A Shiney Cult a Day helps you work, rest and play...

[bellavita]

Hello

BitOfFun requested jokes:

Top ten best jokes judged at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

1. Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
2. David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
3. Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."
4. Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
5. Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
6. John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
7. Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
8. Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
9. Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty."
10. Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub?"

to distract you Bof, oh wise diy type person. I have boxed a random pipe hanging down from the ceiling in the bathroom. Box is about a foot square. Should i tile it, or leave it as painted plywood?

I know its not a joke, but it may bore distract you

Here ya go BoF:

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

BB - i love John Bishop!

Brilliant jokes- just the ticket

Jet- DP says it will be less conspicuous if you paint it the same colour as the ceiling.

jet - it might be wise not to tile just in case there happens anything that requires access to it. Makes that cheaper and easier to fix.

Annie

fab, thanks ouch and Bof's dp - i like the easy option Ouch, should i not mention that to put it up there, i may have used no more nails then?

and very good annie

Cheer up BoF:

4. "I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward" ? Tom Stade

5. "One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out" ? Tim Vine

6. "I'm dating now, because I ran out of hooker money" ? Rick Shapiro

7. "The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?" ? Stephen Brown

8. "Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, 'There's a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him" ? Carey Marx

9. "I don't hate the Germans, I just miss my grandparents" ? Ian Stone

10. "I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated?" ? Glenn Wool

11. "My boyfriend likes role play. He likes to pretend we're married. He waits until I go to bed, then he looks at porn and has a wank" ? Joanna Neary

12. "I despise cliquishness, for reasons only my four closest friends will ever properly understand" ? Steve Hall

13. "I once buggered a man unconscious. I'm lying, he was already unconscious when I found him" ? Tom Deacon

14. "I was in Halifax one Friday night in July, and I thought they were having an 'idiots and whores' theme party, but no ? that's just Halifax on a Friday night" ? Rob Deering

I have everything Shiney

I am fine now. Have just brought her down and we are dishing up our reheated pub grub.

Right- shall peruse BB's jokes now...

Oh I love them. We should post the clique one on the moany thread.

Bull and red flag spring to mind bof. Dare you.

Jet no more nails .

I am going to fling myself at the mercey of S&B wish me luck, as ther are more important issues dirty jokes etc here.

She's in bed now. I have just poured a gin and tonic. Well, vodka and lemonade, but G&T sounds more middle-class.

drink it nice and slowly bof, then have another one Oh, and can you ask your DP, should i put coving around my boxing in, to match the rest of the room?

Hope she has settled for the night now.

Yes if it's in the corner, no if it isn't.

how about this Ouch?

or this one?

Have you got ice and a slice BoF - that makes it a little more upmarket.

I'm halfway classy- I have ice.

Shiney and everyone else who buys Granola, which one do you get? I am a bit overwhelmed by how many makes there are

i found this that i quite like but have never heard of the website.

I was found this on the other thread but out of my budget range

Both are nice Ouch.

this and this that i am going to go try on next ds free weekend.

Both are lovely. I bought something similar in Zara a couple of weeks ago in off white.