Son’s girlfriend stopped he did not ask. Quick advice

[Carol52]

Help . Our house has a annexe and last night was out sons prom. A few lads were stopping. This morning I have gone in and his girlfriend is obviously Upstairs with him. One mate had gone two downstairs.
i don’t really know his yo handle this he knows my views on her stopping.he stops at hers,
what has got me is he did not ask , his mates are here and I am disappointed at the lack of respect of not asking. Was this planned as all along. Please I need done advice on how to handle thid

Oh FFS

@Carol52 what is acceptable to you regarding girlfriend staying over? It’s no good just asking for advice here because everyone has different opinions on what is acceptable.

At 17/18 the majority of young couples are going to want to sleep together and have sex. As long as they are discreet, quiet and respectful then it’s usual to accept this. If you don’t they will still have sex but they will be doing it in a more furtive manner and many of us find that less appealing.

What is there to deal with?

God you need to get a grip OP. He’s 18 and brought his girlfriend home not a kilo of cocaine, dial back the fury😂😂

What did she stop?

They are 18 and 17 OP, and it’s an established relationship. Given you are OK with him staying at hers, you presumably don’t have an issue with them having sex.. so what’s the problem? It is your house obviously, so if you don’t want her there you can say so. It’s not great for your son though, and it’s pretty nutty.

Gawd , just have a quick word with him and let him know to ask beforehand. No need to make a big deal out of it.

But they were in the annex and your daughter wouldn't have even known?

The OP’s house being a temple I assume.

Maybe he didn't ask because he thought he didn't need to, it's his home as well. He's not a lodger.
Also he probably thought because it was ok for his mates to stay over that it would be ok for his gf.

I think that by this stage really it shouldn't be an issue for an older child to have their partner over. If he knew you didn't approve it wasn't good form of him to have done so without your permission though.

My brother had his GF over when he was 16 and I was 12, I'm not sure why having a younger child, even much younger, has to do with it.

You definitely aren’t a bad parent. Different families have different values and your son has to respect yours.

I don’t see the issue tbh at 16 it’s allowed and you don’t mind him stopping at hers so the Annex is a quite reasonable compromise

She stopped (stayed) over.

I agree not asking is unreasonable, even so you seem to be overreacting. The worst thing is that your DS and others participated in a prom at all.

Im surprised at some of these responses. I wouldnt like someone staying in my home at night unless I knew they were there.

However it does seem OP that you were unaware of all of them staying over without planning/your knowledge/your permission, but only have issue with the girlfriend staying over without those things in place, is that right?

Perhaps the issue is that you either say that no one can stay overwithout your knowledge or that anyone can stay over without your knowledge, you cant have one rule for the girlfriend and another for the 'mates' (who personally I would be more concerned about, them being male)

A bit?!
You must have a Time Machine cos I think you’ve travelled back to the 1800s…

I gave no problem with gf and bf staying over but wandering about in t-shirt and knickers is a bit inappropriate

OP - what is it that’s really bothering you?
that he didn’t ask?
that they are having sex?
having sex in your house?
Decide which of these is important and take it from there.
’DS - I don’t like it when…. ‘
and then state what you would like to happen.
Personally speaking, I never had a problem with it as long as my DC and their partners were discreet.

You'd only have to go back one generation for this to be completely normal

it was a bad hangover I assume. We’ve all been there. Apart from you and the OP obvs.

Why?

Did he have a younger sibling?

I think this is true. My mum (70s) was shocked that I let my DD and her BF - both 18 - share a room/bed!

Because she'd asked him not to as he has a younger sister.

Because he sneaked her in

@Carol52 Does it make a difference that they were in the annexe?