18y old daughter hits me

[LOUKAP]

I have a recently turned 18y old daughter who has suffered from some sort of mental health since 12. No proper diagnosis through NHS just countless referrals to CAMHS and after 6 weeks with them no diagnosis or follow on treatment. She is prone to depressive episodes and in the last 2 years violent physical outbursts towards me. She is verbally abusive to other family members but not violent.
I am a single parent and she mostly refuses to spend time with her dad because he has a new partner, he does try.
The last year her violent behaviour towards me has increased, she screams at me and calls me names, she slaps me, kicks and punches me. Mostly I restrain her or am able to leave the room. Occasionally I have hit back.
I don't know what to do anymore NHS is no help in trying to get her diagnosed.
I love her but can't live like this anymore,.calling the police is not an option as they would nothing or worse arrest her and she still won't get the mental help she needs. Any advice?

I'd be calling the police, she needs to see her behaviour has consequences.

I agree re neurodiversity. I have asked GP and therapist but no commitment on that. It is exactly as you say the person she trusts the most is who she is levelling the violence at.
Her dad has stepped in to defuse immediate situation.

New partner is amazing and really welcoming. She left college and doesn't work and sleeps all day as up all night

Medication.
Immediately, if you don't want her arrested, living somewhere else and want this to finish.
Citalopram would work wonders, half a year usually helps.

Thank you, I do feel police will aggravate the situation and she will be no better off. We have a self.referral now to adult care.

good luck @LOUKAP

I asked camhs and GP about medication and they said it often worsens a situation and could make her suicidal so they didn't give her anything. They say cognitive therapy good but she has to want to do it

I have said she will have to live with her dad, hard when she refuses

You just pack her things and let her dad escort her to the car. If she gets violent call the police and they'll help you get her out.

It started when my ex and I separated and then divorced, it was amicable. She stopped eating at this point and camhs got involved, 6 weeks of therapy. No instances of not eating since but self harm and panic attacks and threats of suicide, then back to CAMHS etc.
She hasn't got a therapist but has a referral now to adult mental health.
She gets hysterical and particularly worse cause she is not sleeping so sleep deprivation in play here.
I do feel some medication to help with at least the sleeping would be beneficial but they are reluctant to prescribe

She can be done for assault, she's an adult and needs to sort her head out before she finds herself on remand and what a shock that will be.

They don’t get a criminal record.

It’s the shock value. I know from experience. we call them and they took her away, she was crying and asked me to go with her.

She hasn’t hit me since, no record, no court proceedings etc. TBH they would throw it out of court because of the mental health diagnosis.

Prevention is better than cure.

I've been trying to deal with it on my own as I am ashamed and don't want family to think badly of her. Her dad is involved and we are taking steps for him to be there when she kicks off. She won't do it to him

Completely agree.

This narrative that if you do something wrong she might hurt herself so you have to take the abuse is no different to what abusive partners do and just because it's your child it's no less completely disgusting of her and you should not have to put up with that, it's no way to live

It doesn’t matter if he’s there or not.

You need to take action, what if that one punch kills you?

She refuses, there is no reason not to. His partner is very supportive. I suspect it's because the behaviour will not be tolerated there

Join Parenting Mental Health group on Facebook. It's for parents with children OF ANY AGE and offers support for parents through an online community and an online 'course' called Partnering not Parenting.

When you say she self harms, is it superficial self harm to scare you into doing what she wants?

I have an older son who lives with us, he often has to intervene.

This is a worry in that he could one day be forced to intervene in such a way that leaves it open for her to claim that he has assaulted her. Wanting to get her violence on record first may be the best way to protect both of your children.

I agree it is no way to live, it breaks my heart to even ask her to live somewhere else. It's feels like failing as mum to look.after your child

You need to stop this. She needs to move in with her dad for your safety. Don't ask, tell. If she's violent then call the police. Would be a good idea to talk to them anyway. This is not going to stop unless and until you stand up to her. As for her her receiving an allowance? She needs to get a job. That would help in All sorts of ways.

@LOUKAP I understand how you feel but your daughter is exploiting your emotions to continue to abuse you and it doesn't matter what her diagnosis is, she has no right to abuse you. You have a right to live in a safe environment and your other children albeit adults have a right to not have to worry their mother will be abused continually.

That thought has crossed my mind. My son is so disappointed in me that I allow her to manipulate me. I think i am so scared she will kill herself.
I realise I am putting my son in a terrible position as you are right he could intervene and she logs a complaint against him.

This is a very good point.

It absolutely would help her getting a job as she has no purpose or reason to get up, no routine or structure.