Thread 42 Corona GCSE Cohort - 👻Creeping it Real for Oct22

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

previous thread

Thank you @Monkey2001 . We hadn’t realised to be honest. He told DD this morning when she spoke to him to see when he was free for a family FaceTime. He said he was going to contact either DH or I this evening to say. It is one of those times when it was easy to make the decision, it was fairly obvious what had to be done after seeing him and talking to him for half an hour. He had already pretty much decided and we feel that it is the right decision.

Not the end of the world and he’ll find the way forward for him and if he reapplies elsewhere with grades in hand then he will be doing so with a great set of grades .

@Volterra you are right that it isn’t the end of the world, he’s given it a go and it wasn’t to be. Now the decision is made he can come home and regroup.

@Alsoplayspiccolo glad your DD is now accepting some help and hope you manage to get the DSA sorted.

DD is struggling with her DSA mentors. She still hasn’t even been allocated a study skills menor (been asking repeatedly from when DSA was approved before the summer but hasn’t materialised) and the personal mentor DD said it’s not working being a phone call. I’ve sent off an email from her personal account asking for a change in provider, copied in student services and hope to get a reply next week. I don’t understand why she wasn’t allocated someone from student services but SFE said we had to go with the other provider who has turned out to be rubbish. I don’t know how students are supposed to navigate all this themselves especially when they are awarded because they need help.

Can’t sleep these days hence the early post.

@Volterra That sounds like exactly the right call. Tricky to know at a distance, but health is the most important thing.

Sorry to read of others' struggles with GPs, etc. Ours is slow/busy but generally competent, and that doesn't seem to be the case everywhere. DD managed to get repeat prescription from her uni GP but hasn't needed an appointment yet for anything.

I'm awake super-early as I have to work on references for this year's application cycle (Oxbridge/medicine etc deadline approaching). A lot has happened in all of our families in the last twelve months, right?

I'm awake super early (for a Saturday) too.

@Volterra - sorry to hear DS is too unwell to continue, it sounds like 100% the right decision for him to come home now.

@PaddingtonPaddington sorry you are having problems with organising mentoring too, it feels as though we were all lulled into a bit of a false sense of security by how easy the assessment process was, how on earth DC with disabilities who do not have an engaged or available parent cope I do not know.

Hi guys. Feel a bit like I'm gatecrashing, but I keep meaning to say hello, and a thread with 70 posts on is a bit easier to do it on than one with 700!

I'm sorry to see we have some young ones going through tough times at the moment. My DD is 18, she's just stared at NCU doing media (unfortunately didn't get on to her choice of business management, and chose to change the course rather than the uni). She's veering between loving life and being a party animal to messaging in tears because she's lost and can't find her lecture hall (again). She's just decided to come home for the November half term, which is good, but I expect next week there will be some tears as a local big event (a week long travelling fair) is on, and she will be gutted to miss it when she hears friends/ family are going.

Volterra, seeing him smile again must have been just wonderful. All the best with getting him back to his old self again.

I had a restless night because DS told DH he was going on a bar crawl and I was fretting all night about him getting home. Ridiculous I know !

Sorry to hear about those who are unwell , and those with more specific struggles.

Also what halls is your DD in? Has she joined any clubs? I know this isn't the answer to everything. Birmingham is very large isn't it and I think they have to fight off being swallowed up and overwhelmed by it.

thanks for the new thread @CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee !

My view this morning..

Struggling to read a lot of posts because I have forgotten my glasses but from what I have read this morning I’m sending everyone on here a massive virtual hug and to all the DCs. X

anon what's NCU? Trying to work it out!

@CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee thanks for new thread - been super busy with work x 2 so just caught up.

@Monkey2001 congrats on the choices for medicine - has a great old friend who’s also reapplying with a fab new UCAT and 3/4 places are the same. Her DD wants Newcastle also work experience now and much more confidence with the a levels grades in the bag.

We laid down ground rules for communication with DD to make sure no AWOL moments like we had with DS2 in his 1st term. ( he was just a bit crap with the comms) She’s happy to do it as one of DS2s best friends from 6th form then died in 2nd year & it affects him even 2 yrs on. Never any MH concerns in the 4 years he knew her - upbeat girl who suddenly stopped communicating then was lost. He then got finally why we’d struggled with 2-3 days AWOL in the 1st year.

I also lost a friend during first year at uni. Also upbeat person who had an out of the blue crisis. Wouldn’t put any of this on an open place like FB as it worries people but I would take silence seriously. But agree with @Heifer contacting uni halls is a bit extreme…..

DD has one if her brothers on locator and vice versa so they can tell me if the other one is home if worried. Rarely needed.

DD sends me a night text when she goes to bed ….. 3.34am was the record 😂

Welcome @anon2022anon, sorry where's NCU? I have just by coincidence been reading about a big travelling fair on the BBC, we have a smaller one here and my DD (16) loves it. I hadn't thought about her missing it when she's at uni, it was last week.

I’m sorry to hear about DC finding it tough with health and Uni. @Volterra - sounds like absolutely the right decision for your DS.

After all the appendix incidents in the last year I can’t tell you how pleased I was to see an emergency call button for medical help next to DS’ bed just in case.

He did swim trial last night. Did 2 pbs which was good after 2.5 years out of competitive swimming but said the standard was extremely high - lots of deferred entry international students all about 6 feet 6 who have swum at a very high level and are early 20s. DS was a Welsh National (DH is Welsh but we are in Yorkshire) and 5 feet 7 so not quite the same. He says he won’t have made first team but he may make the seconds and he really enjoyed it. Said some really nice people so am hoping he can make seconds for a good social group. Swimmers usually bond over their shared years of getting up at 0430 and smelling permanently of chlorine.

Good luck to him craggy.
Volterra i thank i said when someone else's DC (was it Delphi- sorry if I've got that wrong?) that the easy decision is to stay put. The harder and braver decision is to walk away and rethink plans. I hope he gets his health sorted as that's definitely the priority. Is your DD at uni as well?

@MirandaWest Your boy is going to love Newcastle!

Re. Communication, we all (home + 2 uni DC) do a dinner plate photo exchange each night, so if we don’t know anything else, we know what they’re eating!

It's not, at all, I hope he gets better soon too x

Great to hear he’s back in the pool Craggy. Good luck to him on squad selection.

DD is also enjoying the bonding with fellow swimmers and their war stories of past clubs, injuries etc. Definitely a case of takes one to know one :)

AlsoPlaysPiccolo, your post struck such a chord with me, your dd sounds so like mine (whose MH issues mean she couldn't possibly cope with uni at the moment regardless of her ND issues). We're going away without her overnight next weekend and I'm already anticipating the millions of texts about remembering to lock the door, turn off the oven, feed the cats etc. Adulting is just not where she's at yet unfortunately. I can feel your stress from here and totally identify. I wish there was a solution but fingers crossed that as she goes on things start to click more into place for her. Has she made some half-decent friends yet? That makes such a difference ime.

I second lists and doing as much of the official stuff as they will permit you to do for an over-18.

Thank you all so, so much for your words of support and advice.
It hadn’t occurred to me to ask DD for access to her email account. I did suggest that dealing with emails was something she might mention to her mentor, but us having access to them would work better.

DSA is definitely not proving to be the panacea we optimistically hoped it would be, PaddingtonPaddington. DD said she preferred face to face mentoring, but hasn’t been offered that.
Her supplier is awful, with dozens of terrible reviews online, but SFW told us they were the cheapest quote and we’ll have to pay the difference if we want someone else.
Its ridiculous - DSA students, by definition, need an efficient, helpful service, with good communication, which has been the opposite of our experience.

Cinnamon, I love the idea of your check list. I used to do something similar for school mornings when DD was young, and had talked her through something similar over the phone this week but a tangible lost would work better.

I think we’ll have to arrange a recipe box delivery or similar, until she can find her feet with shopping and cooking.
I bought her a couple of simple student cookies books, and she does have some ability (albeit mostly limited to pasta and noodles) but it’s her executive function issues that are letting her down; she can’t see far enough ahead to plan to defrost things, or shop for what she might need.
Also, she’s not confident enough to shop on her own (20 minute walk) and she’s panicking about budgeting, so only buys a few things when she does go.

Piggy, she’s in Elgar Court, on the Vale. She wanted the big uni, big city experience, but my fear was she’d disappear and become invisible (my choice was Southampton or RHUL).
She hasn’t been into the city centre yet; I think she’s only moved between halls, lectures and a couple of nightclubs.
She said she’d joined the film soc, but I haven’t heard whether she’s met up with them yet.

Volterra, I’m glad DS is back with you. It sounds like he’s made the absolute best decision - health and well being trumps anything else.

@NCTDN Yes my DD is in her final year. I think it felt like it was enormous to say he wanted to leave but a massive relief when decision was made.
Really hope new surgery can get him on the right dose of medication. It shouldn’t be this hard, all it needed was regular blood tests and acting on results and he has been badly let down by GP who let him sit A levels significantly under medicated. It was very hard as he didn’t want to make a fuss and he’s at the age where GP wouldn’t speak to me.

Friend is a nurse at our new local hospital and has suggested that if new GP can’t sort him out then we push for a referral to one of the consultants there so that’s the plan.

@Alsoplayspiccolo, @Volterra My DD had anxiety/panic problems in sixth form leading to 'working from home' for a few months before A levels. (At one stage we weren't sure whether she would sit them at all.) Some combination of a change of scene, removal of some sources of stress, and therapy all helped, but medication completely turned her life around. Getting it right makes all the difference in the world, so good luck. Lots of positive vibes being sent your way!

Sorry to hear your DD struggled @PhotoDad but great things are so much better for her now. DS might need antidepressants and is open to idea . Needs to get physical health sorted then can see where he is at . Definitely going to be finding a good counsellor meanwhile.

Welcome @anon2022anon , these threads do move fast ! I hope a break in November gives your DD a bit of a break .

DD seems to have been lucky with her DSA supplier as has been ok (apart from the wrong plug on her printer). She was contacted before she started Uni by her study skills mentor so that is up and running. Has to be video rather than face to face though. She wasn't offered an organisational mentor unfortunately - she got given some software instead (wish I knew it was an option as would have got her to ask for that). I don't think she has even looked at any of the software she has been supplied with yet). It's all a bit overwhelming I think. DH is going to pick her up next weekend to bring home for a hockey do so will chat to her then.

There are things DD struggles to do but masks it very well so people just assume she doesn't want to do it. Such as catching the train on her own as she doesn't know how to get to the train station (seems 2 trams needed). She hasn't admitted that but instead said she wanted to bring her washing home so could DH pick her up. It doesn't hel that there aren't any direct trains Friday evening that she could catch as she doesn't finish lectures until 6.00pm. She hasn't admitted that's the issue and initially I thought FFS it's not fair to get DH to drive over 2 hrs to her and back but then I remember, it's not so straight forward for DD as it is for me. I suspect that is why laundry not been done, although she did mention last night she was going to try that this weekend as has run of of socks.

She will get there in the end but she takes time to try new things and get it sorted. She has definitely improved and pushes herself much more than in previous years just at her own pace.

@Alsoplayspiccolo I think it's a great idea ordering food parcels for her - I use HelloFresh myself sometimes. I know my DD would struggle to sort out shopping, bugeting and cooking on top of all the new uni stuff. (thank goodness for catered). It's a lot. The other option would be a a menu planner with full shopping list for each meal. Take 1 meal at a time if needed, although it will cost more it might be easier than buying for 3 or 4 meals.

@Volterra nice to hear your DS ending the evening with a smile.

@Alsoplayspiccolo forgot to say - DDs personal emails are automatically forwarded onto me which she is happy for me to keep seeing just in case she misses anything. I can't see her uni emails but there is a lot of uni stuff coming to her personal email anyway. It's definitely helped as she often asks me how to log into something or other questions and because I've seen the email I can tell her what to look for. I also forward anything important onto to her uni email as I know she looks at that more often (email came yesterday saying she hadn't completed her Room Inventory and it was now overdue).