs don’t accept responsibility for their mental health. We suggested therapy to help with her explosive anger but as she doesn’t see she has a problem or the impact on our lives, she refused. I recently told her she was abusive and her retort was that we had all been abusive towards here. Anyway, wishing anyone who has to live with a narc much peace. We may not see their suffering, but I do believe they do.

They can suffer. My ex is a true narc. He made a serious mistake in a narcissist rage with his new supplies child. Hes about to be exposed to the world for what he is and although he is trying to blame everyone else (me, new supply etc.) It just won't wash as what he did was so horrific. He will suffer in prison, unable to shake his conviction and unable to blame others. After everything he's managed to lie himself out of, it has been a long time coming. Such a shame a child got seriously hurt for it to happen though.

Some amazing insight on this thread.
I aree that Narcs are not happy people. My mother is a Narc, it stems from deep seated insecurity. She is also stuck- no ability to transform or grow. I work towards grey rock as a way to cope with her.

Has anyone here line managed someone clearly a narc (all the narc show).

Mine had put in serious HR grievance against me on easily provable falsehoods but even though I'm likely to win, they still will have won damaging me, my reputation, my team has been reduced as I was off with stress

It must be worth if for the narc to feel dominant, start a war with someone they're envious of, get the attention. Do HR realise these types are out there? So difficult doing a defence when can't mention the elephant in the room as it doesn't make sense..!

Do narcs suffer at work or do people just avoid and they carry on??

@1977mum

Has anyone here line managed someone clearly a narc (all the narc show).

Mine had put in serious HR grievance against me on easily provable falsehoods but even though I'm likely to win, they still will have won damaging me, my reputation, my team has been reduced as I was off with stress

It must be worth if for the narc to feel dominant, start a war with someone they're envious of, get the attention. Do HR realise these types are out there? So difficult doing a defence when can't mention the elephant in the room as it doesn't make sense..!

Do narcs suffer at work or do people just avoid and they carry on??

This is an interesting one. In my experience it takes people a while to see through the narc and I think HR guidelines often don't help. Also, narcs are masters in playing the 'by the book' game and manipulating HR guidelines to their advantage. Someone close to me got almost destroyed at work by a narc boss who first bullied her, then started playing the victim. It takes a savvy level-headed HR manager to cut through all that cr*p and in her case HR were weak.

I think the narc suffers as they feel deeply wronged, because they don't take responsibility for their actions. Also, eventually their reputation suffers which they hate, being so appearance driven. But not before they've damaged many other people, unfortunately :-(

they go mad when they don't get what they want. they will sulk or throw tantrum like little kids.
very pitiable.

@Ruminating2020

Those who had parents that were narcs, when did you have your lightbulb moment? Was it something you only realised more recently as an adult or did you sense something wasn't right with your relationship as a teenager?

My mother is the narc

I’m the scapegoat and one of my brothers the golden child and a narc

His twin is what I’d call ‘the other golden child-just not as high up as his twin’ (has narc traits but I wouldn’t say ‘full narc’)

My other brother is a mix depending on what day it is (I don’t think he’s a narc but my sister in law protects him-she won’t take it)

My lightbulb moment came after years and years of abuse-my friends where telling me she’s a nasty woman,my ex was saying the same but I just couldn’t see it

Well one day I owed her £30 for a phone bill-I had the money on the Monday but not on the Thursday when she was demanding it

It turned out she ‘needed’ it (she’s loaded so she didn’t need it that second) to pay my golden child brothers rent

I told her she could take her £30 and shove it-I wasn’t paying it-I’d paid enough over the years in time,money,emotions and energy

Enough was enough-I went nc-it’s been the best thing I ever did (she just shrugged from what I’ve heard)

Something came up on Facebook later that day about narcs and I fell down a rabbit hole reading about my mother and to a point my father and how he thinks the sun shines out of her arse (he’ll cheerily let anyone know I’m the one with a personality disorder and I belong in broadmoor)

It was an eye opener to say the least-I’m now with an amazing man and she can’t stir the pot with him and ruin it-and it kills her-her supply has gone (I think my brother has taken my place)

I know she’s still spreading the bollocks about me-we moved away so at least I don’t have to hear it and people who know and love me know it’s utter rot

@1977mum

Has anyone here line managed someone clearly a narc (all the narc show).

Mine had put in serious HR grievance against me on easily provable falsehoods but even though I'm likely to win, they still will have won damaging me, my reputation, my team has been reduced as I was off with stress

It must be worth if for the narc to feel dominant, start a war with someone they're envious of, get the attention. Do HR realise these types are out there? So difficult doing a defence when can't mention the elephant in the room as it doesn't make sense..!

Do narcs suffer at work or do people just avoid and they carry on??

I met a narc at work who blamed his line manager and senior members for bullying and stress. In reality, he was unprofessional and they could see right through his bizarre behaviour.

He claimed that one the managers, who was a lesbian didn't like him because he had more success with women than her.

While he was off with stress, he attempted to file complaints against them but it didn't work for him, as he was sacked left in the end, and they remained.

Narc person was actually popular and people generally seem to get on with him. However, he spoke negatively of colleagues behind their backs while he was off. He didn't like it when I asked about a male colleague who waved and smiled at me, and whose name I was trying to remember at the time.

I didn't realise my mother was a narc, but all the signs were there when I was a child, and especially during the teenage years.
Some bad things happened to us as a family, and although affected everyone we all had to walk on eggshells every time with my mother.
During my young adult life too when bad stuff happened to me it was my mother who needed support. And it still continues. Always all about her. I have read a lot in recent years about the trait and pretty much grey rock with my mother now.

I think the subject as to whether narcs suffer, I think they all get hoisted by their own pertard eventually - it can happen quickly or take years.

The reason it often seems they get away with their abuses is that when they eventually get to face the consequences they act as though it is not happening and cover up any suffering for the risk of being seen as weak or a loser...or maybe just maybe they are the ones with the problem. They twist the narrative so everything is just fine in their lives.

I also think their is a marked difference between the suffering of a covert and that of a classic. Coverts sometimes like to wear suffering on their sleeves, more complaining in nature and hope the latest pity story will guilt trip someone into fixing their latest problem. It often works.

Classics are more proud and tend to play make-believe. They play out a narrative of perfection -even if its an out and out lie they often believe their own BS. That's how they survive.

E.g My narc brother ended up in his second divorce, not allowed to see his child, house repossessed and bankrupt. He still tells the story about how that whole period was a blessing because only 'idiots' have mortgages, marriages are for losers, he totally showed his ex, and he is most definitely the best dad in the world....

He genuinely believes his own version of events.

I think they suffer hurt and frustration when people don't like them. Which they find difficult to understand because they love themselves so much.