Selling my house - what to do about DS

[Blushingm]

I want to move in with DP in 2 years time. DS will be almost 27. DD will be 23 but she already lives 50 miles away with her friend.

If I sell the house I’ll have enough to pay off DP mortgage and we could live mortgage free (obviously see a solicitor first to protect us both) - at the moment we are both paying all the bills and mortgage on our own houses. I currently only stay at my house 4 nights per month.

My issue is DS. He will be almost 27. I don’t want to make him homeless. And he says he does t want to be living with his mum. I don’t want to be his landlady either - he’s currently suppose to contribute £75 per week but it’s a battle to get that. He’s got a full time job earning around £31k per year.

Should I sell like I want to and am I being a terrible mum or is it time he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and live independently

The op was asking for advice on her son not her planned move with her partner. We could dissect every relationship but it’s always a risk. 2 years is more than enough for your son. If he’s not paying his rent it should be sooner. 31k with hardly any outgoings wow I would love that

This is what you should pay attention to.
You’ll be leaving yourself up the creek without a paddle if the relationship doesn’t work out. Definitely don’t pay off his mortgage.

Your son is 24 and earns very little really, considering the current cost of living.
Buy yourself a smaller place and gift your kids some money for a deposit. That is helping yourself and your kids appropriately.

He’s 24.

He does need to grow up and budget his money better but I know of loads of 24yos that still live at home.

How long have you been with DP?

I’m guessing when you say pay off his mortgage - he has already paid at least half of it so you are essentially just going halves on a house?

You would have to pay him rent if didn’t do this and so as long as you have it all legally drawn up then I can’t really see the issue.

Although I would look into renting your home out for a couple of years and then rent from that paying the mortgage - just to give yourself a bit of extra time.
Actually living with someone is very different to being with someone and being able to leave whenever you want.

How would you feel if his DC wants to move in FT after uni?
What if they want to stay until they’re 30+ but you wouldn’t let your DC live with you?

Whats going to be the plan if you die?
Will your DCs have to wait until DP dies to get their inheritance or will he have to sell straight away?

I can see why you want to do this but I’d really think about all of the potential issues and have them drawn up legally in writing.

I think your biggest issues might come with his kids wanting to live at home and your kids not thinking it’s fair or you not wanting to live with them FT but DP wanting to.

Nothing wrong with living at home with your folks at that age but if you do there is usually there is a plan in place, insofar as migrating towards independent living. Mooching around your mums home indefinitely on a largely free ride is just bad for you.

I don't think £31k is enough to live independently these days. And not sure about you paying off your DP's mortgage. I wouldn't make a child homeless unless I thought they could manage on their own.

Your son is reluctant to pay £50 to live there? I'd chuck him out now for lack of respect,

£31k is very much enough to live independently, sharing with others like millions of twenty somethings do.

It most definitely is. He just won’t be able to spend it all on takeaways and down at the local pub.

In which case you enter a flatshare like most of us did back in the day.

What an effing selfish oddball. Tell him to get his finger out, up off his arse, and start looking or saving.

Average UK salary is around £39k so it seems highly unlikely that living independently on £31k is not possible.

I agree @ChamonixMountainBum and the fact that he often struggles to pay his Mum £75 a week for his share of the bills shows that he's wasting alot of money.

If she gives him two years' notice and money when she sells the house, he'll be fine. He's just got to start budgeting like most adults do!

I don't like the sound of you using your cash to pay off DP mortgage.
I don't even know how you would protect yourself legally if you broke up.

X

We’ve been together almost 5 years so it would be 7 by the time I’d be selling. There’s a large fee if I change it before the fixed rate finishes

Yes car!!!! Not cat 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Absolutely - my name will be on the deeds to his house

So hes living in your house alone 26 days a month for free?

He has 2 years notice.. just sell

Absolutely sell.

This
I don’t know if I’m more concerned about the fact that 27 year old can’t get his shit together or you’re planning to use your money to pay your partners mortgage off!!!!

Ypur son needs to sort himself out and if it was me I would rent your house out and keep it incase things don’t go to plan

Yes your son has time and money to sort himself out. However, I would keep the money from your own house sale in your own separate account and split all bills including the mortgage 50/50 with your partner. We never know what the future has in store for us.

Take a grand a month off him in rent for the next two years and he’ll have a deposit saved for a flat of his own

Can you sell
it to your son?

This - that's what l would do. Charge him a bit more and save it for him to give him to have a deposit to rent or purchase a property.
Unfortunately young men don't mature as quickly as young ladies and may still need help from you for a while longer