I was screamed at by my mum because I don't like a particular food

[user1471867483]

I was screamed at for being selfish! We were going to have a certain meal together but I can't stand one key ingredient in this particular meal. I find it inedible, but mum said I'm being totally selfish as, 'she'll eat things she doesn't like to please me' and yes even though I prepare near on every meal, and do the dishes every time after, she does the cooking. She screamed she hates me and detests me and she can't even hug me and can't stand being around me.
Surely if I don't like the taste of something I should be 'allowed'?

Thinking of you OP and wondering how you're getting on 💐

Thank you, Teaortea. Things have cooled off somewhat now. I've had to stick around as my mum has had medical appts which I've been there for her/driven her too. I'll always honour and respect her as best as I can because that's what I believe and have been taught in church this since I was 6 years old. I know one day I will be rewarded. Thank you for checking in on me 😐.

Our neighbours have builders in at the moment and have caused us a lot of anguish. I took two days off last week to be with my mum so she wouldn't shoulder any of the problems herself and I came back to work yesterday (bear in mind I temp so I don't get paid when I'm not working). Now, this morning, their awkward builders have parked over our drive (she texted to tell me) and when I called home to see how my mother is, she screamed down the phone, "YOU ALWAYS GET OUT OF THE REPONSIBILTY". I told her I'd ask them to move their van when I get in at 2pm today and that I was sorry but we have no other support". I feel bad for leaving her but I didn't know about any forthcoming problems 🤷.

Your mother is being unreasonable and abusive. Of course you need to work. I really do think it would be helpful if you had some therapy to help you untangle yourself from her. It is so hard to see what is going on when you are so accustomed to the dynamic.

I think you also need to be living separately to her but appreciate that is a hard step to take.

In what world is your mother's response normal OP. She sounds unhinged

You don't need to feel bad for leaving her, you have to work and be able to do things outside the home.
How old is your mother?
Your mother seems to live very much on her nerves, aside from the way she speaks to you which we've all established is unacceptable, is there a way you can approach this a bit differently to give you some much needed relief?
I'm thinking something like having her assessed for anxiety or stress, perhaps some sort of medication to help calm her and stop her being so reactive might help?

My mother is a lot like yours but I moved away when I was younger.
I actually now think she's probably autistic and a lot of her behaviours were due to that and anxiety. Not excusing abuse but it helped me to not take it personally.

This.
And as @Nobodywouldknow says, get out and get some hobbies/join a group/volunteer, anything to build your own life and grow your own self confidence in addition to putting sone distance between you and Mum. You cant undo the past but you can change your future.

Want to clarify that I don't think everyone with autism is abusive or that everyone who is abusive is autistic!

I'd like to give an instance. Mum and I have wanted to move for decades. Well, I decided to apply for a job in another city about 5 years ago. I got shortlisted on the very day my mum had a hospital appointment and therefore I rearranged the interview date. Next thing, guess what? There was a tube, bus and rail strike where I live on the interview date! (This was before interviews became commonplace on MS Teams). I rang to explain my predicament, but by then, they'd lost interest.
Well, my mum has never let me live it down and she'll say I've now been black-listed, as 6 months after, I applied for a similar job at the same organisation and my application wasn't successful 😣. This was 5 years ago and mum still brings it up with, "You'll never get a job now in that city. You've messed it up". I tell her I should be allowed to make mistakes and I'm sure by now they'll be a new set of people and have forgotten me by now surely? and this is how it goes 🤷. I feel so stuck.

That employer will have long forgotten that (and also wasn't very understanding).
Your mum seems to have forgotten that you rearranged the interview to support her. She's nuts. LTB!

Also... She thinks you've been blacklisted and won't get a job in an entire city because you couldn't make it because of a strike? 🤣 How can you not laugh in her face?

Had another session today. I washed a top of hers and I used a fabric conditioner she didn't like as the one we use was out of stock. The whole day was ruined and I had a massive lecture given to me of things/choices from decades gone by 😞. I'm letting it wash over me now - well, trying to!

That's not normal. Can you see that?

How is your own planning for your future coming along? Got any further with therapy, or a GP appointment, or calling Women's Aid?

Re church, what kind of church is it? Because no good church should be advocating your mother's behaviour. A good church would help you get away from this situation.