coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

Can i get this out here. I'm struggling with the loss of my parents, especially my mum as she was the most recent, although still over 10 years ago. I looked after her, like i became her mum. And my kids were young and i desperately needed mothered myself but i was doing the mothering for everyone. I still feel burdened by that time. I have health anxiety as i constantly worry how my kids would feel if i was ill or died. I sort of transfer my anguish onto them, and the thought of them feeling as bad as me actually kills me. I can't get away from these feelings. I sit and worry and constantly ruminate in my head about possible scenarios where i need to tell the kids I'm ill and they fall apart. I literally see death everywhere. Dh can't understand it and is the opposite to me. Which makes me feel even more alone.
I feel I'm living in a parallel universe where on the outside I'm smiley and nice but inside I'm churned up constantly and almost despairing.

I wish i could take my head off, give it a good shake and tip it upside down and empty out all the sadness and upset i carry around secretly. I know I'm only hurting myself and this makes me feel even stupider. Ive had counselling, hrt, cbt, anti depressives, nothing worked. Ive kind of gave up on myself.

Sorry for the essay.

Basically, I'm desperate to be mothered. And i cant keep pulling it out the bag for everyone else and having none of it for me.

ssd sounds like we are in a similar space. Sending hugs. Do you want to DM me?

Ditto.

Sending hugs. I think it’s the feeling of responsibility for everything. It’s a heavy cross to bear. I laughed at your tip up your head analogy as it really sums things up.

Thank you. I'm sorry you both feel the same its just the pits. @longpathtohappiness , i cant DM on my phone unfortunately. But thank you.

ssd
Writingonthewalls
I will DM you both 😃

You can get PM on your phone. Top right hand corner, click on the down arrow under the person

I dont have a person or a down arrow in the top right corner. I used to be able to dm years ago then i changed how i access mn. Im hopeless at dming anyway, i usually forget to reply🤦‍♀️

ssd never mind, we can use this thread

@ssd It’s the three dots on the far right of the message. You get a drop down menu and choose PM . It’s really easy.

Can I rant please..

MIL keeps commenting that I go out too much (yeah well if your son didn't keep falling asleep every time he sits on the sofa then I wouldn't feel the need to go out) I have become super lonely over the last few months and become independent. If I didn't go out, the alternative would be to stay in and watch him sleep and that is a very lonely existence for me, night after night, weekend after weekend.

MIL also not happy that our DC don't go to Church and work on Sundays and all down to me, obviously. I am their DM and the woman of the house. Hang on a minute, her son could step in, but he doesn't. He has left all the parenting to me. It is his upbringing not mine, if he felt that strongly he could say or do something. But he just dozes off on the sofa and when he wakes up wonders what all the stress is about

I think you need to say those things to her!

Writingonthewalls I have hinted at it to her but I don't like confrontation and always try and keep the peace!! My DM really really dislikes MIL because of her religious views. I sit on the fence. DH and I have been together 30 years

What are the religious views that she dislikes so much? Sounds a bit unreasonable to dislike her for that unless they are some form of extremism?

vjg13 MIL is a Christian, nothing extreme

My 3 buttons say bookmark, quote and report.

That’s weird.

I have bookmark and quote at the bottom of each post.

I cant edit either

I wonder if it’s something to do with your phone?

My three dots are at the top right of all the previous posts, just along from the username of the poster

Had a really bad day yesterday. Started with a panic attack, then tears which turned into screaming with suicidal thoughts. Felt totally unable to cope with life

DH massively irritating me

Feel like a shit wife, mother, friend etc. I was really worried about myself yesterday and it scared me

Went out for a walk with the dog on my own, felt better. Chatted with DH when I came home, not sure if we can get through this.

Don't know what to do, feel all at sea again.

Just jumping on here to say feeling really irrated by DH. Not sure if menopause or crack in our marriage. Actively looking for ways to avoid him at the moment.... is this normal ?

Just jumping on today to say my heart is breaking. Kids are still at home but growing up

@longpathtohappiness please, please, please contact your GP first thing tomorrow and let them know that you've been "screaming with suicidal thoughts."

You need professional help and I very much hope you get it for your sake, your husband's sake and your children's sake.