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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

I want my weekends back!!

162 replies

rain2sunshine · 17/02/2023 15:22

So it's a bit of an 'Am I Being Unreasonable' kind of scenario.

Daughters boyfriend is here all weekend every weekend. It's driving me bonkers. Friday night to late Sunday night.

Daughter doesn't seem to appreciate that I work Mon-Fri and want at least part of the weekend to have the house to ourselves. Is that too much to ask?

I feel like I'm always grumpy and moaning about the shower usage; bathroom & kitchen a mess; food consumption. I know what I should say / do, but how do I go about it without massive arguments.

It's really getting me down.
Thank you for any support and suggestions

OP posts:
twilightcafe · 17/02/2023 15:24

Yanbu
How old is DD and boyfriend?

ApolloandDaphne · 17/02/2023 15:25

Do they never go to his or go out? How old are they? Nearly at moving to their own flat age yet?

Ponderingwindow · 17/02/2023 15:28

You are under no obligation to host guests. Yes, renting is expensive, but one of the privileges of renting is the freedom to host whomever one wants.

NoSquirrels · 17/02/2023 15:29

Is there a good reason why they’re not spending equal time at wherever he lives?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 17/02/2023 15:31

Are they in the lounge op? Take the remote and the best chair and enjoy your home.
They can make themselves scarce.
. Dd is similar.. I ignored her huffing when I did the above. She is 16. Bf 14 so no alone time here!
Age depending can they not camp out in her bedroom? Or go to his house?

Oblomov23 · 17/02/2023 15:31

Why haven't you said no?

Ragwort · 17/02/2023 15:35

You are being a mug, why are you allowing him to stay? I have an adult DS and there is no way I would permit him to bring someone home every weekend, other than the occasional overnight visit.

Did your DD ask if the BF could stay every weekend or did you all just drift into the situation? Does he contribute to the expenses?

You need a firm conversation 'DD, I've nothing personal against Dave but it's not working out with him staying all weekend. I need time and space to myself. You need to look for a flat share together or he stays at home with his family'.

MyPurpleHeart · 17/02/2023 15:45

Bite the bullet. Tonight when they turn up say 'you can stay tonight but from tomorrow please make yourself scarce. I don't want guests here all weekend'

Simple as that. They can like it or lump it.

It would drive me nuts too. I like my privacy and my home is my sanctuary

Blessedwithsunshine · 17/02/2023 15:51

That is far from being unreasonable- you are entitled to your own downtime.

I would limit the stays to one night max every other weekend. Totally unfair to have them all weekend every weekend. Why can’t dd stay with him?

Twawmyarse2 · 17/02/2023 15:52

Just tell them they’re not allowed to hang around at yours all weekend any more? They can have one day at yours and one at his.

Your main issue seems to be that you’re scared of your dd kicking off - let her!🤷‍♀️

Original poster
rain2sunshine · 17/02/2023 16:21

They are both early 20s

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 17/02/2023 16:23

So, these are adults? In that case (I say this with love), stop being such a drip and tell them that you want them to clear out on weekends. They can go to his or go out - not your problem - but they need to go away.

SadMadGlad · 17/02/2023 16:24

Get your house back! Of course you deserve to relax on your weekends. Set down some rules that work for you and your daughter.

Londontown12 · 17/02/2023 16:25

Oh I remember those weekends very well !!
maybe suggest alternating houses !
I had my son and daughters partners here almost every weekend I put my foot down in the end (I like being in pjs sometimes lazy days )
it will change thou my daughter and boyfriend have their own house now and son works so much he’s never here x

Original poster
rain2sunshine · 17/02/2023 16:26

I know I’m being taken for a mug. Daughter has recently started to pay a small contribution to the household bills, but that seems to have made her entitled.

Thank you for helping me see I’m not being ignorant and selfish by not wanting him here

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 17/02/2023 16:27

Can’t she go to his for a night ?

SpottyStripyDuvet · 17/02/2023 16:29

I am surprised that no one has suggested that you lounge in the sofa in scanty lingerie to make them change their minds.

BruceAndNosh · 17/02/2023 16:35

And no one - family or guests - should be leaving the kitchen or bathroom in a mess

Original poster
rain2sunshine · 17/02/2023 16:36

His living arrangements aren’t as spacious as ours.
It’s really getting me down. Another Friday where I’m just dreading the weekend. I’ve tried to talk to her but it ends up being a row.
I know I need to do something to get this sorted. I can’t carry on like this for much longer

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 17/02/2023 16:39

rain2sunshine · 17/02/2023 16:36

His living arrangements aren’t as spacious as ours.
It’s really getting me down. Another Friday where I’m just dreading the weekend. I’ve tried to talk to her but it ends up being a row.
I know I need to do something to get this sorted. I can’t carry on like this for much longer

His living arrangements aren’t your problem. They’re adults, they can find somewhere to go.

Why are you so scared of a row? It’s your house. She’s being incredibly entitled, as is her DP. You need to toughen up considerably.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 16:39

Good grief, op, take control here. This is your home, you make the rules. Your daughter can have all the tantrums she wants to, just ignore them. If she's that upset she knows where the door is and she can move out.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 16:42

Tell, call or text your daughter right now that he is not to come over this weekend.

mamnotmum · 17/02/2023 16:42

Your boyfriend can stay here 2 nights a month (or whatever you feel comfortable with). Not up for debate, it's my house and my rules. Like it or lump it!

We've gone for a blanket 'no your boyfriend isn't staying here' rule (partly because we don't approve of him but mostly because it's uncomfortable- it's my house and I want to relax, wander round in my PJs etc) This means my daughter stays at her boyfriends mothers most nights - I don't feel guilty. That's their decision.

mamnotmum · 17/02/2023 16:42

SpottyStripyDuvet · 17/02/2023 16:29

I am surprised that no one has suggested that you lounge in the sofa in scanty lingerie to make them change their minds.

Love this as an answer!

Bunce1 · 17/02/2023 16:44

Speak to them both at the same time. They are adults. Treat them like that.

Youre going to have to give me some space at the weekends and that means being out of the house for one full day and night. Either you can go to your house (bf) or something else. And while you ARE here common house rules are- clear up after yourself. You use something up, you replace it. Neither of you are being very considerate to me.