Selling my house - what to do about DS

[Blushingm]

I want to move in with DP in 2 years time. DS will be almost 27. DD will be 23 but she already lives 50 miles away with her friend.

If I sell the house I’ll have enough to pay off DP mortgage and we could live mortgage free (obviously see a solicitor first to protect us both) - at the moment we are both paying all the bills and mortgage on our own houses. I currently only stay at my house 4 nights per month.

My issue is DS. He will be almost 27. I don’t want to make him homeless. And he says he does t want to be living with his mum. I don’t want to be his landlady either - he’s currently suppose to contribute £75 per week but it’s a battle to get that. He’s got a full time job earning around £31k per year.

Should I sell like I want to and am I being a terrible mum or is it time he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and live independently

Blimey. I had sympathy at first because I know that rent is expensive and buying impossible for a lot of young people, but then I read that he's supposed to give you £75/wk and you're struggling to even get that. I contributed £200/month aged 24 (moved out aged 25) earning less than a third of what he's on, 25+ years ago, and I was proud to be able to do it. He's taking the mick and needs waking up for his own sake.

I'd start charging him proper rent but save it for him to give back as deposit etc. That'll help him get used to having no money each month too!

I'm not sure this is wise advice. The OP will be unlikely to simply be given the right to a proportion of her partner's property without buying in to it in some way. However if she moves in without securing her name on the deeds she is then essentially a lodger with similar limited rights. So if they break up she has no claim on the house which belongs entirely to her partner. That is sensible. Why would anyone sign away some of their wealth and their own children's inheritance away to another person who decided to keep their assets entirely for their own little family whilst benefiting from minimal costs at the partner's expense?

Personally I'd prefer to move into a different home for both of us (large enough for the children to stay), paying 50/50. But if I did have a partner moving into my home like you are suggesting I'd certainly encourage them to invest the money they save on having no rent or mortgage for themselves. That would give them a safety net. However like hell l would I share my assets and my future security with them. They don't get to then waltz off retaining all of their wealth and taking some of mine. Fortunately I don't think the OP comes across as a female cocklodger.

Furthermore in case of a split the OP would have to move out of a property over which she has no ownership. If she had bought her son's flat in her own name she would then have to try to move in. That could prove problematic. Can you see her entitled selfish man child of a son agree to that? She wouldn't have the right to simply move in at that point as to all intents and purposes her son would be protected as a tenant. So she would, in the long drawn out interim have to move herself into a rental property while going through the legal complexities, not to mention the emotional strife. If that was unaffordable she unlikely to be able claim housing support through UC as she still owns a property. And if she's made the mistake of giving ownership of the flat to her son she is stuck in rental without her assets to help her as she ages. Not a good security for old age.

Sorry to have replied to you in a seemingly irrelevant way, as seems to be the case for you. I was offering an alternative pointl of view as yours was presented rather baldly and with an air of , I thought, ‘ I know what’s what about this, even with no detail or personal knowledge of these people at all.’

Just for balance, I chimed in.

No need to be personal about it. I feel you are now personally attacking me for having an opinion 🤨 quite unnecessary indeed.

@anotherforumuser I’m sorry you feel personally attacked by my opinion. As I don’t know you personally, I can’t conceive of attacking you.

I hope op Didnt feel personally attacked by your opinion of her parenting.

Why do you keep going on? You’re very annoying and I feel you’re antagonising me for having an opinion.

I made £17k in central London in 2018 and managed to make it work.

Replying to you is ‘ going on’?

Hi there.

Just a gentle reminder to stick to the topic and avoid making things personal. When personal disagreements break out, it derails the thread and spoils things for everyone else.

Please keep Mumsnet Talk Guidelines in mind when posting.

Best wishes,
Faye
MNHQ.

Yes it is at this point! You’re being antagonistic and you know it. I shan’t be replying any further to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped replying!

I didn't feel attacked by you or your opinion. I disagreed with your suggestion that the OP should sell up and buy a flat for her son. I thought such a move would make herself even more vulnerable and explained why. And I never attacked her parenting. Some of the best parents can have children who are selfish or entitled or spendthifts.

@FayeMumsnet I bet you’d never mentioned about your DP’s mortgage!

I too took the Cat comment quite literally

If he’s reluctant to pay rent when he effectively has the house to himself I think I’d be tempted to take him somewhere neutral, like a coffee shop or a meal, and ask him to set up an automatic transfer each month after he’s been paid.

I’d also let him know he has 18 months. You’ll need some time to clean and declutter and redecorate and market the house.

In those18 months he might need guidance with budgeting?

Is he able to get a promotion? Maybe he could take a course in the time he has that would help his career?

If his money is going on nights out, could he get a bar job to supplement his income? It should stop him going out so much and will provide a bit more income.

At 24 he should be easily be capable of working 2 jobs and studying.

He’s 27

Your 27 might not be his 27. People are different.

He can and does work full-time, so he’s capable of living in a houseshare.

He will be near 27 in 2 years.

When you sell he will need to sign the paperwork to say that he will move out, any risk that he won’t?