Selling my house - what to do about DS

[Blushingm]

I want to move in with DP in 2 years time. DS will be almost 27. DD will be 23 but she already lives 50 miles away with her friend.

If I sell the house I’ll have enough to pay off DP mortgage and we could live mortgage free (obviously see a solicitor first to protect us both) - at the moment we are both paying all the bills and mortgage on our own houses. I currently only stay at my house 4 nights per month.

My issue is DS. He will be almost 27. I don’t want to make him homeless. And he says he does t want to be living with his mum. I don’t want to be his landlady either - he’s currently suppose to contribute £75 per week but it’s a battle to get that. He’s got a full time job earning around £31k per year.

Should I sell like I want to and am I being a terrible mum or is it time he needs to stand on his own 2 feet and live independently

Wrong thread

You will be doing him a favour by giving him a push into the real world.

As far as your plans are concerned, I advise you to try living with DP before you burn your bridges. Keep your house and rent it out. Living with someone full time can be very different when the lust, sorry dust settles.

I agree with this

My friend sold half her house to her partner. Regretted it ever since. Invest your money or rent your house out @Blushingm and share the bills in your DP’s home including his mortgage repayments.

And your son will be fine I’m sure.

Bit disappointed about the cat.

FFS !!!!!
He's 27 with a good income and virtually no outgoings.
He can easily save enough in 2 years to provide himself with accomodation.

Another molly coddling mother, brilliant 🙄

Another judgmental poster, brilliant 🙄

Geez!!! A CF DS!

I’m entitled to sharing my opinion on a public forum, and it appears many others agree with me!

I would be telling your Ds that his next two years accommodation at £75 pw depend on him saving for independence.

Spend a bit more time with him for a while , insist that his £75pw gets set up as a standing order into your account the day after his salary is paid.
Go through the MSE website with him looking at the best savings accounts : show him how much interest is earned on savings. Steer him to setting up another savings account with another standing order from his salary into that account. Maybe a good rate in a one year fix where money cannot be withdrawn.
Tell him if he doesn’t stick to this for the first year, he will be out for the second.

Show him how much his residence in your house is costing in heating bills etc, actually go through the bills, the loss of your single person discount etc.

This doesn’t have to be done in a boot camp punitive way, just ‘as adults managing this home together you need to know how the finances work ‘ over a pizza.

It’s fine to sell your house but he needs some life skills before he ends up as one of those useless men whose partners do everything.

I had my Ds trained in financial and domestic responsibilities by the time he was 12 - easier while they are still biddable! But you have leverage!

Time for him to grow up then and learn how to budget. Trust me, from experience with a family member, don't let him turn in to a 50 year old man who is still heavily reliant on his Mum.

Exactly this. Or, he could rent a room somewhere and after 2 years ask the landlord if he wouldn't mind giving him back all the rent he's paid him 🤷

I don't think you are being unreasonable expecting your son to find somewhere else to live . Is he neuro diverse? If so I think you should help him come to terms with the move and help him find somewhere else but it's not unreasonable for him to move out.
But I would be very careful about paying off your partner's mortgage. I want to leave my assets to my children if you also do make sure you are fully protected. And that eventually the proceeds from the sale of your house go to your children and not your partner and any children he might have. Also make sure you are protected if you should break up with your partner. You might think that will.never happen but of course it does and frequently

I would say think about your future.

A stake in one house doesn’t necessarily result in enough to buy anew should things go tits up .

Take great care of your remaining capital and save as much as you can from your reduced living costs.

They say this now. They may change their mind. Presumably they are only 16 now. A lot can change in 2 years. And of course they will want to stay in the holidays are you happy prepared for that?

But no one on this forum knows the full facts or the personalities involved. It isn't helpful to make sweeping negative statements. OP asked for advice. How is that advice?

My only addition to the thread would be to say - don't wait the two years until you sell, help your son to find somewhere to live in the next year. That way you've got a year for him to settle down before things are totally up in the air. NOT, I hasten to add for your son's benefit - make it clear that he's not coming back to your house, but for your own sense of guilt. You will see that he's managing very nicely on his 31k a year and he can learn to budget and live within his means, before you sell the house and have to decide whether to use any of the profits to give your DS and DD a deposit.

I completely disagree - the OP reads in a way that is in my opinion molly coddling. I’m sorry if that somehow offends you. It is no good for any adult of this age to still be at home. That is my opinion.

He can flatshare with a friend. He doesn’t even need to buy straight away.

I don’t think you’ll be forcing him onto the streets OP…

I think she’s a supportive parent. We have no idea what her son is like or what his life has been like, or where his readiness is. Only she, and he, know that.

I think it’s great for the family home to be an available space to young adults for as long as they want it.

You shouldn't be worrying about him. Good salary, 27 years old. He should just be planning for where he's going to live! I left home by the time I was 18, no one held my hand, and I was on a heck of a lower wage than that, just out of college.

It’s 2 years away, and he is an adult and has a job. Just tell him you are selling. Perhaps say you’ll waive the rent to give him some to save.

Frankly at 27 he should have more than enough life experience. Although living at home this long will have shielded him from a lot of reality, he's got time to learn. A bit of advice here and there maybe but frankly I can never get around anyone still living with parents at this age unless it's because the parent needs high levels of care, and that's what was agreed- which definitely isn't the case here.

That’s great. I don’t know why you feel the need to reply to me though. I provided my opinion, and that’s that. Thank you..

On 31k with no home running costs yet he does not also need to keep the £75 a week! He'll have more than ample to save.