Selling my house - what to do about DS

[Blushingm]

I want to move in with DP in 2 years time. DS will be almost 27. DD will be 23 but she already lives 50 miles away with her friend.

If I sell the house I’ll have enough to pay off DP mortgage and we could live mortgage free (obviously see a solicitor first to protect us both) - at the moment we are both paying all the bills and mortgage on our own houses. I currently only stay at my house 4 nights per month.

My issue is DS. He will be almost 27. I don’t want to make him homeless. And he says he does t want to be living with his mum. I don’t want to be his landlady either - he’s currently suppose to contribute £75 per week but it’s a battle to get that. He’s got a full time job earning around £31k per year.

Should I sell like I want to and am I being a terrible mum or is it time he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and live independently

Whatever you decide to do, keep your ds in the loop, and keep emphasising the positives of having a place of his own. It’ll be fine! Will there be room for both of your dc to stay e.g. at Christmas?

We want to live together - his house is convenient for both of our work (it’s 2 miles from my work, my house is 25 miles away). I’d not be paying if his mortgage and then living separately

DPs house is 4 bed with a large games room and the lounge has large sofa beds. We have 4 DC between us

Because DPs DC will have gone off to uni by then and my mortgage deal comes to an end in 2 years

You say in two years time he will be almost 27. So he’s 24 now? He has a decent salary for a 24 / 25 year old so he isn’t totally hopeless is he. And most early 20s DC live with parents these days in the costly parts of the country. All sounds normal and sounds good that you’re giving him lots of notice.
He might move out before the two years are up!
If I was able to I’d be giving both DC a deposit for a flat (equal amounts) to help set them up for adulthood.

You may get a much better return by investing. I’d be very cautious of doing this. Often paying off a mortgage can feel
psychologically good but isn’t financially best.

I’d just make sure to reassure him that there’ll always be room for him to come and stay. Your job is done, op. Time for you to go and live your life!

But maybe they won't move out! Have you seen current thread re DC going to uni this year and how expensive it is? Apparently 1/3 of students are planning to live at home now and go to local unis and not try to go away and have to pay high rent or be in Halls - which are about £700 a month for a room only just about everywhere.

If you want to live together then rent a house together first and see how blended family life works out. If it's unsuccessful then at least you both have your separate properties to return to.

Selling a property that you own wholly to buy a share in a property you have 25% stake in is madness. Not to mention the fact that you're also paying off his mortgage, it leaves you in a vulnerable position.

It sounds morbid but what happens when one of you dies? Either the children of the one who dies first have to wait to inherit (which could be many years), or the survivor is forced to sell up to release the equity to pay what the other children are due.

I feel if you don't practically help him you will find hes done nothing in 2 years you need to sit down with him and set up a realistic plan of what he needs to do.

I really wouldn’t do this. Keep your home and DP move in with you? Perhaps he can pay off your mortgage?

His house is bigger and 2 minutes from both our work. My house is in a village miles away from work. Living at mine would be really not convenient and cost is much more in travel etc

Plus his had more room so all our DC could stay whereas mine doesn’t have the room for that

This!

My DC are adults and his will be off to uni in 2 years so it would really be a blended family. I already stay at his except 4 nights a month

Neither of his want to go to the local uni (there mum is a lecturer there) both want to go away to uni.

There mum and DP can afford to support them with this.

£700 is low for halls. DD paid £300 per week 2 years ago.

Will your name be going on the deeds once you pay off his mortgage? Or something entitling you to a share of the house of things go wrong?

Start taking a reasonable amount of rent off your son. Save it up for him then he'll hve a deposit for renting in 2 years. He'll be fine op.

Get your investment in the house well sorted out and I hope everything works out for you

I would give him the two years to save up a deposit and give him so much towards it. You don't want him renting with how unsecure and difficult it is nowadays.

I know this isn't your question, but please don't get so financially entangled with someone you haven't lived with, however happy you are.

My advice would be to rent out your property for a couple of years first. Then you'll have rental income to help supplement earnings. If/when things turn out ok with your partner, then sell your house and invest in his should you still wish to do so (with the appropriate legal protection for you of course).

I moved in with my now DH of 25 years and am so glad I rented my house out. Not because he treated me badly in any way, but it gave me peace of mind in the early years to know I still had my own property.

Re your son, 2 years is plenty of time for him to find somewhere to live, he needs to take that step.

This too. What are you planning on doing with your will?

Pretty much this. Time for him to stand on his own two feet.

Can you buy a flat for your son instead of paying off the mortgage? Keep the money in your family?

Be aware that anyone over 17 has to sign a legal document when you sell, saying they agree to the sale & to move out. I've never known anyone refuse to sign but I'm sure some must. What would you do if your son refused to sign?

When talking of your son's expenses, you mentioned his 10 year old cat as being a major expense. I think you mean car but him caring for a cat did shift my opinion of him quite a lot.

How long have you been with DP? Two years is long time away and presumably you won’t want to complete until after mortgage deal is up so you don’t pay an early repayment charge?

i would concentrate on getting your son moved on as your first priority before you sell