Thread 54 - Summer 25 - Graduations after Uni Year 3

[Oblomov25]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.
Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp
Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread 53:
Thread53

@AnneOfCleavage I work at a law firm so understand passing those exams was a big deal and v difficult so well done him.

Yes im totally without my car at the moment. If DS goes back for his Masters there's no point him buying a car but if he starts work instead and it isn't in London he will need one. Hope your DD gets on okay with her driving back and forth - am sure will be fine once first go is done. What kind of car is it? Mine is only a 10 year old piccanto but I miss him! We did the pros and cons list - we think he should stay with archaeology job for the 4 months if my car holds out! I can see DS thinking though that local TA jobs would give him more free time. Will see what he decides. I think girlfriend may be coming up this weekend. That's a whole new thing for us to navigate

Aww thank you @craggyratYes these last 8 months have been v hard - the waiting for results was torturous as exams were mid May.
Snap!! DD’s car is also a Picanto (bit older than yours but not as old as my one) as she wanted a familiar car that she was used to driving. Having a dash cam fitted this week which will give peace of mind.
If DS is settled in the archeology job then that seems the obvious choice but I don’t envy him the decision esp as the TA job is a year.
Is this a first girlfriend? DD has been with hers just over a year now which is new territory for her (and us) so she’s hoping it survives another year away at uni.

Yes cars are a worry - DD's is an 11 year old automatic Micra. It doesn't like hills!

@craggyrat my DS has been home a year now, and has a FT job, working from home 3 days/week. We still haven't really got it working properly - food, showers (runs off the HW tank so limited amount), use of car, coming home at all hours mid-week.....

DH and I go on holiday tomorrow - it will be lovely just to have time on our own.

Dd also had a Picanto! Can’t remember if I said but it failed the MOT so we took out a loan for her to get a Polo. It’s a nice car and she’s desperate to take it to uni as she’s a 40 minute walk from everywhere- uni, work, church, the gym. But she failed her test 😩 She’s got another booked for a couple of weeks time.

Sounds like Ds should maybe stick with the current job @craggyrat ? Tricky though.

Getting used to having them back full time must be hard. Dd was saying the other day that she might stay in Nottingham when she finishes 🤔

I do like my little piccabto - id just like to see a bit more of it at the moment!

Yes this is first GF we would actually meet if it comes off for a visit. There have been ones down at C but we only found out afterwards...!

I'm car sharing with DS too, I can get the train or bus to work but the train needs a 20 min walk each end (hour total vs 20 mins drive) and both cost twice as much as the petrol. Or he can get up early ant take me in, I've said I'm only prepared to donoublic transport once a week unless he absolutely needs the car (no WFH for either of us). We have said we will consider getting a third car when DS has a job but so far he's only got part time work and it might stay that way for a while as he is going to need to do some serious volunteering to get on the proper career ladder I think, from feedback he's been getting. The car is a Toyota Yaris and I'm very fond of his, we need to get some quotes for him to insure it to see if we need to get him a smaller car and me keep this one or he gets this and me something else. But the to do list is full at the moment at least till DD goes off to uni (2 more weeks).

DS has settled back in well at home but we have the limited hot water thing too @Seeline. DH and I are also off on a childfree holiday tomorrow (our first), in the UK because of my Dad's situation (still in hospital) but we are looking forward to it, despite the weather forecast.

Have a lovely holiday @Seeline - am v jealous!

Have a lovely holiday @ExtensivelyDecorating !

And happy holiday to you too @ExtensivelyDecorating !

and you

Thank you

@ExtensivelyDecorating & @Seeline Have a great holiday! Unwind, relax.

Thanks @Shimy . I'm not very good at relaxing but will do my best. We're staying in a place with a hot tub so that'll be nice.

@EwwSprouts
sorry to hear of ds Coldplay issue. I thought it was so very wrong, those poor people who lost out. Those bloody tube strikers. But because of it we got tickets, took ds's, we all know they put on a show!

Ds has been hiking in Scotland and Lake District and wales, now looking at hiking in Patagonia for next year.

he doesn't start back at Notts uni till 22nd.

@Oblomov25 Fab all of you going. We're not far from Hull so it's been a buzz round here, but they didn't get tickets for there. The drivers don't have my support as I think the demand is unreasonable. I'm sure we'd all like to work a 32 hour week for the same money. I saw the "Independent’s travel correspondent Simon Calder warns that the economic impact will be “immense,” with UK Hospitality estimating the action will hit pubs, restaurants and hotels to the tune of £110m".

I hope your DS wasn't in the Lakes last week? We were and it rained heavily 6 days out of 7. We managed to do something most afternoons when a window of a couple of hours seemed to open up. Watch Simon Reeves in Patagonia last night. Looked remote but amazing.

I hope those on holiday this week are enjoying balmy days and relacing times.

relacing?? relaxing

@EwwSprouts, they want 32 hours for MORE money.

It’s bonkers.

Minimum £230M economic loss on top of reduced consumer spending so more. I’ll stop ranting now.

Happy holidays to those who are heading off! I've had a bit of a busy start of term, but hope to be back more often online now. DS is away backpacking as the start of his gap-year.

DD is splitting her time between doing art, and applying for part-time "day jobs" at the rate of a dozen a week or so; and most of them don't even reply. She's going to give that another few weeks before maybe re-thinking, and doesn't seem too discouraged by it. (She wants to secure a day-job before trying to set up anything art-related; and does have a few back-up plans. Including learning to drive!)

Hello to all. I’ve kept up with the thread but not commented. I’ve got an issue and I know others have had similar
so thought I would ask how best to respond.
dds made a great start to her year abroad, she’s made friends and done lots of stuff . Shee we loves her course. Her commute is an hour each way and she also uses trains and coaches. Public transport is excellent in Copenhagen. Then yesterday afternooon a man sat opposite her on the train. Spread his legs wide, blocking her escape, used his bag to shield from the rest of the train and started masturbating. No one was next to her so she was able to climb over the seat to get away, but she is terribly upset. She has CPTD , because of childhood abuse and this has completely triggered her. She said she’s frightened to use public transport, she said she wants to come home. I talked her down from that and we made a plan, identified someone at the college she could speak to, and she’s going to go and stay with her boyfriend this weekend.
Should I offer to visit if she wants me to? I’m so worried that this will derail her, but I don’t want to overreact and set her back, she’s a grownup, I can’t fix everything. I reassured her that anyone would be upset, and that she has good grounds to be really upset. I just don’t know if this is common on public transport in Denmark . Surely not, what to do?

I'm so sorry to hear that @Zebracat . That happened to me a couple of times on the London tube when I was in my early 20s and I found it incredibly threatening and upsetting, and I did not have the previous trauma that your yp has had. It makes me absolutely furious that this is still going on.
I don't really know how to advise save to say that it has always seemed to me that your instincts have been spot on in dealing with her difficulties previously. So I would say keep the lines of communication open, and if after he weekend away and a bit of time to process it she still is asking for you to come over etc, then trust your instincts, and follow them, whether that is to keep with the remote support or go on a visit. xx

Hi zebra - CCTV is increasingly common on public transport . If she reports it hopefully the culprit can be identified.

I have nothing of real use to add from Delphi's great advice, other than I am so sorry she has suffered such a horrible set back on what was an excellent start to her year.

I hope the coming days will take her through what we often encounter with sexual abuse, and that she can move from fear to channeling her anger, to not let this sad prick derail everything she has going for her. Of course it's easier said than done. I would also seek advice/talk to a friend on her course, maybe a tutor, even if it's just to tell them, they may accompany her/advice her to take it further on a reporting side.

Control is what she needs of the situation, whatever that looks like for her. I hope she gets the support locally if she's brave enough to ask for it.

Sorry, I meant also to say, how worrying and dreadful . Poor DD.

Thanks for your reply @Delphigirl . I’ve checked flights and stuff. I loathe flying and resolved never to do it again. We were planning to visit by train in the spring but that feels too far off and shes not planning to come here for Christmas, this is the time to get over my fear! I am furious too, it would probably give the creep an even bigger thrill if he knew he was retraumatising someone . I would have filmed him and then publicly shamed him. She didn’t even realise that she was the victim of a crime. She was embarrassed to be upset and worried she was overreacting.