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Original poster

Son’s girlfriend stopped he did not ask. Quick advice

267 replies

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:14

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

OP posts:
Zov · 28/06/2025 12:33

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:29

I know some of you think it’s ridiculous but I have a younger daughter at home as well. I appreciate their ages but to not ask IS disrespectful

First time I stopped over at my now DH's parents house (we were both mid 20s,) his mother didn't know I was there til breakfast time. She looked startled when she saw me in my undies and his t-shirt, creeping into the kitchen (hungover!) I was like Blush

She just paused for about 5 seconds, and then said 'coffee or tea luvvie?' Smile

Ya know, a normal, rational reaction to an adult son having a girl/woman stay over!

Chill yer boots @Carol52 😎

Original poster
Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:33

how would you deal with it

OP posts:
JackieWilsonsaiditstimeforbedlittleone · 28/06/2025 12:34

He should have asked if someone was staying (maybe it was late, he didn’t want to wake you or assumed that one more wouldn’t hurt and you had already said yes to the others) but I don’t understand the difference between his mates and his girlfriend especially when it comes to you having a younger dd at home?

Noideawhatiam · 28/06/2025 12:35

@Carol52 can you explain why you're so against her staying over?

You mentioned a younger daughter, but really does this impact on her at all?

I have six children, three are adults now, I find it useful to remember they will always be my son/daughter but they are no longer my child.

Original poster
Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:37

I think I may be a bit old fashioned .

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 28/06/2025 12:38

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:24

He is 18

Oh i do think you probably have over reacted slightly i do think he should have asked you and if he doesn't then you just don't let anyone stay

NettleTea · 28/06/2025 12:38

he should have asked if it was OK, but it should have been OK.

As long as his sex life is discreet and nobody is hearing it, it is healthy for siblings to see how a healthy relationship looks. My parents were horrible strict about that. It was very much 'not under my roof' and the hang ups created some serious problems down the line for myself and my sister

Catsandcannedbeans · 28/06/2025 12:40

Doseofreality · 28/06/2025 12:18

chuck some Holy Water on tuem
both and all will be ok.

You never know, they might both burst into flames. Demonic possession is rife among the youth.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/06/2025 12:41

Op you'll get lots of OMG HES AN ADULT, HE CAN HAVE ANYWHERE HE WANTS NOW!!!! but the fact is he's still a high school student living totall@Moltenpink off his parents. He's legally an adult but not socially

I suspect it just happened, and they likely didn't have sex with his mates downstairs.

However if he's staying at hers I think you need to reconsider her staying at yours. The conversation with your daughter can be couched in terms of him now being past 18 and in a serious relationship. To him, it's common courtesy to confirm who can stay in advance but id probably let this go with a chat.

Zov · 28/06/2025 12:41

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:33

how would you deal with it

As my now mother in law did? CHILL YOUR BOOTS! And welcome the lass into your home, and be friendly with her! I can't imagine ever reacting any way other than that - like my mother in law did.

Noideawhatiam · 28/06/2025 12:41

I'd try and think about where your feelings are coming from, it would be a terrible regret to allow this to damage your relationship with your son.

If there are no concrete reasons for you feelings then this might be one of those times that you have to accept that it's not your son's responsibility to limit his perfectly normal behaviour, to prevent your discomfort.

But do ask him to give you advance warning in future.

SunsetCocktails · 28/06/2025 12:43

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:37

I think I may be a bit old fashioned .

I think that may be a bit of an understatement

OrsolaRosso · 28/06/2025 12:44

Would he have needed to wake you up to ask?

Francestein · 28/06/2025 12:44

Yes, you’re old fashioned and it’s all entirely legal. Regardless, it’s your home and you can bang on the door and boot them out. You have every right to do this IF none of them are paying anything towards staying there.

Thatsrhesummeroverthen · 28/06/2025 12:46

It was nice of you to let his friends stay over. It might be time to think again about whether she can stay over - but up to this point he has been a school student, not exactly the adult others are making him out to be.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/06/2025 12:47

But he is ok to stay at hers...how does that work then?

Zanatdy · 28/06/2025 12:48

It was quite disrespectful if he knows you won’t agree. I personally am happy for my son to have his gf stay, and same for my DD when she is ready. I certainly don’t want them having sex in a car or down an alleyway.

AAudreyHorne · 28/06/2025 12:49

This is not the hill I'd choose to die on.

Maybe it was all last minute plans?
Maybe you were asleep when he got in so didn't want to wake you to ask?

TheLemonLemur · 28/06/2025 12:49

Sounds like you need to relax a bit. He's not invited half the females in the year over at 15 he's an 18 year old with a girlfriend. I'd say noticed she stayed no problem but could he give you a heads up in future

zeibesaffron · 28/06/2025 12:51

I do expect my kids to just let us know BF/GF are staying over just so we can make sure we are fairly decently dressed!! 😂.

But he is 18, its his prom and his mates where there too- let it go! You don’t need to handle this in anyway it’s not really an issue!

You need to rethink this if he is staying at his GF house then he also needs to think of your house as somewhere they both feel comfortable. They are going to have sex anyway!! I would say to him she can stay but please just let me know beforehand.

Whosenameisthis · 28/06/2025 12:53

Wow I thought this was about his girlfriend stopping something and couldn’t figure out what- hoping it wasn’t her saying no and him carrying on. So at least it’s not that.

why is it only a problem at yours? If you allow him to stay at hers you clearly condone it.

how old is your younger daughter? How does it affect her if he’s at least discreet and in the annexe rather than in the house…

my dd did something similar. I pretended I hadn’t seen. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s her business.

Delphiniumandlupins · 28/06/2025 12:54

He didn't ask because he knows you would not have agreed. It seems a bit hypocritical to let him stay at the girlfriend's but not have her stay at your house. At 18 I think you need a discussion with him about this and hopefully you can come to some compromise.

upandleftthenright · 28/06/2025 12:54

Call the police 👮

Seaside3 · 28/06/2025 12:55

At least she had a safe place to stop for the night.
Im not sure why it matters that you have a younger daughter in the house too?

How i would deal with it is I would offer to make a cuppa/breakfast and to run her home. Be normal and glad my kids felt comfortable enough to bring someone who they think special home.

Otherwise, your son will just spend all of his time at hers as that's where they're welcome to be normal teens.

AnotherGreyMorning · 28/06/2025 12:56

Huge over reaction to be furious. What if he did something really wrong? I mean, how furious can one actually get? 😡

Just have a chat. Next time say it would be polite to ask.

However, I think you'll see less and less of him if you make a drama out of this. Sounds horrible.