DS went to police

[totallylostanddontknowwhattodo]

My DS is nearly 18, hence posting in this group. We got into an argument about him taking something of mine without permission. He sneaked out of the house and went to the police and made false accusations that I was restricting his freedom and that I had been violent to him on one occasion.

He is now home and I have been reported to social services by the police. DS seems to be totally fine with what has happened and keeps asking for stuff like money, phone top ups etc. However, I feel totally lost as I feel as though unless I give in to what he wants, he will just go and report me again for continued abuse.

How should I handle the situation while I still have parental responsibility for him?

Im assuming he was wrong? If so, kick him out. You can't live like this

He's nearly 18, what does he want the police or ss to do? If you are that terrible surely he needs to leave home?

Yes I will ask him to leave home at 18, but I have a few months yet that I need to get through.

DS seems to be totally fine with what has happened and keeps asking for stuff like money, phone top ups etc

I hope you have told him to take a long walk off a short pier? I’d be doing the absolute bare minimum from now on. He can’t make false allegations about you to the police with no consequences to your relationship - my trust would be absolutely shattered.

I’d also stop doing anything for him. How dare he! No money, no lifts, no phone top ups.

So what if he reports you again.

You don't give him anything except the bare minimum. You can't give into blackmail. You ask him for his plans for when he turns 18.

Let him report you and be taken into care. Is his father on the scene?

Do you have younger children you are worried social services will get involved with?
Is anything he said true?
I wouldn't tip toe around him if he is telling lies. Social services will listen to your side.
I also wouldn't reward his behaviour with money .
But it feels like a lot more has happened to get to this point

Children's social services can't do anything if he is on the cusp of 18.

I'd tell your son if I was in your shoes that he is an entitled chancer and a disgrace for lying.

I would say ' seeing that i feel unsafe and vulnerable in my own home because of your lies and thatyou're going to be 18 in ( whenever) you can sort yourself out and live elsewhere.

I wouldn't put up with that shit.

My ds left at around 17 and came back a coue of years later and did nothing but complain. He was told to go if he didn't like living in a house that had all his home comforts in that he had to leave. He soon shut up. I suspect if you got tough with your ds , he too would change his tune quickly.
Don't be a wallflower to this behaviour if you do it will just escalate.

Call his bluff. Tell him he's not getting what he's asking for, if he wants to ask social services to take him into care that's fine with you. Record the conversation in case of more false accusations.

Do not make any statement to the police without a free legal aid Solicitor or hire your own solicitor.

Install recording cameras with voice as well as pictures in all the common areas and hall ways .

As long as what hes said is made up you have no need to worry.

Police probably done a merlin report its quire normal.

Don't let him blackmail you. Let social services contact you. Nothing will happen.

Is tyere a reason he took something of yours is there anything going on to make him do what hes doing

It might sound extreme but I would get some of them cameras that look like room sprays etc.
It will give you peace of mind that if he makes up lies they are there to check.

Why wait until he’s 18? I would chuck him out now.

No way would I have him under my roof for doing such a despicable thing.

Yes, I have another younger DS who is 11 with severe SEN which is what I am worried about as he is non-verbal and can't speak for himself.

I didn't use violence.

Yes there has been a build-up of bad behaviour over time - not following rules, using phone after 10pm which the time by which I ask them not to, being rude and aggressive etc

Contact social services and tell them you no longer want him, or kick him out when he reaches 18.

If you are worried about your younger child - contact his Social Worker. SS will want him supported safely at home and will not be looking at removing him (unless this is only part of a story).
It's hard having a sibling with severe SN - your older son sounds angry - going to the police an overreaction - there must be more going on than taking something without permission, wanting his phone after 10.00. You all need support.

Tell him he could get arrested for wasting police time.

While I don't condone in any way disrespectful behaviour and lying and going to the police. Why would your child's first thought be to involve the police. This seems very strange. Has their been police involvement in your life before? Also, what do you mean by " sneaking out"...was he on a curfew?

He is still a minor and she has a responsibility to him.
OP this is a very sad post. He is your son! can't you try to find a way for him to come back from this.

Amazon > camera > instal > show topics / social services next time

in the meantime don’t give in

This is all very strange.

Why are you restricting phone usage for someone who is very nearly 18? Why did he have to “sneak out” to call the police like he’s 10 years old?

Obviously you’ve portrayed yourself as hard done to and everyone so far has supported you. I’d like to hear his side before I made any judgement, sorry.

But perhaps he’d be better off if you kicked him out as SS will have to house him as a minor, when he’s 18, he’ll probably be street homeless.

I’m also wondering why a nearly 18 year old had to sneak out and also has to follow rules over phone usage. Has the decline in behaviour been around these issues?

Don’t give in to any demands. After all you would like SS guidance on home rules and respectful behavior so until that discussion happens ZERO. Cancel phone stop paying unless he’s able to fund that.
Tell him to write down all requests and with SS or police you will review them.

The reason for the restriction in phone usage was that his grades were declining and he was spending too much time on his phone - hours and hours were spent scrolling which did not seem to be doing much for his mental health. I discussed with this with the police and they said I was allowed to restrict phone usage at home as it came under responsible parenting.

He also failed to do chores, was constantly lying etc. Again responsible parenting involved teaching a child how to have basic skills and respect for rules and my home.

The escalation occurred because I was trying to enforce the rules, and he didn't take too kindly to it, to say the least.