18y old daughter hits me

[LOUKAP]

I have a recently turned 18y old daughter who has suffered from some sort of mental health since 12. No proper diagnosis through NHS just countless referrals to CAMHS and after 6 weeks with them no diagnosis or follow on treatment. She is prone to depressive episodes and in the last 2 years violent physical outbursts towards me. She is verbally abusive to other family members but not violent.
I am a single parent and she mostly refuses to spend time with her dad because he has a new partner, he does try.
The last year her violent behaviour towards me has increased, she screams at me and calls me names, she slaps me, kicks and punches me. Mostly I restrain her or am able to leave the room. Occasionally I have hit back.
I don't know what to do anymore NHS is no help in trying to get her diagnosed.
I love her but can't live like this anymore,.calling the police is not an option as they would nothing or worse arrest her and she still won't get the mental help she needs. Any advice?

oh i see it is his new partner stopping her going to her dads
i would be unsure about involving the police also,
is she at college or does she work ?

If this was a stranger hitting you or a partner abusing you , you would have no qualms about phoning the police.

she can obviously control her temper since it’s only you she hits.

i’dhave a chat and say you understand she’s got some difficulties just now but if she becomes abusive/violent again, you will report to the police.

it needs stopped and you have to get tougher.

Youre treading on egg shells in your own home and making excuses for her poor behaviour. This needs to stop!

She quit college just before finals, she was doing well then just quit saying she couldn't cope.
When I say new partner I mean newer than me, she has been around a couple of years and is lovely and very supportive towards my daughter. I am lucky in thay way

She is 18 now so forget about camhs and ask GP for referral to adult mental health services.
She sounds so distressed and this must be awful for the family unit and potentially dangerous for you.
I'm not convinced involving the police will achieve much except to aggravate a volatile situation.
I am so sorry you are going through this and hope you have some professional support from outside the family

tell her op, she can live with her dad/grandparents if she hits you once more
avoid hitting her back

What an awfully frightening situation for you to be in. It seems like you feel you can’t do the right thing because of her blackmailing type of threats of self harm. Could you get together as a family and agree a response for the difficult/danger times? Like dad coming over to protect you or family agreeing to withdraw privileges. Meanwhile contact Adult Mental Health via your GP. Become a ‘squeaky wheel’ until you get someone to help. Take care of yourself by speaking to someone in tough times to offload. Samaritans is not a counselling service but is a confidential, non judgemental listening service.

Where does it say that it’s the new partner stopping her from seeing her dad?

@2chocolateoranges she is choosing not to go because of, the new partner, i am sure the op knew what i meant!

Try one of the charities. They have helplines for the parents in your situation. You need support.

The shame is a common feeling, but isn't actually appropriate. Many parents are in your position.

She sounds very manipulative with the things she says to you. And a bully with the way she chooses to attack you and only you if you don’t give her what she wants. She’s an adult now and is physically abusive. Her mental health issues do not excuse assault. Is she interested in getting help for her mental health issues? Has she taken herself to the gp for example? I would tell her that It is absolutely not acceptable for you to be hit in your own home (or anywhere). And I wouldn’t be giving her any money either, especially if she’s recently attacked you again.

Kick her out. Not your problem anymore. Play bitch games, win birch prizes.

I also think you have to phone the police when she becomes violent, there needs to be some repercussions for her violent behaviour. Speak to her gp about an adult CMHT referral and 111 have access to mental health services out of hours. Domestic violence helplines will also have good advice, hope things get better soon.

What is she doing all day now she's dropped out of college?

It’s sounds possible that she may be struggling to cope with undiagnosed neurodiversity. Neurodiverse kids can have difficulty controlling their emotions especially anger, so they end up lashing out. Usually at the person they trust the most, because they can’t express their emotion any other way. It sounds like you’ve got her a referral but she also needs help to manage her anger and maybe meditation or something to handle emotions.

Tell Adult Social Services that you cannot house her any longer because it's not safe and ask them to make alternative arrangements on her behalf.

Self defence, OP

This organisation may be able to help you or at least point you in the right direction:

https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/how-pegs-help

Go to the Police.
Talk to them about your options and how they could help.

A family member had huge assistance from them with her alcoholic brother who lived with her.

Police do have specialist teams and also they can react quickly and come to your aid. Your daughter needs immediate ramifications for her abusive behaviour.

Could she have been sexually abused?

You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. But if my child continually attacked me if I asked them to do a chore, but existed quite happily outside the home and had friends, I don’t think I’d be excusing it with mental health. I would report her to the police. Or tell her to leave. I absolutely wouldn’t put up with it, whatever the circumstances.

This. She hits you when asked to do anything? She doesn't behave like this around friends?

This is abusive and there are zero consequences to her actions so she continues. How is she going to cope out in the world? Is she studying or working?

She’s not a kid though. She’s an adult assaulting her mum.

I'd be giving an ultimatum, the violence and abuse stops right now or she can find somewhere else to live. Mental health issues or not, there is no excuse for her violence. I can garuntee she doesn't go round hitting everyone in the street she knows what she is doing and is old enough to stand on her own two feet if she can't live with others without being violent.

You need to phone a domestic abuse organisation. If you type domestic abuse help and where you live, you'll find your local one.

Other options are to see if you can get her referred to the community mental health team through her GP.

For the time being, don't do anything to trigger her.

Thank you am reaching out now