coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

We have a Menopause Friends call at work, it is the best call of my month, without doubt. We discuss anything and everything, and mostly we laugh, particularly after talking about pelvic floor exercises. Have you thought of starting something similar via a local group on Facebook... I promise you would get takers and, you will come away from it with a smile on your face.

That's a good idea. I would love to find a group like that

Writingonthewalls I live near Oxford

Can you work away from home? Being on your own all day can't help.
I agree with looking for new activities or interests for yourself. I learned a while ago I'm responsible for my own happiness so don't rely on anyone else.

Writingonthewalls your post really resonated with me. It's hard to believe that kids drift away, turn from the precious focus of our lives into adult humans who may or may not be people we understand and know well. I could have written everything else in your post too-

Oblahdeeoblahdoe sadly we are not allowed to work in the office, we have to work from home. I have considered changing jobs but I earn fairly good money and manager is hands off. Does add to the loneliness though

I’ve sent you a PM

We got a puppy in my early 50s (DH's late 50s) and it's honestly been the best thing I ever did - I waited a long time for that dog, I've wanted one since childhood. I really put myself out there and joined lots of facebook groups about dogs, went to dog events (honestly, it's a whole industry I knew nothing about!) and through meeting up with people at organised group dog walks I've now got a whole new set of friends of all ages - it's been absolutely lovely and completely unexpected. I have to get up and walk the dog, and then walk him again at lunchtime when I'm wfh, and then again in the evening which keeps me fit and motivated - previously I'd have switched on the TV or frittered away my time. I've got to know so many other dog walkers who have all been so nice, and have learned so much about dog behaviour and so on. If you were thinking about it then go for it

Get a rescue Greyhound - it'll happily snooze all day at your feet whilst you wfh, then take you out for a walk.

Apart from not being retired this is how my life feels . My kids just can't be bothered with us anymore . I think going through menopause is such a vulnerable time I have 2 DDs that I can't talk to about it they are just not interested . This isn't what I imagined for my future when I was bring up my kids , they seem to behave like I don't exist. I felt so alone in all of it. I have a great relationship with my DH but he works antisocial hours so I am on my own a lot. I am now redesigning my own life to suit me . more hobbies I am starting a small business and I am only available to my kids when it suits me now. I refuse to be dumped , discarded and forgotten .

Another lonely empty nearer here.
I always worked loads around 55 hours a week.
Dd left home yrs ago other side of the country.
Ds was good to chat to and never any trouble just a quiet polite soul.
He left home a yr ago and I've barely seen him as he has a new job and great social life which I'm chuffed about.
I decided to cut my hours but my new job isn't as fulfilling and my colleagues don't like me.
So 20 more hours a week to ponder.
My dh is older and content to work watch tv and that is it.
This week I have an interview for a job that looks more fun and fulfilling.
I do do exercises and I'm fit for my age I just get really bored and quite lonely.

Thank you for starting this thread. I am on MN way too often for pretty much this reason. DC grown and flown the nest and I feel absolutely at a loose end. I would go off and do something but I have no string desires. I just feel lost. I was very busy with work over summer but that's over now and I'm home, feeling lonely and bored but most of all hugely frustrated that I have no idea what i want to do with my time.

What does everyone do for hobbies? Much as I love my dog, it would be nice to have other things too.

I've introduced walking netball (I'm one of the youngest that go but who cares!!) I love it and so glad I joined. I also do aqua aerobics, I enjoy this, not as much as netball thou) and joined an art club that someone I met walking my dog introduced me to. Completely out of my comfort zone with art but really enjoy it. Looking forward to hearing more ideas.

Walking netball sounds good. I joined a Bounce Back to Netball a while back, never again - it was just like being back at school PE with the big tall girls taking over. One actually shouted at me for being in the wrong place when I tried to shoot. My reaction to her was less than edifying, it has to be said.

Croquet and shared reading group. About to take up pottery and Am Dram .

I hear you! I must say though that I wasn’t interested in my parents and what they were doing when I was younger. So I try to bear that in mind. I shudder when I think how self absorbed I was. At the time I was consumed with my own worries. Such is life. I have come to the conclusion that older people need contemporaries rather than trying to relate to adult children .

My parents were always only interested in themselves too, as were my in laws.

To be quite honest and my DDs will agree with this. both of them are extremely unfit / unhealthy they don't have any hobbies or interests or excercise so I really do not relate to them because they are the polar opposite of how I live my life. But they choose to be interested in me when they want or need something. I was referring to the fact I have 2 DDs that don't even relate with me on women's issues such as hormones / periods etc. But when perimenopause starts to effect them they will sure as shit be banging on my door to moan about it . Fortunately I am going to be way to busy 🙂

Can i join please

I must be the only only one who was delighted when they went to uni! I simultaneously divorced and regained my mojo

I never had time to get empty nest syndrome.4 kids,then the grandkids started arriving. I can understand being upset if they moved to another country, but not going to university, moving in with a partner.

Yes I understand. I don’t talk to my daughter about menopause etc really. Perhaps I should. I know what you mean about only being interested in you when they want something. I find the same.

Volunteering can fill up some time and mean you speak to other people! I have been a school governor and a volunteer in local Primary school. Most schools are crying out for governors

I can relate too, OP, but I still have 2 16 Yr old sons who are still at school/home but my 2 daughters are in college/working and have moved away. I really miss the chats but I do find when they do call they like to 'dump' all their stresses etc on me and I end up more stressed! My two sons are older now ( and quite) self sufficient ....except for food/meals. Also my mother died 6 Months ago and I had been looking after her. I had to give up my career 6 years ago for health reasons, but was kept really busy with 4 needy children and an ill mother. Now it's v different and I felt redundant, empty and without purpose. My dh works long hours and is happy to watch TV or play golf. I felt so down few months ago, I decided I needed to do something. So I'm about to start my Masters in English Literature ( in our local university) and am starting yoga classes. I feel its about time I'm doing something just for myself. All my life I've been caring for others, trying to run from work to pick up kids, make meals, be taxi etc, alongside dealing with Chronic Health issues, but now it's my time. It's scary but exciting!

Good for you! I was watching Digging for Britain the other night. There was someone on a dig who had started an Archaeology degree at 65! I really admire that.