I was screamed at by my mum because I don't like a particular food

[user1471867483]

I was screamed at for being selfish! We were going to have a certain meal together but I can't stand one key ingredient in this particular meal. I find it inedible, but mum said I'm being totally selfish as, 'she'll eat things she doesn't like to please me' and yes even though I prepare near on every meal, and do the dishes every time after, she does the cooking. She screamed she hates me and detests me and she can't even hug me and can't stand being around me.
Surely if I don't like the taste of something I should be 'allowed'?

Screaming is necessary because you don't like a certain ingredient? Why all the ridiculous drama?

I'm thinking you and your mother need a very long break from each other. How old are you?

You're an adult. You have every right to place boundaries in ALL your relationships. Your mother sounds verbally and emotionally abusive. I'm sorry that you don't have better mum, but you don't.

You need to start making plans to move out. Living with her is not good for you.

It sounds as if the whole relationship with your mum is a problem not a particular food!

No one should be screamed at for anything! Your mum might be disappointed that you don't want a particular type of meal, but hating you and not wanting to be around you is way over the top!

I suspect there is a whole lot to be unpacked here. If you can afford it, I would think about some counselling to get some insight into the nature of your relationship with your mum ( it may be that her reactions go way back into your childhood and trigger a lot more than just your feelings about a current incident). It would also help you to develop some clear boundaries around your mum.

She hates and detests you cos you didn't want her choice of dinner? Not attractive in a teenager but your mum?
Time to move out.

I'd rather not say my age due to embarrassment, but that I'm well past my teens 😥😞

I presume you live together. It’d probably her frustration at becoming the child in the relationship. Either way it isn’t nice.

I don't think I could have a relationship with anybody that screamed they hated me and can't be around me. I'm sorry your mother said that to you. My advice would be to move out and stop contact. She sounds incredibly toxic.

This.

I also think you could do with seeing a counsellor who specialises in working with dysfunctional family relationships. Even just a few sessions would enable you to untangle the way you've been trained not to question toxic behaviour (someone who hadn't would know that it's okay to assert your boundaries in this kind of scenario).

Why are you living with your mother? Would it be possible to put a healthy distance between you?

Your mother should not be treating you this way, but I'm wondering if you still living at home has pushed her to the brink. If you're well past your teens, it's high time for you to move out.

WTAF...?!

Have you posted about living with your Mum before? It sounds familiar…

I imagine it's the straw that broke the camels back

I'm sure I've read this before.

Can you move out?

Suggest that you each do your own cooking and washing-up in future, and then you can both have what you like.

Or... move out. She is vile, and no way would I tolerate being spoken to like that.

Thank you for your understanding. I don't even realise sometimes that when I'm spoken to like that that it's wrong 😞

It's coriander isn't it

This is about more than the meal, surely….?

So what are you going to do about it, op? You're an adult, not a child. You don't have to live with her.

I very much doubt that the screaming session was about one ingredient in a meal.

Well you've clearly realised today. Is it an essential ingredient? Is there a compromise that could be reached? Did your Mum already know you didn't like the ingredient?

This isn't about a mushroom ... Or whatever the ingredient is.

I just cannot understand her high drama. You see, I don't like the mince (the meat beef or any meat mince). I cannot stand the taste of it and I prefer Quorn mince, not because I'm a veggie - I just happen to like it! Mum always makes lovely spag bol with the Quorn mince and says she only uses it for me as she prefers meat mince. I simply cannot eat spag bol without the Quorn variety and she hit the roof saying 'for once forget yourself and have it like how I like it for a change'. Now she's saying she's hated me since the day I was born and how I'll be the death of her!
So there you have it really 🤷😢. I don't mean to be selfish, but I can't eat what I don't like as it's a waste.

Why are you apparently refusing to address the real issue here? It's not the bloody mince, I assure you.

If you are an adult and not 14, then move out. This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous really. You could both cook individually to have the Spag bol how you each like it. It really isn't a big deal and your mum is being abusive about it!

This sounds as though there's some serious kind of enmeshment between you and your mum. You don't have to live like this. Can you afford your own place? If so move out. Also really think about getting counselling ( you don't have to tell your mum) to help you see the situation clearly!