Son’s girlfriend stopped he did not ask. Quick advice

[Carol52]

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

Is it not more of an issue than there were a load of men in the house when the younger daughter was there?

If it's fine for your adult son to sleep at his girlfriend's house why is it not ok for her to sleep at your annexe?

Assuming ‘stopping’ means staying over?

At 18, I really would not care. We’ve always had lots of randomers here staying with our kids. I’d assume they let their parents know, as ours would. Otherwise, it’s all good. Did you not sleep at friends’ houses when a teen, OP? I actually love it when there’s loads of them here.

This is my opinion too. I was given a lot of freedom when younger and never did anything too bad, but my friends with strict parents were much worse than me. 1 lost their virginity in a bush at the park, I would not want that for my children, and I think they'll do what they want anyway.

The fact that you allow him to stop at hers but not yours is very hypocritical…

We have an annex. For fire safety reasons alone, we insist on knowing how many people are staying over.

I would chat to my DS when everyone had gone home and say that in future you’d rather he asked first if his girlfriend could stay over. No need for any theatrics. If you bump into girlfriend be polite. Also I’d be thankful your DS felt confident enough to let her sleep over. Would you rather they snuck around in secret?

Your house, your rules. It's not difficult, old fashioned or not.

Bring them all bacon sarnies and some bubbles to celebrate his end of school prom and the lovely friends and GF he has in his life.

Leave them alone. They were in your annexe - not your house.

Well I’m also old fashioned then…
I have two daughters, 18 and 20. Neither have done this yet, but they absolutely would ask before coming home with anyone in tow. They would ask about bringing a friend home for the night and I know they will ask re a boyfriend.
I wasn’t allowed to share a room with DH in my parents house until we were married, and I respected that as it was their house.

She stayed over in your annex. It's not likely your younger child is going to stumble across them shagging, is it! It's not as if you have an issue with them sleeping together if you're fine for him to stay at her house.

Sex isn't contagious. Your daughter won't catch it because her adult brother is sleeping with his girlfriend.

Stopped what?

He’s 18. Some of his friends stayed over and his girlfriend stayed too. It was after his prom. They were probably all excited, stayed up late and crashed. It was a special event.
I would let this one go, but calmly have a conversation later that you’d have appreciated being asked and it’s not to happen again.

You're getting a hard time here. Your house, your rules. Never mind if he's 8, 18 or 28. Just remind him again of your rules.

The thing is most couples nowadays are together for years and live together before marriage, lots even have children. It would seem silly to enforce that rule if your adult child had been with their partner for years and lived together.

Bloody love it 😂😂

It's your house. You do things your way. The people who are ridiculing you might be singing a different tune if it was their daughter.

But that's different isn't it? The scenarios you mention are of people in committed relationships. Op is objecting to her young adult son disrespecting her values and wishes. That's fair enough, surely?

Thank you to some of your responses were helpful others are either out of this world or nasty. I will have a chat I do think some people on her are very loose on their parenting which is fine. Sometimes on her you doubt your parenting skills with comments. But my children are normally well mannered good at school pretty intelligent although don’t help much round the house. But as a daughter I always respected my parents . My dad was my hero . So on this occasion I feel he did disrespect me . I do need to have a chat

You've said you've got an annexe and this is where they were...

NEXT.

What do you mean when you say some of the responses you've had have been "out of this world"?

@Carol52 you are not old fashioned, you just want him to ask, it’s your house and your rules.

I agree with you and you are not being unreasonable or overreacting xx

Surely this is mumsnet classic?

The responses are EPIC.

And I will never understand people posting for advice, and then continuing to ignore all advice….. WHY ASK.

who is betting for a post in 5 years about a son living with his gf and ‘not spending every minute with me’ 🤣

If they were in the annex then your younger child is not going to see the girlfriend wandering around wearing your sons t shirt.

I'm not "loose" on parenting. But my daughter is 18 and has a steady boyfriend (met at uni) who lives in a different city. It would seem strange to me not to let them share a bed when he stays here. 🤷‍♀️

Wow just wow. Why can't his GF stay ?