Son’s girlfriend stopped he did not ask. Quick advice

[Carol52]

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

Goodness Carol! It’s a total none event. He’s 18!

This 100%

To be honest I kind of thought the idea of teens being lucky enough to have use of an annexe was they could have boy/girl friends over.

He's 18. That's well over the age of consent. I get that he's meant to ask permission but I don't really think he should have to at that age.

Especially If it's his girlfriend and you know they obviously are sleeping together. It's not some random girl he picked up from a club. But even then at 18 as long as he doesn't disturb the rest of the family with his antics, his social/sexual life shouldn't really be inhibited too much by his parents.

Yes. He did disrespect you if your rule is that his girlfriend must never stay over at your house

Have a gentle chat by all means

But remember that although you're entitled to set rules, it's his home too and he and his girlfriend are legally allowed to have sex

Try not to be too judgemental. Apart from breaking your rule, he's done nothing wrong. Try not to ostracise him

What's disrespectful is interfering in your adult son's sex life. Unless they are doing it in front of your younger daughter, it's none of your business.

Have some boundaries, please. Your behavior is inappropriate.

I would expect my son to let me know if he were having friends round at night with them and his girlfriend staying over - just really part of behaving decently and with respect. (And conversely I don't get the flurry of posters coming on the thread to howl with laughter and sprinkle holy water)

Missing the point of the thread but what region uses stopping for staying over? I've never heard this before!

Can someone translate OP's post into English?

I have 2 DS, both early 20s. I think you are massively over reacting. Good points: it's his GF not a random shag you don't know! He is 18 - and an adult, not underage. He came home with friends not randoms! He didn't stay out all night and get so drunk he didn't come home. No drugs involved.

Honestly if these are your only worries you need to relax and see the good side. If you are do strict you will break your relationship with him.

Yeah, stopping..!?

Pretty much how it worked in my parents' home and how it will work in mine.

My teens always asked if their boyfriends or girlfriends could stay over. My 24 y/o still asks re. her boyfriend who she's been with for four years. Yanbu OP.

I think you’re over reacting op! He is an adult!

I was the son in this situation. My Mum made us both a full English and didn’t judge that our hangovers caused us to eat it very slowly. Then she invited my girlfriend back for dinner one night and ran her home.

Thirteen years on and they’re best friends, I can hardly get a look in!

Take no notice. It’s your house, your rules.

☝️Exactly what I was going to post 😁
Your house, your rules - no matter how old your DS, DD are.
IMO his behaviour lacked common courtesy and (mutual) respect but perhaps make it a measured non confrontational adult to adult type conversation.

Im in the NW and ive heard it used commonly

You think? 🤦‍♀️

I had a similar issue many years back. I spoke to my child and said that it was not to happen again and if it did I would ask the person to leave and if they didn't want to be embarrassed like that they don't do it or speak to me first

Surely it's obvious from the context.

How so??

Omg 🤣 I assumed you meant high schoolers so 15/16, you need to cut the apron strings

This is very sensible, measured advice.

Yes, it's OP's house and there may be 'rules'. However, we've established that both son & girlfriend are above the age of consent, so in that respect, there isn't a concern of anyone underage doing anything they "shouldn't."
We've established that he stays overnight at her house. Presumably they are allowed to be in the same room there.

Whilst there are some unknowns, and whilst OP may be uncomfortable, there's no wrongdoing here as such. It would have been better if the son had asked if his girlfriend could stay over, but I'm not sure what the outcome would have been if OP had said no.

You can't stop kids having sex. You can only make sure that if they're going to, that they do it in a safe environment and use contraception.

My personal take with my daughters was 'no'. Too many school friends were having boys over the the weekends, nights, how many do you bring home? if it was a long term thing that would be totally different

Basic comprehension skills. It's probably not what I would say but I have heard it and it's easy to work out especially if you read the OP.