coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

Hello people.

My youngest is back off to uni soon and I'll miss him so much. My eldest is still at home and we are driving each other nuts. She desperately wants to leave but can't afford it. We clash all the time (when she bothers to speak to me). It's hard.

I'm not looking forward to the empty nest but also am looking forward to a house that's not a shit pit too.

Mixed emotions.

It's like trying to reinvent yourself when you kind of don't have much energy and can't be arsed but also know that time is short. So many contradictions!

I just don't understand it I was never like this with my own mum . It makes you feel really unwanted. On one hand I enjoy not having to run around after them and having freedom but on the other I'm worth more than 1 text a month surely . Thank god I have a great marriage and DH as i think it would be affecting my MH .

Writingonthewalls I had no time or any interest for my mum either (single parent) and I was totally self absorbed but I think that is normal once you fly the nest

SirChenjins walking netball is run by the WI and the oldest person who goes is 80!! Most are around the 60 mark, so in the 50 bracket I'm one of the youngest. We really don't walk, one ultra competitive lady but most the same as me. I love it

I've started wild swimming, its bloody brilliant but you need a car and someone to go with which i don't always have. Its a lovely way to cool down too.

I find it hard to commit to something every week as its not guaranteed i have transport.

Im relating to so much of this. One ds is away ,the other at home. He is leaving next year and I'm in denial.

Amazing! I’ve always wanted to do this !

ssd would love to wild swim but I'm a bit scared of swimming out of my depth

I’ll look into this - thanks! I could cope with a jog, but I was one of the oldest at the Bounce Back club I went to and definitely didn’t see the promised fun element!

I saw that episode - he was brilliant, wasn’t he?! Once I retire I want to do some further study to keep my brain cells active.

Plenty of people go just to bob about at the sides. Its lovely just to be in the cold water, its very refreshing.

Same here. Two kids, one has been gone for five years and the other stays at her partners quite a bit. I’m always tired and my job is crap. I do work from home but there’s no-one to talk to. I’m looking into some sort of volunteering to get me out of the house. I’ve a good ish marriage but too much time together and we end up annoying one another.
Following thread with interest.

It's a combination of things empty nest hormones ,parental loss, or caring responsibility and a real sense that we are aging although I try hard not to grow up too much.🤣

“I refuse to be dumped , discarded and forgotten .” @Wiccan
I love the gentle rebellion inherent in this and am going to adopt it as my mantra.
I have one adult child who sidelines me and makes me feel small as a result, and another who is like the dearest friend you could wish to have.
Feeling so unwanted by a child you love is a conundrum I never saw coming and causes incredible sadness and feelings of shame too because it’s hard to admit this is where we’ve got to.
I don’t have any answers but it’s been comforting to read that I’m not alone. Although I’m sad others are experiencing this too, especially when we give so much to our families, the very last thing you expect is to be discarded so carelessly.
I try and focus on the things I can change and accept that there are some things out of my control and to let them go (easier said than done).
So HRT has helped with menopause symptoms and I have a hobby that I find engrossing - I’m not very good at it but I really enjoy learning and trying to get better and in doing so I can lose myself in the moment which somehow helps me cope with painful emotions.
I agree about wild swimming too - it’s a tonic for the soul.

That made me feel better, please use it with my blessing 😉 I say it to myself every day in my yoga session . None of us deserve to feel this way . We gave everything we are and have as mums . I am surrounded by people who make me feel alone . Take good care of you because noone else is going to .💐

"That made me feel better, please use it with my blessing 😉 I say it to myself every day in my yoga session . None of us deserve to feel this way . We gave everything we are and have as mums . I am surrounded by people who make me feel alone . Take good care of you because noone else is going to .💐"
@Wiccan
Thank you, I will do, they are great words, and I'll think of you!

I'm really sorry you feel so alone 🌷and I hear you.

The lack of emotional support from DH is driving me mad. How am I supposed to navigate the DC 20s on my own? (Mind you when I think about it I've done the last 20 years on my own, so no change really)

I'm feeling really lonely and isolated today. I had plans with a friend and they let me down last minute, like really dismissively. I was just pissed off all day as id been really wanting to go to what we were doing and i couldn't get there myself so didn't go. This isn't a close friend but she has loads of family nearby and thinks nothing of letting you down. So i went a big walk to clear my head and i come home and dh and ds are talking football, which i have no interest in. I phoned ds who lives hundreds of miles away but sometimes its like pulling teeth, he isnt a chatter.

I just want company that gets me but i dont get it much. It is lonely and its crap.

I have PMd you

ssd feeling the same, have PM you

This thread is the most raw and honest I've read in a long time, thank you all for sharing so openly. I think as women we give so much of ourselves all of the time and it is so draining and life sucking.

Ach @ssd that’s really rubbish of your friend, I can well imagine how fed up you are. It’s really annoying when people let you down like that, esp when they don’t seem to be particularly bothered by the effect their actions have on others. I hope you’re feeling a bit better tonight.

I have been so comforted and inspired by reading everyone's posts over the last few days and can see the emotion in the words. It helps to know we aren't alone, we get more than our share of challenges I now just try and do all the things that bring me joy and try to be at peace with myself . Many posters were saying how having their dog helped them. This is the beautiful little girl that helps me through each day . She makes me smile 🥰 .

Ahhh - she’s gorgeous!! I can completely understand why she makes you smile every day 😊 Here’s my darling boy

Awww what a gorgeous curly guy❤️ . They are therapy on 4 legs 🙂.