Philippa Perry Article "I miss my adult children so much it feels like grief".

[Idlewilderness]

I miss my adult children so much it feels like grief | Life and style | The Guardia

My children would be mortified if I showed them this, but I could have written this letter.

Funnily enough, the Uni years didn't bother me at all. They came home every now and then, and were here most of the summers. I have a very busy life and I was fine with that.

But they are now at opposite ends of the country, they have very busy lives and we have seen them each once since Christmas. I have to work very hard not to let it break my heart. I am so jealous of those whose adult children live near to them. I don't expect anything different from them, I'm not looking for answers, it's just very helpful to read this and realise I am not alone in how it makes me feel.

And like the letter writer, I was exactly the same in my own twenties. Though there were much younger children at home who didn't go away to uni so my parents didn't have an empty nest until I was about 30!

I knew someone who moved to New Zealand when she retired to live with her only daughter. She seemed to have no qualms about leaving her elderly mother behind.

Perhaps she didn’t get on with her mother? Or her mother had other support?

Didn't know the details enough but she certainly saw her mum. Think the mum was late 80s and not that well.

Impossible to comment without knowing the set up. If there are grandchildren in NZ and she was invited to join them, perhaps she felt she couldn't pass that up.

I know my brother who is in Australia feels a very long way away from our now elderly mother, and it is harder to say goodbye each time than it used to be when he and she were younger. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be there.

Just taken them all to Alton Towers for two days.
It is us that travel to them when we are invited.
Have offered numerous times to look after the children and the offer declined because they don't want the children to be 6 hours away should something happen.
We are going to buy a motor home so we can then ask if we could look after them maybe nearer to where they live.
This thread was about missing your adult children and that is how I feel.
I was a lone parent when my DS was 10 years old until I remarried when he was 19. It was just us and I miss our chats and how close we once were. That is all.

Same here - my parents only lived a couple of hours from their own parents (and one had no relationship with theirs due to abuse and neglect), but we only visited once or twice a year when I was a kid so I was never close to extended family. My parents brought me up to follow my dreams, and actively encouraged me not to consider them in my life decisions - my mum always says she doesn’t want or expect me to care for them in old age, for example.

They weren’t perfect parents but we get on fine now. My mum has always tried her best to support me. Frankly though - and I’m sure this will sound brutal to many people - they just aren’t that important to me. My friends, my ambitions, my life choices are all a higher priority. My parents have a very small life now, I wish they’d do more for themselves, if they relocated to the other side of the world I’d be delighted for them.