coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

DH doesn't want to do anything

Can you do anything with the DC @longpathtohappiness if DH doesn’t want to join in?

DS went back to uni yesterday, met up with a big gang of people, which isn’t usually his thing, so I am glad he is becoming more confident. But it seems as he gets more confident I get less. Love seeing him happy but now need to sort myself out! DH is very busy with work, also have elderly parents in the mix, so hard to get away anywhere

I'm so lonely and depressed. Everything seems pointless.

Well tell him he's bloody well going to do something! Pair of you moping about isn't going to help anything.

What about your kids? Tell them you need some support from them and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Are you still doing activities/hobbies @longpathtohappiness Did you look into volunteering?

toomuchlaundry went to do some volunteering today but not required

BeatriceBatchelor yes

Have you tried schools for volunteering, or would that not fit round work? Schools are usually crying out for volunteers including governors who would normally meet late afternoon/early evening

BeatriceBatchelor yes

Yes what?

I had DC late in life and retired early so they left home and I retired with only about 4 years.
When I retired I joined every craft group I could find within 10 miles of me. I was soon going out almost every weekday morning and afternoons and evenings were soon busy too. And then my daughter suggested that I joined the local gym with her.
So now I'm in the gym 5 mornings a week and elsewhere on the other mornings, afternoon and evenings.
It can be done if you have your health and some spare money.

I'm so bereft, on antidepressants etc. Going out later but feel on my own with it all. And he is sat on the sofa doing nothing

Sorry to hear this OP. I’d leave him to it and find your thing. I think I read you tried WI but not for you (me neither, lol from what you said. Is there anything else you might be interested in? Hope later goes ok. Keep us posted and I’m going through similar and what you say resonates so much with me.

Your DH sounds very boring. I’m not surprised you’re depressed and lonely. Can you organise a weekend away with a friend?

AnotherdayinMay

I tried one WI and trying another one next week

DH's husband has health problems and I think is worn down by life rather than boring.

I'm so depressed, DH asleep already. It is 11:30am

Go out. Leave him to it and go out.
It's a lovely day. Dont waste it pining after members of your family.

Have you been out, OP? Don't you have dogs to walk? It's lovely and sunny here, hope it is where you are. Dog and I had a walk, passed the time of day with fellow dogwalkers and saw my first snowdrop of the day.

Go and look for yours, OP. It will nourish your soul.

Walked the dog already :-) just going out on the garden for an hour. Fresh air and exercise 👌

Perfect. Then something nice for tea (or dinner or supper - whatever you call it).

Have you got a good book on the go? I highly recommend Anne Tyler.

BeatriceBatchelor

In from the garden and off to the gym soon. Now trying to think of DH as a lodger. Much easier mindset!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Loneliness is very hard to deal with.
I'm in a similar situation, widowed so no DH, adult kids 20 and 22 one at uni one away at work most of the day but will say hello. I work in office but often the only one there. I am aware that DCs will move out eventually and it makes me sad because I'll miss them but it's fleeting and I move on.
HRT is working for me (I went private and am on the proper dosage and combination) but it sounds like your doctor is on board with that. I'm also having counselling and that's helped me a lot - I'm learning to say yes to new ideas. I belong to a church so there's always somewhere to go and have a chat.
I guess what I'm saying is that, good for you to keep trying even when you're down. One of these things will stick.

@longpathtohappiness is there anything your DH shows interest in?

toomuchlaundry sleeping! It's unbearable

Willowkins I've just added Church for friendship and getting out of the house. I have checked with the Vicar that it was okay to attend on these terms. She has been lovely and completely reassured me

I think the church is a great idea @longpathtohappiness. I'm not religious at all but anytime i have been in church the minister and people there were so welcoming and pleased to see a new face. I hope you find some friendship and happiness there.
Now about your dh, has he been to the drs to get a blood test , all this sleeping is very unusual in a man who isn't elderly. Or maybe he has sleep apnoea and can't get a good nights sleep? I really hope he is trying to get to the bottom of this, although if he's anything like my dh he will do anything to avoid the doctors!!!
But your recent posts are sounding really positive, like you've decided now is your time and if he can't join in with you then you are ready to do things yourself. Good on you! And i wish you all the best.

ssd I'm not religious either but have checked with the Vicar that I can attend in these circumstances. Just got to find the right time to tell DH. He won't go to the Dr's and I can't bear being at home watching him doze off now that the DC are starting to fly. Like you have posted on another thread I'm finding the empty nest stage hard, this is compounded with dozing husband. All he did yesterday was walk the dog and 30 mins of gardening. He was tired in the afternoon and snoring at bedtime