I was screamed at by my mum because I don't like a particular food

[user1471867483]

I was screamed at for being selfish! We were going to have a certain meal together but I can't stand one key ingredient in this particular meal. I find it inedible, but mum said I'm being totally selfish as, 'she'll eat things she doesn't like to please me' and yes even though I prepare near on every meal, and do the dishes every time after, she does the cooking. She screamed she hates me and detests me and she can't even hug me and can't stand being around me.
Surely if I don't like the taste of something I should be 'allowed'?

Get a job

Just to check, you’re calling the woman who told her daughter that ‘ she's hated me since the day I was born’ a bloody saint?

I think you’re being facetious on purpose. Most people who are struggling to find their own place to live do have jobs. The housing market has been insane for years, you must know this

If that's the worst she's done in 50/60 years and supported her this whole time yes. Especially when where getting a one sided version of an argument

So how do you think people without family support do this you seem to think it's impossible to make it on your own as a young adult these days

I think she has been a saint to allow the OP to stay till her mid-fifties and cook for her, and now I think she may have dementia.

OP has been economical with the facts.

I agree. I think a lot of mumsnetters have no idea about the rental market these days.

Anyone on a low wage who has never rented before needs a guarantor, and no landlord would accept an 80 year old on a pension as a guarantor.

Also, the rental market has shrunk considerably. Landlords are selling up since the tenancy laws changed.

The best viable solution for the OP to move out would be for her to be a lodger in someone's house. Even joining a flat share requires a guarantor and maybe even a reference.

Yes but the OP is not a young adult. She’s well into middle age. She would have been in her 20s in the 90s when rents and cost of buying were a lot more affordable. It’s not the same as someone graduating with lots of debts and their salary can’t hope to even pay for a room in a shared house. It’s also a middle class issue because for many working class people, living at home is simply not an option due to cost and space.
This sort of thing shows how unhealthy these sorts of arrangements are. Both parties resent each other enormously but both feel powerless to do anything about it. The mother probably feels angry that the OP has never grown up and left home and the OP probably feels some resentment that she is unable to stand on her own feet.

Your mum's reaction is terrible, but it sounds like she probably just lost it in a moment of stress. Perhaps you need to separate from her a bit more, such as don't eat together so much? Alternatively, you can make two versions of this kind of meal, at the same time. I am veggie and often do this. Simple to do - you could offer to make it?

Theres absolutely no argument that would make that an acceptable thing to say to your child.

As to your other comment, op is not a young adult. Of course it’s easier to go into a house share etc as a younger person, but in the case of people who do have family I think it’s actually quite disgusting for that family not to help their children out during this housing crisis. I find the whole ‘chuck them out at 18’ mentality really strange personally, and very selfish.

OP's mum hasn't chucked her out at 18. She has;t even chucked her out at 50. Surely at some point, parents deserve to have their own space?

You’ve decided she has dementia based on the facts you think op has been economical with, so whatever she says to op is ok?

It sounds like op does her share around the house and everyone is stuck on the fact that her mum does the cooking. My neighbour still lives with her mum and are similar ages, they help each other out.

People in their 80s do often develop dementia, and sudden aggression is one of the signs. OP refused to provide her age and left most people thinking she is a young adult.

Anyway, I assume you think parents need to live with their children forever in this housing market.I disagree, and I do not think it is disgusting for an 80-year-old woman to want her own space.

What?
Make a life for yourself, put yourself first.
Cut her off!

And look what happens when you don't you have a 50/60 year old living with you who hates you

You know you need to move, you're making her last years miserable because you refuse to be an adult and live independently.

She shouldn't have said those things but I imagine you've driven her insane by now and I don't blame her.

Why would you want to live with someone that says those things anyway?

OP can you afford to move out? As you need to, I think you need to lead your own life, as it looks to me that your mother has sucked any confidence you had, out of you. You think this is normal family behaviour, but it’s not. A mum should be supportive, your biggest cheerleader, not constantly pulling you down. Have you got any good friends or a partner? If no partner, are you interested in dating? Does living at home stop you doing that? I would try and move into a house share with some like minded people and see how it goes. You need to get away from your mother and lead your own life.

I’ve just seen OP is 53? If correct, house share prob not the best. What will happen when you mother passes OP, has she left the house to you in the will? Have you siblings? As if she’s 80 you need to plan for your future housing situation.

I'd say it depends on OP's income! It's not so easy to find rented accommodation that's affordable if your income is below a certain amount these days. My adult son has to live at home with me and so do some of his friends. He's longing to move out but just cannot afford it at present, not even a house share with some friends. Plus, the competition for rented accommodation is fierce these days in areas with enough job opportunities!
OP I think you need some expert advice and counselling. Try Citizen's Advice first then see your GP about being referred for counselling, because your mother's treatment of you sounds abusive, is certainly unacceptable and it does sound as if there's a lot more of a background to it than just you not wanting to eat a certain type of ingredient that she likes! I'm sorry you're being treated so badly OP, please seek some help and support!

The idea is to treat your child with respect so they don’t hate you, whether they live with you or not.

The idea is to raise your children so they become decent independent capable human beings

My home will always be open to my children. To me that’s what being a parent is.

Being a parent to me is like that saying give a man a fish it will feed him for a day teach him how to fish it will feed him for a lifetime.

Thank you. I'm going to try. I was shouted at again this morning. I am full of cold and aching all over. I came downstairs to take some Ibuprofen (my mum was already downstairs). She said she wanted to show me something on the telly and all I asked was, 'How long is it going to take as I need to take some Ibuprofen' and war erupted and I was told I was nasty again for asking that 🤷

That's beautiful 😥