Do narcissists ever suffer at all?

[Woodflower]

For what they do to others, are they just gettimg away using other people for their own narcisstic joy?. So the set of people who arnt narcs are just protecting themselves while narcissists just glide through by hurting everyone in their way?.

Dealing with narcissists ideas are just a bunch of ideas to the person asking , to run away from them or brace to their charge or to start meditating.

Whats the point in being a kind human being while 'perks' are all going to narcissists?

Sorry I am asking because I want to know if karma EVER bite narcs.
Why would anyone develop a kind nature if given a choice to live life without thinking about others and just be self centered while others just dodge you as they are not capable of being so heartless.

I have seen many narcs living and dying as narcs without a regret. No regrets life. They want their children to be narcs else they will be victims for narcs.

What do you all think?

In response to PP re the philosophical/religious aspect wrt narcissism, I have to agree.

People high in narcissist traits or un/diagnosed NPD have 'dark spirits'. Their souls are essentially blackened. They live in almost constant torment, have low emotional intelligence and are without object constancy.

I believe God/a higher power of some sort sent me this person as a lesson to help me reveal my true character and life's course. I still feel, though, that I should have been wise enough to remove this person from my life sooner.

The narc I previously had in my life lives a sad and lonely existence. They're a 'basic loser'. I only feel sorry for the people they've had around them who they have (tried or succeeded to) damage/wreak havoc on along the way. That includes their current supply, ex spouse and DC, family and every unwitting target. It's scary how many people are so unaware - narcs are emotional rapists.

There’s a guy on TikTok called Lee Hammock who posts about this. His TikTok handle is @MentalHealness and his tag line is “Self-Aware Narcissist”. He posts about hai therapy, tips on dealing with narcissists and insights from that point of view.

He says his turning point was when he lost everything- he wife left him and said she couldn’t be married to a narcissist.

So he looked up NPD in the DSM-V and realised that every point described him so he said to his ex-wife he’d go to therapy. At first he meant to just say that to placate her, but she didn’t let him off with that and he actually went.

The way he describes it is very much like an addict describing hitting rock bottom.

It’s an interesting perspective. He’s a person I’ d be very wary of having in my r all life for obvious reasons, but his posts do help me understand my late father, who was high in the dark triad.

I can't believe that God sent my narc. I was a child with absolutely no way to escape them and I have been left damaged for life, it wasn't a learning experience just hell on earth.

@ItisLikethis I agree with your post. I look back and think now that it was Satan testing me like he did to Jesus in the desert. I failed several tests however and only fled when I finally realised that this person had no intention to treat me with respect and would continue to try extracting something from me.

This person was also a "loser" type but of course it was everyone else's fault.

@Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear I am so sorry to hear that. Have you sought counselling or therapy to deal with the trauma?

I think he sends the ones in our adult lives to help us learn to heal our lost childhoods.

The ones from our earlier lives have an evil source.

Thanks ruminating, I am having therapy thanks, in fact have a session today. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful DH and DS and a very safe and loving home now. Am currently working on getting to a point where I will hopefully be able to work without destroying my mental health. Very lucky to be able to take the time to work on it though.

Someone above asked about threats of suicide. Yes, absolutely. Mine did this frequently and dramatically.

All this talk of them being sent from a higher being to help us learn. Hmm. Maybe. Though if they are your parent, it's very hard. It took me until I was 50 to realise what my dad was. And my DSis is only realising now. It's distressing to see her under such distress as she realises what he has done.

I only knew I didn't want to raise my DC the way I'd been raised and I'm proud of breaking that cycle. Nor did I want a spouse who was a servant to my furious moods. That has also happened. But i do wish I'd worked it through earlier so as not to have wasted decades of adult life feeling depressed and constantly guilty and unable to achieve anything as my father hated and scorned anyone even a fraction more successful than him and I dreaded earning a decent living. Now I don't give a toss what he thinks, my income has increased, my depression almost vanished. But I wasted years dancing around on his stranglehold leash and I wish I'd seen it sooner.

If you are young and on these boards and recognising your parent or spouse - you are in luck. Get away from them, read up on it and make your own boundaries. Your life will be transformed.

I’m just getting out of 30 years being married to a narcissist, so Lord knows what I’ve done in a former life to deserve that 🤷🏼‍♀️

The anger. Always the anger. It will probably kill him in the end.

He’s brought me to my knees, but I’m getting back up and fully intend to live my best life from now onwards.

He’s found his new supply.

This thread has encapsulated about 10+ hours of extended YouTube blurb and I thank you all for the numerous ‘ping’ moments this has given me.

@Labobo

All this talk of them being sent from a higher being to help us learn. Hmm. Maybe. Though if they are your parent, it's very hard. It took me until I was 50 to realise what my dad was. And my DSis is only realising now. It's distressing to see her under such distress as she realises what he has done.

I only knew I didn't want to raise my DC the way I'd been raised and I'm proud of breaking that cycle. Nor did I want a spouse who was a servant to my furious moods. That has also happened. But i do wish I'd worked it through earlier so as not to have wasted decades of adult life feeling depressed and constantly guilty and unable to achieve anything as my father hated and scorned anyone even a fraction more successful than him and I dreaded earning a decent living. Now I don't give a toss what he thinks, my income has increased, my depression almost vanished. But I wasted years dancing around on his stranglehold leash and I wish I'd seen it sooner.

If you are young and on these boards and recognising your parent or spouse - you are in luck. Get away from them, read up on it and make your own boundaries. Your life will be transformed.

This really resonates with me! Turning 30 was my point where I realised a third of my life was done and my parents could very well live for another 30 years and did I really want two thirds of my life controlled by them. I can never get those first 30 years back but I can live the next (hopefully) 50-60 years on my terms.

Many parents use their children and then by the time they grow up either they will be another narc 2.0 or a crushed soul with heavy insecurities :(.

Also there are many spouses who are going thru narcs 24/7 for their own reasons.

Its hard

I didn’t even know what NPD was until I was in a terrible relationship for 3 years. I read ‘Why does he do that’ and it mentioned it. I realised the man I was seeing had NPD. He lied, cheated, was horribly emotionally and financially manipulative and eventually physically abusive. I started to research narcissism as part of my recovery and realised my mother had NPD too. I had been no contact with her for 11 years at this point because of her emotional abuse, but my brother and I couldn’t understand why she was like this. It was a true light bulb moment. Everything fell into place. Although the relationship with the boyfriend narc has really scarred me and I’m still getting over it, I believe I was drawn to him because of all those years of NPD abuse by my mother - although obviously I couldn’t see that at the time - and the fake persona/love bombing in the beginning fooled me before the real abuser came into the light.

Although terrible, I can take that positive from the relationship. I finally found peace with the (non) relationship with my mother. I finally realised it was not my fault and how to heal from that also. So it was a gift in many ways. I try to think that when I have an emotional relapse anyway!

To add: I’m not sure my mother suffers at all because she blames every other single person for absolutely everything and rages about it. Her sense of entitlement, ego and perception is so distorted. She believes all the lies she has told and rages if you point them out. I still have empathy for her as she had a pretty awful upbringing and I think the damage was done very early on. However, I cannot have anything to do with her despite this, nor can I allow her to be in contact with my children, as she is so emotionally dangerous! So in a sense she suffers because she is alone, with no friends, no family, no love. But in her mind she is the absolute victim - so it’s a warped suffering!

@Notanotherfreak - I think it's very easy to get into a relationship with a narcissist if you were raised by one because you are such an expert in them. You know how to tread on eggshells, how to minimise your own feelings and opinions, how to perform the myth of perfection in public and put up with the rants in private, how to accept their rages or sudden volte-face opinions as completely normal. You have an expert skill set and it seems wasteful not to use them. Until you realise that dumping both the skill set and the narc are the best things you can possibly do.

[quote Labobo]@Notanotherfreak - I think it's very easy to get into a relationship with a narcissist if you were raised by one because you are such an expert in them. You know how to tread on eggshells, how to minimise your own feelings and opinions, how to perform the myth of perfection in public and put up with the rants in private, how to accept their rages or sudden volte-face opinions as completely normal. You have an expert skill set and it seems wasteful not to use them. Until you realise that dumping both the skill set and the narc are the best things you can possibly do.[/quote]
This is spot on

Also just to add along with dumping the narc any of their coterie of apologists and enablers also need to jettisoned so as to prevent their attempts to guilt trip and hoover you back in for more

After all narcs like holding court

Yes, I agree. One of the more difficult parts of disentangling was realising the extent to which my mum and aunties were enablers and had me down as a selfish, heartless daughter for no longer jumping every time I was summoned. (I am self employed and once added up the average number of days I spent running around after them with no thanks. It was 24 days a year - that's a full month's pay lost not to mention the cost of train fares to them, little bits of shopping on the way there, the expectation that i had to bring flowers and wine every single time I visit or the takeaways for the family because after a full day running around after them and a three hour round trip, I was too tired to cook. But all this was considered to be within the normal demands of a very rich elderly couple who had a cleaner and a fleet of flying monkeys ('friends' and family who they bitched about savagely who meanwhile did all their shopping, DIYed their house etc and brought them endless presents. I just keep wondering why so many people love to enslave themselves to narcs. It's weird.

@Labobo

Yes this is exactly it. I didn’t realise it until afterwards. I was very unlucky to meet this man as it cost me in emotional damage and money for therapy, but it did help me to discover what was wrong with my mother, and it helped me to let go of her too.

I just keep wondering why so many people love to enslave themselves to narcs. It's weird.

Maybe fear? They’ll have seen how badly the narc treats other people who have fallen out of favour, and they want to avoid the same fate? Maybe?

@MacbookHo

I just keep wondering why so many people love to enslave themselves to narcs. It's weird.

Maybe fear? They’ll have seen how badly the narc treats other people who have fallen out of favour, and they want to avoid the same fate? Maybe?

Fear, guilt and obligation.

It is only now that I realise I never had anything to fear to start with. If I had my time again, I would just learn to ride out the feeling of discomfort. When I finally and consciously stopped myself from responding to yet another manipulation tactic, they went tried all sorts to reel me back in. Only then, I saw how pathetic and needy they were and that I really didn't need this person in my life at all.

The narc can also be popular and charming to others who do not see the horrible side to them.

I'm really so sorry for those who have to deal with a narcissistic parent.

After much reflection, I feel one of my parents might possibly have been raised by a parent with high narc tendencies, so I can attest to the long term trauma it can cause.

I also feel deeply saddened that this evil exists and I strongly believe that religions have been formed to help protect us from this.

I'm no 'dyed in the wool' Christian, but I know the life of Christ teaches us that righteousness in all its forms is more often than not ridiculed and lambasted by the forces of evil. On earth this could be in the form of narcissism, ignorance, indifference, hate in all its forms. And if you believe in the afterlife, heaven and hell. I personally believe in final retribution.

Saying all this, I firmly believe that shielding yourself and your loved ones from this; practicing love, tolerance and realisation; while speaking up/standing up as far as possible for all that is good is the only way to overcome hate/evil.

Those who had parents that were narcs, when did you have your lightbulb moment? Was it something you only realised more recently as an adult or did you sense something wasn't right with your relationship as a teenager?

@Ruminating2020

Those who had parents that were narcs, when did you have your lightbulb moment? Was it something you only realised more recently as an adult or did you sense something wasn't right with your relationship as a teenager?

I always knew my childhood wasn't right and that my family was very messed up but it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realised the true extent. Seeing friends get engaged, married, start families and buy houses with the full support of their parents made me realise how little support I had. My parents did their best to ruin every one of those things for me and I wish I could get engaged and married again on my own terms but 7 years in I think that would look odd

It was only in the last few months that it led to me having a breakdown and having to quit work however. It was a slow steady build over years which eventually resulted in me going NC and I still had a breakdown after that!

Thanks for your reply @Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear.

I am sorry that you had to grow up with narc parenting. Yes, Narcs do tend to ruin special occasions.

Are you nc or low contact with them now?

Xpost. So sorry to hear about your breakdown. Are you still in the process of recovery and where would you say you are?