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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

850 replies

longpathtohappiness · 07/08/2023 10:43

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

OP posts:
Writingonthewalls · 30/08/2023 20:07

ricekrispi · 30/08/2023 18:45

This thread is the most raw and honest I've read in a long time, thank you all for sharing so openly. I think as women we give so much of ourselves all of the time and it is so draining and life sucking.

Totally agree. I wish there was a group near me I could talk to.

ssd · 30/08/2023 20:35

Thank you all so much for the support, really appreciate it.
I can't access pm's very well on my phone, I'm not sure what I'm doing but i think I'm on the app and it stops me accessing pm's and editing my posts. But I'll keep trying to figure it out, apologies if i dont reply soon.
Dh is moaning at the telly and he hates the bloody team that's playing, why watch something you dislike?? It does my head in.
I'm going to make a cuppa and eat biscuits. I made them dinner then went shopping when they were eating, now I'm back i cba making myself anything bar tea. I know its wrong but im tired, fed up and feeling sorry for myself so biscuits it is.

ssd · 30/08/2023 20:40

And the wee dogs are gorgeous. I thought I'd found a wee lost dog out on my walk earlier, it was just wandering around but nearby a couple walking along. But it wasn't on a lead and they didn't look for it or anything when it wandered off and they didn't look at him. So i thought he was lost and i went up to him to look for a name tag and they went "he's ours" so i felt a bit daft but honestly they were totally ignoring him. I wanted to give him a wee cuddle, I'm getting very soppy in my old ageBlush

Wiccan · 30/08/2023 20:59

Nothing wrong with some yummy biscuits 🙂 if it makes you feel any better I have just finished a whole bag of mint humbugs and I refuse to feel any shame 😂

Highlighta · 31/08/2023 10:48

ricekrispi · 30/08/2023 18:45

This thread is the most raw and honest I've read in a long time, thank you all for sharing so openly. I think as women we give so much of ourselves all of the time and it is so draining and life sucking.

Goodness I just burst into tears when I read your post @ricekrispi

I am having a particularly bad few days though, my dd is struggling with some mh issues, and is so far away that there is not really a lot I can do from here.

Today I feel like I wish I could reverse the clock about 10 years and just have everyone surrounding me like I used to.

Laburnam · 31/08/2023 11:04

i can really relate to all this my DS is heading off soon, I will miss the noise, his friends, we are v close and the house will feel like an empty shell without him. My DH works away a lot so I am going to feel lost and I feel I have lost my ooomph. I do have a a dog and work part time but need some stimulation and more friends

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 31/08/2023 18:04

Laburnam sending hugs 🌸

OP posts:
JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 20:09

Wiccan · 30/08/2023 19:19

I have been so comforted and inspired by reading everyone's posts over the last few days and can see the emotion in the words. It helps to know we aren't alone, we get more than our share of challenges I now just try and do all the things that bring me joy and try to be at peace with myself . Many posters were saying how having their dog helped them. This is the beautiful little girl that helps me through each day . She makes me smile 🥰 .

A beautiful dog ❤️

JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 20:13

My son (he's 18) spends a lot of time at his girlfriend's. OH spends a lot of time on his tablet. My dear Mum died last week and I feel hopeless, lonely and frankly scared of the future. I have no friends at all.

Wiccan · 01/09/2023 20:19

JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 20:13

My son (he's 18) spends a lot of time at his girlfriend's. OH spends a lot of time on his tablet. My dear Mum died last week and I feel hopeless, lonely and frankly scared of the future. I have no friends at all.

Sending you a big hug 💐 I don't have any friends either , I did have some but they were just more people who couldn't make an effort .

TotalOverhaul · 01/09/2023 21:51

JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 20:13

My son (he's 18) spends a lot of time at his girlfriend's. OH spends a lot of time on his tablet. My dear Mum died last week and I feel hopeless, lonely and frankly scared of the future. I have no friends at all.

Oh, that's so sad. I hope that your husband can tear himself away from the screen to give you some attention and love and support right now. Flowers Brew

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 02/09/2023 07:37

JeanSheila sending hugs

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 02/09/2023 11:58

JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 20:13

My son (he's 18) spends a lot of time at his girlfriend's. OH spends a lot of time on his tablet. My dear Mum died last week and I feel hopeless, lonely and frankly scared of the future. I have no friends at all.

Oh Sheila, I’m so sorry for your loss - losing your mum is awful, you have my very deepest sympathies Flowers

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/09/2023 23:20

@JeanSheila I'm so sorry for your loss. My own elderly DM is not well and I'm dreading the day we lose her. Please reach out to someone or at least ask your DH to put his tablet down.

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 17/09/2023 09:33

Bump - hand hold please. DH is a loyal, hardworking man. He has been my rock over the last 30 years, so I feel guilty that I'm struggling now. He is still sleeping a lot and not doing anything or wanting to go anywhere. Napping on the sofa is looking like our future together

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 17/09/2023 09:52

I'm in the same boat.
Up lively waiting for dh to get up.I see it with the neighbours too.
One lively spouse one lay about.We are not alone.
It is hard to see the marriage go down the drain.

BeatriceBatchelor · 17/09/2023 10:11

OP - has your DH been to the doctor recently? Blood tests might show up some deficiencies that are making him exhausted.

Is there anyway, he cut drop a day at work/finish early on a Friday to recharge his batteries?

Have you spoken to him about how you're feeling? Maybe write it down in a letter?

ilovebrie8 · 17/09/2023 10:15

Glad I found this thread. I’m trying to find work and need to find something I actually enjoy a I have had a string of temp jobs that have not been the best/dumped on, micro mangers. In menopause and it’s killed me I don’t recognise myself. Feel lonely as no real friends and the one I had recently passed away. Partner happy to work then watch tv …all seems so depressing 😕.

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 17/09/2023 10:56

BeatriceBatchelor no he hasn't gone to the Drs. He is a typical man in that respect, he is "fine" and no need to go to the Drs

OP posts:
Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 17/09/2023 11:03

ilovebrie8 same here

OP posts:
MotherofTerriers · 17/09/2023 11:07

One thing I found helpful OP, is volunteering at our local food larder. I work full time from home as well but can pick a couple of shifts a week that work for me. Means I've met loads of local people - WFH can be very isolating, plus its a useful reminder some times that I am really very lucky.

Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 17/09/2023 15:50

MotherofTerriers I shall bear it in mind, I work full time and DC are still at home so my weekends are busy with them

OP posts:
Original poster
longpathtohappiness · 17/09/2023 16:01

MotherofTerriers I've joined a few local clubs to get me out of the house as I do find wfh isolating.

OP posts:
AnotherdayinMay · 17/09/2023 19:51

I can so relate to all these posts. Thanks for posting OP.
Im married with two adult children, one has flown whilst the other may never get started due to MH. Whilst I love her to bits I do struggle sometimes to like her and whilst we sometimes do get on ok, it’s the times we don’t that kills me. My husband is working and doing his best but I can’t help this lonely feeling I get.
@JeanSheila Im sorry for your loss, please know there are people out here who care.

dewclaw · 17/09/2023 20:26

This resonates OP except I'm a few years ahead of you, also live near Oxford. DC have flown already- locally, not so close and overseas. If DGC arrive, believe me you will be needed again for a while, emotionally if not physically! The bond with your kids is still there although it definitely changes to a greater or lesser extent.
My DH also spends increasing periods of time napping. He's a rock too but neglects his health and is has multiple health conditions which he won't accept whereas I'm enjoying having time for myself and enjoying the gym, yoga etc. I hate to say it, but I have thought about what would happen if I'm left alone- thinking about where I want to live, joining groups, rediscovering hobbies etc. Sad but true. This is such a neglected topic, well done for raising it!