Upset and bothered.

[JollyRoseSheep]

My husband and i went to our nieces wedding and my husband was giving her away. At the reception we went into the restaurant and the lady seating everyone told us that we were on separate tables. Hubby on top table and I was seated with five other people who I did not know and they all knew each other. I spent a lot of time staring at my plate tried to get my hubbies attention but failed. I really felt walking out and I am still so angry. I am right or wrong.

So much for wisdom in old age. Not much of it in evidence by the OP

Nor good manners or perspective apparently

It was thoughtless and rude for you to be seated as you were. Most times the person giving the bride away is the father of the bride and while they sometimes might be seated at the top table their wife would not be seated apart from them..

Usually the father of the bride and mother of the bride do not sit on the high table - it is left to the bride, groom, bridesmaids and groomsmen.

It was rude that you were not given warning and that you had not one other person on your table whom you knew.

You can't change anything about it all now.
So, build a bridge and get over it.

it is normal for the wedding party to sit together
you didnt like the people you sat with
there was no tea or coffee after the meal

at least you are being honest i guess!

FWIW, I agree with you OP.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm from a different culture (Spain) but I've never understood why couples get seated at different tables because one person is part of the wedding party.

If the top table can't accommodate husband and wife, it gets discussed beforehand and the couple is seated close to the wedding party. That way if there is a speech, it's easy to move from one to another.

I find it rude and completely self absorbed to put a H or W at a table they know no one, specially when the other people know each other and will be conversing among themselves most of the evening. At the very least they could have put you on a table with people you were familiar with.

Take this as a lesson learned in case you have to attend another wedding in the future with the same issues.

So, you don’t like your DH family. Why did you go then? You sound like a petulant child.

It was a wedding and table plans can be an absolute pain in the arse to work out. I'd have thought most people would be able to make small talk with others for a couple of hours. The way you talk about them makes me realise why they probably avoided you the next day, sounds like you've sat there all through the dinner with a right monk on when the day isn't about you. It sounds like a big overreaction.

You do bear grudges for a long time.

And you're being ridiculous about this. You had no place at the top table and you acted like a child in terms of not interacting with others.

😂😂😂

Oh good grief I thought people grew out of this kind of vileness. Apparently some get worse with age!

It would never occur to me that I had to pre warn an adult (unless they had some sort of special needs) that they weren't being seated next to their partner- basic social skills means you can make small talk with a stranger. If the people on your table weren't friendly then be upset (for 5 mins not still) with them but not the niece or her mother. Don't make this all about you it's over now.

I don't know why you attended. There is obviously a lot of history of bad feelings between you and the brides family. I take it your sister in law is the brides mother? So you did not like your husbands late brother or his wife and nor did your husband by the sound of it. Why did he accept the role of giving her away? So he's her uncle but that doesn't mean he had to give her away as her Dad was not around to do it.

With regard to you being seated separately, this is not uncommon nor is it uncommon to be seated with people you barely know. I have been in the position of both, having been on the top table (as playing a role in the wedding party) and been on another table (as my husband playing a role). I get that it's not the best to be seated with people you barely know and having to make small talk, but it's only for the duration of the meal and then you can mingle around as you like.

"OP is asking whether she's right to be upset and bothered. I'd be upset and bothered if I'd been stuck on a table with someone who was making conversation jocular or not, about my being involved in child abuse/incest."
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Why is everyone assuming this person meant sexually? Given that the OP's husband is in his 80s it likely could have been referring to putting him into bed to go to sleep.

This is a very odd thread. The fact that you refer to your SIL as a cow and clearly hold grudges makes it obvious how you view these people, and I doubt you hide it. Or even attempt it.

You sound horrible, I wouldn’t even want you at my wedding

you sound like a grudge bearer and not very good socially. In fact you like my MIL who I suspect is autistic. Do you have empathy challenges, and difficulty socially normally- are grudges hard to let go?
I'd prefer to be sitting with DH but would understand and make small talk with the strangers at the table.

The OP is feeling invisible. 59 years ago the SIL saw her as a threat. They're both old ladies now, not femme fetales.

My mother found it excruciating being invisible. At weddings, christenings family dos. It's not deliberate to stuff people in an empty chair, but it is thoughtless

This is the best and most thoughtful post on the whole thread.

Oh my god you are so so horrible

It's ok OP, i don't think you'll be invited to many more weddings with the attitude you have! You don't need to worry about it in future!

I'm sure your relatives are devastated that you aren't talking to them, you sound thoroughly miserable.

It sounds like no effort was made to seat you with like minded people so you wouldn't be isolated, and the people you were sat with sound rude and ignorant. But, if your hubby was stepping in to give the bride away, it's tricky as to where to seat you, as I doubt there was room on the top table.

That said your posts sound incredibly petulant, like something a bratty teen would write, not a woman of almost 80, and I suspect your dislike of your SIL isn't a secret, so I'm also not surprised you were seated away from the top table even if there was room.

It's done. Draw a line under it and don't see them again.

I don’t understand why you had the nerve to accept the invitation seeing how you despise your sister in law.
Your DH could easily have gone on his own.

That's normal if your not part of the wedding party you don't sit at top table. You should have been with the partners of the other top table people.

Im afraid youre wrong on this occaision. Your husband is obviously filling the part played by a father. How sad she had to find a replacement. There must have been a huge gap that day, and maybe they might have even set a place for him at the table. 🥺. She may have shed a silent tear which led her to hide her feelings.

I bet they're relieved

I'm surprised you were even invited to the wedding. You sound very unpleasant