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Original poster

Son’s girlfriend stopped he did not ask. Quick advice

267 replies

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:14

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

OP posts:
Original poster
Carol52 · 28/06/2025 15:17

Proud mumof1
thanks for your text.
however I ask for advice and I have taken it before on here . I would not ask if I was not open to listen It baffles me how some people love to criticise.

OP posts:
JackieWilsonsaiditstimeforbedlittleone · 28/06/2025 15:18

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 15:03

Thank you to some of your responses were helpful others are either out of this world or nasty. I will have a chat I do think some people on her are very loose on their parenting which is fine. Sometimes on her you doubt your parenting skills with comments. But my children are normally well mannered good at school pretty intelligent although don’t help much round the house. But as a daughter I always respected my parents . My dad was my hero . So on this occasion I feel he did disrespect me . I do need to have a chat

Edited

Considering that you have been unable to say what exactly has upset you about the situation I don’t think that the range of responses has been very unusual.
Hopefully you will be able to think about what has caused you to be so upset before speaking with your adult son.

YerArseInParsley · 28/06/2025 15:22

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:32

Thank you Mrs positivity . I feel as though I am getting ridiculed and am a bad parent. Everyone is different .

You aren't a bad parent, you're just over reacting. Sure, say you would have liked him to let you know she's staying but he's 18 fgs. They were in the annex, how does that impact your 15 year old daughter?

Edit to say I don't know where I got 15 from 🤷‍♀️ regardless of you other child's age, your son is 18, was in the annex and there were other people there. Maybe he didn't view it as a boyfriend/girlfriend stopover. They all went out and came back to your sons gaff.

Silvers11 · 28/06/2025 15:29

I don't understand exactly what the problem is. You knew beforehand that your son had some friends planning on staying in the annex after the prom, if I read that right. You know your son and his girlfriend sleep together when they are at HER house, so that of itself isn't a problem

But you are upset that he didn't ask specifically if his girlfriend stay over too after the prom? In his eyes ( and mine) what is the actual difference to you? Surely it's just one more person staying over? Were you in bed when they all came home? If so I imagine he wouldn't want to ask you, when you already knew some people were already staying over. Plus, as I said already, surely it was just one more person staying.

I don't see that in the scenario described he was disrespecting you at all, really. Please lighten up a bit and think whether you really want to drive him away ultimately, or you'll be posting here in a few years time saying 'My son hardly ever comes to visit me.....'

Allotmentblackfly · 28/06/2025 15:55

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:14

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

I met my husband when we were both 16. His parents were evangelical Christian’s but they let us be in his room together
i lived round the corner and our next door neighbour was often away. He’d monitor when they were away and we’d make out in their back garden🤣🤣🤣
point is we were terribly poorly monitored at an even younger age but we married at 23 and are still married 40 years later. Bad parenting can work out fine
still gobsmacked his parents weren’t bothered. Funnily enough turns out he’s now the only one of his brothers who is not an evangelical Christian. Figures.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/06/2025 16:00

Axsaaa · 28/06/2025 13:38

I've never heard of stopping before. Can someone explain.

Show quote history

It's an idiom for staying over.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/06/2025 16:02

The only thing you need to say to your son @Carol52 is "I hope you're using contraception and understand about consent."

Miyagi99 · 28/06/2025 16:08

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:24

He is 18

😂😂

Ponderingwindow · 28/06/2025 16:08

I’m against overnights for this age group, but in the moment I would do absolutely nothing. Why?

  1. its prom. It is a special night and mom storming in should not be the ending memory
  2. they may have just been tired and needed to sleep. The girl may have felt safest sleeping near the boy she trusted the most
  3. teenagers have sex. We all know that. Barring overnights isn’t about preventing sex, it is about preventing relationships from getting too serious too quickly. One crazy prom night isn’t the end of the world

once your son is alone. Just talk to him. Remind him of being respectful of house rules. Remind him of using contraception every time. Remind him about consent. If you actually talk to him, you may discover he is actually mindful of these things and kind and considerate to his girlfriend.

CatRoleplayTycoon · 28/06/2025 16:09

vdbfamily · 28/06/2025 13:44

My feeling is that it is your house and your rules. I have 3 kids aged now 18-22 and they know that until they are in a serious, committed relationships, their partners can stay but seperate rooms. They have never objected to this as they know that we have strong beliefs on this matter.

But what is the ‘belief’? That sex under your parents’ roof causes the roof to blow off? Pre-marital sex is immoral? That you should never have sex if someone else is in the house?

Lins77 · 28/06/2025 16:10

Ponderingwindow · 28/06/2025 16:08

I’m against overnights for this age group, but in the moment I would do absolutely nothing. Why?

  1. its prom. It is a special night and mom storming in should not be the ending memory
  2. they may have just been tired and needed to sleep. The girl may have felt safest sleeping near the boy she trusted the most
  3. teenagers have sex. We all know that. Barring overnights isn’t about preventing sex, it is about preventing relationships from getting too serious too quickly. One crazy prom night isn’t the end of the world

once your son is alone. Just talk to him. Remind him of being respectful of house rules. Remind him of using contraception every time. Remind him about consent. If you actually talk to him, you may discover he is actually mindful of these things and kind and considerate to his girlfriend.

Why are you against overnights for this age group?

Miyagi99 · 28/06/2025 16:12

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 15:03

Thank you to some of your responses were helpful others are either out of this world or nasty. I will have a chat I do think some people on her are very loose on their parenting which is fine. Sometimes on her you doubt your parenting skills with comments. But my children are normally well mannered good at school pretty intelligent although don’t help much round the house. But as a daughter I always respected my parents . My dad was my hero . So on this occasion I feel he did disrespect me . I do need to have a chat

Edited

I am definitely loose on parenting an adult, because they’re an adult!

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 28/06/2025 16:14

Embarrass both of them by asking if they used contraception as you don't fancy being a grandma at xx yrs. That should prevent her from staying over in the future!

VirginaGirl · 28/06/2025 16:17

The rule at my house has always been that anyone is welcome to stay over but I have to know who is here in case a parent asks if their child is at mine, or there’s a fire.

Rewis · 28/06/2025 16:19

Once everyone leaves. Have a conversation that if he's having overnight guests, he should ask you first.

rosecoloured · 28/06/2025 16:20

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:24

He is 18

😂

Pinty · 28/06/2025 16:21

Why don't you ask him?
It may have been a last minute decision for her to stay. She may have missed the last bus home or couldn't get a taxi or lost her key, anything. Or he may have planned it. You will only know if you ask him.
But I don't understand why you don't want her to stay over they are adults.
You probably think I am a very loose parent though as i allowed my children's boyfriends/ girlfriends to stay over. I thought it's was much safer for them to be under my roof than in a park somewhere.
My children are both very responsible adults now with children of their own. And we remain very close.

cloudyblueglass · 28/06/2025 16:25

Carol52 · 28/06/2025 12:24

He is 18

Really?

Axsaaa · 28/06/2025 16:25

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/06/2025 16:00

It's an idiom for staying over.

Show quote history

Thanks. Just wanted to be sure.

Ponderingwindow · 28/06/2025 16:38

Lins77 · 28/06/2025 16:10

Why are you against overnights for this age group?

Show quote history

I think it fosters a sense of seriousness about the relationship that doesn’t exist. There is a kind of intimacy that comes from staying overnight.

A teen relationship, while still being completely supported by your parents, is still the relationship of a child. Without the pressures of adulthood added to the mix, it is like being in a fairytale world. Things like
among sure your rent and utilities are paid, buying groceries, and other drudgery of adulthood make dating much less exciting and help people to see what a long-term partnership would really be like.

I don’t care if they have sex. I’m worried that they will think the little bubble of living with mom and dad is what adulthood is actually is like and it’s perfectly fine to get married or have a baby because being a couple is easy. When you are worried about making rent and cleaning, relationships are much harder.

FlowerPower2525 · 28/06/2025 16:53

Just say, I noticed ( girl name ) stayed last night. Please can you make sure in future you ask and check it's ok before hand please.

Catdoorman · 28/06/2025 17:00

Well, looking on the positive side of things, at least you know he's not an incel.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 28/06/2025 17:02

I think at 18 and after his prom you should cut them a little slack.
Just have a sensible and mature conversation about contraception.

ItsFridayIminLoveJS · 28/06/2025 17:04

I think you have a lovely adult son.. who is taking care of his GF.. and his mates.. my daughter always had a mix of friends staying over from being 16.. trust him..

ThereWillBeSun · 28/06/2025 17:06

It clearly isn’t about having people over as you allow his friends, so it’s either about her personally or about sex. I’m assuming the latter and to be honest that’s a you problem.

You know people can sleep over without sex taking place, and people can have sex other times than just bedtime?