Page 2 | Selling my house - what to do about DS

Blushingm · 2026-09-01T18:06:25+00:00

I want to move in with DP in 2 years time. DS will be almost 27. DD will be 23 but she already lives 50 miles away with her friend. If I sell the house I’ll have enough to pay off DP mortgage and we could live mortgage free (obviously see a solicitor first to protect us both) - at the moment we are both paying all the bills and mortgage on our own houses. I currently only stay at my house 4 nights per month. My issue is DS. He will be almost 27. I don’t want to make him homeless. And he says he does t want to be living with his mum. I don’t want to be his landlady either - he’s currently suppose to contribute £75 per week but it’s a battle to get that. He’s got a full time job earning around £31k per year. Should I sell like I want to and am I being a terrible mum or is it time he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and live independently

OrangeFlower14 · 01/09/2026 19:40

GatherlyGal · 01/09/2026 19:39

He is not 27

Okay, he will be 27 so he’s 25
And?

Ponderingwindow · 01/09/2026 19:41

He has been living for essentially free for how long? He should have a massive savings at this point. If you let him live there without requiring aggressive saving, then yes, I do see that as a parenting failure.

The problem isn’t you wanting to live your life with your son at 27. The problem is if the two of you have been living as if he is still a child with no responsibilities. that time to change that is today.

Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:03

AmyJahabee · 01/09/2026 19:12

I don’t think you’re being a terrible mum, and at 27 with a full-time job on £31k, your DS is old enough to be thinking seriously about living independently.
But I’d be much more concerned about the proposal to use the proceeds from your house sale to pay off your DP’s mortgage. I’d want very clear legal and financial protection before doing that. “We’ll see a solicitor” wouldn’t be enough for me I’d want the solicitor to advise you independently and make sure that the amount you are putting into the property is legally recognised and protected if the relationship ended, the property was sold, or either of you died.
If you sell your house and use the money to clear a mortgage that is solely in your DP’s name, what exactly do you own in return? Would you have a legal share of the property? Would there be a declaration of trust? What happens to your contribution if you split up?
As for your DS, I don’t think you should keep an entire house indefinitely because you’re worried about making a 27-year-old homeless. You can give him plenty of notice and help him make a plan, but ultimately he needs to take responsibility for securing his own accommodation. Especially if getting £75 a week from him is already a battle despite him earning £31k.
I’d actually separate the two issues: your decision to sell your house should be based on what is financially and legally right for you, not on whether your adult son is ready to leave. Give him a reasonable timeframe and support him to move out, but don’t sacrifice your own financial security to avoid him having to become independent.

We will be seeing solicitors independently so no conflict of interest.

I will be on the deeds with both solicitors setting out what would happen should we split up but I would be a part owner of the property

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Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:05

Thank you all so much - I was beginning to feel like I was an awful parent abandoning my DS!

Hes awful with money. He pays for his car and that is it but he rarely has any money - because he lives beyond his means. Spending on takeaways and going out - he’s not very mature at all. His younger sister is a million times more sensible and self sufficient

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Halfblindbunny · 01/09/2026 20:08

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:05

Thank you all so much - I was beginning to feel like I was an awful parent abandoning my DS!

Hes awful with money. He pays for his car and that is it but he rarely has any money - because he lives beyond his means. Spending on takeaways and going out - he’s not very mature at all. His younger sister is a million times more sensible and self sufficient

Well he's got 2 years to grow up, start being responsible with his money and move out. I would just make sure he knows that's the plan and don't waver when/if he does nothing.

itsgettingweird · 01/09/2026 20:11

So he earns 31k and so takes home about £2.1 k a month.

Should pay you £3-375 a month.

Im sure in 24 months he could easily save about £24k for a decent deposit on his own place

Boodahh · 01/09/2026 20:12

Yes he'll have to rent a place like most other ppl.
There are lots of online budget support tools if he's interested in looking at them.

Sympathies - my brother was still living at home (with my dad) at that age, and he was like a teenager in terms of maturity. He did mature aged about 30 onwards. And got a new job that forced him to move out and rent a flat.

fashionqueen0123 · 01/09/2026 20:14

Paying off someone’s mortgage you aren’t married to? Why don’t you invest the money?

PropertyD · 01/09/2026 20:18

Why is he only paying £75 reluctantly? What is he spending his money on?

Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:29

fashionqueen0123 · 01/09/2026 20:14

Paying off someone’s mortgage you aren’t married to? Why don’t you invest the money?

I would be investing it in his property so it also becomes my property. Living mortgage free will mean we have a better lifestyle.

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GatherlyGal · 01/09/2026 20:29

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:05

Thank you all so much - I was beginning to feel like I was an awful parent abandoning my DS!

Hes awful with money. He pays for his car and that is it but he rarely has any money - because he lives beyond his means. Spending on takeaways and going out - he’s not very mature at all. His younger sister is a million times more sensible and self sufficient

You won't be abandoning him you'll be doing him a favour.

Sounds like if you don't change the set up he'll be living with you forever.

Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:30

PropertyD · 01/09/2026 20:18

Why is he only paying £75 reluctantly? What is he spending his money on?

Crap mostly! He has a 10 year old cat and that’s all he pays for

OP posts:

Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:31

GatherlyGal · 01/09/2026 20:29

You won't be abandoning him you'll be doing him a favour.

Sounds like if you don't change the set up he'll be living with you forever.

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I love him obviously but he can’t live like a teenager for the rest of his life

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GatherlyGal · 01/09/2026 20:32

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 20:31

I love him obviously but he can’t live like a teenager for the rest of his life

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Quite!

Pedant61 · 01/09/2026 20:33

Dear God, he's 27 and has a job....he should be moving out NOW! Grow a spine and give him 3 months' notice, OP.

bababamama · 01/09/2026 20:34

You give him notice that in 18 months he needs to be making plans to leave because you will be putting the house on the market, it’s your time to do something for you

SereneGoose · 01/09/2026 20:34

If he was 2 or 7 ...

bababamama · 01/09/2026 20:36

In the meantime he pays you proper rent, which you set aside for him so he has money to move out, he isn’t responsible enough to do it himself it seems

Minasama · 01/09/2026 20:41

AmyJahabee · 01/09/2026 19:12

I don’t think you’re being a terrible mum, and at 27 with a full-time job on £31k, your DS is old enough to be thinking seriously about living independently.
But I’d be much more concerned about the proposal to use the proceeds from your house sale to pay off your DP’s mortgage. I’d want very clear legal and financial protection before doing that. “We’ll see a solicitor” wouldn’t be enough for me I’d want the solicitor to advise you independently and make sure that the amount you are putting into the property is legally recognised and protected if the relationship ended, the property was sold, or either of you died.
If you sell your house and use the money to clear a mortgage that is solely in your DP’s name, what exactly do you own in return? Would you have a legal share of the property? Would there be a declaration of trust? What happens to your contribution if you split up?
As for your DS, I don’t think you should keep an entire house indefinitely because you’re worried about making a 27-year-old homeless. You can give him plenty of notice and help him make a plan, but ultimately he needs to take responsibility for securing his own accommodation. Especially if getting £75 a week from him is already a battle despite him earning £31k.
I’d actually separate the two issues: your decision to sell your house should be based on what is financially and legally right for you, not on whether your adult son is ready to leave. Give him a reasonable timeframe and support him to move out, but don’t sacrifice your own financial security to avoid him having to become independent.

This.
Do not put any money into any DP property or buy a house with him unless it is clearly legally laid out what percentage share you own. You’d be better putting your money into the new house to ensure you have your bigger share on the deeds than paying off his mortgage on his old house.

The fact that he would accept this arrangement makes me question him tbh, he sounds like a real chancer if he isn’t encouraging you to protect your investment. Men are generally savvier about this stuff.

Talk to a solicitor without him present and make sure your finances are adequately protected. This is as much for the sake of your children who should not lose out on their inheritance to DP.

Orherwise you could lose a lot of money in the event of breakup.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/09/2026 20:48

Give him notice now ... he needs to grow up.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/09/2026 21:05

You're going from living with a dependent adult man (your son), to another dependent adult man (your DP).

It seems both of them have no shame, having YOU subsidise them both financially.

If I were you, I'd get your son to move out within 12months, then live on your own and enjoy time to yourself without these menchildren.

Contain4 · 01/09/2026 21:06

Pedant61 · 01/09/2026 20:33

Dear God, he's 27 and has a job....he should be moving out NOW! Grow a spine and give him 3 months' notice, OP.

Tbf he’s only 24 and there’s no need for him to move out straight away but he does need to start growing up and learning how to stand on his own 2 feet.

Original poster

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 21:10

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/09/2026 21:05

You're going from living with a dependent adult man (your son), to another dependent adult man (your DP).

It seems both of them have no shame, having YOU subsidise them both financially.

If I were you, I'd get your son to move out within 12months, then live on your own and enjoy time to yourself without these menchildren.

No. DP isn’t going to dependent on me at all. We will live together and split all bills. He owns his own home (with a small mortgage) his own car, has a good job. Very much the same as me in fact. Why do you think DP will be dependent on me the same way DS is?

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ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/09/2026 21:15

Blushingm · 01/09/2026 21:10

No. DP isn’t going to dependent on me at all. We will live together and split all bills. He owns his own home (with a small mortgage) his own car, has a good job. Very much the same as me in fact. Why do you think DP will be dependent on me the same way DS is?

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Because you're paying off his mortgage. Only a user would let someone else do that for them. No way would I ever accept someone doing that.

everyoldsock · 01/09/2026 21:22

It is really disheartening to read again and again on here of parents letting their grown ass adult children who work and who live with them take the piss out of them and for a long time. You should have kicked him out long ago.