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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

devastated by son

201 replies

CosyPlumHam · 27/04/2024 16:31

I am a carer for my husband who is bedridden and lives at home. My 31 year old son was also living with us rent free. I have been feeling like a skivvy,trying to look after my husband,run a home,do the gardening,doing washing etc etc. Whenever I ask my son for help he always says he is busy as he has work to do, he is doing a PHD, then when I go in his room he is often talking to friends on the computer or playing games. He always has time to go for lunch with friends or out for the evening with them.Anyway things all came to a head the other day when I mentioned he could empty the cat tray occassionally as he hadn't done it once yet and he doesn't do much to help. All he does is give me loads of washing,he has two showers a day and clean clothes and towel each time.No sooner had I done one load of washing and cleared it all there was another pile to do. On top of this I have a 90 foot garden and am trying to run a business on ebay. My son also will cook himself some snacks and leave the dirty dishes on the side and even the wrappers from the food get left on the kitchen side for me to throw in the bin. Well I mentioned this to him and he lost his temper,he called me a fucking prick, a nasty person saying I was nasty to everyone and now he has got in a strop and taken some clothes and moved up to live on the university campus and is not talking to me.

Post edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 21:10

Dacadactyl · 27/04/2024 21:06

@RainingOnMyFace well it does seem on the high side but it depends what he earns.

If my child was earning big bucks, their rent would go up accordingly.

Of my child was earning enough to pay £300 a week, I'd expect them to live independently and seriously wonder why they weren't.

Very odd, possible an enmeshed relationship?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/04/2024 21:14

you did type 31 didn't you and not 13 ?

thank goodness he has moved out ! even if it was as a result of a strop.

as he is an adult, he doesn't need to move back in, ever.

it will cost you less now that he is not living there - less in expenditure and less in your time !

Dacadactyl · 27/04/2024 21:15

@Behindthescenesnow you still need to save a hefty deposit in London.

She could've meant per month though.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/04/2024 21:15

@CosyPlumHam and just like that, he had a strop and immediately moved up to the campus? change the locks now! if he is staying in the uni he will be paying a fortune and will not have a maid to wipe his backside!!

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 21:18

Dacadactyl · 27/04/2024 21:15

@Behindthescenesnow you still need to save a hefty deposit in London.

She could've meant per month though.

Maybe she did mean £300 a month, but that's not what she said in her very long and goady detailed post.

CosyPlumHam · 27/04/2024 21:29

This reply has been deleted

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CelesteCunningham · 27/04/2024 21:36

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Oh no OP. I stuck up for you upthread but I guess @Chaney was right.

It's a racist phrase.

JKRIsRight · 27/04/2024 21:55

@CelesteCunningham

Eh never heard it said in a racist context, it's an Irish slang for having a tantrum.
Either way clearly they didn't mean it offensively.

Chaney · 27/04/2024 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Good to see the OP has doubled-down on her racism.

The term you used was “threw a Paddy”. You were not speaking about rice. You used a racist term and it was deleted by MNHQ.

Anyone defending you in light of this post needs to seriously think about why.

CelesteCunningham · 27/04/2024 21:57

JKRIsRight · 27/04/2024 21:55

@CelesteCunningham

Eh never heard it said in a racist context, it's an Irish slang for having a tantrum.
Either way clearly they didn't mean it offensively.

It's not Irish slang. It's British slang based on an offensive stereotype of Irish people.

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:03

@CelesteCunningham I can assure you as an Irish person, the term is used extensively by Irish people!

CelesteCunningham · 27/04/2024 22:04

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:03

@CelesteCunningham I can assure you as an Irish person, the term is used extensively by Irish people!

Where? I'm Irish and have never once heard paddy used to mean tantrum except on here.

ETA: there's a reason MN delete or edit posts that use it, as they have done here.

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:05

Cork..... used a lot 🤷‍♀️

RollOnSpringDays · 27/04/2024 22:07

Time for him to stand on his own two feet.

Annonymiss123 · 27/04/2024 22:07

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:03

@CelesteCunningham I can assure you as an Irish person, the term is used extensively by Irish people!

Definitely not! I’ve NEVER heard the phrase used in Ireland ( I’m Irish).

CelesteCunningham · 27/04/2024 22:10

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:05

Cork..... used a lot 🤷‍♀️

I've honestly never heard it. Not spent a lot of time in Cork though.

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:13

Oh well @CelesteCunningham and @Annonymiss123 we will have to agree to disagree.

The post had been changed, so maybe we can all move on?

Chaney · 27/04/2024 22:13

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:05

Cork..... used a lot 🤷‍♀️

I’ve never heard it in 40+ years of living in Cork.

Mudflaps · 27/04/2024 22:15

40 years in Kildare, 15 in Limerick and never ever once heard the awful term used by an Irish person. Its as offensive as Paddy Wagon which has unfortunately been adopted as a name/cheap advertising by a company here transporting mainly Americans around tourist spots, I cringe when I see them on the road.

Behindthescenesnow · 27/04/2024 22:15

Of course you haven't @Chaney 🙄!

Anyway, it's been amended, move on... nothing to see here anymore.

HollyKnight · 27/04/2024 22:17

Even if some Irish people do say it (whether that be out of ignorance or some other reason), it does not originate in Ireland. It is an insulting term created by non-Irish people based on a stereotype that the Irish are bad-tempered.

BigRedCat · 27/04/2024 22:17

Change the locks.
EBay off anything he’s left behind.
If he wants to come back (and more importantly if you want him to) make him sign a contract agreeing to behave like a fucking adult, not a petulant 12 yr old!

chattyness · 27/04/2024 22:21

My Irish uncle was nicknamed Paddy and he was called that by everyone who knew him even my Aunty would call him Pad or Paddy. Christmas and birthday cards were signed as Uncle Paddy too, his name wasn't Patrick either, it was Liam. He never saw it as offensive , lovely fella he was.

CelesteCunningham · 27/04/2024 22:23

chattyness · 27/04/2024 22:21

My Irish uncle was nicknamed Paddy and he was called that by everyone who knew him even my Aunty would call him Pad or Paddy. Christmas and birthday cards were signed as Uncle Paddy too, his name wasn't Patrick either, it was Liam. He never saw it as offensive , lovely fella he was.

We're not talking about the name Paddy. We're talking about using paddy to mean tantrum. As in, "I wouldn't buy my 2yo sweets in the shop so he threw a paddy".

AnotherNew01 · 27/04/2024 22:24

OP there was a thread on here recently about adult sons living with their mothers. It was shocking to me, but they were really describing your type of situation.
I think your man-child has to leave the nest - if it has happened then it saves you insisting he leave. Under no circumstance would I let him back! A FT student at 31, contributing zero to the household, and bitibg the hand that feeds him. He is 100% out of order and need to be permanently cut off from the apron strings.